I'm meeting my ex so she can get closure from our breakup but its making me very uncomfortable
Q. Hi, I never thought I'd resort to asking online, but I realize what I really need is an outsider's perspective on the situation. I'm bisexual, btw. Basically, this summer I started going out with a woman and although it was fun in the begin...
A. 1 January 2014: DO NOT MEET THIS WOMAN.
I cannot stress this enough. Under NO, repeat NO circumstances do you meet up with her. She is extremely self centred, violent and dangerously unstable. She may not have hit you yet, but make no mistake she IS violent.... (read in full...)
I hurt my ex badly. Could he be trying to hurt me back?
Q. I am in a serious emotional roller coaster dilemma. I am currently in Switzerland with my ex and battling emotional issues. Well we met 15yrs ago. He was nothing but nice to me. Although I took advantage of him and didn't really care because ...
A. 1 January 2014: You're assuming a responsibility here that is not yours. He isn't behaving this way because of something you did to him (or didn't do for him), but he's quite happy to let you think that.
You're attributing his behaviour to your actions instead ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend will not take down sports illustrated calendar that his mom bought him!
Q. This question is really weighing me down. This Christmas, my boyfriend of about a years mother bought him a sports illustrated swimsuit calendar. Now, before you roll your eyes and dub me insecure, know that my irritation and issue with this has ...
A. 1 January 2014: I agree with YouWish as well. For his mum to buy him this kind of calendar is weird and that she tells him where to hang it even weirder. And that she would encourage him to put it back when he moved it is weirder still.
Whether these women ar... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 30 December 2013: In your original post you said you were having an issue with this particular woman, not women in general. If you were encountering this problem on a regular basis you'd have said so. Your own post is proof that she is in the minority.
My younger ... (read in full...)
Should I encourage our kids to reach out to my ex's side of the family during this crisis?
Q. My ex and I have been separated for 3 and half years, there have been many women and of course lots of hard drama. This last woman has been quite a challenging event with her many harrassing messaging, fake accounts to contact. Its been quite ...
A. 30 December 2013: I would combine the great advice you received from the others and encourage your children to contact the hospital and send a very simple, but tasteful card. If they won't call the hospital then you do it.
You can't force them to show any interest... (read in full...)
Why do I always have to pay? She never offers!
Q. Help! I'm dating this girl I really like for a few months. Problem is I end up paying every time we're out and she never, ever offers to pay. I've talked to her about this but she says I'm the first guy she's dated who complained. I really like her ...
A. 30 December 2013: You may be the first to give voice to your displeasure but the other men before you all voted with their feet.
Treat her when you invite her, but cut down on the invitations. If she mentions it just tell her she is the first woman you've dated wh... (read in full...)
I feel as if I go out of my way for everyone and no-one can be bothered when it comes to me.
Q. Its' my birthday today. A milestone. A special one. I've had a tear in my eye most of the day – not because I have reached 40 but because I feel so let down and now I'm feeling that maybe I'm being unreasonable, selfish and ungrateful. Situat...
A. 30 December 2013: Normally I don't follow up on old posts, but I happened to be going through some and came across this one. The irony was just too obvious not to comment on, on the off chance you'll ever check this.
Your submission was about taking the time to ... (read in full...)
I know our timing has been off, but he hasn't contacted me!
Q. I need your advice. I met this guy online and we've been gone to 8 dinners date. Our schedule had been very busy so for the last couple of weeks we hadn't been able to meet. I was out of town, then he had family issues, then I got sick.. The list ...
A. 30 December 2013: OP, if I had known you didn't trust this man I would never have suggested you contact him again, but what's done is done and it wasn't a disaster.
Even if you did trust him and if you hadn't already had sex with him, I'd say eight dinner dates is... (read in full...)
Is this marriage worth saving?
Q. I was dating this man and I should say I really had a bad time with him. He used to call me names, too busy for me, wanted me to plead for sex with him, would never say he wants to see me, and NEVA visited me if I DID NOT PICK HIM UP AND DRIVE HIM ...
