A
female
age
36-40,
*melie6
writes:Where to start, well my boyfriend of three years looks at a lot of pictures of nude women on the internet. I discovered this almost a year ago, and before I knew about it, I was very confident about the way my body looked, not in an egotistical way, but I was confident in the bedroom and enjoyed sex very much; on the average day we'd have sex more than once and everything was good in that department. He used to tell me that he hated lads mags and that he hated the way women were objectified, and he even used to nag at his male friends for looking at these glorified women in magazines and what not. So when I accidently stumbled across a lot of naked celebrity searches on his computer, I was extremely suprised and hurt and felt very gullable to have believed his lies. He's ten years older than myself, and at the age of 33 I thought he'd be more of a man than a horney teenager. I didn't let on I knew and I kept track of what he was looking at, and some days he'd be up to an hour late picking me up whilst he was looking at countless naked celebrities. This obviously hurt me a lot, to know that he'd rather be in front of his computer screen wanking over hot celebrities rather than picking me up on time and having me, the real thing. He spends most his spare time playing video games, and some of them are full of big breasted women, and I later found out he wanks off to video game characters aswell. This made me feel very inadequite and unwanted. I've never felt so at odds with myself and unhappy with my body. I feel as though my breasts aren't big enough and he'd rather sleep with the women he looks at online rather than me. I confronted him about it and got angry and upset and told him how shit he had made me feel by doing this. He appologised and sworn on my life that he'd not look at anything again and that he'd change and said that it was just a habbit but he didn't need to do it. So I tried putting it to the back of my mind and move on. But I didn't feel comfortable anymore during sex, he didn't turn me on anymore, and I found that I couldn't get aroused, but regardless I still had sex with him daily and found myself faking orgasms. One week later, I found again, loads of naked women in his web history. Well I was truely gutted. This man had sworn on my life! At that point I knew it was either an addiction, or he just simply didn't care about me, as he had seen how mush it had hurt me first time round. I broke up with him for a few months but he pleaded for me back and silly me gave in and went back to him believing again that he would change, but I love him very much and I feel I can't be without him. After another few weeks, he's back again third time round, looking at more naked women. Now thing is, if he was watching some porn on the internet every now and then, I wouldn't be so effected by it because not all women in internet porn have big fake boobs and so on, some of them are more realistic, and the fact that it's watching sex is a bit more understandable. But the fact he's looking at specific women, celebrities, actresses, it effects my everyday life. Because I'll turn on the tv, there will be an actresss I've seen naked on his computer, he'll play his video games, and im sad inside knowing he wanks over the busty characters. I can't watch shows I used to love watching, because he's wanked off to the leading actresses! I can't go a day without this effecting me, whereas if he'd looked at regular women I wouldn't be seing them everywhere I looked. I've been depressed for some time now and it's not getting any better, I was so close to getting breast implants because I felt so unattractive around him and I dodn't want to take my clothes of ever. All the celebrties he looks at have fake boobs and fake tan, and to be honest, I don't envy these women because don't think they're attractive, but because I know that's all he's interested in I feel I have to change for him to look at me in a sexy way. I've lost interest in sex all together now, infact when he touches me I feel uncomfortable, I've lost appetite, lost interest in my social life, I don't want to go out or turn on the tv I just want to be alone where I know nothing can upset me. This may sound dramatic, but I really need help i'm becoming more and more depressed and I feel empty. I love ths man and I know he doesn't love me half as much as I love him or he wouldn't be doing this to me, he's seen what a mess it's made of me and it's like he doesn't care. I've been on anti depressents for a while and they don't help much, I've tried counciling but it only helps temporarily. I can't shake off this horrible feeling of upset in my stomach and I can't focus on anything anymore, my work is going downhill and I feel like I can't handle the outside world. I barely sleep, I feel so weak and I'm numb inside. Has anyone else felt this way? Can anybody help me, please? I don't want people commenting on how i'm insecure and that's my fault, I know I'm insecure but I have reason to be, if anyone has any advice please help me I would be greatful.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 I've often wondered myself, what's up with this irresistible attraction between porn and guys. It seems to be some strange magnetic field that escapes those of us of the female persuasion. I have lots of male friends, get along with my husband's friends, etc So I've just asked them, point blank: what the hell is this about, really? Nearly all who would be frank and brutally honest in response say the same thing: It's NOT,NOT, NOT a replacement or substitute for their wives, g/f's, or FWB's. No way, no how. Nor are they sitting there drooling over some celebrity's over-sized implants and wishing their little hearts out that you looked like that. It's a mere flash-in-the-pan stimulant for the moment. Period. Thing is there's alot of those moments. Some more than others, I'm told. It is the hardwiring of the male mind that is so starkly different from us girls. They have something in this area that we don't have. I've deduced that it's closely related to the same source that compels men to think of sex, like every 15-20 seconds. These guys tell me that using porn as a substitute for us would be the equivalent of buying a blow up doll to replace us. I'm also told that women are * cerebrally-oriented* about sex, while men are *visually-oriented* Meaning, if it stimulate us girls on a mental level, we're down with it. Men? see it and it works for them. Porn is nearly all visual, coincidence? I think most us would agree that porn is geared at men.
