| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Fake Profile...
Q. Hello all.. Last week, I had went against better judgement and "tested" my boyfriend with a fake profile. (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-fell-for-the-the-fake-profile.html) Although he did message back and forth a bit, he didn't...
A. 24 February 2011: I'm sorry, but you are not in the position to be asking 'how do I know when he's had enough space'. no, you didn't kill his mother, or cheat on him. But you created a fake profile and lied to him about it all with no proof of any cheating or ... (read in full...)
Is it okay that he's going swimming with other girls?
Q. Just a general question Is it okay for me to feel a bit insecure about my boyfriend going swimming with other girls? Say 5 girls, 3 boys. Im not too sure why im bothered about it seeing as i dont believe anything would happen at all. Just make...
A. 23 February 2011: I think it's perfectly fine. There are other boys there too, so it's not like anything can really happen. Perhaps you're not as trusting as you'd like to be?... (read in full...)
Please help... how do I get my life back on track???
Q. Before I begin, let me apologize in case I sound like a complete baby. My life is nothing but a huge mess lately, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it so I thought I'd turn here for some advice. I guess it all started when I transferred to a ...
A. 23 February 2011: There is a time in everyone's life where they make mistakes, and the only option is to just come clean (I've been there). I think you've now reached that moment, and it's very important that you reach out to your parents and tell them what is ... (read in full...)
How can I regain self confidence so she'll be excited by me like she used to be?
Q. My wife and I have been having issues in the bedroom, she's "not sexually excited" by me anymore. We discussed the idea of sleeping with other people on a trial basis to see if we liked it. We both love and trust each other very much and so we ...
A. 23 February 2011: This marriage has been blasted apart. When you have a problem, the last thing on earth you should do is start sleeping with other people. Now she's done it, and may not want to stop. And it's clearly had a major effect on you.
The fact that she ... (read in full...)
How can I prove to him they were just friends so that he believes me?
Q. Hi me and my boyfriend were together for more than 6 months, he was the perfect guy and I know I cant find someone like him anymore. The other day he was looking through some pic on my phone just randomly. but I showed a reaction that he got ...
A. 23 February 2011: He dumped you by text? And you think you won't find anyone better? I bet you a million pounds you will. To add to that, he's also said that he can't trust you.
I actually think that he might have been telling you the truth when he was saying he w... (read in full...)
Is this a good way to find out whether your male friend is sexually attracted to you?
Q. I used to be very naive when it comes to guys... I used to think that all of my guy friends genuinely want to be my friend (just friends/platonic one) when they told me,"hey,we are friends"...but once,when a guy friend of mine got drunk(a little bit ...
A. 23 February 2011: Being drunk with a man to see how he feels is often one of the worst things that can happen. Because he won't fancy you, or feel anything about you - he'll have beer goggles on and see what he wants to see. He could profess his love to you twenty ... (read in full...)
He is sooo important to me. Should I wait for him?
Q. so I was in a relationship with my best friend for almost 4 months, in which it was beginning to get pretty serious. about 3 weeks ago we got in a fight because I "flipped out" on him but it was a huge whole misunderstanding.. and from then on we ...
A. 23 February 2011: There are three major issues here, that in my opinion make your relationship unworkable.
1 - He is seriously looking at his own life, and is very much hinting that he wants to be alone to work on himself. That means that even if you did get back... (read in full...)
How can he go home and not feel guilty after being with me?
Q. I just wonder why a man doesn't feel bad when he is cheating on his wife? I have been with a married man recently who claims he has no problems in his marriage, but he chooses to sleep with me. I know what some of you will say about me, but my ...
A. 23 February 2011: He does it because you allow it. It's a two way thing. No, he doesn't feel guilt - at all. But you don't appear to feel guilt knowing that you're involved with a married man.
A man like this will take what he can get, where he can get it, with whoe... (read in full...)
He drunk dialled me one night. Should I mention it to him or just let it go?
Q. So this actually happened a couple weeks ago, but it's still on my mind. One of my friends who I went to middle school with drunk dialed me one night (with texts). He really expressed his feelings, and that was the second time he's done that. He ...
A. 23 February 2011: Let him go. If he can't tell you how he feels when he's sober, and follow it up with worthy actions, then he's a waste of time.... (read in full...)
Has my teacher got feelings towards me? Or is he just being nice?
Q. I've reposted this question to hoping to get more answers I know you’re all going to think I’m being childish here, but please hear me out. I’m 18, and very mature for my age. Last year, I met my college lecturer, and we hit it off straight away...
A. 23 February 2011: His behaviour is actually very predatory - not a good sign at all for you if you fancy him, because this sort of guy will take you in, chew you up and spit you out.
First of all, he's a teacher. That means that the hair flicking/touching is not ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend at uni 200 miles away and I rarely see him...
