Broke up yet.... Is sending him the Christmas gift a good idea, considering that we haven't spoken since the fight?
Q. I bought this guy that i was seeing a Christmas gift a few weeks before we got into a huge fight. Things were left badly where he blamed me for things that weren't my fault, and still blames me for something that i did almost a year ago. (i wrote...
A. 6 December 2014: No, it isn't a good idea. Whether he was right or wrong, he's made it very clear he wants nothing more to do with you, and the fact that he's made no effort to contact you since then tells me he means it.
Sending him a gift is not a kind gesture,... (read in full...)
How do I find someone to help fulfill my fiance's fantasy?
Q. My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years. We are very secure and loving toward each other and I don't see that changing at all. However, he's got a fantasy that he kind of wants to fulfill before we get married and has told me that he wants me ...
A. 6 December 2014: Have you ever wondered why he wants to do this BEFORE marriage and not after?
He can't argue traditional values since you're already having sex before marriage, and threesomes aren't part of traditional relationships anyway.
Is it a 'mora... (read in full...)
My wife and I have survived so much and made it through hard times, why now am I so upset?
Q. My wife had serious problems in her family several years ago, including a father who was terminally ill. It took years for him to die and it was a long downward spiral as his brain atrophied. He eventually passed away right around the time I lost my ...
A. 3 December 2014: In the midst of the crisis, you were in triage mode. You had to prioritize what you dealt with which meant what you thought and how you felt about it all was put on the back burner.
Now that all those issues have passed and things seem much bet... (read in full...)
I had an affair, he broke it off and now has sent me an email. Do I reply to it?
Q. I am married with 2 children. Last August, my relationship with my husband was not great at all and I met someone who totally swept me off my feet. I wasn't looking for the opportunity, it just happened. I wasn't proud of myself and, in hindsight, I ...
A. 3 December 2014: Ignore it. He's not, nor can he be, your friend. Don't delude yourself. He was able to quit you cold turkey to put his own psychological needs ahead of his concern for your feelings so you do the same. Doing the right thing frees you of unnecessa... (read in full...)
We separated and I've been hearing about other men she's slept with. Do I move on? Come to terms with her actions? Or what?
Q. Hello ive been with my girl for two years and at first everything was great. Then we both started having money problems and she got fired. Then i got injured at work. Then i started hearing rumors of other men who she slept with at one time. She w...
A. 2 December 2014: I think you should move on. Her lifestyle is chaotic and her exploits expose you to unnecessary risk.
I say cut your losses.... (read in full...)
My mother has been telling me that my husband is using me.
Q. I need a second opinion. My husband and I married almost 3 yrs ago. He is from a foreign country. Because we married, he received his green card. We lived with my mother, but moved across the street because he didn't want us to have children and not ...
A. 30 November 2014: After typing all that even you must see that he's using you, because it appears everyone else certainly does.
It's actually a blessing that he goes away for a month so I suggest you come up with an exit strategy and make the most of his absence.... (read in full...)
I sexted another girl ....
Q. I have been with my girlfriend 5 months now and i have really strong feelings for her but a while back i did something i'm not proud of...i sexted another girl.This is my first relationship so I don't know how things work or what could possibly ruin ...
A. 30 November 2014: If there is no other way she can find out, then I would just let sleeping dogs lie.
This confession would not be for her benefit but for yours. Your girlfriend has not been exposed to any diseases, you didn't get another woman pregnant and you'... (read in full...)
How do I sort this out if he's not talking to me?
Q. My bf of four yrs, last novemeber he moved away to work since then ive only seen him about 5 times this year, ive asked him many times if he was with somebody else and his reply was No.... anyway we have have always spoke on the phone or via text ...
A. 28 November 2014: I meant to include...if the car is registered to you, do NOT cancel the whole policy until you have it back in your possession. The last thing you need is to have an uninsured vehicle (in your name) involved in an accident. Not only would you incur ... (read in full...)
