A drunken text has me worried that others will find out about it
Q. Dear Cupid, I got drunk and messaged this popular kid in my school I. Didn't say anrhing stupid only that I was drunk and he said bye. But then I stared to text my friend who had a thing with him and she was like what's going on since I was drunk ...
A. 30 December 2012: Moderate your alcohol consumption and stop sending silly texts to people you hardly know. In fact stop sending silly texts period. People will be more inclined to listen to you if you actually have something interesting to say. As for what's ... (read in full...)
Why do men cheat on their wives?
Q. Why do men cheat on their wives my sister is having an affair with a married man it has been going on for 4 years his wife is ill with fibromylagia and arthritis she also sufferes with severe depression. He keeps telling my sister that he is leaving ...
A. 30 December 2012: I agree about the double standard implied by your opening statement. But to answer your question, I do not think you should involve yourself whatsoever. You have no right to try to control another or take someone else's happiness away any more than ... (read in full...)
How do I politely say "no" to men I'm not interested in on an online dating site?
Q. i got a dilemma, i signed up for a dating website not so long ago. and over all it is fine, what I am finding harder than i though, is replying to messages of men i am not interested in, i try to turn them down as politely as i can but there is...
A. 30 December 2012: One last thing...that 'give everyone the courtesy of a reply' rule applies when you only have a small number of invitations or letters to respond to. It was never designed for the plethora of invitations one receives nowadays from strangers. ... (read in full...)
How do I politely say "no" to men I'm not interested in on an online dating site?
Q. i got a dilemma, i signed up for a dating website not so long ago. and over all it is fine, what I am finding harder than i though, is replying to messages of men i am not interested in, i try to turn them down as politely as i can but there is...
A. 30 December 2012: Instead of running yourself ragged trying to respond to each and every invitation I suggest you add something to your profile that will address this. However you word it, keep it brief and upbeat and place it where it can easily be seen. Something ... (read in full...)
Feeling overshadowed by this new girl
Q. Hi guys, I hope someone out there can help me out as I am feeling pretty stuck on this situation. I have met a lovely guy recently who I really feel I can connect with as we seem to get on so well like a house on fire and we share common interest...
A. 30 December 2012: I think you'd be surprised to learn just how noticed you are and what the guys really think of this silly girl.
We've all known women like that and heard how men talk about them when they're not around. Joking or not I don't know ANY man who enjo... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend only wants material things from me
Q. I've been w my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I made the mistake in spoiling him and now I feel like the only thing he wants from me is material things. We haven't been intimate in over a year and I'm lucky enough to see him once a month. I love ...
A. 30 December 2012: Honestly, I think the time for talking has long past. You haven't been intimate in over a year and you see him no more than once a month. I'm guessing this is not a long distance arrangement or you'd have said so in your original post. This man is ... (read in full...)
Why does this guy block me after he acts like he likes me?
Q. Why does this guy keep blocking me even after we made up? He is a guy I am very interested in and wanted to befriend with. Last year, he invited me to be his friend on facebook, which I immediately accepted. After a few months, we tried to flirt ...
A. 29 December 2012: I have to agree with oldbag and AuntyEm. The man clearly doesn't have a strong desire to court you or maintain a close friendship and it more than likely has little to do with a misunderstood joke.
He could easily have asked for clarific... (read in full...)
How do I converse with my clients in the beauty industry? What can I say or ask or not ask?
Q. I am a quiet, more reserved person but I just recently got a position in the beauty industry Now I am required to conversate with clients.. I'm not sure what topics to talk about. What should I do to maintain long term relations with clients?...
A. 26 December 2012: The word is 'converse', but to answer your question you may be surprised to learn most clients don't really want a lot of idle chit chat. Some procedures are quite relaxing and we like to lose ourselves in our own thoughts. Most of us actually wish ... (read in full...)
I think he wants to try S&M, how do I bring it up?
Q. Hi all, I'm trying to read my boyfriend. :P He's an alpha male, which I absolutely love. We play around, and I enjoy when we tickle-fight and he pins me down on the bed, we both do. ;) Earlier in the relationship, he mentioned that ...
A. 26 December 2012: For what it's worth, I personally do not recommend tying anyone up or allowing them to bind you. A lot of things can go wrong, things totally unrelated to the scene (such as a house fire or medical emergency). Being good at tying knots is great, but ... (read in full...)
