What to do about my Bf? When we argue he completely shuts down and never has enything to say when we have issues to discuss.
Q. How do I fix our comunication problemes? My boyfriend and I are kind of stuck in a rut when we get into an argument he completly shuts down and never has enything to say. I try not to pressure him but he always seems to take serious discussions...
A. 18 September 2012: Your boyfriend make need more time than you to sort his thoughts, especially when it comes to sensitive issues.
Why not discuss these issues in writing then? You can send him an email when you have something big on your mind and he can respond ... (read in full...)
Uncles: I need your thoughts please? He told me he didn't want a Gf but did want to hang out. Then an insulting offer. Now what? Do I accept him apology and move on?
Q. I met a single man(in this 30's) last year from Canada and we have been in contact for 1 year now. We only met once and had a great time and chemistry and everything(did not do anything with him at all, I'm more respectable). So, now he emails me t...
A. 18 September 2012: Accept the apology (with a simple 'thank you') and move on. It might be a good idea not to use words like 'douchebag' in future, or engage in any kind of name calling. Language like that tends to cheapen the user and the offending party (the Canad... (read in full...)
I already have trust issues. What do I do with this big lie of omission from my girlfriend?
Q. I am a middle aged man with trust issues. I have been dating a woman for over a year and the relationship has a lot of promise. When we started dating she told me that her last relationship ended "a couple of months ago" and "it was no big deal". ...
A. 17 September 2012: She's not obliged to inform you of her past relationships. Obviously she was very hurt and doesn't want to relive the details for you.
However, the fact that she continues to nurture a deep hatred for this man and has involved others in her ques... (read in full...)
He cheated on me in the past but now he is trying to make up for it, even though he is engaged to someone else. I love him so what should I do?
Q. HI all iv posted on here before about an ex that seemed to trying to get back into my life, just wanted a little more advice. We split because within the first year of the relationship he cheated. We have a child together now. Hes showi...
A. 17 September 2012: He is probably saying the same things to you he said to the other woman about you. Obviously nothing has changed so my advice is do NOT tell him of any love you still have for him and do not take him back. I believe he does have some feelings fo... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex he needs to pay attention to his daughter before he loses her or keep my nose out of it?
Q. Hi all i wanted to ask what you thought of this situation with my ex and possibly what i could/should do about it. Its complicated, We split up when i was 3 months pregnant due to his cheating. Within a week and a half he found someone else and...
A. 16 September 2012: I agree that saying anything to your ex would be worse than useless. At best he will ignore you, but most likely he will see you as a bitter ex using his daughter as an excuse to meddle in his new life. He is behaving like a teenage boy with... (read in full...)
Should I send him a 'goodbye' letter after he broke up with me?
Q. He broke up with me more than a week ago. We were together for one and half years, spending the first six months together and another one year long distance. He's european, I'm asian. He's 22. I'm 29. Not the easiest situation huh. He tol...
A. 13 September 2012: We all know why you want to send him a letter and we're all telling you the same thing. Bad idea. It would make you look needy and he would recognize it instantly as an attempt to inch your way back into his life.
You had the talk and said wha... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he said he can't give me what I want in a relationship. Now I am stuck living with him for a year, help!
Q. I am in such an awkward and difficult position and would appreciate help from anyone, whatever advice it may be. I have just recently moved into a house with a guy who I didn't know so well before. (Him and 3 others). We met on a student house-sh...
A. 13 September 2012: I agree. Find some place else to live. Even if you lose your deposit, peace of mind and a bright future are worth the price.
It wasn't just the jumping into bed together that hastened the demise, but rushing in to being a couple and all that imp... (read in full...)
I may have miscarried recently. It's made me want a baby. Should I wait like my Bf says? I worry waiting could destroy our relationship.
Q. I'm 18 and going to be turning 19 in 3 weeks. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years and he is turning 20 in 2 months. He was the person I lost my virginity to and we have only slept with each other. I started taking the pill as soon ...