Q. My boyfriend moved to uni, 200 miles from me.. ever since his been down ther ive always asked him to come down or ill go down to him.. its been 5months since he left and in that time ive only seen him twice... ive spoken to him about this and h...
A. 23 February 2011: Both posts below are correct. You have lost your boyfriend, and you are already growing closer to this 'mate'. Seems like the time has come for you to move on.... (read in full...)
I'm at a loss and stuck between my boyfriend and my future!
Q. I am 25 have been with my 28 year old boyfriend for a total of 6 years, (we dated for 3 years, broke up for a year, and have now been back together for almost 3 years). Most of the relationship has been long distance, as I was going to school in a ...
A. 23 February 2011: I would say, that aged 25 and given that you have this opportunity, you would do better to take the job. I also think that if you don't accept this job, you will feel crap if aged 30 you are still working at Subway when you know in your heart you ... (read in full...)
He sort of cheats with dirty talk with girls fhrough emails, what should I do??
Q. Hi All, I've been with my boyfriend for about 9months now. In this time i have caught him chatting up girls via email (randoms and old friends). We got through this and all was fine and i thought he had changed but recently he left his email ac...
A. 22 February 2011: You need to dump him. Face facts - the guy is a liar and a cheat. He sits there telling you one thing, then blatantly goes behind your back and tells a load of women loads of different things. And how can you be sure he's not met them? After all, he ... (read in full...)
I am 15, 5'4", and weigh around 114 lbs., would this be normal?
Q. Is it normal to be 15, 5' 4" and weigh 113-114.5 lbs? I was reading some articles, and most girls my age and height, weighed 120-130lbs. Am I underweight? I don't even look that skinny! I have a small stomach and med-thick thighs. My aunt even tol...
A. 22 February 2011: I don't think you need to worry at all. Your body is still going through a lot of changes, and it will be a few years before you know whether there is a specific problem. You sound like a normal girl. ... (read in full...)
How do I attract the boys who I am like?
Q. First off I am 15 going on 16 in a couple weeks, and I'm weird when It comes to the 'type' of boy I like. I either like Tall, lanky kind of boys or short-ish chubby boys. Oh, and they must have decent taste in music, and have a sense of humor. I...
A. 22 February 2011: I agree that you would be better asking one out. ... (read in full...)
My wife won't let me move on!
Q. My wife and I separated 3 years ago when our son was 2. She was caught cheating and I left our home. Almost a year ago I met a woman who took my breath away. She was in the process of divorce and we became best friends. 4 months later our ...
A. 21 February 2011: I would STRONGLY urge you to speak to a lawyer about where you stand with the law. Even if you can't get custody (not sure about that), you should be able to get visitation rights since you were allowed to be a father in the first place! Get a ... (read in full...)
I really want this horse, should I go with my gut?
Q. Hello Everyone, I'm hoping to get a horse in June and I have found this gorgeous Mare who is 6 years old. I'm definitely getting a horse in June and I'd love for her to be the one. I haven't ridden in a while but I can build up on it once I get my...
A. 21 February 2011: I have limited experience with horses (the most I ever did was feed one). But the arguments your parents have put forward could apply to anything if re-worded slightly.
i.e.
Yes, a course could throw you, but so could any other horse! Or a car co... (read in full...)
Should I simply give him time?
Q. I have been chatting with the boy I like for three or four weeks, I told him what my feelings were and now he doesn't text me so often, he told me he just wants to be my friend and doesn't want to hurt me. When he sees me at school he always says ...
A. 21 February 2011: I'm actually sorry this guy doesn't like you - because he sounds like and honest, decent guy. Fortunately, he's not the only one out there, so don't get disheartened.
He has been totally honest with you, and has shown you a lot of respect. You spok... (read in full...)
What defines a soul mate and how can you tell who is likely to be a soul mate?
Q. I always believed there was a person out there for everyone but after my gf of 2 years who was the love of my life and I broke up I have sort of lost faith in relationships and am quite weary to get into another one in the near future. What do you ...
A. 21 February 2011: I believe that you meet people in your life who you either connect with, or you don't. I don't believe in definitive 'soulmates'.
There's more than one person out there who you will connect with in your life. When you find out, and you make it work... (read in full...)
We have been through so much recently. Is this just our relationship being tested?
Q. My BF and I broke up about a month ago over several issues that have existed in our relationship for quite some time. During our relationship, we broke up a couple of times, but have managed to work through them, talk it out and re-build our ...
A. 21 February 2011: I think your relationship is over, to be honest. I believe that for a couple to truly make it work, they can't consistently be breaking up then trying to mend it.
You've got an on/off relationship with this guy in truth. You get together, then when... (read in full...)
A friend a mine has given me a second ultimatum! I feel she is crossing the line. What do you think?
