| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Wife has cheated, but won't tell me the guy's name!
Q. wife confesses one night stand while on trip with her girlfriends. she says she has told me all there is to tell but won't tell me guys name. whats up with that?...
A. 24 March 2011: He's not a perv. If he was, then it would have been rape. It wasn't.
What happened was, your wife made a choice - a choice that she would cheat with another man. She could didn't have to do it, she could have left, she could have screamed her head... (read in full...)
Did this guy stop talking to me because he found out I like him?
Q. OK so i really like this guy but he gas a gf... We used to joke around and talk but all of a sudden we stopped... Did he find out that i like him and is he creeped out?...
A. 24 March 2011: There's the point - she never saw the two of you together. She didn't know what you were up to at all, and most likely someone saw that you were together and told her, or he told her. Trust me, this is about him having to make a choice between you ... (read in full...)
Money the route of all evil?
Q. Hi everyone. I need some advice please. Last year I had breast cancer, and recieved an insurance payout. Thankfully I have just been given the all clear. My partner was mostly very suportive at the time, although we were having financial diffic...
A. 23 March 2011: On the spot, ditch him. You're being screwed by him. My mother inherited £40,000 from her uncle once. My Dad spent the lot and we have struggled since. My mother has resented not having been stronger with him. ... (read in full...)
After 26 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman
Q. 3 months ago after 26 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman.The first month we had hardly any contact but now we speak and see each other every day. He says he still loves me and that no one will ever compare to how he feels about ...
A. 23 March 2011: Perhaps you should try talking to him about it. He indeed may have screwed up royally. To be fair, being depressed and on medication is a pretty big sign that his head's not in the right place.
I'm not saying take him back, I'm not saying make prom... (read in full...)
I just want to know if he's interested so I can ask him out
Q. So there's this guy and he's always around me everytime it's lunch at school. One day I smiled at him because I always see him or his friends gesturing to him pointing at me. So a couple of days later he walks up to me looks me in the eyes and slo...
A. 23 March 2011: I imagine he's as confused as you are - after all, a woman's smile can mean a million different things and is as hard to decipher as any action a man does too.
I think he may like you, but realistically to be sure you'll just have to take a chan... (read in full...)
Why didnt he call me?
Q. Why didnt he call me? A few months ago i was seeing someone i had known from my teens, we d always had a thing for each other and i hadn't seen this man for 15yrs. I had recently become single and as far as i knew he was single as he lived alon...
A. 23 March 2011: I'm afraid there are really only three reasons for him having done this.
1 - He was only ever after sex, and once he had it he soon got tired and moved on.
2 - He was already with someone else and was cheating.
3 - When he went on that holiday... (read in full...)
Do I forgive him for cheating?
Q. Recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me. From the very beginning we both made it clear how fond we were of each other. We both agreed that honesty and trust was the number one thing we looked for in a relationship, especially me i made it very ...
A. 23 March 2011: It's a sad, sad world when the first thing someone says when they've been cheated on is "I've no doubt he loves me"
Seriously, it's much better to doubt it.
You actually don't know that he loves you. At all. In fact, you can look at this situatio... (read in full...)
If he doesn't find me physically attractive, who is he visualizing in his mind so that he can get aroused?
Q. I thin that the title to my question really say it all, the rest of this is background. While my husband has never come out and said it in a complete sentence, he does not find me physically attractive. He says that our sexual relationship, fo...
A. 23 March 2011: You pick the one man who values you for more than just sex, and you think he DOESN'T find you attractive?!?!?!?!?
I think Tisha1 is right - you do need therapy or something. You seem to be choosing not to believe that he's attracted to you. Of cour... (read in full...)
Wife has cheated, but won't tell me the guy's name!
Q. wife confesses one night stand while on trip with her girlfriends. she says she has told me all there is to tell but won't tell me guys name. whats up with that?...
A. 23 March 2011: Believe me, his name really is the last thing to worry about. Be worried more about the fact that she cheated in the first place. ... (read in full...)
