A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OMG!! my husband of 21 years wants a divorce after getting his co-worker who is half his age pregnant. he says he loves me but he is in love with her and wants to marry her, and is excited about the baby. we had no children together but i had 2 from a previous marriage. i just cant believe this, im so scared. how did i miss this, i thought my marriage was solid. he has been seeing her for 9 months. she knew we were married. i cant understand it, we had sex, i took good care of him, i worked. was he bored, was it mid life crises? all i know is he started making good money and now hes gone. i couldnt have more children after my second was born, and he knew it and told me in our late 20s that he didnt care or want to have children. had i of known i would not of even started the relationship and spared this heartache. i now feel like a empty shell of a person, pathetic and stupid for being so blind. how do i go on. i want to fight for him, but how. any input would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Take this from a guy. It is NOT your fault.
Regardless of the "reason" he may have cheated, he should have divorced you instead of cheating.
By cheating, he has demonstrated that he has no regard for you, the marriage; that he is selfish, and that he does not that the manhood to be honest with you.
Instead, he held on to you until his other relationship was good and secure before making the move, because he wanted a fallback.
These actions make HIM pathetic...not you. Be happy that you are divorcing him. You don't want a person like that anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni called my lawyer today divorce hearing on oct. 22 says i can get alimony. thank you for your advice, my heart goes out to anyone who has to deal with such a thing. i think the hardest part of this is that my children are 1 older and one younger. why would she want to have a child by someone old enough to be her father.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): It was not your fault. Please do not blame yourself. Just divorce that jerk and go on with your life. He does not deserve you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 October 2012):
 you are not stupid.
I'm sorry he lied
I'm sorry he cheated.
YOU did not do anything wrong...
you will get over this betrayal and pain.
do you really want to fight for him? what are you fighting for? a man who lies? a man who cheats? a man who is willing to throw everything away that he has built with you for a young thing he knocked up?
you have suffered a terrible loss... get some counseling to get through it... it's NOT a reflection on you or your behavior but rather on him, his ethics, his morals and his self-respect.
LET her have a lying cheating man... when she's boring to him he'll cheat on her too.
why do you want to fight for him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Once the initial newness wears of he may come back to your door looking for sympathy .. Who knows.. If it we're me, I make sure he had no chance to get back into my life .
He's cheated and worse of all, he did it while he blindsided you, you had no clue.. Don't waste your time on bad rubbish, toss it aside and look after you, I agree with the other post ... Get a lawyer make sure he coughs up what he owes.. Keep focused at your job and keep your head high, you have dignity..
He has a young bird who might one day wake up and think OMG I've married my father!! Now that would be a hee..
You on the other hand are young enough to start over, get out meet new people who knows a new love may come along after you've healed..
Take care of you forget the donkey ..
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Don't fight for him, fight for yourself!!
He isn't coming back, he has a new younger woman and a baby on the way...he has made his choice and as disgusting, painful,horrible that it all is to you...he has moved on for his own selfish reasons and as human beings we have to accept that there is nobody and no one person who can MAKE another person stay with them if they do not want to.
Your man has moved on but there are two ways you can cope with this horrible life event.
You can pine and worry and cling on, beg, promise him anything and make yourself feel wretched and hopeless and torture yourself with what if's for years until you are so low you won't be able to get out of bed.
or you can put your greiving to one side for now, consult a lawyer and divorce him. You are entitled to monetary settlement and you are going to need this to make a new life for yourself.
We cannot control everything, people can walk in our lives and promise us the earth and they can walk out of our lives like nothing ever happened. He may live to regret his decision, but there is nothing you can or should do to influence that.
It's our own weaknesses that lead us to believe that when we marry someone that they would NEVER hurt us, harm us or leave us, we become complacent and drop the ball and that is when things change. You can give everything or nothing to your relationship but if the other person chooses to leave, there isn't anything you can do.
Find a lawyer and if you are not working...find a job.
You are only stupid, pathetic and blind if you choose to torture yourself...you go on by helping yourself, making a new life and staying strong.
Good Luck xxx
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A
female
reader, iargwath +, writes (15 October 2012):
 The fact that he cheated on you should be your primary concern. I think you need to focus whatever energy you have left on moving on from this situation. This man is not worth "fighting for." Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 October 2012):
First, stop blaming yourself and don't feel stupid! Even if you had children I'm sure he would have done the same thing.
Do you really want to fight for him and have to worry about him messing around with her still and not to mention he's "the baby's daddy"? I say, let him go and do whatever it is in life you've missed out on because of him.
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