A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a major problem with sleeping all of a sudden due to something that my husband and I did in the past, about a year ago. My husband has always wanted a threesome with another girl, and being sexually open, I thought , what the heck, as long as I agree on the girl and she is up for this also, I will agree. well, we had a couple of drinks, and before I knew it, my husband was coming up to me asking if it would be okay with me, that it ws okay with her, hesitantly I agreed. When we got into the bedroom, he decided to go for her first, after making her orgasm, he went for me, but then started going limp, and making me raw, so I asked him to stop, and turned my back on him and her showinf that I was not comfortable with this, seeing how he went limp on me. So, he took that as a go for her again! So, he proceeded to have sex with her over and over again, with her moaning and me laying there not being into it. After he was finally done with her, and we get ready for bed, he lets her sleep in our bed and then first sleeps in the middle of us, then gets up and uses the restroom, then gets on her side, leavinf her in the middle of us!! I wake up, and use hte restroom, get up with the kids to make breakfast, and he is still in there cuddling with her, and laughing and joking around. I am pissed by now, after walking in on them looking like they are messing with each other a little, and then yell for him to come help me in the kitchen. Of coarse i bitch at him, and ask him what the hell happened with last night, the one night that I put him in charge of running everything, since i am usually the one who keeps things in order in the hose, the primary diciplinarian, etc. I leave this one night to him, since it is his fanatasy, and he blows it. Needless to say the worst is that he is gone until oct, being military, I am pregnant with our fourth and alst child together, and I just cannot seem to get this out of my head, the way he ignored my slient request to end it. he always told me that he can't sleep if i am not in bed with him, so even when we are mad, we tlak it out by bedtime and go together, we hardly ever sleep on the couch if we are mad at one another. He has always told me that he could never be with another women, yet when given the chance he completely chose her over me. we have been married almost 7 years, and have had a little bit of a rough marriage, but still have always worked out everything. I don't know what to do, this is eating me up, I need these questions answered, that he has always shyed away from. how can I trust what he says to me now, when after trying to do something nice for him, he hurts me more than I have ever been hurt before? L in Wa.
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limp, military, orgasm, shy, threesome Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dajana +, writes (4 November 2008):
Obviously, this was his fantasy and not yours. You must really love him - I mean, in order to please this type of dysfunctional fantasy. I say, dysfunctional because you are married with children (who happen to be in the house at the time) - He really must think that he's the cat's pajamas NOW! If it bothers you that much (which it sounds like it does) - you should seek counselling. I do hope it works out for you. Sometimes, people make irrational decisions out of being desperate to spice a dying romance. Though, this is a tough one. Somehow, you are going to have to forgive yourself and your husband because, you both made this decision as adults. I do hope it all works out for you and your family!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): Last night i had a threesome. I could not take it so i stopped it before he got to her. Me and her were drunk he was sober. It is something we almost did in the past with the same girl and were interupted. I told him i did not like seeing him with her and did not want to do it again the first time. I am not blaming my intoxication for letting it go as far as it did but it still hurt. It huts alot. Mostly because of things that were said after. I just wanted to thank some of the people on here for the post. Forgiving is harder than it sounds i have been crying on and off all day. But i am sure our relationship will survive because we have talked and talked all day. I belive i am ready to forget now. I have had sex in the past with females so it is not an issue of being bi, just that i cant handle seeing someone i love so much with anyone else.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 I've never been in a threesome.
But I think it's true to say that a fresh sexual interest is always more exciting for a man than an old one. That's just biology. Men who stay with the same partner for many years have to find ways of keeping it spiced up. Men who, through a lifestyle choice or for other reasons, manage to have a constant supply of fresh partners don't seem to have this problem.
You gave your man take this opportunity and he enjoyed it. Presumably he figured that this might be the only opportunity he would get so he made the most of it.
However, I definitely think he was insensitive. If it's a threesome, it's a threesome. That means that all three should participate equally. Just because you've got the opportunity to try a fresh partner doesn't mean you can leave someone out in the cold, especially not your wife!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Your problem is that you forgot that we men are not that bright and we are horrible at reading what women are thinking. So legally you can't be mad at your husband because you did not tell him what you are thinking. You said that you had enough. How was he supposed to know that he wasn't supposed to go back to her. In my case with my wife and we did a threesome and the other woman could have an orgasm; unfortunately I'd probably forget about my wife since I would be in shock. Remember we man don't always think with the brain between our ears.
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A
female
reader, louweez23  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hun that must ahve been horrible for you. My husband cheated on me and I am haunted by images of him sleeping with this other woman and I didn't even have it happen in front of me.However, you are going to have to be an adult about this. You gave him permission to do this. You may have changed your mind half way through but it does not alter the fact that you gave him permission. It is hardly fair to balme him now. Acknowledge how hurt you are and give yourself permission to cry. Tell him how hurt you are too, but not in a way that is going to guilt trip him. Tell him you made a mistake and thought it was going to be fun but you were wrong and you felt terribly jealous and hurt.If you love your husband which you undoubtedly do do not let this resentment eat you up or you will destroy your marriage. Forgive him, never mention this again (after you've told him how hurt you are) and never never invite another person into your marriage again.If you want to spice up your bedroom life get some toys.