My stepmother and I are in a cold war!
Q. Recently me and my step mother have been arguing, and for two weeks we haven't spoken to each other at all. Last night we had an argument, my dad involved, about a couple of events that happened in school that caused damage to some of my property. I ...
A. 23 March 2011: It isn't your job to be dealing with her. It's your Dad's job to stop her from treating you this way, and it's her job to approach you. All you need to do is be receptive.
What is not acceptable is her grabbing you by the hair, or shouting and scre... (read in full...)
Married man used me, and is back in his cozy state of mind...
Q. Hello...my name is Stupid and I've been seeing a married man in my building for six months... I know, so wrong but he was persistant. He claimed I was whom he loved. Everything was perfect, we would text each other, cuddle, date all the above until ...
A. 23 March 2011: He chose you, because you were an easy target. You say you didn't want to start the affair, but you did. So, you were in a bad enough place in your life that he could see you could be used.
Married men don't have affairs with string, happy, inde... (read in full...)
Does he really love me? And seeing as we both say we love each other, does this mean we are in a relationship?
Q. Ok so here's the thing. I have recently been talking to a guy online and he seems really nice, we used to talk every day and about a month ago he told me he loves me and he then went quiet on me to the point where i would be lucky to speak to him ...
A. 23 March 2011: Have you ever met him? Because this sounds a bit like a trap to me.
Recently, there have been some women who think that they've been dating men serving in the British Army, and they have sent out money to them. Except - they're Nigerian con arti... (read in full...)
I am marrried but am in love with my ex. Should I confess my feelings to him?
Q. I am married and having an affair with an ex, who is also married. My marriage has been going downhill for the last 2 years. My husband and I have argued and talked many times and divorce always seems to come up. But when it comes down to it, I ...
A. 23 March 2011: I can tell you where this affair will go - nowhere. He won't leave her. If he wanted to, he would have done it a long time ago. He certainly wouldn't have cheated and then cheated again. Not a good sign on his part, or yours.
I think you need to f... (read in full...)
Was I really being pathetic?
Q. Is this right? Am i being pathetic? Me and my boyfriend were having an argument because i was feeling rather down and i just wanted to feel good about myself, but he wouldnt say much nice only your beautiful and he wouldnt say anything more because ...
A. 23 March 2011: I actually disagree with the post below in some ways. I don't think you're being pathetic, but you are being unreasonable Here's why;
If you are feeling down about yourself, and you want to feel good, it is your responsibility to look for ways of d... (read in full...)
He cheated but now treats me like I'm evil?
Q. hi everyone. i used to ask question on this site before about a partner just live like friend.Now i kicked him out as i found out that he send flirting msg to other women,they met on face book and was class mate long time ago.My ex texts that women ...
A. 23 March 2011: The reason he treats you this way is because it's easier for him to treat you badly than accept he is a failure as a man. That's why. He's a failure as a man and a father, but can't face that so just takes it out on you.
However, there might be s... (read in full...)
If he really loved me...why did he travel so far away from me?
Q. A man that I have been seeing for over 3 months has just gone overseas for between 6-9 months. The night that I met him he told me that he was going away in March so I have known the whole time that we have been seeing each other that he was going. ...
A. 23 March 2011: I think you've overreacted to this, and whilst I respect that 60 year old woman's thoughts, they don't quite ring true in this situation. At all.
You have been dating a guy for just 3 months - that's really short, and realistically not enough time... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity and now he says he doesn't want a relationship
Q. Two nights ago, I had lost my virginity. The first time, I really do love this boy, even though we had have a rough past. Very rough. He's the type of boy I had kissed when we were in about grade 7 and I had felt a "spark". He hurts me to the point ...
A. 23 March 2011: There is a lesson here that you are simply refusing to learn about this guy. He is using you, and you are letting him get away with it. He has always been using you, and he will continue to use you.
Really, the question that needs to be asked is w... (read in full...)