I told him I was a virgin, but left out lots of details
Q. Thanks in advance for your advice. 4 months ago I met an incredible man and we have been dating since. He is 23 and I'm 22. We have a great relationship and I can feel that he truly loves me. Both of us know we share something special and I don't ...
A. 28 November 2014: I third the advice already given. Being a virgin means you haven't had intercourse (it meant the same thing when I was a teenager and I'm 45 now), which you haven't.
It is inappropriate to volunteer or ask for excruciating details of past relation... (read in full...)
How do I sort this out if he's not talking to me?
Q. My bf of four yrs, last novemeber he moved away to work since then ive only seen him about 5 times this year, ive asked him many times if he was with somebody else and his reply was No.... anyway we have have always spoke on the phone or via text ...
A. 28 November 2014: I second Honeypie's advice to stop paying for the car insurance.
When you say 'his car' do you mean that he is the registered owner as well as the actual owner or is the car in your name but bought for him?
I'm not sure exactly how this... (read in full...)
Soon we will be in a LDR. So far one month together. Is it too soon to say "I Love you" ?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a month now. We started talking online and we talked for about two weeks before we met and we went on 3 dates before we started dating. He is an amazingly sweet guy, he makes me feel amazing, and I have nev...
A. 27 November 2014: Yes. Way too soon and I recommend you let him say it first. ... (read in full...)
My husband's explanation is not convincing. Is he cheating?
Q. Last night I was going through my husband's phone which he constantly updates and deletes stuff from. I happened to click on the "notes" and the only note I found was from a week ago. It said: "It was good seeing you today, I never knew how dazzling ...
A. 27 November 2014: I agree with Honeypie in that I think it's a crush at this point. The message says he didn't realise how dazzling the woman was outside work which means he hadn't, until recently, seen her outside of work. It was more formal and complimentary th... (read in full...)
I don't care about what he's done to me but he cant just abandon our child!
Q. Looking for some guidance on what to do here!! I have posted here before about this waster of a man I've spent the last 4 yrs with and I got some great advice. Just to quickly give u some back ground.. i'm 26. I've been with a man 14 years my seni...
A. 25 November 2014: When your child is born send him an email advising him. If he doesn't respond within a month (which is very generous) proceed as if he didn't exist. Don't follow up with him.
I understand preparing ahead of time and would normally agree but in t... (read in full...)
I don't care about what he's done to me but he cant just abandon our child!
Q. Looking for some guidance on what to do here!! I have posted here before about this waster of a man I've spent the last 4 yrs with and I got some great advice. Just to quickly give u some back ground.. i'm 26. I've been with a man 14 years my seni...
A. 25 November 2014: At 17 weeks, it's a bit early to be doing anything really, especially that which causes you so much stress and yields no rewards.
You can't force him to be involved in his child's life and maybe it's best for you and your child that he isn't, b... (read in full...)
I told him I wanted him out of my life but he won't move out
Q. I'm back, some of you probably read my firt question and i must say i got some great advice, so here we go again. Just a reminder of what i had going on, I had been questioning about if i had fallen out of love with my guy, after countless trips to ...
A. 23 November 2014: Have you told close friends and family what's been going on? If not, you should. It's exhausting having to be strong all of the time so don't isolate yourself.
Second, what would happen if you didn't tell him where you were going but simply s... (read in full...)
What word choice can I use while talking to my son about his father without really saying what my heart should say?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need some advice on my son's relationship with his father this man has never ever been in his life now that he is grown he still dont have much of a relationship with his son.How do I bring up the conversation with my son about his ...
A. 23 November 2014: Has your son asked any questions about his father or expressed any interest in him?
If he does I would be honest and matter of fact about him. Don't offer well intentioned but false assurances, but don't make a point of cutting him down either. ... (read in full...)
Is my daughter having a second affair?
Q. I am concerned about my daughter, I will give you some background information she has a child with her former friends dad who was married at the time. I don't need to say why they are no longer friends. This is all came out when the baby was born. I ...