This seems to be epidemic, as evidenced by the sheer volume of posts on this very same matter.
I can only offer you the results of my own, personal research on this subject. If there's a "cure" I think it would be a pre-frontal lobotomy. Men are men. That's how Mother Nature made them.
A
female
reader, Amelie6 +, writes (4 June 2010):
Amelie6 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMeeting and picking me up late, up to an hour late most times we'd arrange to meet, because he's looking at naked women? Nope, that's definatly his problem, I'm not deluded, just depressed. [And with that, this question is closed, as the rest of the post violated site guidelines and was removed.]
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female
reader, Amelie6 +, writes (4 June 2010):
Amelie6 is verified as being by the original poster of the question[mod note: this answer has been edited to comply with site posting guidelines. Additionally, some previous answers by other aunts have been removed. The porn issue is a hot-button topic and often gets heated discussions. This question will be watched, closely, and any abusive or nasty language directed at any aunt will be removed. This site is a collection of individual opinions and life experiences, if you disagree with someone, disagree with their point, do not resort to calling names. Any more abusive posts and this question will be closed.For those of you unfamiliar with posting guidelines, find them here: http://www.dearcupid.org/pages/answer-guidelines.html ]No, the problem is not with me, it is with him. [edited text] See I don't hate men, or people who like porn, each to their own, i've figured out what's best for me now, and I think I kind of knew it all along. But Yeh like Miamine was saying, maybe I would be unhappy still if he watched regular porn I don't know, I do think i'd be less upset because I wouldn't see these women from day to day whether it be a magazine, a poster, on tv... Regardless of all that anyway, it's true that he is immature, disrespectful, and finding out the reason he's always so late picking me up is because he's looking at naked celebs...No thank you, I can definatly do better than that, I'm starting to see that now, and i'm not going down this miserable road again, putting myself first from now on.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 June 2010):
 What you guys don't get is that the problem is with you. Not him. (Q1605)
I understand that very well Q.. but people like what they like, and vicea versa. If they don't like it, then walking away is probably the best thing. At the moment, this ladies health is being damaged, this is not something that she is able to understand, counselling dose not work for her.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 June 2010):
Looking at tv/movie stars is probably better for a lot of woman, than your partner looking at someone who is realistic and may be someone you meet... Lots of women say.. "I wouldn't mind if the porn stars had smaller breasts, red hair, real breast, false breast, weren't transvestites".. take your pick.. We've even had women on here who were models themselves, and still their guy liked pornography, and they were upset because the guy picked older and ugly women...
But I'm not going to get into all of that..
As I said before, my real issue is the other signs of disrespect, the video games all day, late to pick you up... this I think may be a general pattern in your relationship, and it's easy for pornography to become the last straw. I think your making the right decision. At 33, this guy dose sound irresponsible to me.
Men lie about pornography, they have to, otherwise women get upset, and then they have to give it up, or pretend to give it up. Pornography is not limited by age or gender. Women look at it, so do teenage boys, and grey haired grandfathers who have been married for years.
However, I do hope you find a guy who is more suitable for you and values the things that you do and is there is less conflict in future. Blessing, and wishing you the happiness that you deserve.. No guy is worth your health, and yours sounds very disturbed.