How can I stop getting distracted by hot women?
Q. As a single guy how can I stop wanting to date every hot girl I meet?! Its distracting, seriously. Not to mention the ones whose numbers I get we become friends and all the while in my head I'm thinking about how gorgeous they are and how I wanna ...
A. 23 March 2011: As a woman once said to me "there's no cure for the male penis" - so you can't really control the fact that you want to date them.
Best thing to do is find a woman you like and actually date her. That'll cure the problem. ... (read in full...)
He's gone back to his country. I am pregnant. Should I tell off my abusive ex or stay a lady ?
Q. Hi I am a 27 year old female. My abusive boyfriend has just ended our relationship. I don't know why he left me I guess I blame myself because I was jealous, but he lied about the computer and talking to other women on porn sites. He hurt me, then...
A. 23 March 2011: It comes down to this:
Do you really think a man who was abusive, and has a family that doesn't care about your baby, will give a damn if you send an email? I think not. It wouldn't do a thing.
Worse, what if he uses that email against you and ... (read in full...)
Did this guy stop talking to me because he found out I like him?
Q. OK so i really like this guy but he gas a gf... We used to joke around and talk but all of a sudden we stopped... Did he find out that i like him and is he creeped out?...
A. 23 March 2011: That might be the reason. The other reason might be that his girlfriend didn't like that you two were joking around and talking that much (it could have been excessive), and she pulled rank and told him enough was enough.
Either way, you shou... (read in full...)
We just broke up. Any ideas of what she might be thinking or what to do?
Q. my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago and we're no longer talking. She said a day after breaking up (in an annoyed tone) that she doesn't love me anymore and there's no chance of us ever being in a relationship again. I did noth...
A. 23 March 2011: I think this is truly over, and I wouldn't hang around for the 'what if's'.
Face facts. Last year, you broke up with her. Something was wrong then. Now, one year later, you've broken up again. This is the sign that she is not the one for you at a... (read in full...)
My ex-bf says he might want to get back with me...but in a few years!! How can I speed this up?
Q. I've had one boyfriend, but he decided to break up with me 3 weeks ago after being together for 19 months. Before he broke up with me, he told me he didn't want to break up with me... then why did he do so? He said we could still be friends. I wa...
A. 23 March 2011: Bad news, but he's not coming back. You're just being played, and he's having a really good laugh about it. Why on earth would you want to wait for a man who thinks so little of you that he'd make you wait for years, but at the same time tease you ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him, but like his younger brother. Should I now tell the younger brother I like him better?
Q. Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months because I felt that he was too clingy and needy, stupid reasons I know, but when he got another gf, I had a freak out. We got back together (kind of) and have been really close, but when we firs...
A. 23 March 2011: Imagine if, in say 10 years time, you like another guy and he finds out that you were seeing one guy, then telling that guy's brother you like him instead.
What do you think this will make him do?
How do think he will perceive you because of it?
... (read in full...)
Guys do you prefer to approach or be approached?
Q. On a night out what do you think of a girl that makes the first move to approach a guy? Do guys prefer to approach the girl themselves?...
A. 23 March 2011: Exactly. 21st century, new ideas. If you like a decent guy, don't wait around - go get him. ... (read in full...)
Why are people so judgmental?
Q. Why are people so judgemental? On here there are a lot of aunts and uncles, who seem to think that because a young questioner asks a question about love and relationships, they need to discourage this young person from being grown up and thInking ...
A. 23 March 2011: The reason I would have answered your question in the same way without an age, is because (with the greatest of respect), your question is written in a way that only a young person would have written it. The question asks for a mature debate, but is ... (read in full...)
How to beat competition for my crush?
Q. Long story short, been speaking to this girl for about 2 months. I like her, I've felt at times she likes me just through little things she does and says. I feel I've played it a bit too cool though. I mean, I once gave her a hug and I've invited ...
