| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Is she interested or a flake?
Q. Hey there, I am recently out of a relationship and ready to start dating again. Went back online and met a cool girl who I really clicked with. We messaged a few times back and forth, exchanged numbers and text quite a bit. Before our first date s...
A. 10 July 2017: People can get sick or have a date crash with work. It happens. But it also says something about how much that person prioritizes a relationship over work/their threshold for cancelling is low.
I had to cancel a date once, because it collided... (read in full...)
Why is she so inconsistent with what she wants?
Q. I've been with this girl for about 8 months now. Everything has been good between us until about a month ago.. I moved in with her last month and now somethings are starting to bother me. She's very inconsistent with what she wants. She works...
A. 10 July 2017: I don't think they moved in too soon. If they hadn't moved in together, he would never have seen this new side of her. Now, instead of wasting years and years of his life on a relationship that will not go anywhere, he found out after only 8 months. ... (read in full...)
Does love happen when u stop looking for it?
Q. Has anyone had bad luck left and right in dating - I feel like I'm at my end of trying that I just don't know if there is such a thing if the universe aligning u with someone - I've tried online- abstinence - a one night stand - a relationship and ...
A. 9 July 2017: Yes. Breathe and think "what's mean to be will be". Really, life is something that happens to you, not something you choose. Well, for most of us anyway. We can not plan it. We have to just go along and see what's around the next corner.
Perha... (read in full...)
I've forgotten how to meet people!
Q. Ok I need advice, I'm a widow of 7 yrs, I was married for 27. I have forgotten how to meet people. seems the ones I do just want sex, Im not saying sex is a bad thing. but I want a relationship. Can anyone refresh me on how to meet people. ...
A. 6 July 2017: I would suggest you join a club of some sort, maybe for card games or dance or something else that you enjoy. Start with that. Then go online on dating sites. That is another excellent way to meet people these days. Very easy, simple, and you can do ... (read in full...)
I work while my husband stays home, he goes on vacation but I cant!
Q. A little over a year ago my husband left hos job because it was too stressful and demanding and became a househusband. I own our house, so no mortgage and extra espenses, and although our lifestyle has changed a bit- meaning that we try and save ...
A. 6 July 2017: Tell him what you wrote here to us. You told him it wasn't a good idea. That's NOT why you are upset. You are upset because he gets to do something fun, and you can't afford to join him, because you've been using all your "fun money" on bills and ... (read in full...)
How do I comfort a friend who learned he has herpes?
Q. One of my really close friends got genital herpes and I'm so in shock. He and I have had an on and off fling for a while, but never even kissed cause he's super all over the place. He's practically in love with me, I guess, but anyways that's ...
A. 3 July 2017: Just hear him out, let him talk, let him cry and wait for the shock to pass. Maybe even offer to be moral support when he goes to the doctor next? You could follow him there and wait for him and then you and him go somewhere to talk after?
It's ... (read in full...)
Why is my girlfriend so stubborn about her size and weight?
Q. Why is my girlfriend so stubborn about her size and weight? When we met she was in great shape, she used to wear nice dresses and clothes. However last few years because of her rubbish diet and lack of excersise its showing. I ignored it for 2 ...
A. 3 July 2017: You know what? I don't think this will ever change. This is how she is, she's the type of person who likes to complain, but doesn't ever do anything about it. It's time to decide if this is the type of person you want to spend your time with (let ... (read in full...)
What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?
Q. I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...
A. 2 July 2017: PS. I read your follow-up that you think this is all about money for them and getting things for free, and how you can not afford it. If your boyfriend wants to treat them, then that is on him to do so. His kids = his expense.
But an invitati... (read in full...)
What is the correct protocol for children that don't live at home and being invited out with us?
Q. I have a question for other blended families, I have two kids ages 12 and 7 and my fiance has two kids 22 and 18. The 22 and 18 year old live with their boyfriends and my children live with me and my fiance. Here is the question. When planning...
A. 2 July 2017: I think you are making this into a bigger problem than it is.
His kids are his kids no matter how old they are. You wouldn't think this way if it was your kids who were 18 and 22 and having moved out of home. You would have invited them along ju... (read in full...)
He groped me without permission during our first kiss!
Q. I'm 15 and I went hiking yesterday with my friend (he lives in another state, but he used to live in the state that I live in so we haven't seen each other in a while so we've been flirting over FaceTime and such) and I was tired so I needed to sit ...
A. 2 July 2017: It was your first kiss, but the way you describe it, it sounds like you believe there will be more kisses (you said "our" first kiss). I think you believe this is the start of a relationship. Unfortunately, I think this young man was just trying to ... (read in full...)