A. 13 September 2012: Once you become a parent you'll always be a parent. You won't get a second chance to make those preparations again. So my advice is to wait until you've accomplished more things on your own, saved money and have established yourselves and BOTH of ... (read in full...)
Should I send him a 'goodbye' letter after he broke up with me?
Q. He broke up with me more than a week ago. We were together for one and half years, spending the first six months together and another one year long distance. He's european, I'm asian. He's 22. I'm 29. Not the easiest situation huh. He tol...
A. 13 September 2012: Bad idea. You both said good bye when you broke up. Saying it again makes you look needy. And the real reason for doing it isn't to close a chapter but to reopen it. He will certainly see it that way.
Leave it alone. ... (read in full...)
My fiance feels diminished because I'm working and he is not
Q. I need help, my boyfriend whom is my husband to be on the 23rd of February this year, is not working @ the moment, he graduated his degree in Motor Mechanics, this means I know that soon he shall be working,I am working already and have a good job, ...
A. 13 September 2012: You obviously have some deeply entrenched ideas about gender roles which would be pointless for me to try to fix. I cannot compete with generations of tradition in one post.
So I'll just say this. The more time you spend trying to soothe his inse... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he wouldn't go out of his way to protect me! Should I get rid of him?
Q. this is probably really stupid but i was talking to my bf and before we hit the city, was joking about getting mugged and asked if he'd protect me. he said he wasn't going to go out of his way if it'd put himself in danger. i was like, so you'd ...
A. 13 September 2012: It's pointless asking questions such as those because, for one thing, no one knows what they would do until they're actually in that situation. People can say anything from the safety of their livin rooms. It doesn't count.
And for another,... (read in full...)
My fiance feels diminished because I'm working and he is not
Q. I need help, my boyfriend whom is my husband to be on the 23rd of February this year, is not working @ the moment, he graduated his degree in Motor Mechanics, this means I know that soon he shall be working,I am working already and have a good job, ...
A. 12 September 2012: Let's look at this from another perspective, shall we?
You're the only one who is working which means you're the one getting up each morning, battling traffic in rain or shine to put a roof over your heads, to feed and clothe you both and prov... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: Don't lie about your history. Just politely and firmly decline to share it. ... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: A lot of men won't care as they've probably done the same. It was a one time thing that happened in the past and that is good enough for them. Hopefully you'll end up with one of these.
However, there are a lot of men for whom this would be an en... (read in full...)
How can I put him at ease?
Q. So I have a lot of history with this guy at school. We go four years back, but I have had a crush on him way longer. It got awkward and even though we never went out we kissed. I haven't been in his class for five years and now the sets have bee...
A. 11 September 2012: You put him at ease by not constantly trying to put him at ease. That only highlights his uneasiness. Act normal and eventually he will relax and act normal too. Patience is all you need.... (read in full...)
Should I trust him to make the right decisions?
Q. Thank you for taking the time and reading this... I have been with my bf for 3 years now and we have had our ups and downs. When we first started dating I didn't put effort into the relationship due to finding out my mother was diagnosed with c...
A. 11 September 2012: And what would this trust be based upon? Past experience making the right decisions?
There is no point in trying to make rules. You can't enforce them. You can only punish the breaking of them. A little too after the fact to be of any good.
... (read in full...)
Some days I get a lot of male attention and other days nothing
Q. Same dress, same hair, same make up, same place. One night guys are all over me askin for my number, buying me drinks. Went out with same girlfriends yesterday night there, no attention whatsoever. One asked my friend if I'm having fun. I was act...
A. 11 September 2012: Some nights you'll get a lot of attention and other nights nothing. It happens to everyone. A joke might be funny with one crowd but not another, despite the overwhelming similarities in the cultural, and socio-economic make up of the audience.
... (read in full...)
How can I gain more confidence in bed?