I think he wants to try S&M, how do I bring it up?
Q. Hi all, I'm trying to read my boyfriend. :P He's an alpha male, which I absolutely love. We play around, and I enjoy when we tickle-fight and he pins me down on the bed, we both do. ;) Earlier in the relationship, he mentioned that ...
A. 26 December 2012: Before you open a dialogue I think you should have a better idea of what 'S & M sex' really is and it is not simply being tied up and dominated during intercourse.
S and M stand for Sadism and Masochism. Pleasure from inflicting PAIN on another ... (read in full...)
How should I apologise to keep this friendship? I want to stay friends. But I think all he wants is sex.
Q. I went on two dates with this guy. He seems really nice, complete gentleman. however he is only visiting for a week and i think he just wants to have a nice time while here and i don't know what i was thinking. I went to dinner and drinks with ...
A. 26 December 2012: Be patient. You'll get your chance the next time you see him and you're normal, confident and polite. If he mentiones it, you could make light of it without accepting any blame. If you rush and try to 'end things on a good note' you'll bugger it up. ... (read in full...)
How should I apologise to keep this friendship? I want to stay friends. But I think all he wants is sex.
Q. I went on two dates with this guy. He seems really nice, complete gentleman. however he is only visiting for a week and i think he just wants to have a nice time while here and i don't know what i was thinking. I went to dinner and drinks with ...
A. 26 December 2012: I don't think you should apologize. Your suspicions were perefectly understandable given how casually people engage in sex and the fact that he'd invited you back to his lodgings after only two dates.
To apologize or send an obviously concilia... (read in full...)
I ditched my friend for a date and now I feel guilty. How do I get my friend back?
Q. i did something so stupid. i went on a date with someone who is visiting from another town and is only here for a week. he was a complete gentleman, didn't do anything inappropriate. we went to eat dinner and then drinks but now i'm thinking why i ...
A. 26 December 2012: When you say you 'ditched her' do you mean you called her and cancelled or you simply didn't show up? Did you have specific plans or just a tentative double date?
If it's the former, life happens and sometimes plans have to change. If this man... (read in full...)
Three months of dating. And still have not met his family and friends? Is this normal? Or weird?
Q. My guy and I have been together for 3 months now and I haven't met any of his friends or family nor him mine... Am I jumping the gun to soon or does that seem weird to anyone else, I don't even think his friends know about me but he will talk to m...
A. 26 December 2012: No, it doesn't sound weird to me. Three months of dating isn't really that long. Certainly not long enough to prove any long term potential.
Actually your boyfriend is doing both of you a favour by taking his time.
If he brought home eve... (read in full...)
What could I have done better? How to proceed from now on? advice please?
Q. I need some advice ok. I've been married for four years and we fought off and on and we have 3 children together. Four months ago my husband said he was going for a walk but never came back. Three days later I found out he left me for another wome...
A. 23 December 2012: I could go down the list and point out each mistake and how I think it could have been handled differently, but instead I will just get to what I think is the source of your problems.
'I gave up a lot for him...' When you give up a lot for some... (read in full...)
He expects so much. Gives back nothing. Am I not supposed to feel appreciated by my boyfriend?
Q. Dear cupid My bf of 3 years never appreciates me even for things I do for him. However much I do for him and the lengths I go to do things for him, he just treats as if it's my duty to serve him. Am I not supposed to feel appreciated by my b...
A. 23 December 2012: Not much information to go on here, so my answer will reflect that, but here goes...
If you want to be appreciated for what you do you must do it in moderation. No one respects, admires or appreciates a personal slave. So don't act like one. Whe... (read in full...)
Why would he lie and should I confront him about it?
Q. I caught my BF in a lie about his contact with his ex-GF. He says he told her not to call, email or txt and that he hasn't heard from her in months. I talked to his sister and she told me he told her the ex had been bugging him to meet and have ...
A. 23 December 2012: Your boyfriend kept this from you because, as you've said yourself, you get upset about his ex. He's been ignoring her calls and has shown no interest in having anything to do with her, so it doesn't sound to me as though he's really done anything ... (read in full...)
Is it alright that I stopped her ex from telling me these things?