A. 20 November 2014: My advice is to stay out of it completely and just enjoy your relationship with your daughter and your grandchild on its own merits. No one benefits from an estrangements and having a relationship with the two of them does not mean you endorse... (read in full...)
Is he horrible or mentally ill?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for two years and it was great for 6 months but then something horrible happened to me and I became extremely depressed. My partner helped me through that although at times it was awful, I didn't know if it was all my ...
A. 19 November 2014: He's an extremely horrible person.
He's probably not mentally healthy, but there is NO illness on earth that causes it's 'suffer' to abuse or exploit others. Please do not waste time or effort trying to get help for him. It would be very patroniz... (read in full...)
My husband and his family are pressuring me to visit them in Kurdistan!
Q. My husband is currently in kurdistan, iraq. We are supposed to be meeting up in turkey in a couple of weeks. Now he is pestering me to go to kurdistan as his family want to meet me. I dont wish to go there because of the situation in iraq. Kurdistan ...
A. 19 November 2014: Do NOT go. Anyone who pressures you to go anywhere near where there is war or civil unrest is a lunatic.
You're in a safe, stable country in a safe, stable region of the world and his family can't do much about it from there. If you feel this muc... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to understand that I can't text at work! How can I make it sink it?
Q. Is there any way I can stop my man being so needy? I love him to bits and he is everything I want in a partner but he's very clingy and dependant on me which is really starting to annoy me. He texts me all day every day. At his job he can. At my job ...
A. 19 November 2014: Look up 'Random Reinforcement'. As long as he's rewarded SOME of the time, he'll continue pestering you all of the time.
Then do yourself a favour and stop explaining this to him. The subtext (pardon the pun) is that your very reasonable need for... (read in full...)
How do I put this guy in his place? I need a good ultimatum line
Q. Hey Aunts So I have a crush on this guy for a while , back then he was mostly talking about his ex gf but the day his present gf came down (before that he referred her to me as an ex), he told me that they were just going to meet up and catch up....
A. 18 November 2014: It's just rubbish from a guy who thinks, or wants to think, he's profound and everyone else is an idiot.
He's probably just buying time, as you say.... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to understand that I can't text at work! How can I make it sink it?
Q. Is there any way I can stop my man being so needy? I love him to bits and he is everything I want in a partner but he's very clingy and dependant on me which is really starting to annoy me. He texts me all day every day. At his job he can. At my job ...
A. 18 November 2014: If your current understanding is that he can text you at work and you'll respond whenever you can, you might want to change that to NO texts while at work. And turn your phone off.
When you do turn on your phone and you get all those silly me... (read in full...)
Should I go and see him after nearly 2 years apart?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles I had a friendship with a man for just over 5 years. We were both in our late 40s (now early 50s) and divorced, so free and single. We slept together in the early months, but he stopped it because he wanted us to be friends...
A. 17 November 2014: Very good! I like your response.
Fingers crossed.
Thanks for the follow up. ... (read in full...)
I've had enough of my crazy mother in law
Q. My husband and I are in our first year of marriage and we had the opportunity to move hundreds of miles away from his family and his meddling mother. Yet she visits us almost every week-end! Now she's talking about moving to our city and I am at ...
A. 16 November 2014: She's already burned bridges with her own family and if she's as selfish as you say she is (and it sounds like she is) it won't matter what you say. In her mind, you'll be the bad guy (just like everyone else is so you won't be alone), so you might ... (read in full...)
I am heatbroken there was no compromise or compassion!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 weeks. Things were going so well until yesterday evening. He invited me to a wedding and I gladly accepted the invitation (the bride and groom wanted to meet me too) The wedding was a sunrise one so it ...
A. 16 November 2014: I see nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, as long as the boundaries are clear to all.
However if his behaviour toward female friends is virtually indistinguishable from his behaviour with a girlfriend and he sees nothing ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has only read about 50 of the 200 posts in my blog. What does this mean?
Q. I'm a writer who has a blog. It's a travel blog. I met this guy online about 6 months ago while I was travelling and we wrote to each other back and forth. Back then, he would read all of my posts, and write back with his take on them, what he ...