Q. I know this is going to sound quite strange, but is there anyway to gain self confidence in bed?. That doesn't include anything drastic. As, i've only recently came to grips with my body (like i'm no longer that interested in loosing weight or anyth...
A. 11 September 2012: You're very welcome. Hope it helps.
One last thought...you coulld also wear some kind of lingerie.Nothing too tight and skimpy of course, but form flattering and not too long. It would break up the visual line making extra weight a little l... (read in full...)
He left his mistress to reconcile with me but he keeps comparing me to her
Q. I'll try to keep this short. My husband and I had been married only 3 years when I caught him having an affair. Long story, but the short version is that he told me he had to visit a sick relative over Xmas. What really happened is that he was 1...
A. 10 September 2012: If you want this to just be over with then, then the power is yours to make it so. What is stopping you from leaving him?
As for height preferences, I have often read that many men prefer tall women. Some do prefer short, others prefer women of... (read in full...)
This woman's obsessive behaviour has me very worried
Q. I'm needing a bit of advice on a situation that's been brewing in my life for the last month or so. Its to do with a woman who is involved with my business which I recently set up. I'm 23, gay and am in a long term relationship with my girlfriend. ...
A. 10 September 2012: Another reason you do NOT try to reason with her or elicit her sympathy is it would have the same effect as the scent of blood would on a shark. To a predatory mind it's a sign of weakness.
What will resonate with her is unapologetic selfishn... (read in full...)
This woman's obsessive behaviour has me very worried
Q. I'm needing a bit of advice on a situation that's been brewing in my life for the last month or so. Its to do with a woman who is involved with my business which I recently set up. I'm 23, gay and am in a long term relationship with my girlfriend. ...
A. 10 September 2012: Contact the police and ask what your options are. Gather up all the evidence you can of this woman's stalking. And dig out those old university articles for handy comparison. Have a camera ready at home and/or your office in case she shows up... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 10 September 2012: I believe you're over thinking this. You've got 'what ifs' all over the place without indicating any real problem.
Some women will be attracted to you whether you're warm or cold. You cannot anticipate every reaction and twist yourself into a p... (read in full...)
How can I gain more confidence in bed?
Q. I know this is going to sound quite strange, but is there anyway to gain self confidence in bed?. That doesn't include anything drastic. As, i've only recently came to grips with my body (like i'm no longer that interested in loosing weight or anyth...
A. 10 September 2012: Well, if you're that anxious about it you could straddle him on a chair. That way you're on top but too close for him to really see anything. You could also try 'sitting' in his lap. Like straddling him except you're facing away from him as though ... (read in full...)
How can I gain more confidence in bed?
Q. I know this is going to sound quite strange, but is there anyway to gain self confidence in bed?. That doesn't include anything drastic. As, i've only recently came to grips with my body (like i'm no longer that interested in loosing weight or anyth...
A. 10 September 2012: You're anxious about being on top because you don't want to turn your boyfriend off with the view. Ok. Have you actually seen this view yourself or are you just assuming the worst?
Straddle a pile of pillows or clothes or something on your bed... (read in full...)
What chance do I have with a normal woman if my only experience is with hookers?
Q. I'm not sure how to go about this. Just let's say that I have some serious issues that would probably prevent me from ever developing a successful relationship with someone. For starters, I was a late bloomer sexually speaking, with my sex life onl...
A. 10 September 2012: Instead of trying to overcome your fears all at once, why not tackle one at a time? First get used to just being with 'normal' women. Go out on dates to places and/or at times of day when sexual intimacy cannot occur. Go for coffee or for lunch and ... (read in full...)
Our different views on religion are driving us apart, we both love each other but I cant stop thinking about an affair! Help!
Q. Hi, looking for some advise. Ok where to start.. Well I have been married for 22 years, have five kids, I love my wife, she's a good person, but she has issues, she shouts a lot at the kids and is very moody, She is not a natural mum and the kids ...