I am still breast feeding my school aged child
Q. I do not see a problem with this however I wondered what the general consensus would be .... I am breastfeeding an almost 7 year old? I am quite out spoken about breastfeeding but a side from close family and friends, no one knows that we are still ...
A. 2 July 2017: You should ask your doctor if there are any negative side effects as far as the development of your child goes. That would be my only concern. No, I don't know anyone who breast feeds that late, and in my unprofessional opinion I would think that ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be replaced by a vibrator .... again!
Q. I have a much higher sex drive than my wife. About 10 years ago I bought a vibrator for her. Everything was great and we used it a lot together when we had sex, and sex happened more frequently. After a while, she lost almost all interest in havi...
A. 2 July 2017: I don't think the vibrator replaces you. I think instead, your wife discovered she was able to masturbate, which is it's own separate department. I think that even if she was not masturbating, she would not have had more frequent sex with you. So I ... (read in full...)
I can't tell if I'm dating a really odd social butterfly or a man whore.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about four months. We spend most of our time together. I don't usually feel jealous or insecure about myself. I know I'm pretty and smart etc. So when I do feel insecure I tend to think it's probably ...
A. 30 June 2017: "Jack off to some porn rather then cheat and that's really nice of him"
That's really nice of him?
You have very low standards when it comes to men, in my opinion. That isn't "very nice of him", it's a douchebag thing to say. As if he's doing... (read in full...)
He always manages to bring up sex in a conversation. Is he just horny? Or does he want something from me?
Q. There is this guy I know. We are friends, but fairly new friends for the past 3 or so months. He is a really nice guy, very easy to talk to. Whenever we talk, he always tells me personal things about himself. I'm talking really personal things that ...
A. 30 June 2017: I think both. If he's always talking about sex, then his mind is all full of sex. So he's a horny guy and he wants to have sex with you.
I think I would tell him to cool it down with the sex talk. ... (read in full...)
How do I react to my boyfriends passive aggressive comments about fitness?
Q. I weigh 42kg. I used to be a previous model however always been naturally petite. My boyfriend has naturally a slow metabolism and he can gain weight quickly. While he does talk quite a bit about him getting fit as he's definitely on the ...
A. 29 June 2017: It sounds to me like his comments are a snide remark to HIMSELF and not to you. If you are thin, and even perhaps considered underweight, then why do you assume he talks about going to the gym because he wants YOU to work out? I am thinking he just ... (read in full...)
I'm always the gateway girl!
Q. OK, I don't know what I'm asking here, maybe hope from people in / or were in similar situations. Basically, long story short, I'm the gateway girl for guys to find true love/marriage/happily ever afters. I'v never had a relationship last lo...
A. 29 June 2017: It's typical. Just look at the girls they end up with. Are they by chance chubby and short/less attractive than you? It's typical, you see. Guys want to date and have fun with the model-type woman, who he can show off and brag about to friends. But ... (read in full...)
He wants to record us having oral sex and then send it to a friend?
Q. Been seeing a guy right, everything was great.. Until he asked me a few days ago to let him record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual place..to send to his guy friend! Is this relationship between them normal? Do guys do this with their ...
A. 29 June 2017: 44 year old guy wants to record him having sex with you (even if your face doesnt show).
Again. Yuck. Not normal. Run for the hills.
... (read in full...)
He wants to record us having oral sex and then send it to a friend?
Q. Been seeing a guy right, everything was great.. Until he asked me a few days ago to let him record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual place..to send to his guy friend! Is this relationship between them normal? Do guys do this with their ...
A. 28 June 2017: Yuck! Not normal. ... (read in full...)
Should I warn her it's showing?
Q. My wife is currently 7 1/2 months pregnant with our 1st child. For the last few months as she has gotten bigger, she has relied on leggings and yoga pants as her go=to wardrobe. She hasn't noticed yet that these are becoming increasingly tighter and ...
A. 28 June 2017: Buy her new, larger and comfy pants!
Tell her you don't want her to stretch out and ruin her favourite yoga pants for after delivery, she will probably want to wear them then too.
If she doesn't buy that excuse, you can tell her you noticed ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to wait but I'm frustrated
Q. My girlfriend doesn't want to have sex until she is married. She is a virgin. I am frustrated telling her how important sex is in relationship and how deeply emotionally we can be connected. She even used to give her ex bf liberty to have sex with...
A. 24 June 2017: Marry her. Problem solved.... (read in full...)
I want to be strong for him at this time of terrible grief, but how?
Q. My boyfriends brother died suddenly last week and it has hit the whole family hard. I am trying so hard to be strong for my boyfriend but every time I'm on my own I beak down in tears myself because I feel so sorry for him. He hasn't spoke much ...