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A
female
reader, Amelie6 +, writes (4 June 2010):
Amelie6 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the advice that's been given so far. It's all been helpful, like Kizzal mentioned though I didn't mean to make a big debate about what's classed as a porn addiction. I'm not making a bold statement that my boyfriends an addict, but looking at it from my point of view, after telling him i'd leave if I found another thing on his computer, and he still goes and does it, and after witnessing what this has done to me and my well being, and seing how much of a mess it's made me.. to still do it a third time round, personaly, I feel that is a form of an addiction; either that or he does not care about me enough to stop. And I'm asking myself why would I want to be with someone that doesn't care enough about me or my feelings? I know I'd give up anything at the drop of a hat if it effected him half as much as his need for naked celebs has effected me. I think the point I was trying to make that has perhaps been missed a bit, I wasn't slamming all porn, I just feel if my boyfriend was looking at actual porn, people having sex, then I wouldn't feel as bad, because they're just random people, that I don't know or see from day to day, and watching people having sex i'd be more understanding about I think. But because he's specifically looking for actresses of tv shows we watch and celebrities that are everywhere you look, this leaves me with a horrible feeling in my stomatch everytime I see them on tv. And when you can't even do something as simple as watch tv together as a couple, it's a pretty doomed relationship. Putting actual video porn aside for a second, ask yourself, would you feel comfortable watching tv with your partner knowing he wanks off to naked pictures of the actresses? Would this not effect you at all? If not, fair enough, but I can't deal with that, and the damage is done for me now, and i'm insulted he'd rather look at fake hollywood women with fake tan and fake boobs, than look at a real woman like me, and this goes against my general beliefs in life, I think it's sad women do this to themselves because they're so sad with their image that they end up nothing more but a picture on a screen for a man to jerk off to. I think I know what I have to do, and that's leave him. I've given enough chances, and I want to be happy now, so I'm done. Again, thanks for the opinions guys.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 June 2010):
Sorry Kizzal, you are right...
That's why I put down 4 ways to solve the problem of dislike/like pornography which causes arguments and conflicts in many relationships.
Thinking back on other posts we have had regarding pornography, here a few more suggestions.
5) Start to look at pornography of handsome men with big dicks and use vibrators and sex toys to hopefully make him feel inadequate and jealous. He may feel as rejected as you feel and he may begin to understand your point.
6) Make home pornography, with you and your partner as the main actors. Some men find this more arousing than what the commercial/professional type. Please be careful however, it is easy for pictures or video's to end up on the internet and be broadcast to the whole world.
7) Have sex more frequently... may or may not work
8) Do more things outside as a couple. If he's not at home then he has less chance to watch it. Go out to parks, take up sports, tire him out so he will only have enough stamina for you and not for magazines.
9) Have more kinky interesting sex... different locations, different times, be adventurous and suprise him.. http://www.sexinfo101.com/ has tons of suggestions. He may be getting his fantasies satisfied through pornography as there are sex acts that he finds it hard to suggest to you.
10) Have a long, honest talk about what you think about sex, commitment and love. Try and understand the way he sees things, explain how you see things. Be honest about your fantasies, desires, dreams, taboos and things that you have done that you are ashamed off... Honesty in sex and love can bring you closer and make both of you understand each other better and compromises become a lot easier.
Hope some of these can help....
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 June 2010):
Thank you very much for proving my point - an addiction is labelled as something you cannot give up, I rest my case!
Is there nothing that you find you cannot live without? Drinking coffee, talking on the telephone, watching TV...
Anyway... pointless conversation... As of now 2010... Mrs physiologist... There is NO such thing as Pornography Addiction according to the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) which is used world wide to treat people.
The current fashion for labelling anything and everything as addiction has brought the word into disrupte and stopped it from being a useful tool for clinical diagnosis.
Submissions are being taken for the new version of the DSM, where it is thought that Excessive pornography use will be included. However, at the moment they is large disagreement how to classify excessive pornography.
The word addiction will be removed, as mentioned, it has been abused and misused so often, that it is useless as a category that describes anything at all.
Funny how you can define something that thousands of psychologists have trouble with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): omg, i dont think arguing about what an addiction is classed as on this girls question is going to help her! The guy might not think he's done or doing anything wrong to want to give it up. My other halves point when i had an issue with him doing it and lying to me about it was that its not my business to know, and not important to our relationship. Hence he would lie to save an arguement (even tho i knew he was lying and we argued anyway) After many discussions, he doesnt lie about it anymore. I generally choose not to ask. But i want a happy relationship with him. It takes two to compromise and work out a happy solution. This girl doesnt need ppl with different opinions trying to prove each other wrong. She needs help. I dont think the problem of a possible addiction is the biggest issue out of everything she wrote so maybe just drop it? If she ever does check this i think she would prefer ppl's opinions on what to do to fix it etc. Not who's opinion is right
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Thank you very much for proving my point - an addiction is labelled as something you cannot give up, I rest my case!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Oh wow. I just went through the SAME THING as you... Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half, i found out about his "porn addicton" or whatever you may call it about six months ago. Its still hard. I am still incredibly insecure with myself.
