A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:If women get off without porn why can't men get off on the feeling alone also? Why is porn needed??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): MEN:Imagine you get home and fine your gfs (or wives) mansturbating with an image of a naked man.You will think "how sexy" or "how disturbing"You might have a fight, or maybe have sex with her.But think hard.. You'r having sex with her, YOU.Don't you think she might me thinking about all the guys she saw on the internet?Then SHE IS NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU, she is only pleasing herself. CAUSE I HAD WATCHED PORN, AND, SADLY, I had thought of other guys while having sex with my man.Same we think about guys. Do they REALLY FOCUS ON US? Are they having sex WITH US?Dont come up with the story of "We like it cause of our nature" or like "Because we are curious"Just like said before, dont come to us and tell us that we are the sexiest, because in that case, you wouldn't be looking at others.Thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Men and Women's sex drives differ... just because a man watches porn doesn't mean he loves you any less - its'a sexual release, but then you need to be a man to understand... It's a means to an end, that's all... (OK, not that "simple", it has issues in terms of "degrading women" etc)...., but ordinarily... that's "all"....Why are you offended because he is "looking" at other women, don't you trust him enough to appreciate that porn is a "means to an end"? He may not feel like mentioning wanting sex with you for many reasons.... a man's sex drive is complicated, as so can be a woman's mood....Communication works..... Yos, you state that man has existed for 100k + without porn, reasonable point, but the fact of the matter is, it exists - no point in referring to the past.. Porn is not something "natural" - OK - define "natural" for me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): I don't know the anwer to that question but wish I did. I just found out my fellas paid loads of money for videos and images on his phone and I thought I was good enough for him what a fool. I feel sick about it and stupid too. Harmless blokey stuff, he says. Well it's ending our relationship. A very hurt confused female
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): I've read some of the comments posted by women on here and it leads me to believe most, if not all, women are simply not "getting" it. First, a quick sex-ed lesson. The male species generates sperm, as I hope you all know, and at some point we must.. for lack of a better term, relieve ourselves. This is a constant battle that we must deal with on a regular basis. Why do we look at porn? Well.. It just makes it easier to get aroused to relieve ourselves. Some men find it hard to get everything working unless they have something to help out. Now I've also read that some women find this offensive.. May I ask this then.. Would you not get tired of us asking you to relieve us all the time? I think you might.. Deny it all you want. It has nothing to do with you, porn is only to help men get aroused enough to empty.. you know. Why are we ashamed when you "catch" us doing it? Well.. I can't spell everything out for you.. Rather than jumping to conclusions, use your head and THINK, don't just assume the worst.. lol. If you are still concerned, then talk with your significant other, and he will (should) explain why.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): some women do need porn, and some men don't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): whether it's two-dimensional or 3-D,all men want to fuck as many different woman as they can before they die. what women really need to worry about is the inevitable invention of virtual sex, which will lead to the death of marriage & dating altogether. sorry ladies , it will always be a man's world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Men and Porn??..I have read all the different views on here and as a woman experiencing this very problem at the moment i feel compelled to put my views across..
1. if it makes you feel insecure, bad about yourself, lowers your self esteem etc...DONT ACCEPT IT
men are like dogs!!..they need trained, they need to be trained and accept how it makes us feel.. would they accept it if we were to look at 'big cocks' via internet etc.. I DONT THINK SO!!..
2. So either put up with it, get rid, or treat them at their own game ie. [big cocks website etc]..the choice is yours..
..no one will make that decision for you..only you..be strong and never settle for second best!!!
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A
female
reader, yme7020 +, writes (21 April 2009):
I have been married for almost to years and i admitt that at the begining of our relationship we watch porn toegther but as time when on i didnt need it anymore beacuse i was statisfied with our sex life and i thought he was two, but i kept finding new porn videos, and under the kitchen sink once i found pictures of naked girls, he caught a virus twice on our computers and now so long ago i found pictures on his phone that he took of the computer screen. now i thought he wasnt looking at it but i was wrong, it makes me feel like its something wrong with me, wat makes it worse is that i let him take explicited pictures and videos of me so i thought that it would satisfy him, i am very hurt about this situation that i cant even enjoy our sex anymore. i think u should be open with each other and if u want naked pctures of a woman then talk to ur wife and take pictures of her, that will increase ur sex life, u get wat u want, her selfesteem will be high and she will want to explore more, when a man watches porn and the spouses catch them it makes them feel like shit. relationship works with communication ur spouse might want to watch it with u or might want to make a homemade porn that u can watch and learn from. i am glad to see that i am not alone in the world i am 27 so i have lots to learn
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female
reader, kiki75  +, writes (20 February 2009):
I think porn makes people lonely and that is exactly what this society wants us to be. lonely people are sad people who need to buy loads of useless stuff to feel better.