A. 24 June 2017: You are allowed to cry. Being there for someone and being strong does not mean that you can't cry or be sad yourself. It just means that if they want a hug, you are there. If they want to talk, you are there. If they don't want it, and they pull ... (read in full...)
Is my pedicure cause for concern?
Q. I am not sure if I should be offended or not? But I AM!! I just got a pedicure and I love it. I like the colour. It is bright and summery. My boyfriend did not share my enthusiasm. He said pedicures with any colour draw attention to feet, and he ...
A. 23 June 2017: It was a mean thing to say. Your boyfriend is just a mean guy. I am telling you this bluntly, so that you can open your eyes to this fact and not go around fooling yourself that this will change.
I dated a man like that once. He was always f... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating lied he said he was 30, he's almost 44
Q. Aunts and uncles! Please help.. So I've been seeing a guy for 5 months, I'm 25 and he's 30.. Things are a bit rocky here and there, but today iced the cake. I seen a comment on Facebook and decided to Snoop... I see him address his 38 year old brot...
A. 23 June 2017: Deal breaker! This is a huge lie and you would be a fool to accept this treatment. He has show absolute lack of respect for you.... (read in full...)
A guy is visiting me from Europe, Should I be responsible for his accomodation and hotel bills?
Q. It's my first time online dating and I met a likable European guy. He is 28 and I don't expect him to have much money. I really like him and I was to visit him first but because of my work I can't at the moment. He decided to visit first. I live in ...
A. 22 June 2017: It is his cost. Same as if you would visit him and not stay at his house (or share his bed right away) then you should also pay your own hotel room. Offering private accomodation is not the same as paying for a hotel room.... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about marriage? children? He says he doesn't ever want to marry again
Q. Is it wrong to ask my boyfriend to think about having children and getting married? We both have a daughter each, and he has been divorced for the last 3 years officially. He is 10 years older then me, and we met while he was in the process of g...
A. 22 June 2017: He has made his intentions clear and you need to respect this and understand that he sincerely does not want to marry again. Accept this, or move on.... (read in full...)
I can't have sex too often because its so painful but my partner feels unattractive because of this
Q. I am 28 and have been with my partner for nearly nine years now. I get cystitis almost every time we have sex. I have had extensive tests to find out why without conclusion. It has been happening for six years. We have also tried everything to ...
A. 19 June 2017: Do you have other forms of sex than intercourse? As what you describe, your problems appear to only arise from intercourse. There are many other ways to have sex. With your situation being the one it is, you simply must acknowledge it and start ... (read in full...)
I don't want my g/f to go to the same college as me. It will ruin me making new friends and having my independence
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years of my life. This september I hope to go to university to study law. My girlfriend wasn't planning to go to university until 2 days ago when she moaned at me for not wanting to be with her through university ...
A. 18 June 2017: It really sounds like you are trying to get away from her. So do it the proper way: break up! Trying to avoid the breakup conversation by running away to universitety without her? Thats cowardly. Do this properly by breaking up.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wanted to use an old tube of lubricant during sex but I got upset because he's used it with previous partners. Am I being silly?
Q. Hi Everyone, So I have a bit of an awkward question, but genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting and too embarrassed too ask friends/family. So my boyfriend of 1 year has had a tube of lubricant in his drawer for a while, I noticed it a whil...
A. 18 June 2017: Dont be dramatic. Just simply tell him you dont feel comfortable using lubricant he used with an ex, and thats that. No need for fuzz. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to buy a cheap car instead of one I can actually afford
Q. So I'm in a conundrum. My bf and I have been dating on/off for 5 years. We were friends for years first before dating. Currently, we disagree on a car, to understand the struggle, a lil history is needed. In the very beginning of our relationship...
A. 18 June 2017: So you want to show off that you do better financially than your boyfriend? Sure, not your fault that your bf lost his job and is short on money. But you already kind of own his car (and do nothing but complain about it), and now you want yet ... (read in full...)
Worried he will drop me if I don't go further
Q. I am 14 and i have been in this relationship with this boy we have been dating for 3 months and i really like him. The thing is normally we would shift and kiss and all that but he said that he wants to top me this means to take off my shirt and ...
A. 15 June 2017: If he gets bored, then that means he doesn't like you. And you should never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't like you. Your job as a girlfriend is not to be his sex toy. If he wants to break up with you for not doing sexual things with ... (read in full...)
Recently diagnosed with HSV-1 and HSV-2, he tested himself and results were negative??
Q. So I have a few concerns about my current situation. To begin, I was having low back pain for about 5 months and I finally decided to go to the doctor to try to get it checked and maybe some relief medication. While I was there my PCP also did ...
A. 15 June 2017: He sounds really immature. You get sick and he doesn't want to touch you or kiss you? What a jerk. Sorry, I really do not approve of his behaviour or find it justifiable in any way. It's one thing to not want to enter a relationship with a person ... (read in full...)