A. 10 September 2012: This religion sounds a lot like the Watchtower Society, but I'm not sure. In any event my first piece of advice is to arm yourself with as much information (legal, religious etc) as possible before taking any action. And do it without others knowing ... (read in full...)
My friends always exclude me and it's tearing me apart.
Q. My friends have started to exclude me from outings and alienating me or acting as if I'm not even there. I haven't done anything to hurt anyone, I don't even bitch about people, I'm usually just a by stander as my other friends bitch. I don't ...
A. 10 September 2012: Have you tried approaching one of them and asking if something is up?
You're stewing in all these assumptions and feeling terrible, but for all you know there is something, it could be minor and easily taken care of. Or perhaps there is another ... (read in full...)
She keeps talking to this guy and now I don't trust her or her life choices
Q. This is my problem. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now but sometimes i have to leave for work for a period of 4- 6 months. It's not often but i've been out of town for about 4 months this year. Right now i am in another country. During th...
A. 10 September 2012: It might not be as messy as you fear. Her family has taken a shine to you and accepted you as one of their own. She may be feeling the same sense of obligation to this history as you but for her own reasons.
Or it could be frustration at having t... (read in full...)
Does she want to date? have sex?
Q. I started texting this girl I seen around college. We been flirting a bit by text and would txt nearly everyday although the conversations weren't exactly exciting after the initial 2-3weeks, now its been over a month. We have met up with other ...
A. 10 September 2012: I think she fancies you, wants a relationship and thinks getting drunk and having sex or going along with whatever else you might want is the way to do it. She's trying to bribe your affection instead of earning it the old fashioned way.
Cavea... (read in full...)
Should I make a move or wait until she is single?
Q. Hi. I like this girl and I know she likes me too, the problem is she is taken. Should I make a move on her and disregard her boyfriend or should I NOT make a move because she has a boyfriend?...
A. 10 September 2012: Do NOT make a move until she extricates herself from her current arrangement and allows herself time to regroup. If she wants you that badly she won't waste time. If she does dilly dally, then you know exactly where you stand with her. Don't pursue ... (read in full...)
She keeps talking to this guy and now I don't trust her or her life choices
Q. This is my problem. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now but sometimes i have to leave for work for a period of 4- 6 months. It's not often but i've been out of town for about 4 months this year. Right now i am in another country. During th...
A. 10 September 2012: For what it's worth I thinking you may be judging Chris a bit too harshly for what he said about your girlfriend. He didn't call her names or make outlandish accusations. He simply expressed his discomfort with her behaviour. He has every right to ... (read in full...)
How do you all feel about "the other woman" when it comes to a relationship or marriage?
Q. How do you all (ladies AND gentlemen) feel about "the other woman" when it comes to a relationship or marriage. SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. I'm not talking about "the other woman" who has no idea that the guy has a wife/girlfriend. I'm talking about...
A. 10 September 2012: I forgot to include that in the first two scenarios I described the women have no desire to break up a marriage. Once their lover ceases being another woman's olibigation he becomes her's and is therefore less appealing. ... (read in full...)
How do you all feel about "the other woman" when it comes to a relationship or marriage?
Q. How do you all (ladies AND gentlemen) feel about "the other woman" when it comes to a relationship or marriage. SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. I'm not talking about "the other woman" who has no idea that the guy has a wife/girlfriend. I'm talking about...
A. 10 September 2012: For many 'other women' married men are more desirable because they are 'unavailable'. Some prefer to preserve their own lives, their own space. A single man has far more expectations than a married man whose primary obligations are elsewhere. And ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him if I'm the problem why he can't be satisfied?
Q. I have been seeing my b/f for about 18 months now. We spend weekends together when we can. We are both in our 40s. We never managed intercourse but always satisfied orally. I can't satisfy him orally now and he won't kiss passionately anymore. I...