Q. Okay, I'm embarrassed to even be posting this. It's sad that middle age people have to even indulge in the following behavior. Let me explain: I have a friend who we will call Sue. Sue and I have been friends for over 2 years. We met online and h...
A. 21 February 2011: Face facts - Sue has major mental problems to seriously say she will cut contact with you over someone else. I know that I'd not listen to that ultimatum and find better friends (perhaps not ones on the internet! - they are known to be unstable). Be ... (read in full...)
Is it realistic to ask him to wait?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months officially and we've known each other for a little over 2 years. We stupidly used the "pull out" method for a while and I no longer want to take the risk. He hates condoms and wants me to get on b...
A. 21 February 2011: As Cerberus says - your body, your choice. I think you need to pay attention to the fact that this guy's only really interested in ejaculating inside you, and little else. Seems to me like he's only with you for that. ... (read in full...)
Met with an ex from 15 years ago and he was totally rude?
Q. my ex left me for another woman 15 years ago. years later i was thinking of him and looked for him on fb and found him, we started chatting and we were talking about our passed and much we liked it and what could have been and what not. At one point ...
A. 21 February 2011: What happened was you were not focused! You let the idea of an ex having changed come into your mind, and you have paid the price. He left you for another woman 15 years ago, and 15 years later, he's the same man.
Worryingly, you now appear to be t... (read in full...)
Can I still have children?
Q. hi is it possible to have children if you have been treated for candidas?...
A. 21 February 2011: With anything like this, I would always recommend speaking to a doctor. Only a trained professional will be able to answer this properly for you. Hope it works out. ... (read in full...)
I lied about my photo and don't understand the guy's response
Q. I've recently been talking to this guy and I lied to him about my picture. I finally came clean and and he said to me "I'm disappointed in you, but I don't know if I can be." what exactly does that mean? ...
A. 20 February 2011: He's weighing up in his mind whether you are worth the risk, or whether you will continue to lie to him. ... (read in full...)
What are the chances of getting pregnant through fingering?
Q. My boyfriend and I had sex the first time together last weekend. We were quite drunk and I don't remember a lot about it. Last night he confessed that he was really worried as he remembered fingering me with cum on his hands. We used a condom but ...
A. 20 February 2011: Yes, there is a chance. As soon as you can, get tested. ... (read in full...)
Is a 4-year age gap too big?
Q. I like a guy who is about 4 years older (I'm about 13 and a half and he is 18). We get on well and have a laugh (I've known him for 5 years) but i want it to go further. I see him every week at his football club (he plays in the same team as my ...
A. 20 February 2011: I would say at your age, it's far too young. I would be concerned about an 18 year old wanting to go out with a 13 year old. You are, with the greatest of respect, under age and perhaps not ready for all the things an 18 year old would want. You ... (read in full...)
How can I ask out a guy who already has a gf?
Q. I really like this guy, but he has a girlfriend. And he doesn't even know that I feel this way about him. I want to ask him out but I'm terrified to do it because I don't want it to be awkward if he turns me down. Also, I don't want him to be ...
A. 20 February 2011: If he already has a girlfriend, then you WILL be turned down and it will be awkward. Don't ask him. ... (read in full...)
My husband gave his blessings for my having an affair. Opinions?
Q. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have to think so hard about this, but I'm in a predicament...I'm married to a wonderful and kind and loving and a man who thinks the world of me and an acquaintance friend of ours (we're all the same age)wants to get toge...
A. 20 February 2011: 1 - Your husband does care really, but wants to make you happy. If this is the case, this affair will destroy him, and your marriage.
2 - Your husband wants you have an affair because he will use it against you (have one himself or some... (read in full...)
My friends say I have to move fast or I'll lose this guy
Q. am 15 years old and have just fallen in love with a handsome guy.we've been in love for 3 months,but haven't had sex yet.my friends tell me i must move fast,or else l'll lose him.we have never talked about sex.what must i do?is he going to dump me ...
A. 20 February 2011: He won't dump you if he cares for you that much. Forget what your friends have said - they no nothing about relationships.
A relationship isn't just about sex - it's about loyalty, trust, care, affection, mutual goals, respect AND sex. You are doin... (read in full...)
My girlfriend slept with some guy from her office. I feel I deserve better,should I forgive her?
Q. Hai my girlfriend and i have being dating for 3 years and wants to have sex, well am a virgin i am 23 and want to wait till we get married, am so commited to her, but recently found out she has being sleeping with some guy at her office she said it ...
A. 20 February 2011: I would agree with the post below completely.
You and this girl seem to have totally different beliefs and values when it comes to sex.
You are a virgin and want to wait for marriage.
She isn't a virgin, didn't want to wait and cheated.
R... (read in full...)
Please help me, have I lost my mum and dad?