Q. Dear whoever reads this, I have a girlfriend, we've been dating for 1.5 years and we're planning to get serious. Not long ago she invited me to her friends' place to hang over. It was the first time I got to know them, she kept the distance bet...
A. 23 December 2012: You absolutely did the right thing. Her ex just wanted to gossip and you turned him down with class.
Well done. Don't second guess yourself.
... (read in full...)
I can't get past the fact that my husband had lap dances from strippers before we were married.
Q. I have known my husband for abt 10 yrs now, married for 6 and we both are very happy, committed and loving to each other, expecting our first baby now. But just the other day, I was talking of pregnancy stretch marks and he goes - dont worry ho...
A. 21 December 2012: I did not bash you and I have not judged you. I've simply answered your question as honestly as I can.
Being heavily pregnant likely has a lot to do with how you're handling this information. Not hormonal, I mean simply feeling heavy and unglamor... (read in full...)
If he lost interest, why is looking at my Facebook pics?
Q. A guy I have been seeing has stopped contacting me. I don't know what happened but it started after relationship got physical even though that was great so I know it's not a lack of chemistry there. . I'm not looking for a "u gotta hold out longer" ...
A. 21 December 2012: Others took the time to answer your question as well, but the only one who gets any acknowledgement is the one guy who answered. Gee, that's not rude at all.
... (read in full...)
I can't get past the fact that my husband had lap dances from strippers before we were married.
Q. I have known my husband for abt 10 yrs now, married for 6 and we both are very happy, committed and loving to each other, expecting our first baby now. But just the other day, I was talking of pregnancy stretch marks and he goes - dont worry ho...
A. 21 December 2012: Most welcome and thanks for the follow up.
Your husband may have been in a similar mind set himself. The circumstances don' have to be exactly the same, but no doubt the arguments you mention and the physical distance took a similar toll on him. ... (read in full...)
I can't get past the fact that my husband had lap dances from strippers before we were married.
Q. I have known my husband for abt 10 yrs now, married for 6 and we both are very happy, committed and loving to each other, expecting our first baby now. But just the other day, I was talking of pregnancy stretch marks and he goes - dont worry ho...
A. 20 December 2012: I don't know how far along you are but I can understand a certain degree of discomfort with picturing hot, tanned, perfect, naked bodies gyrating in front of your now husband while you feel (and think you look) heavy and bloated.
But I have to ... (read in full...)
Is keeping a memory box lame and depressing? My friends comment upset me!
Q. I just wanted to get another opinion on this as my friends comment I thought was rude and didn't make sense... Basically, in my room at university I put in this wristband someone gave me the night before from an epic night out in this box. She as...
A. 20 December 2012: I do the same thing, though I hadn't thought to call mine a memory box, but that's exactly what it is. And most people do keep things to remind them of people, places and events they've known, visited or experienced. We call them 'photographs' which ... (read in full...)
I feel like he's using me for oral sex and doesn't value our friendship anymore, what should I do?
Q. Hey guys, hoping you will be able to shed a little light on this situation I'm in. There's this guy I've known for awhile, and before we became friends we fooled around (oral sex) over the summer. After this however, we became close friends. There ...
A. 20 December 2012: If a guy wants a 'one of the guys' type of friend, he will hang out with one of the guys. He doesn't need a girl for that. Being used for blow jobs is even worse than being used for intercourse. At least with the latter he has to invest some effo... (read in full...)
If he lost interest, why is looking at my Facebook pics?
Q. A guy I have been seeing has stopped contacting me. I don't know what happened but it started after relationship got physical even though that was great so I know it's not a lack of chemistry there. . I'm not looking for a "u gotta hold out longer" ...
A. 20 December 2012: This is what 'not a big deal' looks like. Think of tv shows you watch but don't have a strong feelings for one way or another. They're ok. You might watch them from time to time, or every day for two weeks and not again for a year. There is n... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend only sees me when he has nothing better to do!
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The problem is it seems like he only sees me when he has nothing better to do. I cannot get him to agree to do anything at the weekends because he wants to wait to see what else is happening, plus ...
A. 20 December 2012: No, I don't think there is anything to salvage here. He's an extremely ill mannered and immature boyfriend. I think you'd have so much more fun on your own or with someone else. ... (read in full...)