A. 10 September 2012: I agree with Denise for a couple of reasons. If the problem is him and he isn't quite ready to talk about it, drawing attention to it will embarrass him. Secondly, it sets a bad precedent in any relationship to assume that any time there is a ... (read in full...)
I laugh whenever my boyfriend gets mad at me, why?
Q. For some odd reason, I tend to laugh whenever my boyfriend gets mad at me. I don't do it intentionally, it just happens and it's uncontrollable. While I'm laughing he gets even more mad, and I really have to try hard to stop laughing by smirking but ...
A. 9 September 2012: Like the others I too, think it's a nervous reaction. ... (read in full...)
How far should we go without being in a proper relationship?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for about three weeks, however we have known each other this whole year. We have seen each other about 6 times in the past three weeks, including three times this past week. We have made out and the other day we went a bit ...
A. 9 September 2012: Start the way you mean to continue. Part of the foundation of any healthy partnership is open and honest communication. If you can't relax and be yourself with him now, you never will.
Even if he says he wants a relationship too doesn't mean you... (read in full...)
Now that we are not together anymore he wants my picture!
Q. Hi everyone I had going through a really tough situation my fwb and I decided to try make a go of having a proper relationship but a few weeks later I founf out he had been sleeping with another woman and he always accused me of seeing someone else ...
A. 9 September 2012: It could be as Cerberus said, that he wants a trophy. It really doesn't matter. Just don't give him one.
The man claimed he wanted a relationship so he could have you all to himself, while he philandered about with other women behind your back. He... (read in full...)
How do I let my wife know I found her vibrators without it looking like I was snooping?
Q. Hi Married for 10 yrs, wife and I have great sex, when we have it. Over the last 6 mth or so, we only have sex when she drinks, which is maybe once a month. I heard all the excuses...You smell like choclate, you smell like garlic, you are ...
A. 9 September 2012: She didn't announce that she bought them so I don't see why you have to announce that you found them. The vibrators are not the cause for the drop in sex. It's something else.
Either there is something that needs adjusting between you, likely o... (read in full...)
Am I justified in feeling very upset at his refusal to apply the topical medical the Dr ordered to stop me getting more Urinary Tract infections?
Q. I recently got a urinary tract infection (UTI) and was in terrible discomfort and pain for several days. I was treated with a dose of anti-biotics and was told that my partner would also have to apply a topical medicine on his penis so that there ...
A. 9 September 2012: I can understand being angry with him since he clearly didn't take it seriously enough to do anything about it, BUT you knew this and had sex with him anyway.
There should have been no argument. Either he does it or no sex. Period.
He knew... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 8 September 2012: I gave your situation a little more thought. It wasn't my intent to make things seem dire. It's far from hopeless and you have plenty of options. What I said earlier applies to many women, but not all. While few sane women will want to carry a ... (read in full...)
Guy I've started dating said he'd hidden his on-line dating profile but I've found out that he hasn't.
Q. I’m 50 and been on Match for almost a year. I met quite a few guys, most of them were just a first and last time date and a couple of them lasted a few dates, but nothing serious. In mid-July I met this guy online. He is 52; he is a widow (his wife ...
A. 8 September 2012: 'I think you scared him with the comments about being long term etc..' EXACTLY.... (read in full...)
Guy I've started dating said he'd hidden his on-line dating profile but I've found out that he hasn't.
Q. I’m 50 and been on Match for almost a year. I met quite a few guys, most of them were just a first and last time date and a couple of them lasted a few dates, but nothing serious. In mid-July I met this guy online. He is 52; he is a widow (his wife ...
A. 8 September 2012: No. Say nothing and change tack. Enjoy your time with him, but keep him at this distance for a while and when the topic comes up tell him you'd like to take things slowly. ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 8 September 2012: There are many men out there who are decent, honest, reliable, and otherwise great AND they have confidence, mental/emotional/financial stability, direction, ambition, AND their own homes AND they drive and own a car. You may be an honest, warm,... (read in full...)
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