Q. Hi, I am really quite down and need some advice regarding the relationship with my parents. My parents came to spend xmas with me in Germany and it was difficult work having them with me, my dad is one of these people who has to be doing somet...
A. 20 February 2011: If there's one thing I really don't like, it's emotional blackmail by parents towards children. In my opinion, it doesn't get much lower. I actually find it disturbing that your parents would put you in this position, and I actually think that it ... (read in full...)
Screwed up by sending a stupid text accusing him of being a player & a cheater
Q. A co-worker started flirting with me at a Christmas party. After quite a few drinks, we ended up going home together. I though I wouldn't hear from him but I did. He texted me every day for 2 weeks - some of the stuff was very romantic, like he'd ...
A. 17 February 2011: This guy's a player, pure and simple.... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but says he loves me back?
Q. OKay so there is this guy i am in LOVE with, and he knows it. But he has a gf, but he says he loves me back. And im obsessed with him and i cry everynight and i need him. any suggestions??...
A. 17 February 2011: Don't believe a word he says.
If a man has a girlfriend, then he's spoken for. him telling you he loves you is utterly meaningless, and a lie. What this man is probably after is a quick thrill which will make you feel like crap afterwards, and ruin... (read in full...)
I snooped through my boyfriend's facebook and I wish I hadn't!
Q. I've done something really stupid. Something which I've emphatically discouraged people from doing on DearCupid so many times because it only ever turns out badly. I snooped through my boyfriend's facebook and surprise surprise - it turned out ...
A. 17 February 2011: Whilst I also agree that snooping is never really a good idea, once again you've proved that it can sometimes get results.
I'm afraid you DO know how he feels. And there are two problems here that are an indication of what this man is like.
1 - H... (read in full...)
I can't change her mind but it seems like my actions are not getting results
Q. My girlfriend and mother of our to children moved out four weeks ago. The reason as far as I know is that I wasn't there for her. I've been trying so hard in the last four weeks to show that I'll do anything to right the wrongs in our lives. I know ...
A. 17 February 2011: No. Keep trying. 4 weeks is still too soon for her to be able to make a decision. That's a pretty short time, and if you weren't 'there', she will want to know you're willing to stick it out. This is something that will take quite a few months ... (read in full...)
How can I find out if boyfriend is watching porn?
Q. Other than the history, how can you find out if porn is being viewed on the internet? or webcams being viewed? boyfriend vows that he hasn't been watching it anymore, but how can I be sure? He lives with me and uses my computers, I have thought ...
A. 17 February 2011: If you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. And as the post at the bottom says, trackers and loggers are illegal (count as hacking). ... (read in full...)
Am I out of line expecting more out of my mate?
Q. Me and my fiance are having problems ever since I asked her to marry me. First it was the ring, she wants something bigger and more expensive. Its hard for me because I am unemployed. Second she constantly points out things that are wrong and things ...
A. 17 February 2011: I'm afraid her response says all you need to know about her. Quit drinking and dump her and move on. ASAP. ... (read in full...)
I still love my girlfriend, but she has cheated on me twice and doesn't seem to regret it!
Q. My girlfirend has cheated on me twice now and she doesn't seem to regret her actions. The last time she cheated, I found them together. When I spoke with her about the issue, she took the other guy's side. What should I do because I still love her?...
A. 16 February 2011: Why on earth are you still with a woman who sided with the guy she cheated with? That's like going to sleep with a snake in your bed. This girl offers you nothing at all. Not anything. Get away from her. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend falsely accuses me of cheating, but I think he's the one who is being dishonest! What do you think?
Q. Hi,and thanks for reading. My bf and I have been together about 3 years now. Throughout our relationship, he has accused me of being with other men. I’ve never been disloyal to him, so there’s no reason he should feel as though I am cheating on ...
A. 16 February 2011: I agree with the post below, and with you OP. There's a lot of stuff here that sounds suspicious. You need to do some serious digging to find out what's happening. ... (read in full...)
Do I ask her too many questions?
Q. I'm currently becoming very close and developing feelings for a lady older and more experienced than me. She is 32, me 26, I am a virgin, she has had 2 long relationships, I have never had one, she is the first girl i have ever had deep feelings ...
A. 16 February 2011: I myself am dating an older woman. When we first met and got to know each other, she said to me that she'd answer anything except anything to do with her past. I agreed to that. We've been happy for 2 years, and I don't care about her past at all. ... (read in full...)
Am I out of line expecting more out of my mate?
Q. Me and my fiance are having problems ever since I asked her to marry me. First it was the ring, she wants something bigger and more expensive. Its hard for me because I am unemployed. Second she constantly points out things that are wrong and things ...
A. 16 February 2011: If she's expecting bigger diamonds, dinners out (even though you ask), you to spend all that time with her family but not with yours etc whilst you're unemployed, can you imagine what it will be like when you do get a job.
Face facts here - this... (read in full...)
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