What did my girlfriend mean by this text message?
Q. My gf sent me this text and idk what she's getting at I'm a bit afraid to ask her because I get a bad vibe from reading it here's the text "Tummy, I don't want you to feel obligated to tolerate me ok? We aren't bound to eachother... Ok? o.o" oh she ...
A. 20 December 2012: I'm inclined to agree with Red591 in that she is trying to break up as gently as she can.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was angry that I was ill and didn't want sex so he left late and left my door unlocked all night!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in an exclusive relationship for over 2 1/2 years we are both middle aged, and live in our separate homes, but we spend almost every night together. Last night my boyfriend comes over later than normal because he had a...
A. 20 December 2012: So in other words what you have is a guy who is only nice to you and cares about your safety when he gets what he wants.
That is reason enough to dump him.
... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 17 December 2012: Equality, like charity, begins at home and if you're prepared to give your brother a free pass to apply a different standard to women, then you're not in a position to condemn the rest of the male population for doing the same. ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 17 December 2012: Disparity in sexual freedom among the genders isn't the only double standard I see here. 'And I can forgive my brother's lack of knwledge and influence from mainstream society and not being able to think for himself...' Why is that? Is your brother ... (read in full...)
Why is my b/f still active on the online dating site?
Q. Five months ago I met a guy online and we hit off it seems. We are at the stage where while we never talked about being exclusive, I've met his parents and friends and have been introduced as his girlfriend. I've never closed my account at the d...
A. 17 December 2012: I don't think there was anything wrong with checking his status. It wasn't snooping. You didn't hack into his email account or rifle through his phone when he wasn't looking. You accessed publicly available information. And a good thing you did.
... (read in full...)
I have been there for my mum so much over the last few years, but now I don't want to lose my boyfriend because of her
Q. I want to give some facts before I start, as I think they are important to my question. I am 30 years old, very well educated to PhD level. My parents divorced when I was 17, and I have always lived at home - please don't judge me for this, there...
A. 17 December 2012: Before I answer I need a bit more information. Are you in a position to move out on your own? Financially I mean. How about your boyfriend? If you stop seeing him, I gather that means he'll have to move out. Where will he go?
What kind of relation... (read in full...)
My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 17 December 2012: I'm very glad you've opted not to send them. A very wise choice and kudos to you for making it.
In fairness to those of us who expressed concern, your boyfriend may be a great guy, but even good people do bad or unwise things some of the time. Se... (read in full...)
We get on really well, but he said he needs sex, but I'm a virgin?
Q. I just turned 20 a while ago. I'm a virgin. I'm single and always have been. Dated a couple of guys, but things ended horribly and I ended up hurt. Even though I am a virgin, I have done other things, nearly everything that comes before it, su...
A. 17 December 2012: Sex and emotions often get angled up in a confusing mess, so let's try this...substitue the word 'sex' with 'money' or 'finances' and replay your conversations.
This guy has decided that after three short weeks his intellectual connection with you... (read in full...)
I want my mom to know that I'm sexually active
Q. Hi I have a little bit of a dilemma... I am 16, nearly 17 and am sexually active (I live in the UK) I have been with my boyfriend with 10 months and we have only ever had sex with eachother and we only did it after about 7 months.We did it...
A. 17 December 2012: If my original response is one of those you were referring to in your 'different morals' follow up then you've misunderstood me.
I did not state or imply that you had done anything wrong, merely that you had done something that, accordin... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he wants to be with me after I cheated but he's calling me names!
Q. I cheated on my boyfriend of a year in a really bad way. I've been honest about it and admitted it. I'd like to work it out and understand he is angry, disgusted and a lot of other things. He says he wants to be with me...BUT he keeps calling me ...
A. 17 December 2012: It is abusive. He's understandably hurt and angry, but that doesn't give him a free pass to abuse anyone. Forgiveness requires effort and if he's not willing to make that effort then it's best you both part ways. ... (read in full...)
When are hugs from another woman mean more than a hug
Q. how to tell when a hug from another woman means more than a hug ...
A. 16 December 2012: You haven't given us much to go on, but generally a hug is just a hug when it's brief, but affectionate and given by someone who has given you no other reason to suspect their hug may be more than a hug. A small pat during the hug usually indicates ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has stood me up 4 times in the past 3 weeks.