I found naked celebs on his phone history when i was going on it to fast click on facebook... so i completely understand how you wouldnt want to watch things with thoes women on it. I feel the same way. We went to counceling, he's stopped... and i believe him... however, for some reason, me finding this out has turned me into a jelous person...
this is horrible, im supposed to be posting advise but all i can do is rant about my problem... I just hope that it helps you to know that of course you are not alone and that you aernt crazy, because i know that it just helped me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Oh dear, sigh
Food is NOT bad for you
Water is NOT bad for you
Sleep is NOT bad for you
I'm fairly sure I wouldn't want to give any of the above up, but the above is essential for life so the argument doesn't really stand up. People DO NOT need porn for life, therefore if they cannot give it up, in simplistic terms for the pedants out there, yes, I believe they are addicted!!!
Sigh again.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
"I would personally label an addiction as "something you cannot give up"."
Then as I said before, you make a mockery of the clinical word that medical people use to identify true addiction...
I can't give up food, so I'm an addict
I can't give up drinking water, so I'm an addict
I can't give up sleep, so I'm an addict
sigh... this list could get very long....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): I would personally label an addiction as "something you cannot give up". Therefore if you CANNOT give up porn, I would safely say you are addicted. There, I hope that has cleared things up.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
on the average day we'd have sex more than once and everything was good in that department.
This dosen't point to a porn addiction. If he is still able to have sex more than once a day with you, then he porn is not destroying his labido... it's more of a case that you don't like it and it seems excessive to you.
Labelling any man/woman who looks at pornography as an addict, is like labelling any person who sips a glass of wine an alcoholic. You need to have certain clinical and psychological issues before it can be classed a true addiction. Otherwise, it makes a mockery of the word addiction, and everyone, everywhere is an addict if they do anything in life more than once a day.
Your guy has issues with intimacy, but it's not the pornography that makes me say this, but the fact that he's playing video games all day. Even when you remove the porn, he'll still be immature, and late and his behaviour will not improve. But instead of having sex twice a day, he'll be demanding sex from you all the time instead. You'll never get out of the bedroom. He sounds like he has a high sex drive, too much time on his hands and immature behaviour. He is not acting like an adult man and that will remain even if he gets bored of pornography.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Thank you for sharing Kizza.. it is not wrong to dislike pornography or want it out of your life.. But people need to find solutions that they and their partner can be happy with. Thank you for explaining your situation and sharing on how you managed to deal with this together in a mature and adult way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): ok so firstly, remember that everyone has different opinions on this, and every other topic. And that just because one person thinks different to someone else it doesnt mean either person is wrong. It will be how you choose to take it. Im sorry to hear that your so hurt by your boyfriends use of porn. My fiance also uses porn to masturbate, videos usually on his mobile, or naked pictures of zoo girls etc. This does bother me, sometimes. I too had posted somethin on here about it. Some ppl wrote to get over it, some to talk to my partner, some to leave and try to find a guy who doesnt use porn. However, our relationship is wonderful, and i am not willing to let women that he will never meet, and that he doesnt want to touch, to affect us. Porn and pictures are just a tool that guys (and girls) will sometimes use to get off. It doesnt take away any kind of feelings your partner has towards you or about you. My guy does it more as a tension release or just cause then because he's horny. If he feels horny he usually waits for me. I do sometimes feel upset by it but after many arguements over the topic we have been able to reach a compromise that we are both ok with. He only does it up to 3times a wk, i dont ask when or wat over, and he always does stuff with me at least as much as he does something himself. This helps me feel as tho he prefers me over it etc. Which is something he always said anyway. The compromises over this have helped me accept that looking at porn and getting off to it sometimes doesnt and shouldn't affect us to the point of fights etc. I can see if he does something and sometimes that bothers me but generally i let it go. Most of the time he does stuff far less then what was said, but for him the knowledge that i'll accept up to that without an issue gives him the freedom and whatever else it is that he wants over this. Its somethin he has done long before i was in his life, and asking him to stop would be asking him to change. Which i dont want. My feelings over his use of porn are more from my own insecurities etc then from anything that he is doin wrong. His opinion over the matter is exactly that, he isn't doing anything wrong, he isn't interested in these women over me, he doesnt even remember wat he had looked at after he's done it. With your case, perhaps u could ask that he looks at the nobodies that u say u are ok with instead of ppl u see on tv etc. Make some compromises that you can handle. Or decide if the rest of the relationship is good enough for you to want to stay. Some of us women do struggle with our guys use of porn, some honestly dont care. If it does bother you, try and reach a compromise. It has helped me. And also, i did start watchin some with him and also by myself. With him he is far more interested in me then whats on the screen, and by myself... Well i dont enjoy it anywhere near as much as what i do with my guy, but its serves a use. And from using it myself i have seen that if i cant remember wat i watched 5 mins previous, why would my guy? It is up to you if his porn use is a deal breaker. Perhaps he is addicted, but it mite be something he has always done and he may not think he is doing anything wrong. Instead of telling him to stop completely perhaps find something you can both be happy with. Sorry if this has been 'my story' but i wanted to explain where i came from with my opinions and what has helped me. Best of luck to you
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
ah.. you want help and advice from other women who also feel sick and keep crying and refuse to leave or finding a proper solution..
