A
male
age
41-50,
*uckaroobanzai
writes:I have been hurt in the past by women and 3 months ago I met this girl who I think is the most amazing girl I've ever met in my entire life, she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the out.I want to spend the rest of my life with her. she is going through a divorce at the moment and she has 3 children, she is bisexual and want 3somes. I love her with all my heart and soul, but she has depression and is suffering from it at the moment. I have said that I want to be there for her through both the good and the bad times, that I just want to look after and protect her. We had a misunderstanding the other week, she said that she needed space and I took that to mean we were over.I got quite down thinking that was us but we sorted that our then last week we spoke and she told me that she didn't want to have anymore to do with me and then she told me that she had slept with her ex husband and regretted it and thought I should know that she had before he told me because she told his girlfriend. I told her that I wasn't bothered, and that I trusted her and was asking her if we could try again but she said she didn't want to be with anyone.Then we spoke and she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone but I told her how I felt about her and that I don't want to lose her, that I'd be there for her through the bad times and the good as I can understand about depression because I to have it. I still wasn't having any luck so I presumed that was us finished so I asked if I could get my things back from her and I'd come and get them, so when we met face to face I told her again how I felt about her and that I didn't care about her sleeping with her ex husband.I've changed since our misunderstanding and I want to be there for her and make her happy, she said that couldn't we just be friends and she would still be in my life.But I said I want more than that from her, then she said you just don't want anyone else to have me and I have nothing to worry about because she has no desire to be with anyone, she doesn't fancy anyone or have any desire for sex.I said that's not true about me not wanting anyone to have her, I just love her that's all and as for the sexual relationship I can wait as long as it takes for that to return. So she said we should try again, we have been texting and talking and last night she was going on a night out with friends and one of them was once a friend with benefits, she text me and told me she was going to go home as she was offered a lift, this was 22:30, then, she said went on to change her mind and say that she was staying out and I said for her to let me know when she gets home.Then she text me at 02:45 this morning just as the clubs are closing to say that she was staying out with 3 friends, as she put it, and I've not heard from her since. I texted her this morning to ask if she got home safely, if she had a nice time and to reassure her that I'm only asking if she got home safe because I love and care about her. I'm just wondering if she has went away with the guy she used to sleep with. Should I be worried that she is cheating on me or am I just being insecure , I just don't want to lose her because I love her so much.
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divorce, friend with benefits, her ex, insecure, no desire, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (18 May 2013):
 Sorry, pressed send too early. Stupid sensitive keypad.
What I wanted to say was, someone with self-esteem wouldn't beg a cheat to get back together with him after a very very short relationship, especially since she is not being you to take her back, but telling you no no no no no.
Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? It might help you to move on from this and to avoid something similar happening in the future.
In any case, I think you can write this one off as a mistake.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (18 May 2013):
Try to take a massive step back and look at this a little bit more objectively. You think she might be cheating on you, but from what you've said, she had made it very clear that she doesn't want to be with you, hence she can't be cheating on you because you are not in a relationship. You need to give her a break. As it is you are pestering her and putting a lot of pressure on her and that's not fair because she has actually been honest with you.Basically you have known her for a very short time and a lot of things have happened in that time that tell me as an outsider that it's just never going to happen. You are behaving obsessively. You've convinced yourself that she's the one for you and that you will wait for her while she sorts out her baggage. The thing is, what you have is a fantasy. The reality is that she doesn't want to be with you, and whatever baggage she has isn't going to go away just like that. I think that your reaction to this is a sign that you have a lot of work to do on yourself. A man with self-esteem would not try everything to get back with someone
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 Honestly? Just back off a bit, stop being so intense, she already has the stresses of three kids and going through a divorce which is not going smoothly, as evidenced by her sleeping with the ex AND THEN TELLING HIS GIRLFRIEND! What was that all about @ telling her ex's girlfriend? There certainly seems to be issues there, and on top of that we have you, doing whatever it is you are doing.
Step back, let the girl breath, stepping back will hopefully give you some time to get rational here, only you get decide if you behaviour in this relationship is much the same as in those previous relationships where you have been hurt by women. There is a strong chance 7ou are setting yourself up for some major hurt here too!
Step back. Breath. Pause. And if you and she agree to 'just be friends' until she sorts out her life a bit then guess what, just being friends does not mean obsessing about her being out, if she is going to have sex, where she is, what she is doing and who she is doing it with etc etc etc. You dont do that sort of stuff about your other friends do you?
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