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female
reader, HLangNew +, writes (31 December 2008):
I can understand that some men and women enjoy porn and that's fine. A need for porn?! I don't think so. A need for sexual satisfaction—certainly—but, when you're in a monogamous relationship like I am, that "need" can be fulfilled by me or his hand and a picture or movie of ME not a movie or image of another woman or women.
If your partner loves you and respects you they will not look at your disapproval of their interest in porn as silly or stupid or make excuses. They should do what they can to make you happy as you would do for them. We all make sacrifices everyday for others, why can't this be one if it means a stronger bond with your soul mate? Why can't we talk things through openly and try new things with our partners together instead of hiding cheap fantasies in the closet or hard drive?
Some people are not hurt by their partner looking at porn. Some enjoy looking at it with them and that's great—it's just a tool to arouse for them. But others like myself see these movies and imagery as hurtful and upsetting when our loved one is engaged in them. We all have different limits and desires and that makes us human. But part of truly loving someone is honoring their limits… and satisfying your sexual desires in a way you're BOTH comfortable with.
So, a need? No.
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A
female
reader, Lunabella +, writes (10 November 2008):
 Women love their men and don't need outside stimulation to get them aroused or get them off, so they are hurt when the same kind of feelings are not returned.
Women also need to loosen up and enjoy their sexuality like men do and realize that what they are ultimately upset about is the male privilege. Men are given magazines and encouraged to enjoy sex from an early age. Women are taught to repress their natural feelings and to avoid pregnancy.
I'm a very attractive, fit, child-free and desirable 46 year old who is very eager to please, but my husband still has to look at his fetish videos online while I am in the shower and while I am in bed sleeping. He says telling me about it upsets me, so he hides it. He used to do much more "exploring" several years ago and his fetish porn viewing reminds me of his betrayal to me. I married a man who had a rare and unusual fetish, but I didn't know about it until 15 years later when he got caught. Phone bills, Internet and credit cards revealed his illicit compulsion.
My husband also explains that he loves me and he just looks at those things as diversions like the news or any other entertainment.
Do we ladies like to look at big cocks and well built men for our diversions? I think if we were taught that this was normal, many of us might consider it. Instead of looking at shoes and clothes we might fancy men as pure entertainment.
Imagine our men coming home and catching us laid out on the bed with some toys and our favorite hot men and big cock porn. Some ladies even like gay porn - all men. Put it on. Then when you make love with your man, he might think that you are using him to get off while images of your porn play in your head. (Just like he does to you, ladies.) Many men might laugh at that notion of getting revenge on them because they would love seeing their wife or g/f enjoying herself. It is a turn on for them. Horny women often make the most attractive women - not necessarily big boobs and the like.
However with many women, it hurts us to think that their men are in their own heads fantasizing instead of being with us when we make love. It is offensive because when we want closeness and loving attention we are demoted to mere vessels for their outpouring pleasure. It cuts off intimacy and it prevents us from bonding with our man. This is partly the reason why women are offended by porn.
My husband is in his 40's and I know that performance can be a challenge sometimes especially with me, the same wife he has had for 16 years - no matter how much he loves me or how beautiful he may think I am or how adventurous I am wiling to be.
Men get off seeing women loving sex for sex's sake with no strings attached. Women may like sex of r sex in its raw physical form, but also they desire bonding and intimacy as well. Women yearn for a deep fulfillment that sex for sex sake cannot offer.
I often wonder if a man's perfect world - he could have the love of his life and many girlfriends in addition to that. I think the porn thing might be related to this concept in a distant way. They have their wife and they have their fantasies. The fantasies don't talk back so it makes it easier to keep those images safely tucked away in their minds.
Ladies - again - if we were brought up differently - many of us might find that having multiple lovers is not a bad thing. It is when children and families become involved that things get complicated. Women's DNA are designed to take care of the family and men are designed to make families. When you take children out of the equation, like for me for instance . . . I have to wonder about myself. What do I really crave or desire in a relationship? What kind of man turns me on and makes me crazy in love with them? Surely, not a guy who looks at porn behind my back and uses it for entertainment.
Many women crave a mutual support system that fulfills them emotionally and sexually. So many men are unable to give this kind of attention and porn builds a wedge where mutual love and respect should be.
Some men fear intimacy and are afraid of being vulnerable. Being attracted and getting turned on by different women lets them know that they are alive, young and potent. For a women to attempt to take that away from a man makes us less attractive to them. They see that as controlling and suffocating.