A. 30 December 2013: No. I do not believe your marriage is worth saving.
OP, you're like a wounded animal leaving a blood trail for every predator in the area to follow. I think you should kick this guy out of your life and enjoy some much needed time on your own.
... (read in full...)
I hurt my ex badly. Could he be trying to hurt me back?
Q. I am in a serious emotional roller coaster dilemma. I am currently in Switzerland with my ex and battling emotional issues. Well we met 15yrs ago. He was nothing but nice to me. Although I took advantage of him and didn't really care because ...
A. 30 December 2013: OP, you're biting off way more than your portion here.
If this guy wanted a mature, sensitive girlfriend he should have sought someone his own age instead of zeroing in on a teenage girl. Given the significant age difference and his subseque... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spends no time with me!
Q. Hi there iv bin seeing this boy for bout 3wks know and he has said we are girlfriend n boyfriend but every time I ask him to spend time with me he says yes then when it come to it he doesn't answer any off my phone calls or text! He said he needs ...
A. 30 December 2013: Walk away from this. No announcements. No texts. No emails or phone calls. Just walk away.
He clearly isn't interested and bribing him to stick around would be a big mistake.
... (read in full...)
How do I convince my girlfriend to have an abortion?
Q. Hello All, Need your help urgently on a matter. I am 28 and my gf is 31 and we have a relationship of 3 years that is not approved by either her family or mine as we have different religions. All through 2013 we have been having problems ...
A. 30 December 2013: Your girlfriend doesn't want to have an abortion so you trying to convince her is just adding stress she doesn't need.
Instead of wasting time badgering her, I suggest you use these coming months to get ready. ... (read in full...)
I would like to be in a relationship with a quality guy ...
Q. I have been single for a long time and I am very excited about being in a relationship. I met a guy that is ten years younger than me. He is very smart (I like that) and very handsome. He has an ok job , but that is fine with me as long as he works. ...
A. 30 December 2013: Hold out for a quality man because this guy isn't it. He doesn't even act his own age. ... (read in full...)
His remarks made me feel uncomfortable. How do I tell him I don't want to see him again?
Q. So this is my situation. I met a guy a while ago, and I found out from a mutual friend that he is extremely into me. I was really not especially attracted to him from the beginning, but since physical attraction is not always instant, I decided ...
A. 30 December 2013: OP, he is way out of line, especially for someone you've just met and supposedly wants to impress you.
This sort of person mistakes courtesy with weakness so I would be brief, calm, brutally honest and totally unapologetic. Don't wait for a re... (read in full...)
She already has a boyfriend and I'm the first woman she's been with. Am I making her life too complicated?
Q. I live in johannesburg now in village eastern cape visit my grandmother only my cousins knows that I am swing girls. I meet other cute aNd smart girl she's cute enough and the type of girls I likes she offer to be my friend and close friend but was ...
A. 30 December 2013: If she has what is supposed to be an exclusive relationship with someone else, man or woman, then yes, you are complicating her life by becoming intimately involved with her. And your own.
She is cheating on her boyfriend and you are just as ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have an affair when your single?
Q. Is it OK to have an affair with someone when I am single? I don't know the girls boyfriend but I know they have been together for over 3 years. She has been really coming on to me recently and I know something could happen if I initiate it. ...
A. 30 December 2013: This is pretty much what I told a single woman who asked a similar question some months ago.
No, it would not be ok to have an affair while you're single. You may not have made a commitment to anyone but you're a party to the social contract... (read in full...)
He lied to me about being married!
Q. I met this guy at a friend's party a little over 2 months ago; he was really sweet and funny and about 2 days after the party, my friend told me that her friend told her that he was asking for my number, because he was not a direct acquaintance of ...
A. 29 December 2013: I think it's a good idea to use the threat of calling his wife to leverage his co-operation.
Use your friend's Facebook profile to gather up whatever information you can on her (and possibly any mutual friends), then warn him that if you hear fro... (read in full...)