A. 22 March 2011: Unless you ask her out, you will be too late. You've lost he attention, and it won't come back at all unless you step up and get on with asking her out. You've already played it too cool and too slow, and she now is moving on.
Forget trying to get ... (read in full...)
Ex sends me texts about every 2 weeks and keeps pics of me on his phone. Why?
Q. My exboyfriend texted me a pic he had taken of me on his phone while we were together. No words were attached. Just a picture of me sitting in a chair with my(our) 2 dogs. A couple weeks before, he texted me and said that he was sorry for what he ...
A. 22 March 2011: This is classic 'spare tyre' behaviour.
Sadly, what this means is that he's keeping you around should things with this other woman break down. He left you for her, and he lives with her now. But, should that end, he may well need a bed for the nigh... (read in full...)
Boyfriend confessed that he cheated and I am very hurt and confused
Q. ....feeling very confused and not sure what to do.....boyfriend of 9 months tld me that he got drunk and cheated.....it was just a one off.....he told me 2 days after it happened (the first time he seen me after it happened....he told me straight ...
A. 22 March 2011: If you had said that you'd been together for say, 7 years, and that he'd cheated and then come clean immediately and such, I might have said take your time and see how you feel in 6 months. Why? Because I understand that people who have been ... (read in full...)
Would this be called cheating the new Gf? If I just asked my ex to strip while we were on webcam.
Q. Is it cheating if? Let's say you have a girlfriend. And you know your ex still loves you and you still have feelings for her, but you don't want to be in a relationship with her, but you drunk call her telling her you love her, and miss her, et...
A. 22 March 2011: I would personally say that this is cheating. At the very least, it's lousy behaviour. I would say to the girlfriend that she should walk because there is no way this relationship can work if he truly loves another woman, is telling her that and is ... (read in full...)
Guys do you prefer to approach or be approached?
Q. On a night out what do you think of a girl that makes the first move to approach a guy? Do guys prefer to approach the girl themselves?...
A. 22 March 2011: Either, really. All that matters in the end is that a man is speaking to a woman he likes, whether she spoke first or he did. ... (read in full...)
Why do men get away with so much where women get treated different.
Q. This question has been with me for some time now and would like to hear other peoples views. Why is it okay for a man to walk away from his responsibilities and if he sleeps around its okay its normal whereas if the woman walks away and sleeps ...
A. 22 March 2011: I think there are a few things that cause this, actually.
First of all, it's not always true that men get treated better than women. However, I do think that men are less likely to take notice of insults. If you call a woman a slut, there is a very... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend spreading sexual rumers about me.
Q. I've recently dumped my Ex boyfriend. I was with him for 3 months and come to relise he's a bit of a bully and that something I don't want. He's been spreading rumers that he's fin*gered me. Everyone is pretty shocked and a lot of people have lost ...
A. 22 March 2011: There's really very little you can do I'm afraid:
1 - Tell everyone that you never touched him because he had a rash on his penis and puss and would't see a doctor about it.
2 - Ignore him.
3 - You could also try looking into whether there's any ... (read in full...)
I don't think I can fulfill what my girlfriend wants from me!
Q. My girlfriend said that I am selfish and a heartless person, because I don’t think about her first. She began to list all things that caused her to be upset. 1. Week 1: Saturday to Friday - I go to work full time from 8 to 5pm and take one class o...
A. 22 March 2011: Buddy, let me tell you something. I'm 23, and I'm happy to say I've learnt one or two things here and there.
One thing I learned very quickly, was how to recognize a demanding drama queen.
And boy, do you have one on your hands.
Here's my... (read in full...)
Why are people so judgmental?
Q. Why are people so judgemental? On here there are a lot of aunts and uncles, who seem to think that because a young questioner asks a question about love and relationships, they need to discourage this young person from being grown up and thInking ...
A. 21 March 2011: Because we can't answer a question to a child as we would to an adult. Realistically, it would be very unreasonable to answer the question of a child as we would an adult. And it would be unsafe to do so too. It's not just restricted to age though, ... (read in full...)