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hunny , Im sorry this didnt work out for you but I can tell you striaght out that the reason this threesome didnt work out for you is because You are not BI and were not into this girl. If you were, you and your husband would have shared equal time with her and you wouldnt be so offended with her being in beteen you and he. When I have had threesomes with my boyfriend the girl always sleeps in between (if we get to sleep).
The other thing is this..threesomes never work if the wife or girlfriend doesnt initiate it. You didnt want to do this in the first place. I say this to you and any girl out there...if you dont feel comfortable about doing it...dont do it! And if you do..yes you should touch the girl at least and not be offended that shes is between you. I can tell you this as well..my by friend has to fight with me for equal time with our third party!
I have never had problems with threesomes Ive had because I was always willing to be in it..and I will back away from a bad situtation if I dont feel comfortable with it.
You have to work things out with your husband and never get into threesomes anymmore..it just doesnt work for you, and you dont have to be ashamed of that either. That is the way you are, be happy with it. In the future you can make your husband happy without bringing in another girl.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 It was a once in a lifetime and it happened.
You should forgive him for what happened.
You should not blame him entirely.
You gave him a new toy , definitely he would like to play with the new toy more than the old one.
Don't be too self critical of yourself.
Best is to forget it and think of it like a bad dream and move on.
Harping on it will not solve your problem , it will be like a cancer and destroy you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): First he can't read your mind. Giving signals can only be seen by bird watchers who have binoculars.
I think you over-reacted. It seems you both were the host, and he was just trying to be nice to the guest, which he was a few times it sounds like.
Lucky him that he has a wife that would go for a threesome, and also find a women for the occasion.
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A
male
reader, pyan +, writes (23 April 2008):
Hi
like the others have said threesomes are dangerous and must be thought out in great detail if you do them. what you said was the same as what happened to us many years ago. the same happend i spent most of the night with the other women and only once with my wife.
we didn't speak for ages and it took a great deal of time to sort out. we put it down to lust and sex only why i did it and i expect its the same for your husband.
talk to him and find out his thoughts. message if you want to know what we did. but start talking and its somthing you both did and need to sort out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): There was a girl my husband and I regularly had threesomes with. In my case it was me who wanted the threesome more than him, he actually wanted nothing to do with it. But the first or second time we did it, I felt as though he may have been more into her or was he paying her more attention or is he more interested in her and all these things. I guess for the man it is difficult to divide yourself equally in a situation like that. Anyway I told him how I felt and I got the reassurance I needed and we carried on. Things were fine in the end - and because it was also the same girl there was more of a connection and it turned into me even being more so turned on by seeing him with her than feeling insecure and threatened.But threesomes are hard. In your case you didnt really want it as much so that is where a problem is immediately going to start, secondly I am not sure if you are bi. When I had threesomes the girl paid me more attention than him to be honest so that was ok. If you are to have a threesome it is a very big decision and at times could even destroy the strongest of relationships, but I think alot of people get caught up in the fantasy and then suffer later. So now you are suffering....chances are that you will keep on replaying those images in your mind and go between feeling hurt and angry and insecure. So what do you do now? I think you need to ask yourself if you can get over this. You have clearly spoken and argued even with each other about this and unless something is done it will just continue. Have you thought about counselling? Or even do a google to find advise on threesomes as sometimes there are stuff written on how to deal with the jealousies etc. I mean he is still there with you and still trying to work things out (even if not the way you may want) so that should at least count for somethingGood luck
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A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (23 April 2008):
 All your able to do is sit him down, put the light in his face so to speak and talk about it all one on one soon as he gets back.
Let him know that you took a chance for him to have a 3 some for one nite and you feel down right upset about the way it ended up becomin.
Sorry if it doesnt help as much but hope for the best of out comes for you
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hi
Threesoms are dangerous. Simple as that. They rarely work out.
He has been with the same peron 6 odd years and someone new is on a plate, of course he is going to make a meal of it!
Not a lot anyone can say really, it must be hard if you spend a lot of time apart. Because you need a lot of reassurance from him now obviously.
Alarm bells would ring to me if a guy i was with wanted to sleep with someone else on any level.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 April 2008):
 I do feel sorry for you, but I'm afraid that when you play with fire, you get your finger's burnt. You say you wanted to do something nice for him, to most women that would have meant making a nice dinner. I also found it quite shocking that you did this with your children in the house, what's that all about?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I feel for you, but I do not have any advice to offer you.
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