I told him we would only kiss if we were together, then he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Q. I am 21 female and don't know if I will regret the night I had. I am a virgin that has urges for sex but learn to control myself, wel I was drinking, tired and my heart was secretly hurting and 1 of my guy friends who I havnt seen for awhile wanted ...
A. 29 December 2013: You didn't come across as a 'ho' but you did come across as eager to please, gullible and foolish.
Alcohol is known to impair judgment and lower inhibitions so if remaining a virgin for the foreseeable future is important to you, I suggest ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair but the woman would not leave him alone.
Q. Please help. My hubby had an affair with this girl about 2 years ago and we resolved the issue. But now th ex refuses to let go. She calls my husband's phn daily, sometimes with different numbers, even up to more than 10 times each day and says sh ...
A. 29 December 2013: Is it his say so alone you're getting all this from or have you been able to verify any of it with independent sources?
I'm concerned about how this woman came to have not only your husband's new cell phone number but yours as well. As far as I... (read in full...)
My b/f doesn't want me to get another tattoo
Q. Hi all, I could do with some advice. I'm 20 this year and in my country, it is legal to get a tattoo at this age. I've been meaning to get another tattoo next year. But my bf does not seem keen on me getting another tattoo. I am not a rash person ...
A. 29 December 2013: I don't know how you can get much personal appreciation from something you can't even see. I suppose one could make the same argument about a new haircut or make up, but you'd see those every time you used the washroom. How often are you going to ... (read in full...)
I would like to know where my boyfriend is during the day, and night, 24/7.
Q. Hi all, I would like to know if its too much for me to ask my bf about his whereabouts. By asking about his whereabouts I mean just asking him his plans for the day and what he'd be doing, not the crazy gf sort of asking every hour. Personally I ...
A. 29 December 2013: Yes, I think it is way too much to expect your boyfriend to give you a detailed account of how he spent, or plans to spend, his day. It's fine to ask conversationally now and again, but to demand it is really overstepping the bounds.
Frank... (read in full...)
My ex's friend said he fancies me more than my ex does!
Q. I got a text from my ex a couple of days ago saying "I want you. I love you. ", and he said it was him texting me, and he was using his friend's phone. He has used his friends phone to text me before when he has no credit on his phone. I also got a ...
A. 29 December 2013: I don't think you should have tried at all.
He's your ex and assuming all this is even legitimate, I think it's a bit dodgey of him to try to win you back using his friend's phone. And what kind of person is this friend that he would insert h... (read in full...)
My married man loves me but can't be with me
Q. Please bear with this long story. I am unmarried and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I recently moved to a different country and there I met a guy friend. We both are aware of our situation from the very beginning when we first ...
A. 27 December 2013: I think you should bow out gracefully and let them sort out what they want to do. You've got your own mess to clean up.
What they're going through is not uncommon. Most marriages don't end cleanly and decisively. They have a pretty big decision... (read in full...)
Does it sound like she feels more secure in long-distance relationships?
Q. I'm 51 she is 55. The other day, sitting on her couch Very close together side by side. I looked at her and told her for the first time I loved her. Without looking at me, looking forward she said I know.... I asked if she loved me... She turn ...
A. 27 December 2013: So you two are not actually dating right now? How long have you been seeing her? I'm assuming whatever you have is informal otherwise she would be this open about another special male friend and you wouldn't be this calm.
It was probably prematur... (read in full...)
I am terminally single and want a surrogate baby!
Q. I am 30, straight male, never had a girlfriend or relationship and I have come to a point where I am thinking, I want a baby of my own. I have given up on the prospects of finding a girlfriend. Dating game has always been my weakest point. I have b...
A. 27 December 2013: You've clearly given considerable thought to what YOU want, but have you given any thought to what might be best for a child?
Raising children is hard enough for a couple, but for a single parent, man or woman, it's even harder and it's the chil... (read in full...)
I said and then she said ..... so whose opinion matters?
Q. Hi, Basically me and my GF had a big arguement over something really pathetic. However I believe her comments towards myself were personal and hating. The arguement was over the tiny statement that I made regarding " I would never include reciepts ...