A. 16 November 2014: He is supportive of what you do, but he's not obliged to invest as much time pursuing YOUR interests as you do. How much time you devote to his hobbies is your choice and he's not obliged to match it.
200 is a lot of posts and if blog reading ... (read in full...)
Should I report this, I don't want to create problems or trouble?
Q. Hi, can I ask a question please? I am currently working as a housing Assistant, my superior is a married man 2x my age, he comes across flirty sometimes and stares at me all the time, like really it has been noticed by others. The other day he ...
A. 16 November 2014: Thanks for the follow up, OP, but just to clarify something...
When I warned against unwittingly encouraging more of it by polite laughing, I was speaking of the future. I do NOT think you invited or encouraged this, knowingly or un-knowi... (read in full...)
If there's another woman she doesn't deserve this either
Q. I have been with the same guy for six years. In this entire time we have gone out two times as a couple. Most of the time it's just the mattress mambo and nothing else. I have spoken to him about building a more solid relationship together over the ...
A. 16 November 2014: From what you've described it seems to me he's been cheating WITH you, not ON you.
You were never in a real relationship. He just called you when he wanted you for sex.
Soooo, the answer seems plain enough to me. You have nothing with him... (read in full...)
Should I report this, I don't want to create problems or trouble?
Q. Hi, can I ask a question please? I am currently working as a housing Assistant, my superior is a married man 2x my age, he comes across flirty sometimes and stares at me all the time, like really it has been noticed by others. The other day he ...
A. 16 November 2014: No doubt this will be considered impolitic of me, but I think it would be best if you handled this on your own instead of running to tell the teacher. I'd like to think grown women had more sophisticated problem solving strategies than 'I'm ... (read in full...)
He emailed a joke including pictures of naked women, and says I am over reacting!
Q. Hi All, I am a mature woman in her 60's i am in a relationship with a man and have been so for the last 7yrs. Well yesterday he sent me an e-mail containing a joke which i found quite funny, but along with it was 3 full frontal photo's of women...
A. 16 November 2014: I agree that it was tasteless of him, but I'm not sure what there is to be hurt about.
He probably wouldn't appreciate pictures of naked men, but I doubt he'd be HURT by them. He would either tell you not to send those anymore and leave it at th... (read in full...)
Can a man be happy with a slim girl when he really prefers BBW?
Q. My boyfriend is into pretty much only BBW / chubby porn, but won't just admit he fancies big girls. he says it gets him off but I just have a gut feeling he prefers big girls. None of his exes have been too chubby though and I am slim. Hi calls me ...
A. 16 November 2014: OP, there is a big difference between 'horny' and 'romantic attraction'. Porn satisfies the former.
I'm not surprised your boyfriend watches BBW porn but prefers more slender women in real life. This is quite normal really. ... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend think he's too old for me and is using my health issue as an excuse to end things?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months is a director of a company where he entertains potential customers at his house and as I am his partner he says that he expects me to come and help him, 3 weeks ago I had a IBS episode during one of these evenings and I said ...
A. 16 November 2014: I know it's difficult to accept that some people can be shockingly callous, but I'm afraid that's exactly what this guy is. I believe your sister is trying to soften the blow for you, but I really wouldn't read more into it.
It may not feel lik... (read in full...)
How do I put this guy in his place? I need a good ultimatum line
Q. Hey Aunts So I have a crush on this guy for a while , back then he was mostly talking about his ex gf but the day his present gf came down (before that he referred her to me as an ex), he told me that they were just going to meet up and catch up....
A. 16 November 2014: He already has proved it with his ongoing discussions and continued contact with his ex (including the sex which he made a point of telling you about).
You'd look rather foolish issuing an ultimatum, I'm afraid. If he were serious about you and ... (read in full...)
I think I'm being manipulated!
Q. I think I'm being manipulated. My husband's best friend is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. His wife was always cold with us. Their visits got rarer and rarer to the point that she stopped coming all together and he visited us alone...
