A
male
age
51-59,
*allgast
writes:My wife cheats on me constantly, we've been together for 15 years. I just caught her for the 3rd time in the past 8 months with the same guy from her work. At first she said nothing was going on, I caught them flirting. The second time the guy's wife came to my house and showed me a text message on his cell phone from my wife, saying she loved him. I was heart broken to here her tell someone else that. I was going to leave her but couldn't. I'm weak and love her and our 13 year old son so much... we get along great, don't fight, and can talk for hours at a time weekly. She promised me that it was over and I believed her. The 3rd time I found here text message on her laptop to him telling him how she loves him so much, that he makes her so happy and that she can't wait to be in his arms to hold and kiss him, that she would do whatever it takes to make him happy. I know I need to leave her but can't. She tells me that it's over this time and addmitted that they were having sex, she also told his wife the truth too. I really know I need to leave her this time, this isn't the first affair over the past 15 years, there has been 3 others please help me and don't blame me, I need help not insults.
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male
reader, EC  +, writes (11 August 2007):
I have been in your shoes. This is all to familar to me. I am still with my wife but I can tell you the lack of trust has caused me to loose most of my love for her and there is still no telling if she would put our marriage at risk again. After the second fling on her part, I laid down the law. I started to prep our house for the market and told her she was no longer worth the effort. I did everything I could to help myself get over her and the pain she was causing me. I saw a lawyer and found what to expect from the courts. Its not at all fair, but better then being with a cheating spouse. The more I did for myself to end the marriage, the more she tried to regain my trust and asked me to try to recover the marriage. I am still trying, but I am ready to leave at the next bump in the road, its a ticking time bomb. Living with a cheater is not good for your health or your mind. I feel I would have been better off without her after 20 years of marriage and 2 teen daughters. Do yourself a favor, see a doctor for any signs of depression. Eat good food. I know I couldn't eat for a long time. Don't think its you who caused this. It was her selfish decision to go down that road. I feel my wife did her thing for exitement. I also went out and cheated on her after the second time, that did nothing to make me feel better. I will say that I will never turn a decent women down for sex ever again, I never cheated in my marriage before, but since I feel the love of my life has decieted me so many times, I will never turn a decent woman seeking sex away ever again, I don't care if its her best friend,who I did have sex with, and I don't care if she finds out. Stand tall, be strong , get out of that marriage, she ain't worth the effort. Been there, Good luck.
A
male
reader, Hallgast +, writes (10 August 2007):
Hallgast is verified as being by the original poster of the question ty everyone, i know what i have to do.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Hi
Your wife is a serial adultress. Plain & simple.
There is no easy way out of this. You have a home & child together. But how can you go on like this? Your self esteem will be rock bottom no doubt after years of emotional abuse.
When you have been with someone this long, it can be hard to imagine being with someone else, but for now forget the someone else. Getting yourself sorted & building up your confidence will be the main priority.
I wish there was an easy answer, but there isn't. You are going to have to find an inner strength you haven't used before, but its there! You just need to find it.
Then later, you will meet someone that respects you & appreciates you.
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, chloe_123 +, writes (9 August 2007):
I feel so sorry for you. You sound like a lovely bloke and she obviously has no respect for you or your feelings in the slightest! I would say get your stuff together and go. Your 13 year old son will still love you just as much and you will be happier in the long run. You will look back a year from now and think "what the hell was I doing" Im posative that from the sound of your personality you will have no problem in starting a new life with someone else who will love and respect you as you deserve. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (9 August 2007):
The wife obviously likes to play away from home, it looks as if this is what she is like.
What is she looking for exactly?
Does she want an open relationship with you?
Would she be happier adopting the swinging lifestyle?
Would you be willing to adopt this lifestyle with her?
This might sound a bit drastic but I know many couples who are in this lifestyle so to say and because they openly play away from each other at parties and swap their spouses for an evening of fun (so to say) they both get the freedom to play away from home as often as they like and there are no secrets between them. I was amazed at first how this kind of thing can work but in half a dozen couples I know who swing regularly I seems to work remarkable well and they are all in some of the strongest relationships I have ever seen between two loving people.
The problem with this lifestyle is that you would both have to want it for the pair of you for it to ever have a chance of working.
If there is no way this kind of thing could be considered, may I suggest that there is something that she is not happy with regarding the relationship she has with you. I am not saying that you are doing anything wrong - it just may be that she is bored or just in a rut.
The main issue here is the deceit I feel as this causes a breakdown of trust and this will ultimately dissolve your relationship.
How would she react if you were to play away from home? -
How hurt would she be? -
By seeing the situation from each others point of view there might be a chance of things improving but unless the trust could be built up to the 100% mark again there is little point in continuing.
It is a horrible situation you are in but I feel little is going to change without a little more assertiveness from your part when you have a good heart to heart around the table.
I wish you luck here as I really feel that you are going to need it.
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (9 August 2007):
 As all the below have said - You should leave her. And as Spanna said: She obviously doesn't love you much. She wouldn't do this to someone who she loves.
Just pack you bags and leave. Or if you are the legal owner of the house pack her bags and tell her to leave.
You'll have to tell your son about this but try not to make his mum sound like a bad person. Tell him you need a break maybe.
If she tells you she won't do it again, do not in anyway believe her - she's done it 3 times and she'll do it again.
Hope this helped and good luck!!
Pete
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A
female
reader, skye +, writes (9 August 2007):
 I am very sorry to hear of your problem. I understand that you love your wife deeply but believe you have made the correct decision in wanting to leave her. You have put up with her behaviour for long enough. You cannot allow it to continue any longer. Nor do you want to give the impression to your son that cheating is acceptable within a marriage.
Please find the courage to leave sooner rather than later. Once you have made the move things will become easier for you to handle. Move in with your family for a while if you cant face being alone just yet. Im sure they will support you.
You have been a good husband and father. You are not at fault here. No one will blame you, for you have done all you can to save your marriage. I know you love your wife deeply, but she obviously does not care much for your marriage. You deserve a woman who will love and respect you for the kind, understaning man you are.
I will be thinking of you. Please take care,
Best wishes,
Skye
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Penta's right as rain. She will never change. If she ends it with this guy, she'll start up with someone else. Separation is absolutely necessary at this point.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (9 August 2007):
 If you stay this time you are really giving her permission to continue. There have been no consequences to her actions so why should she change?
I would talk to a lawyer and ask him to draw up separation papers, then have her served. Then ask her to leave. Have blankets and pillows on the couch when she comes home and don't let her come to bed with you.
If your children already know the score, you need to sit them down before you do this and tell them that you need a break from their mom because both of you have some thinking to do. Tell them that you don't know whether it's permanent, but you need some separation.
If they don't know the score, you still need to sit them down but don't say anything bad about their mom.
You already know that asking her to leave is the right thing to do. It will get worse if you don't take these steps.
I wish you all kinds of luck.
BTW, keep the proof of the affairs in a safe place; you may need it for the legal documents.
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