Q. I need some outside advice... We've dated for over 2 years now. My girlfriend has stood me up 4 times in the past 3 weeks. Each time, she had what sounds and feels like a reasonable excuse why it happened. First time, she had fallen asle...
A. 16 December 2012: Ok, hold on a minute here...did I understand correctly that she doesn't actually cancel a date, she just doesn't show up? And you find out some time AFTER the fact that some kind of emergency has arisen?
If that's so, then that changes things. ... (read in full...)
The only way he'll let me break up with him is if I tell him the truth!
Q. So im kind of stuck in a pickle. what do you do when you dont want to hurt someones feelings, break them by telling them the truth ? That after 4 years of dating you went away alone for acouple months and in just 3 months felt happier with someone ...
A. 16 December 2012: That follow up was unnecessary. It was way too long, I didn't read it and it doesn't change my answer. The bottom line remains the same. once one person says it's over, it's over. Birthday or no birthday. Period.
There is no way not to hurt or ... (read in full...)
Now I'm being punished for what goes on in her mind only!
Q. For the past two years or so, my girlfriends insecurity has got worse and worse. I am constantly told who I am looking at, who I find attractive and told I am flirting with everyone she believes I find attractive. I have put up with a lot. I now ...
A. 13 December 2012: Yes, I've heard of people dong this. I believe it's called a honey trap.
Whether she was merely there trying to catch you or seeking out mn herself, the bottom line remains the same. She is a malignant personality. She's controlling, manipula... (read in full...)
I want my mom to know that I'm sexually active
Q. Hi I have a little bit of a dilemma... I am 16, nearly 17 and am sexually active (I live in the UK) I have been with my boyfriend with 10 months and we have only ever had sex with eachother and we only did it after about 7 months.We did it...
A. 13 December 2012: As a mother myself I have to agree with Cerberus in that often times, mothers know. I certainly did when my daughter was active.
You're right that honesty is an important part of a healthy relationship, but so is judicious ommission. Knowing ... (read in full...)
Now I'm being punished for what goes on in her mind only!
Q. For the past two years or so, my girlfriends insecurity has got worse and worse. I am constantly told who I am looking at, who I find attractive and told I am flirting with everyone she believes I find attractive. I have put up with a lot. I now ...
A. 13 December 2012: Is there any point in trying? You've already tried, several times. It doesn't appear to have worked so no, I don't think there is a point in trying again. Something you must understand about these 'trust issues' is they are simply a means of tryin... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has stood me up 4 times in the past 3 weeks.
Q. I need some outside advice... We've dated for over 2 years now. My girlfriend has stood me up 4 times in the past 3 weeks. Each time, she had what sounds and feels like a reasonable excuse why it happened. First time, she had fallen asle...
A. 13 December 2012: 'Having the support of people who love you is a great way to relieve some of that stress'. It certainly is. So what does this support look like exactly? And in what ways have you provided it? I mean real support, not simply spending time with her ... (read in full...)
The only way he'll let me break up with him is if I tell him the truth!
Q. So im kind of stuck in a pickle. what do you do when you dont want to hurt someones feelings, break them by telling them the truth ? That after 4 years of dating you went away alone for acouple months and in just 3 months felt happier with someone ...
A. 13 December 2012: Huh? You can't break up with him until he says so? How exactly does that work? The fact is once one person says it's over, it's over. That's it. They don't need to provide umpteen mind numbingly detailed explanations. The dumpee does no have to ... (read in full...)
I want my mom to know that I'm sexually active
Q. Hi I have a little bit of a dilemma... I am 16, nearly 17 and am sexually active (I live in the UK) I have been with my boyfriend with 10 months and we have only ever had sex with eachother and we only did it after about 7 months.We did it...
A. 13 December 2012: I'm puzzled by this as well. Why do you want your mum to know? You're doing something you believe your mum won't approve of. What exactly do you hope to achieve by shoving her face in it?... (read in full...)
My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 9 December 2012: Notice your boyfriend isn't offering to send you silly pictures of himself in his underwear.
Please don't do this. Neither yuo nor he can guarantee those iptures won't be intercepted by someone else and what that person will do with them. You don'... (read in full...)
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