My partner is making me feel bad for not letting him live with me permanently. What should I do?
Q. When I first met my partner, I explained in the first 3 months my views about living together before engagement. I explained that I have lived with an ex in the past and it didn't work, so therefore I want to wait until engagement before living ...
A. 15 June 2017: "he doesn't want to feel forced to commit just because he is looking for a place to live."
Well, duh, of course not. That would be a stupid reason to get engaged, just to have a place to live.
But lets see now, you are 30-35, and have been to... (read in full...)
I'd like to be there for my friend but I don'f feel comfortable with everyone assuming I'm the one to go to
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles, I'll try and keep this short and clear, or at least clear :) -this is a friendship question. Two years ago a new colleague came to the firm. She seemed positive, hardworking and nice. Since we live in the same neighb...
A. 15 June 2017: I think this questions headline was poorly formulated. This isn't about her "life choices", this is about her mental health issues. She didn't choose to be mentally ill any more than a person in a wheelchair chooses to be in a wheelchair.
Howev... (read in full...)
Should his life choices be a dealbreaker?
Q. I met a man at my job and we worked together a few months. I since have left the job because I got something better :) I never date co-workers but we did flirt a lot at the job. Only after I left did i agree to date him. He revealed to me a DUI he h...
A. 14 June 2017: Dealbreaker. He is an addict and weed DOES make you stupid.... (read in full...)
Do I stand my ground or make up with my mother?
Q. Hi folks. I'm in a bit of a predicament at the moment. I have my child's christening coming up this week and haven't invited my mother. Now I know that sounds awful but here's why (sorry for the essay) Basically all our lives my mum...
A. 14 June 2017: "I know I probably sound heartless and you may feel sorry for her"
No, you sound like the only sane person in a family of people so accustomed by being used by your mother, that they don't know any longer what is right and what is wrong.
"I h... (read in full...)
We meet just once a month for sex. This isn't a healthy relationship, right? Should I let him go?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about 9 months and he works full time. I only see him once a month and when I do see him it's only for sex. I understand that he has a crazy work schedule but once a month? We've had problems before because he was ...
A. 14 June 2017: Let him go. Sweetie, he told you flat out he doesn't want a committed relationship, and his actions of disappearing suddenly and then only seeing you once a month, it really says it all about how interested he is in this "relationship".
I say... (read in full...)
Six years together and she doesn't want to commit
Q. My girlfriend of six years can’t commit. She doesn’t want to be tied down. She lives in my house but only pays towards the services – gas, electricity etc. She pays nothing towards household items but does buy some of the food. I can’t get her ...
A. 13 June 2017: It sounds like you've gotten yourself a room mate who loves to live for free.
She's clearly not in this relationship. Doesn't want a future with you, doesn't even want to plan a holiday. She doesn't want to move either, of course, because ... (read in full...)
Why would a man decide, at the last moment, to not use a condom in this way?
Q. my partner and i was about to have sex and he went to get a condom. When he got it he was playing with the packaging for a few seconds and put the condom to the side. why? After having sex he started to play with that condom again before putti...
A. 13 June 2017: I don't get the question. Why he was playing with a condom? Was he about to put it on, or he likes to play with it while you have sex? I don't get it. If he's not going to use it, then ok, fine, but maybe he was just trying to decide if he wants to ... (read in full...)
I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?
Q. Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...
A. 11 June 2017: I have to second Cindy here, as a European who has seen weddings in several European countries too, I have to say that black is not worn at weddings. It is seen as highly inappropriate. Even full length dresses are actually not appropriate unless ... (read in full...)
Is it right for me to settle for this man?
Q. I am dating this guy he is a friend who has loved me for years. I love him as a person but am not sexually attracted to him. I have a list of reasons for staying and a list for leaving I want people's opinions: staying: He really likes me a...
A. 11 June 2017: I don't even need to read your list. You are not sexually attracted to him. That's enough, don't need to know more. It's a no go. Not sexually attracted = nothing more than friendship.
Cut him loose and find someone else who offers the full pac... (read in full...)
Why can't my wife understand my need to cross-dress? Why is she so upset that I wore her clothes?
Q. My wife knows I am a crossdresser so why was she so angry at me when I came home the other night. I was completely dressed, with a full make over, my eyebrows plucked super thin with a high arch in them and my ears pierced. She said she knows t...
A. 10 June 2017: Did you ask her? ... (read in full...)
I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?
Q. Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...
A. 5 June 2017: All things aside, dont ever wear black in a wedding. Its poor etiquette as black is the colour for funerals, and is seen to mean you wish the couple bad luck, if you wear black at their wedding. White is also to be avoided, as that symbols you want ... (read in full...)
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