A. 15 November 2014: Good! Glad we could help and thanks for the followup.
... (read in full...)
Communication is becoming impossible!
Q. She asks "Would you like a biscuit" - I answer "yes please, just one" - "but you normally have two" - "yes but I'm not hungry, just one would be nice" - "You don't like my biscuits ?" - "yes but I'm not hungry" - "I've spent all this time cooking ...
A. 14 November 2014: There is very little information to go on here, including your ages, but based on what you've submitted I'd say your wife was either a prepubescent child or grown woman who lacks the maturity to speak up and be clear about what's on her mind.
... (read in full...)
How long should no contact continue for her to make up her mind?
Q. Please, please help! Im going thru so much pain right now. Insecurity grew in me, i read her private messages, we ended up in a fight. I called her a lier and broke up. Please read, this why i read her private messages http://www.dea...
A. 14 November 2014: LMBO @ Sageoldguy's response. I was thinking something along those lines myself. Ok, back to your question, OP. the short answer is, in your case, I would give it one month from the last date of contact. Reading the background informa... (read in full...)
His family think I'm a gold digger! Should I go on this trip with them?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months now. I'm 22 and he is 38. I have met most of his family ( his dad,step mom, two of his sisters and a brother in law) all but one of his sisters were friendly to me but they all told him they don't think ...
A. 13 November 2014: I wouldn't go nor would I expect my boyfriend to go if the circumstances were reversed. It's an untenable situation.
You could tell him that his family's approval is important to you and you will not jeopardize it further by acting in a way that... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same since he admitted to a threesome
Q. What would you do/feel if you had a friend for whom you had feelings. You had started to get close physically and emotionally. Plans were made to meet up (we're living far apart now). But he tells you he got drunk and had a 3some with his friend and ...
A. 13 November 2014: If I had developed a special interest in someone I would not be hopping into bed with someone else and I DEFINITELY wouldn't tell the one I fancy about it. Not if I wanted to convince him my feelings for him were sincere and I was worth pursuing.
... (read in full...)
Text to an ex? I quit smoking!
Q. Ok so a guy I was seeing broke things off when he realised I smoked (really anti smoking as a close family member died) and he couldn't be with a smoker. A bit on I am thinking if sending him the below txt, thoughts? Hey, I just wanted to sen...
A. 13 November 2014: Kudos to you for quitting but no, I would not send that text nor any message like it. In it, you come across as trying too hard to win his approval. This suggests that your only reason for quitting was him which makes it unreliable.
And while I ... (read in full...)
My widowed mother is sleeping with a married man.
Q. I am a seventeen year old Indian girl. My father passed away in December 2013. Since February this year my father's best friend, Max, who is a married white man has been visiting us at least twice a week and sleeps over. He is a salesman for a large ...
A. 12 November 2014: I think you should leave well enough alone. Your mother is a grown woman and doesn't need to be taught any lessons by you. And you're old enough that you should not be traumatized by what's going on. I understand you may not like it, but I don't ... (read in full...)
Should I go and see him after nearly 2 years apart?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles I had a friendship with a man for just over 5 years. We were both in our late 40s (now early 50s) and divorced, so free and single. We slept together in the early months, but he stopped it because he wanted us to be friends...
A. 12 November 2014: I wouldn't agree to see him unless I knew it would be worth my while and anything less than 'I've had a change of heart. I've done nothing but think of you ever since we parted ways and I won't risk losing you again!' wouldn't be worth my while.
... (read in full...)
I think I'm being manipulated!
Q. I think I'm being manipulated. My husband's best friend is getting a divorce after 20 years of marriage. His wife was always cold with us. Their visits got rarer and rarer to the point that she stopped coming all together and he visited us alone...
A. 5 November 2014: You owe this woman nothing beyond common courtesy. Whatever her reasons for being cold and standoffish with you she had a decade in which to clear the air.
Tell your husband whatever you want, whenever you want. Tell her nothing. In fact take jus... (read in full...)
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