Why does he kiss me on the check when he says goodbye?
Q. What does it mean if when saying bye to a guy, they smile, pull you close and then kiss you on the cheek? I'm confused on would he do this even if he wasnt attracted to me? Or was he saying bye in a friendly way? i want to know what do you ...
A. 21 March 2011: There's not really enough information to tell what he's thinking. It could be a friendly kiss, or it could be something more. The only real way to find out would be to talk to him about it, which is realistically what you need to do if you're ... (read in full...)
He asked me to marry him but I pushed him away. Now I want to marry him!
Q. I had the most caring man ever. He lived and breathed me and always put me before himself. He always tried to give me the universe but I messed him over and now that he's gone I realize he was the best man that ever happened to me. He asked me to ...
A. 20 March 2011: From a male point of view, I think you're too late. To shun a man and mess him around when he puts his heart on the line that much is too far for nearly all men. I wouldn't take someone who did that to me back, and I don't think someone as kind as ... (read in full...)
Should I let him film us having sex?
Q. Ok,It would be extra helpful if some guys could answer this question,if you had a video of you and a girl having sex,would you show it to anybody-I've been seeing this guy and he's been knagging me to make a video with him for about a month now,he ...
A. 20 March 2011: Of course he won't show it - until he dumps you or you dump him. Then it'll get everywhere.
Don't do it. ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can believe that he "loves and values me" after the betrayal of cheating and the constant lies that came with it...
Q. Should I believe him when he says that he loves and respects me, and that cheating was a terrible mistake...Says he cheated b/c he was going through a phase where he was afraid of committment. Didn't want to tell me b/c he was afraid he would hurt ...
A. 20 March 2011: If he'd cheated and come clean immediately, perhaps he could have been more trustworthy. But he didn't. He lied through and through, and thought nothing of it until you found out. On top of that, he blamed it on a feeling that he didn't want to ... (read in full...)
'veiny' looking marks make me shy about showing my body
Q. i have these wierd veiney lines along my hips...i dont know what a boy would think of them. i dont wont to have sex yet, but i'm pretty sure that they'll still be there when i do. im just so afraid of what he will think of me....
A. 17 March 2011: They won't even notice. Seriously. ... (read in full...)
The guy she cheated on me with is her only friend, I don't want her to lose her friend but I cant trust her with him!
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 10 months now, and I am struggling badly with insecurity. My girlfriend had a 'friend with benefits' up until the point we started dating. However, about 6 months into our relationship, I ...
A. 17 March 2011: I also say move on. This woman has blown any real trust away, and realistically there's no way this can be fixed because she's so into her own little world. ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex acknowledge me after all this time?
Q. Hi! I would appreciate your help because this is puzzling me. I split with my ex a couple of years ago- he finished it. It was a very messy breakup and he called me terrible names and told people things about me that weren't true, like I was ...
A. 17 March 2011: You'll probably find that he's no over the break up, and is feeling very neutral. Therefore it made acknowledging you far more easy for him.
I would be cautious as to what you make of this. Many people sit there wondering what ex's have been thin... (read in full...)
Broken up but ex hasn't changed her status
Q. So girlfriend of one year broke up with me 3 weeks ago but hasn't changed her status on a social networking site.. All communication has basically been dropped since I know I have to get over her, especially since she's befriended/gotten quite close ...
A. 17 March 2011: Most likely nothing. She's either not changed it because she's forgotten, or she's already in another relationship. I wouldn't read anything into it that's not there. ... (read in full...)
Do people put too much weight on the institution of marriage, and too little value on the PERSON they marry?
Q. I sometimes worry when I see a young person "pushing" for marriage, and seeing marriage as the ultimate goal in a relationship, while worrying little about the "issues" that exist within the relationship and on building a healthy relationship and ...
A. 16 March 2011: I agree with GeeGee, this is worthy of an article, rather than a shorter post. ... (read in full...)
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