| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Do people put too much weight on the institution of marriage, and too little value on the PERSON they marry?
Q. I sometimes worry when I see a young person "pushing" for marriage, and seeing marriage as the ultimate goal in a relationship, while worrying little about the "issues" that exist within the relationship and on building a healthy relationship and ...
A. 16 March 2011: I agree with GeeGee, this is worthy of an article, rather than a shorter post. ... (read in full...)
Would you rather be single, or with someone you don't know is lying to you about having cheated on you?
Q. Is it better to be alone or in a relationship with someone who has betrayed you in the past by cheating, and who continues to lie about having been faithful and committed throughout the relationship? Is it true that what you don't know, can't really ...
A. 15 March 2011: I would rather be single, and try to find someone else. ... (read in full...)
I know someone is cheating so do I say something?
Q. If your brother's fiancée is cheating, do you get involved? How many times do you say something before you start keeping it to yourself or do you continue to let your brother know what she is up to? ...
A. 14 March 2011: Normally, I'd tell anyone thinking about getting involved in something like this to stay out and let things run naturally. But I know that if my girlfriend was cheating and my sister knew, I'd want her to tell me. The guy being screwed here isn't ... (read in full...)
Is he contemplating having children with me?
Q. Hi. I've been dating this wonderful man for 5 months now. He has 2 children from a previous relationship. We are discussing having a future together and the issue of children has come up. He is not for it nor against it, the same as me. Lately he ...
A. 14 March 2011: The only person who would be able to answer that is him. What he said could go either way. He could be thinking about having kids with you, or he could be telling you to brood over them because he's against having more. What he has said is too ... (read in full...)
She said she'd be my girlfriend if she was single...which she's not
Q. Falling in love with your best friend is usually a bad ending waiting to happen right? But what if she already told you that she would say yes if you asked her out? hen am I good to ask her out? should I go for it now? I need some help. She is my be...
A. 14 March 2011: You stand back. This kind of behaviour is usually a sign of someone out to play you. I wouldn't trust anyone who said to me "I'd go out with you if I was single". It means you're second best, or just a spare in case things go wrong. You're worth ... (read in full...)
She doesn't show much interest, should I just give up?
Q. I have a girl I am trying to get with still. I compliment her as much as I can, not trying to score points but of genuine belief, she often says I am 'crazy, mad' etc etc. I have still persisted, but today for some reason I have snapped, I haven't ...
A. 14 March 2011: I would give up at this point. You've really given it all you can, but it just seems like she's not really interested, or is just trying to have her cake and eat it at her pleasure. Don't bother wasting time holding back, because that'll only stop ... (read in full...)
Cheated, broke up, and unable to move on
Q. I was in a wonderful relationship for over a year and we were really deep in love with one another. Then one day I went for coffee with a guy I used to love and we slept together. I told my boyfriend right after that happened. He decided a week ...
A. 14 March 2011: I think if you're still feeling this bad after a year, the time has probably come for you to speak to a doctor about your depression. There's obviously a lot going on in your head, and I don't think you're strong enough to deal with it alone ... (read in full...)
B/f won't give up option of being able to see photos of girl he cheated with
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. For four months, he cheated on me with a good friend of mine, and lied about it even when I asked about it. When I first found out about it, we agreed to stay together, but he told me that he ...
A. 14 March 2011: You're mad for wanting to stay with a guy who cheated, lied about it, continue to see the girl and will do anything to continue to have contact AND says he loves her!
When someone cheats, they don't get to set the rules. You do. But you've let him ... (read in full...)
Girlfriends drinking is causing protective services to get involved with our daughter
Q. im 24yr male my girlfriend is 23 and we have been together for 2years but 3months into our relationship she became pregnant we both love eachother it was abit of a shock but we both agreed to stick by eachother, at this time she was living with her ...
A. 13 March 2011: You're not in the middle. Your first priority is your child, that's it. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriends drinking is causing protective services to get involved with our daughter
Q. im 24yr male my girlfriend is 23 and we have been together for 2years but 3months into our relationship she became pregnant we both love eachother it was abit of a shock but we both agreed to stick by eachother, at this time she was living with her ...
A. 13 March 2011: Right now, what is best for your daughter is for you to take custody and be a father. Your girlfriend is not in any fit state to be a mother, and won't be until she has dealt with her own problems. For social to get involved, realistically her ... (read in full...)
Males: What's your ideal woman look like?
Q. Hello everyone, Do men prefer a clever, curvy, brunette or a skinny, clever, blonde? Males veiw . . . Thanks everyone...