Yep, I can help you with that.. here are all the women who cry and suffer and still have no solutions.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-men-need-porn.html
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
This may sound dramatic, but I really need help i'm becoming more and more depressed and I feel empty. I love ths man and I know he doesn't love me half as much as I love him or he wouldn't be doing this to me, he's seen what a mess it's made of me and it's like he doesn't care. I've been on anti depressents for a while and they don't help much, I've tried counciling but it only helps temporarily." (Original poster)
Ok.. not allowed to say you have big insecurity problems... you don't want proper advice... mmmm... you can't leave the man because you love him, so we are not allowed to tell you to leave him... mmmmm... you can't change.. pretty women with big breast make you feel bad.. but I can't say that, because I'm not allowed to mention "insecurity"..
mmmm... you can't turn on the tv, because them movie actresses now make you feel sick...
Please keep taking the anti-depressants... that's the only advice you've left me able to give.. Your situation is hopeless, there is no advice anyone here on DC can give you, because you haven't left us much room to be honest or truthfull.
Maybe find another lover, a woman, start seeing her on the side.. you've allowed me the space to advise that. Find yourself a woman who hates pornography, who can share you with your man, and is uglier than you and has smaller breasts.. then perhaps you'll get the kind of world you desire.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
"That is the biggest fallacy going but the myth is perpetuated through the inane ramblings on this site by young flibergibets who don't have life experience or a clue."
That's right, don't give a reasonable arguement, or point out a proper solution.. just insult everyone who disagrees with your views and tell everyone they is a fool..
Nice to be called young flibergibets.. hahaha... I'll tell that to my grey hair.
Solution to porn.
1) Leave guy, find new one.. hope that guy hates porn, but remember porn is a popular activity, and many people lie about it when they get caught
2) Nag, nag, nag and try and change the man into something he's not. Scream and cry and destroy your relationship until you two are no longer in love and are enemies who refuse to leave for some reason, but hate each other very much.
3) Look at pornography yourself, with him or apart from him. Try to see it in the way he dose. A fantasy, no different from a romantic movie or a romance book or a sexy article in cosmopolitian. Realise that you are still beautiful even if there are other women in the world. Realise it is childish to believe that if a person appreciates looking at beautiful things, it somehow makes you ugly and less in their eyes.
4) Have a policy of "don't ask, don't tell". As long as their is no physical contact with other women, and it's not in your face and in your sight where it can offend, then it's none of your business. You can demand he dosen't look at pornography, but unless you can watch him 24/7, he can look at it at work, in his car, at his mates house. Trying to stop someone doing something they like, will make them lie to you, because what you don't know can't hurt you. Remove the porn and it won't make no difference, he can look at the next door neighbour, the girl in the queue, the woman on the advert and imagine her naked with her legs open too.
You cannot police what people do, you cannot control their eyes, ears or brain. But you can demand that it's not done in front of you, and you can demand that it dosen't touch your life in anyway.
Push your man away with your demands, and as you've found out, he will just learn to tell stupid lies.
THERE IS NO WAY TO FORCE SOMEONE TO STOP LOOKING AT PORNGRAPHY... Men in jail look at pornography, your church preacher has his magazine. People give up pornography only when they want to.. It dosen't mean they don't love you, it dosen't make them like you less, sometimes it's not even about sex and could be due to habit or stress...
