A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I are 11 years a part, Im 18. We dated secretly to avoid the scandel as we knew he was moving away in december. Last week he ended it early and we are still on really good terms. Its tricky when we both are attracted to each other still but we get on really well and talk a lot as friends. Three days ago I had a miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant and we have always used protection. Obviously Im not at a stage in my life to have kids but its really hard to process.I've told a good mutual friend of both of us but thats it.I really don''t know if I should tell him or not, he's asked me twice recently if I'm pregnant and he knows I've been taking time off rowing as he rows too, to recover..Do I tell him? I know he'd be supportive but maybe ignorance is bliss?
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (22 November 2013):
 You don't owe it to him and there is no reason to tell him unless you feel e would be supportive to you or it would help you to not keep it a secret. Miscarriages are common early in pregnancies, but still an emotional event. Make sure you have support around you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 November 2013):
 If you plan to stay in touch or are still in touch I think telling him is the right thing to do.
Men are entitled to know they are fertile.
But I also agree a trip to the doctor is warranted.
IF you were using protection then how do you know you were pregnant?
I had a miscarriage in college. I did NOT know it was a miscarriage. I was around 2 weeks or so late with my period. I had what I ASSUMED was just a very heavy period. Yes I was passing clots and had such horrible terrible cramps as to be in bed for nearly a week. I also had the condom break a few weeks before. I really did NOT think I was pregnant.
I was told ten years later by the doctor during my second miscarriage (I had two children by then) that the episode above WAS A MISCARRIAGE....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 November 2013):
 I will third that advice.
GO see your doctor. Having a partial miscarriage can be bad for you. You need to be seen, you need to have your hCG levels tested (simple blood/urine sample). YOU health should come first.
Then after the confirmation, I DO think you should tell him. Not so much for his sake, but for yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2013): I'm going to echo the others OP, in recommending that the next person you tell is a doctor if you haven't already been. I know there are ways knowing without a doctor but you need to be checked to make sure there's no damage or you don't need treatment. I say do all that first, OP.
As regards your ex you should tell him if you want to. Ignorance is not really bliss when it's a person you're close to and care about. The important question here is how he'd feel finding out off someone else or being told much later about all this? If he's the kind of guy that would feel bad you felt you couldn't confide in him then he's the kind of guy that would want to know and support you.
Above all though OP, what you want is paramount, if you want his support and comfort then tell him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2013): If you broke up, there is no pregnancy, it doesn't matter whether you tell him or not. If the relationship is secret to avoid scandal, then let it go. You didn't know you were pregnant anyway. So what is the significance in even telling your ex-boyfriend?
I do recommend that you seek medical attention. You should get a complete examination to be sure everything is okay.
Informing someone close was a good idea.
Consult your doctor if nobody else!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 November 2013):
 Eyeswideopen makes a very good point, if you used protection, did not know you were pregnant, did not have pregnancy symptoms ... why do you assume it was a miscarriage,, you might have been hemorraging for other reasons too,-did you see an OB/ GYN ? What did he say ?..
Anyway, I agree with the others, if it was a miscarriage, and you are such good friends with your ex, and you need support, why not just telling him what happened and asking him that support that you would expect from any real, good friend.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 November 2013):
 If you didn't know you were pregnant and you always used protection, how do you know you miscarried? Did you see a doctor?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (22 November 2013):
 I don't know why you feel the need to even hide this fact from him in the first place! There's nothing that either of you can do about it now, you're not in a relationship anymore, you claim to be good friends...then why hide it from him? If you want to protect his feelings then that's another issue but then what if he gets to hear it from someone else? If you get along well with this guy, then he can be there for you as a friend at a time when you need his support the most. Otherwise what kind of a friendship is it or what kind of a relationship was it if you cant even confide in your partner about a miscarriage?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 November 2013):
 You know if you don't and he hears it from another source not doing so could destroy your friendship, because honesty and trust are the foundation of all relationships, whether it be intimate or just a friendship. If you don't, you jeopardize that the level of trust you two have to an irreparable level. It's up to you if you tell him or not, but you must think if loosing your friendship is worth that risk of you do not?
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (22 November 2013):
 im definetly not an advocate of lying or even skirting the truth but in this case id stay quiet. since youd like to stay friends it might freak him out.
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