A. 27 December 2013: 'It's something you buy in the intent of pleasing THEM, no strings attached- not for making YOU feel good , or to conquer by force a place in their memory ! Your's not a gift, that's an imposition.'
My sentiments exactly.
I'd say your views p... (read in full...)
I drove him to the airport, so why isnt he texting how he is away?
Q. My bf left for vacation to see his fam n hasnt txted me or anything. I tried texting him bt he doesnt reply. I know he is with his fam n his enjoying his time, bt just texting to know how I am is not much. Afterall, I was the one who volunteered to ...
A. 27 December 2013: How long has he been away?... (read in full...)
No one's asked to be exclusive, so ...
Q. This question is for people who are okay with premarital sex: I am single and in college. I am sort of seeing two guys. I have had sex with both of them and have gone on lunch dates and have even stayed over at their houses as well as just "hanging ...
A. 26 December 2013: That guilt is your conscience trying to get your attention.
You're feeling kind of guilty because you're treating these men as if you were serious about them. If they were to discover what you were really up to you'd lose one or both of them. Ev... (read in full...)
I know our timing has been off, but he hasn't contacted me!
Q. I need your advice. I met this guy online and we've been gone to 8 dinners date. Our schedule had been very busy so for the last couple of weeks we hadn't been able to meet. I was out of town, then he had family issues, then I got sick.. The list ...
A. 26 December 2013: Nor, it appears are you the kind of woman to respond when a man you really like contacts you.
You could have said 'Sounds good. You know where to find me. Let me know when you're back and we can set something up' and then left it up to him to f... (read in full...)
He wants sex all the time and I am starting to get really stressed!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years and I'm starting to get really stressed out by the fact he wants sex all the time. I used to love having sex with him, but now I feel like that's his main focus and it's putting me off doing it ...
A. 26 December 2013: One of the images that flashes through my mind when I hear of men like this is of a two year old boy crying because his mother won't breast feed him anymore.
OP, what your boyfriend has in common with a con man is they are both out for themselv... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 26 December 2013: There is nothing weird about it, especially since you didn't invite him to add you. People do it all the time. ... (read in full...)
A thank you to the aunts and uncles...
Q. Ok so not a question, but I just wanted to wish everyone here at DC a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I've had some great advice from you all this year and I know so many others have too - the time and effort you all put in really is ...
A. 25 December 2013: Merry Christmas to you as well, and a very safe and happy new year.
:)... (read in full...)
I want to be proactive about ending this relationship, but how?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend 18 months. He has let me down over money, flirting and not taking enough responsibility. He is not a bad person but I met him when I was at a low point after divorce and we dont have much in common. I feel I have put a ...
A. 25 December 2013: The most humane way to do this is directly and fairly quickly. He's going to hurt regardless, but doing it once means he can begin to heal sooner instead of trying to nurse a constantly open wound (or expecting you to nurse it).
You're not serv... (read in full...)
Should I worry that he has stopped texting?
Q. So I have spent a total of 19 days with my current guy I'm seeing we have been together for 3 months and known each other for 4 I know I love him he says he loves me, he was the first to romanicly take me in his arms and tell me in my ear I know ...
A. 25 December 2013: 'he wanted to prove to me that I mean much more to him than just sex'
THAT is how it should be. Not you trying to prove you aren't using him for sex. A lot of men wouldn't mind being used for sex. It's being used for money that worries them. Do... (read in full...)
He could be selfish and just a bit controlling .....
Q. Hey, I'm in need of some advice on a man I'm in a relationship with. We have only been together officially for just over a month and were dating only just under a month before then. We fell for each other pretty quickly and have told each other we ...
A. 25 December 2013: At this point, no I don't think you should worry but I do think you should adopt a more matter of fact and assertive manner. Cheerful and at times playful, yes, but cute, coy and giggly, no. It gets real old real fast, it doesn't inspire anyone's ... (read in full...)
What's the perfect formula for when to have sex?