A. 13 March 2011: I've dated clever, curvy, brunette, skinny, blonde - so that's your list completed.
I've also dated tall, short, big boobed, small boobed, long legs, shorter legs with a long body, long hair, shorter hair, redheaded etc etc.
Point is? Men will... (read in full...)
My new date is fabulous, but has an excessive dope smoking problem. Please help!!
Q. Hello All, Please can you advise me on the following. I have recently met a new guy. He has alot going for him. He;s kind, thoughtful, generous, attentive, and can offer me the stabiltiy I am looking for. We have been on four dates, and all is going ...
A. 13 March 2011: Please think very carefully, and go back to the time you were dating the alcoholic. You KNOW very well what an addiction does, and you know that even if someone has all those qualities, the addiction can take them over, and worse still take you... (read in full...)
Should I return to my marriage?
Q. I'm interested knowing what others think I should do here. My wife and I have been separated for 8 months now. For a year prior to the separation I tried to get her to go to a marriage counselor with me. She only went a couple times; I went ...
A. 13 March 2011: I seem to remember that you posted here some time ago when your wife wasn't receptive, and you were. Straight up, good job for not going back at the time and good job for standing up and doing your own thing. Takes guts, and there are a lot of ... (read in full...)
Whenever we have a fight, he breaks up with me, and then comes back after I contact him. How do I stop this cycle?
Q. Well I have been dating this guy for about a month. I have never met a guy who shares the same interests as me, and for the most part we get along. As soon as there is a fight he breaks up with me, and tells me he doesn't want to be with me and so ...
A. 13 March 2011: Look, there is no point in you telling us not to answer about how he's a 'bad guy'. Because, face facts, he is. And before you stop reading, I am a guy, and I know how we think. I know how he'll be thinking. You have been dating for one month, o... (read in full...)
Signals from my ex -- what would you do?
Q. My ex girlfriend is sending me some very weird signals. She and I have been broken up for over a year now and she's got a boyfriend. In the meantime, I've been taking full advantage of the single, college life. There's only one place to go ...
A. 12 March 2011: I just wouldn't trust her. Think about it, she was there kissing you last Thursday - when she had a boyfriend. So she cheated. If she cheated on him, she'll do it to you. Don't trust her. ... (read in full...)
I've never had a boyfriend, but wondering about giving this guy a chance?
Q. I'm 20 and never had a boyfriend. I really want one, all my firends have 1 and I hate being single.It drives me mad when all my firneds talk about weddings and babys but I was planning to go travelling and do lots of fun things and not ready to ...
A. 12 March 2011: Your post is actually one that should be turned into an article, because it shows exactly the problem with being underconfident about yourself. You're a great girl, you're a model, you've got so many things going for you right now. But...yo... (read in full...)
Should I help the woman next door?
Q. I'll keep this as short as possible. My neighbors are wonderful people. He is very ill and wheelchair bound from MS and another debilitating disease. Last night his wife came onto me, she wants me because as she put it, she feels safe with me. I ...
A. 12 March 2011: This is a very bad idea - imagine for one second that this man finds out his wife has done the dirty on him? Worse, with the man from next door. That would probably do for him. Or he'd agree to her seeing you, and be massively hurt and totally ... (read in full...)
Signals from my ex -- what would you do?
Q. My ex girlfriend is sending me some very weird signals. She and I have been broken up for over a year now and she's got a boyfriend. In the meantime, I've been taking full advantage of the single, college life. There's only one place to go ...
A. 12 March 2011: The very fact she hasn't mentioned her boyfriend is the reason you should avoid. She's either just teasing you purposefully, or she's after playing you in which case you'll never be able to trust her anyway. I would really avoid someone like this - ... (read in full...)
Am I right in breaking up with my bf, the father of my unborn baby, after what he's done?
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I had a fight. My step sister said why would any one want to f**k an Australian girl? Then he says, "I f**ked a European girl. "You know who it is, baby," he told me. And then earlier in the car he told me that he d...
A. 12 March 2011: He sounds a bit mental to me. You should really leave him.... (read in full...)
Am dating my ex again...and I'm not sure if this is a good idea.
Q. I was dating a guy for 4 months and he broke up with me. That was about a month ago but we've started seeing each other more casually since...I definitely missed him and I guess he missed me too. Anyway, he started up his computer and I saw a pi...
A. 12 March 2011: I have the same feeling as you, OP. I think it's a mistake to be going back to this guy casually. I actually think he's a total liar - even though I have little proof. I think he has been looking for other girls, hence the reason he dumped you to ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my frustratingly uncommunicative husband?