Just some random thoughts on the matter . . .
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A
female
reader, thinky  +, writes (16 September 2008):
Hmmm. Some random thoughts...
I've met some very talented female lawyers and judges at the top of their profession. In quiet moments, they would confide they worried about their weight, and whether they'd spent enough time with the children. Very successful women still have that dilemma - and I think porn presses that button.... what is it to be a success as a woman? Why is the most highly paid profession for women one that many women would not only failt to aspire to, but actively resent?
I've worked with street prostitutes, to try and improve their welfare. I find the "happy hooker" myth depressing, as I've never come across a more miserable bunch of people. I'd like to think porn actresses are more liberated, but not according to Shelley Lubben:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MhkqymLAP8&feature=related
One male commentator said his wife didn't seem appealing after he'd viewed countless female models, and that was the part men didn't want to admit to. I believe him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): i have a problem also with porn most women dont watch it because it is degrading its never a site for a women but for a man, now i have been studying this subject some say that men just like to see naked women having sex and doing anything, anything that they wouldnt want there own girlfriend to do, and some say its because they have intamacy problems, its rubbish men watch it because they can, they get off on it and they lie about it which adds more of a thrill factor to them and the fact that there are so many free websites makes it more difficuilt to trust men when they say they wont look at it or wont lie about it! porn is not needed society would be fine if porn was never created. women think far more than men do about this subject because we feel more, we think more and we seem to get hurt more easily. i have to say there are so many women here that i respect, you have made perfectly good comments that are true for so many of us women out there! do not let a man degrade you because he has some sick little porn habbit! porn is only nessisary and okay to watch in a mans head because they want it to be! dont take any crap from your man if he says he wont do it and he lies hes no good and if you say he can watch it as long as you know about it and he still lies then he really doesnt deserve you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. I know that he watches porn and I am okay with that. I guess. He isn't trying to hide anything from me and once in a while we have watched porn together as well and he enjoys that too and I am glad we have a good understanding relationship here we can openly talk about things. Like someone's already mentioned here before, I dont have a problem with it, I would just like to know why he does it.I don't believe in things like its just typical men being men. That's really not applicable because I am a very sexual person. I have a high sex drive (like a very high sex drive) and although we dont live together we do have a very active sex life. So that cannot be the reason.The only other possibility left open is that it's because I'm not very good looking.I know he'd argue that if I had the chance to do the likes of Brad Pitt I would, for example. But I disagree with that, I don't think it's the right thing for myself since it's likely to be a one night stand and I wouldn't be up for those no matter how absolutely amazing the guy looks (I know I am going off in a random tangent. Okay I'm getting back to the topic). And secondly, just because I would do a guy cos he is good looking doesn't mean I'd have to go around searching for porn with fit men in them.I have recently found myself wondering whether he would continue to watch porn even when we are living together. I don't have any problem with it whatsoever, I believe people have the right to their personal space and whatever they want to do.I feel as though the fact that it bugs me slightly to know he does watch porn by himself is a problem of my own and I need to deal with it. It's just a jealousy thing I suppose. I wish I was less flabbier and taller and whatnot so he wouldn't need to indulge into pornography to fulfill his fantasies. If I could be what he wants then he wouldn't have the need for it. After all as far as I know, he doesn't have any out of the world fantasies that only happen in ... well..porn. It's pretty straightforward stuff and we engage in them ourselves. Then why search porn for that?Its worth mentioning here that I do watch porn myself but only when either I haven't seen him for a long time and want to masturbate or ones which involve crazy fantasies that cannot take place in his bedroom (don't want to get into details lol :P ...)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): My boyfriend and I have been together for over a yearm within 3 months we started living together and that's when i realized i wasn't the only girl in his life. from webcamming with girls while im at work to watching porn while im in bed waiting for him to come sleep with me, our entire relationship and the way i feel about him has changed drastically thanks to porn. I am not an ugly girl, in fact, all I ever hear is "oh you're so pretty". He always said so too and treated me like a queen. Then I made the stupid choice to look at the history and discovered many things I didn't want to see. It makes me feel, honestly, like I mean nothing to him. I agree with all of you ladies that are against it, though guys and some women may think it's normal, it's painful to the partner of the person who'\s doing it, depending on how they feel about themselves. My boyfriend knows I hate it, and I know he still does it. We no longer live together because porn and his ex bed buddies were fucking everything over. I've had girls that are married with kids that he's had 3somes with or random sex with actually treat me like complete shit or harass me for being with him. He is a man whore, basically, and I hate it. I love my man more than anything, well I did.. and I still would.. if he could just see me and not his computer screen. It' completely degrading and gross, and if that means I'm insecure then I'm sorry. I think it's just because I have a little more self respect than to let my man cheat on me with a PC.