You can fight and cry and make it a big issue that destroys all your relationships with the many men who enjoy this type of thing (and women too) Or you can tell him how you feel, ask him to either stop looking at porn or remove it from your sight, and leave it at that and forget about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): I put a note here yesterday and it's not uploaded for some reason. Either way,stick to your guns on this issue. And to the reader with your forty years of life experience, I would put that over a 22 year old any day, and an unbaised 8 year old would hardly have worldy wisdom to impart upon the world.
You need to leave this guy, although I know you won't want me to say that. Either give him an ultimatum to get rid of the porn, or else you will leave. Simple as that. If he is really addicted, then he won't stop and your soul will get more and more destroyed. If he has a mild case, then the thought of you leaving should be enough to put him back on the right track. The man has lied to you and above all else, I do not believe that lying is a good thing in a relationship, despite the circumstances. Why would he lie? The guy is a bona fide idiot to choose what he is doing over you and to make you feel like shit in your relationship - that's not healthy! The pro-porn lobby will be up in arms at this point saying you snooped, etc, blah, blah, rhubarb, rhubarb!!!! Well, a women's gut instinct is incredible and clearly you realised there was an issue, but your signifcant other didn't have the balls to come clean with you, and you snooped!! And, reading between the lines, the man does have an issue because he'd choose the videos etc, rather than you - and clearly doesn't care how he has hurt you. It's funny, I've watched porn with my guy and realised it was not a good thing when he paid more attention to the tv than me. And a colleague at work had exactly the same experience with her husband! Porn breeds a discontentment and a craving for more and more variety, which any mere mortal will never be able to satisfy. Interestingly, I really fancy Brad Pitt, but would never try and hurt my significant other by saying to him, "honey, I know you are horny, but I'm not quite in the mood; can we put that video of Troy on where Brad looks really hot so I can get in the mood"!! I can just imagine my other half's face now - it would be crestfallen, but it certainly put's all of this into perspective. There are some other posts as well, where one women has written in who has appeared in pornos. The reality of it is quite awful, and she had dietary issues because she had to do anal 3 times a week and had to keep "clean". Perhaps we ought to have some reality programmes on porn so we can all gain an objective perspective. Also, another lady wrote about a girl she was at high school who went on to do porn, and was branded a slut to this day and apparently all anyone ever spoke about was her hairy arse!! These are the realities. And who are the idiots on this site that say you can learn something from porn - are you for real????? That is the biggest fallacy going but the myth is perpetuated through the inane ramblings on this site by young flibergibets who don't have life experience or a clue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): What make me qualified to talk about female sexuality you ask? A degree in gender issues and psychology, forty years of life experience and being a mother of four.
And u Celia?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): All the pro Porn readers will never understand how a partners porn use can effect a woman. I too was in counselling for the same reasoN and my therapist told me a huge part of her practises is dealing with these problems. Sure some women may have their own issues and be accepting if porn ( having deep feelings that they deserve no better) but for most well adjusted healthy women a partners use of this rubbish is a nail in th coffin of her sex drive. Respect is essential to female arousal ( unless she us screwed up and gets off on abuse) and porn and respect for women are simply incompatible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): Im sorry 2 hear bout ur problems. I bealive ur bf have an addiction on porn and maybe masturbation. Cause i face the same problem too. Its defenitely not ur fault. We just so use to it, that its hard to stop. Its like a daily rutine. My advice is talk to him bout avoiding things that can lead him to porn or masturbation.. Like stop using the internet or use the family filter, stop playing video game or playing any sexy game and spent more time together and do outdoor activity. U can also ask him to get a profesional help. Good luck.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2010):
 You hit it on the nail - your guy is addicted to porn. Believe me when I say to you that it's not because you have any problems in any way. There is nothing wrong with your body or your sexuality, and he's not into that stuff because of anything you did wrong.
Porn is a really addictive thing, kinda like heroin. Guys get used to all of these images to achieve their "high", and to them, it really is separate from the real relationship they have and love.
Your man is hopelessly caught up and ensnared into porn. He can't break free, and it's consumed his life beyond what even he wants. But believe me, those fake women do not hold a candle to you, and your man is NOT comparing you to them.
It's up to you to decide whether or not you want to help him kick the habit (he may not want to kick it) or whether for you, it's not worth it.
Whatever you decide, don't ever take HIS problem and blame yourself for it. You did nothing wrong, and you do not need implants and plastic enhancements just because HE has the problem.
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