Q. Should I leave my husband? We have been together 26 years but since i retired on health grounds 3 years ago and he took early retirement, the small cracks that have always been there have opened up into great big craters. He's not a bad man, he's ...
A. 12 March 2011: I have to agree with the post below.
Realistically, a marriage cannot ever work without communication and compromise. They're fundamental steps in any good marriage. Ignoring these issues, as your husband does, is a sign of a man who has no clue... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but talks about me!
Q. I hv been friends with this guy for two years but the 1st year we weren't close as we are today.we spent a lot of tym together,when we are together everyth just seems awkward.i really feel secure when he is around.i think he likes me too because he ...
A. 12 March 2011: If he has a girlfriend, all those things mean nothing, because they could all be lies, or you could be seeing more than he is. Really, you shouldn't read much into this, or you could wind up being hurt. ... (read in full...)
Justified in my divorce request?
Q. I have been with my husband for a little over 4 years, married almost 3 years now. When we are alone together, everything is great. We enjoy each other's company and can chat for hours. However, I know he fits only into one aspect of my life -- he ...
A. 12 March 2011: I think you should seriously consider leaving him actually - but not because you're right. Far from it. This is a very shallow excuse for wanting to dump someone. You're treating him like some fashion accessory, rather than a man you're supposed to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 4 years hit me and I feel desperate, please help!
Q. My bf hit me because I made a bad comment about his mum because I was angry. He hit me, spat on me, told me he hated me and didn't want me, he even said he couldn't get his p**** up for me because he didn't want me. He has said all these things ...
A. 12 March 2011: Your problems are big enough - and they'll get bigger. Either he will do it again, or at some point social services are going to come to your house and take your kid away because she's in an unsafe situation.
You really need to get away from this... (read in full...)
Is he needy and hard to please?
Q. im a 30 year old professional female,i met a guy through work who is older than me and divorced (hes 48) i didnt find him physically attractive but after asking me out a few times i agreed,got on well and formed a relationship and now see each other ...
A. 12 March 2011: He's well beyond needy. He's someone you should probably walk away from. ... (read in full...)
Please tell me why some women and or girls, are willing to put up with such "crap" from men!
Q. Ladies(and girls), I need your help! Please tell me why some women and or girls, are willing to put up with such "crap" from men! They lie to you, cheat on you, won't allow you to have a life of your own, and if they do? They act like wounded lit...
A. 11 March 2011: Low self esteem and respect are very high on the list. ... (read in full...)
What has worked on acne for you?
Q. i have a very big problem with acne. i am 17 coming up to 18. when you look at me straight on my face is fine just the odd spot on my forehead. but on each side you just see spots. when im at home in the bathroom mirror they look fine but when i see ...
A. 11 March 2011: I used something called Quinoderm.
Also, if you are finding it bad, you can go to the doctor's and if they also think it's bad, they will give you anti-biotics. ... (read in full...)
My friends say my facebook friend could be dangerous, but she is so nice!
Q. Hi, There is this person on facebook who is adding people from my school including me and that person has been emailing me saying that that person is a girl and is new to our school but never comes outside because she is too shy, and her profile ...
A. 11 March 2011: I think your friends are totally right. You don't seem to have ever met this person before - and her profile account is male.
There is a very high chance that this could be a dangerous man who is attempting to groom you.
Cut contact, and report t... (read in full...)
My partner is abusive so I am going to cheat on him!
Q. Is it justified for me to cheat if my partner is abusive to me? I shouldn't say justified, but rather is it a good reason. I know I should just leave him, but i don't know how at this point. He hits me and threatens me and verbally abuses me. ...
A. 11 March 2011: Cheating has no excuse. Ever. If you cheat, you become the very man you're with.
Leave. Period. ... (read in full...)
He wants nothing to do with me, I've changed, what can I do to win him back??
Q. My boyfriend from Germany just left me, actually because of my destructive behavior that he couldn't handle. Now he is moved out and staying who knows where, and plans on going back to Germany in less than a week. I changed so much at the end of the ...
A. 11 March 2011: "It's not something I will just let go"
- Too late. He's made that decision for you, and your only option here is to let him go. If you don't, the last thing he will remember is you looking desperate, and still not understanding what you have done... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 4 years hit me and I feel desperate, please help!
Q. My bf hit me because I made a bad comment about his mum because I was angry. He hit me, spat on me, told me he hated me and didn't want me, he even said he couldn't get his p**** up for me because he didn't want me. He has said all these things ...
A. 11 March 2011: You can get him removed from the house, or take your kid and go to a woman's hostel. For God's sake don't stay with him oir be near him. ... (read in full...)