Q. Does it matter when u have sex with a man will he think less of u if u give it up too early or too late? What's the perfect formula if there is one? I am a quote in quite "pretty girl and highly educated". I've never had a tough time getting dates ...
A. 25 December 2013: There is no perfect formula but the one that comes close is the one you're currently using.
'A couple of dates' is a joke. That is no safer, shows no greater restraint or self respect than does a couple of minutes. If you want men to know you... (read in full...)
Should I worry that he has stopped texting?
Q. So I have spent a total of 19 days with my current guy I'm seeing we have been together for 3 months and known each other for 4 I know I love him he says he loves me, he was the first to romanicly take me in his arms and tell me in my ear I know ...
A. 25 December 2013: Too soon to worry yet, but a few things do stand out for me in your post.
If 'out of town' means visiting family or old friends over Christmas then he may not have much alone time, internet access and be in a position to afford a big long distance... (read in full...)
He says he cares for me, but doesn't love me!
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 17 and we've been dating for two months. We were hook up bbuddies for about a month before that though, with me being used as a rebound, and me using him cause I was horny. After we had sex (he was a virgin, I was not) we ...
A. 25 December 2013: For such a young relationship there sure is a lot of baggage here.
Who know what the future holds, but my guess is it doesn't hold much for this arrangement.
I don't have a whole lot of patience for people who use fear of being hurt as an excus... (read in full...)
How do I tell him without hurting him? I like my own space and some time to be alone.
Q. Hey guys just have a short and simple question for everyone here... i just want a different opinion and hopefully it will help me sort things out in my head... I have been with this guy for around 7 months and yesterday his family came round fo...
A. 24 December 2013: Any statement that does not consists of 'I love you so much I cant bear to be separated from you for even a moment' will hurt him so you might as well be honest.
There is nothing cruel about being truthful here and you'll be doing both of you a... (read in full...)
Why do girls seem to prefer, and date, the guys who are cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types?
Q. Why oh why do girls prefer the cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types? Is it because they assume their children together will be born with a lightning bolt in their hands? Girls have done pretty skewed ways of finding guys thinking that they are bett...
A. 24 December 2013: Women (and men) are drawn to what they believe is confidence and decisiveness.
The woman you describe lack those qualities themselves and are therefore unable to recognize them in others. Boorish, arrogant men generally don't attract confiden... (read in full...)
I think our friends daughter who is 9 is stealing from us and I'm not sure the best way to deal with it...
Q. I think our friends daughter- who is 9 is stealing from us and I'm not sure the best way to deal with it... Over the year I have noticed that after they visit, small things go missing from our house. At the beginning of the year I noticed that ...
A. 24 December 2013: OP, I don't know if you're low on friends at the moment and this is a case of beggars can't be chooses, but good people do not behave this way, nor do they allow their children to. You're making the same allowances for them that they make for their ... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 23 December 2013: A couple more thought I should have included.
Changing jobs, moving to a new place, buying a house, getting married, having a child, a vacation abroad are notable events in a person's life which tend to come up fairly quickly in a conversa... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 23 December 2013: He was checking to see how available you were. Not necessarily for that particular moment, but as a future stand by.
The fact that he would try to revive a previously sexual acquaintance is highly suspect. I don't imagine his new wife would be... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 22 December 2013: The title to your question says it all.
He's after a booty call. That's it. Nothing has changed. He's hoping that after enough time has passed you'll have missed him enough to take a chance and let your panties down.
Delete and block him on... (read in full...)
I feel as if I go out of my way for everyone and no-one can be bothered when it comes to me.
Q. Its' my birthday today. A milestone. A special one. I've had a tear in my eye most of the day – not because I have reached 40 but because I feel so let down and now I'm feeling that maybe I'm being unreasonable, selfish and ungrateful. Situat...
A. 1 February 2013: To be honest, I have to agree with you that you're being a bit unrealistic here.
I don't put much stock in people's big plans. Not out of cynicism, but an understanding that many people like to dream out loud and sometimes get carried away. I ... (read in full...)
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