What did he mean by his comment?
Q. ok, maybe some of you can decipher this. what does it mean while having sex, your boyfriend grabs your thigh, squeezes it and says, this is what I want not some stick. I'm not fat, but I'm not a stick either. it totally took me out of the mood and i ...
A. 10 March 2011: Means he likes you!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 4 years hit me and I feel desperate, please help!
Q. My bf hit me because I made a bad comment about his mum because I was angry. He hit me, spat on me, told me he hated me and didn't want me, he even said he couldn't get his p**** up for me because he didn't want me. He has said all these things ...
A. 10 March 2011: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CK7-ip35xKcCFQoa4Qod2G3HDQ
Go to this site, and please, please get away from this man. You'll have only wasted 4 years of you take someone like this back after what he has done to you. ... (read in full...)
Do I choose my friend or my boyfriend?
Q. im so confussed, me and my boyfriend have broken up because of my friend. she kept getting invovled, and emailing my boyfriends babies mother. due to this he couldnt cope with the stress as it was one thing after another. me and my friend had a huge ...
A. 10 March 2011: What friend comes between a girl and her boyfriend - unless she is a hugely jealous girl out to ruin everything?
Seriously, you need to get away from this friend of yours! She'll wreck every relationship you ever have with anyone at this rate.
Yo... (read in full...)
Why didn't he text back?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a few months ago, and we haven't talked since then. He sent me a text on New Years Day to wish me a Happy New Year. But he never sent me one on my birthday. Last week was his birthday and I sent him a ...
A. 10 March 2011: He's over you, and wants you to know it. I think you now need to accept that what you two had is gone, and that you now need to move on. ... (read in full...)
Can I confide in a friend who has feelings for me?
Q. as a guy, would it be wrong for me to confide my personal feelings (regarding girlfriend, family and etc)to a friend who has feelings for me?...
A. 10 March 2011: I don't think that's a good idea. If you know someone has feelings for you, you shouldn't burden them, as it will make it more difficult for them. If you have problems, either talk to other friends, or talk to someone neutral (counsellor, for ... (read in full...)
How long does the honeymoon last?
Q. I'd love your opinions, males and females please, on how long the "honey moon" period of a new relationship generally lasts :) I've been with my new bf for coming on 6 months now. I've noticed things have cooled a little in the last few weeks.....
A. 10 March 2011: Roughly 6 months - and it doesn't come back.
It's a dangerous thing to attempt to live in the past, or in the Honeymoon stage permanently. The reason it's a Honeymoon stage is precisely because it doesn't last, and it's not meant to last. The poin... (read in full...)
Was she just hiding her nasty self and now its coming out?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, she is 20 and I am 23. The first 6months were amazing, she came across as a very shy, nice, butter wouldnt melt kind of girl. More recently though she is like a different person, she is usually ...
A. 10 March 2011: I tend to find that someone's true character comes out within 18 months or so. Your girlfriend's came out in 6.
Sometimes, that character is truly wonderful, and that person is someone you want to be with. Occasionally, as you've found, the trut... (read in full...)
I'm really hurt that boyfriend doesn't want to commit to me
Q. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1-1/2 years. We are both over 40, educated, mentally stable and own our own homes. I want a relationship that will eventually (not too long, but not rushing into anything either) lead to a normal relationship ...
A. 10 March 2011: You're a educated girl, I don't doubt that. But you have a lot to learn about men if you believe that "it's not that they don't want to get married - it's that they haven't met the right woman."
Trust me, if we men were that simple, you women woul... (read in full...)
How do I become ok with just one man who is good to me? How do I go about finding one?
Q. Me again with another question. I have become friends with a married man. We met online and he did not say he was married until after we met and realized we were attracted to each other. We have had a relationship for over a year now. Some sex, m...
A. 10 March 2011: The big problem you seem to have here is that you're placing so much emphasis on finding this 'one man', that you're losing sight of your own life. And when you lose sight, you start to make mistakes, you start to accept shabby treatment, you start ... (read in full...)
I find myself wanting my exhusband back, even though he left me 2 years ago and has a fiance!
Q. my husband left me over 2 years ago because of a midlife crises,he has been so so nasty to me,he is still living with his parents but does have a girl friend 13 years younger than him self and they are seemingly engaged and planning to marry next ...
A. 10 March 2011: Every sign here points to him having moved on. There really isn't anything you can do. And even if there was, I wouldn't suggest it because I think you'd be mad to go back.
You appear to be struggling to accept that your marriage is over, and perh... (read in full...)
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