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female
reader, alma +, writes (20 August 2008):
Hey everyone, imagine this scenario: Your buddy sends you a new text message. You open it up and see one girl inserting an inatimate object into her privates, and another one performing oral sex on a man. Instead of being happy to see your daily dose of crap, your face turns white, sweat beads up, you can't breathe, and you puke your guts out. Why? because what you just exposed yourself to was your daughter and your own mother. How would you feel if someone you loved from your family was involved in this? Sex is cheap. The men and women involved are selling themselves out. Do you know that most of those women have been sexually abused as children? Do you think that their childhood abuse was natural?/ or necessary? Maybe their abusers couldn't find anyone to willingly have sex with them, so they forced an innocent child into it. Is that "cool"? "necessary?" Give me a break. Marriage has existed for so long because it promotes healthy relationships between two people. When the city of Rome collapsed, men were commonly having sex with little boys. They thought it was natural and necessary for their well-being, but they were really just demented and self-serving ass-holes. And surely everyone here is smart enough to know that just because other people do bad things, doesn't change the fact that it's bad. Don't let a mob-mentality society dictate to you that watching other people perform an intimate act is "normal". Porn just cheapens us lower than animals. Don't lower your own standards so you can be just like your friends. If everyone I knew molested children and said it made them happy, I sure wouldn't join them, although if it were true I would want to kill myself. When you value you two lumps of fat and a hole more than a whole person, you've got a problem. You are robbing yourself of a meaningful connection with other human beings. If you can not value a person beyond their flesh, then you are doomed to ignorance of the other beautiful aspects of life, such as: 1) Making love to someone that truly cares about you and will help you through sickness, 2) appreciating the miracle of life (especially when that life is the product of a respectful wife). If men really just "want" porn, then tell me, what kind of world will this be when all of the mothers, daughters, sisters and wives plaster their "private" parts all over the internet for everyone to watch? Humans have been intelligent enough to create the internet, and now we have to use what collective intelligence we have left to stop hurting ourselves by taking demeaning and dehumanizing pictures of ourselves.Infamous serial killers always started watching porn when they were young. The Carr brothers in Wichita, KS saw pictures of their mother in porn, then they sexually harrassed a teacher, and years later raped sodomized, and killed several men and women. I contend that nothing positive comes from leering at what is best left sacred. I also contend that our children who are increasingly bombarded by it will forever be damaged by this warped "habit". If sex is nothing more than a physical act to you, then you are denying your own soul. Imagine wasting your life in front of a stupid screen. One day you'll be a dirty old man in a nursing home. When you soil yourself, maybe the only people left to take care of you will be young adults who spent their childhood watching adults have perverted sex. They have been "raised" by cold, unfeeling machines (the itiot box)where the only thing they learned to value was empty sex. Do you think people who can't see past someone's private parts is gonna give 2 cents about YOUR suffering? Believe me, they will be too concerned about themselves to care. It is coming to pass, I've worked for years in a nursing home. I gratefully was able to lovingly tend to my own grandmother personally. But what about the "parents" who spent more time hooking up with multiple partners than caring for the children? I'll tell you: My husband's mom shamelessly cheated on his father for years. The result is he loves his father and despises his mother. We will not take care of her as she ages because of her selfish abuse and neither will any of her other kids. I implore people to spend their youthful years not wasting it as mindless sexpots, but explore a deeper more lasting connection to God, your spouse, your blessed children, and if time permits, extend your heart and reach out to friends and help your neighbors when they need it. If you respect your own family members, you would be sick to see them involved in porn. Remember that if you enjoy being treated with dignity and respect, then don't be part of a decaying society. Treat everyone you meet as a person, not like a plastic plaything. You will thank yourself when your son is proud of his lovely wife, and likwise when walking a daughter down the aisle with dignity, knowing her husband loves her as a person more precious than gold, not a compilation of 3 sex organs.
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female
reader, lacyj +, writes (8 August 2008):
Men do not need Porn , it makes them only sick in the long run. If their girl friends and wives are not good enough for them , they should leave them, It makes me sick to see a grown adult male gauk, at a computer screen of nude women an sex acts, I know of some guys who will sit almost all day and look at porn, Now that is rediculas, These same guys also cheat, lie, and are losers.Don't men know what women look like after they have sen and been married to one for yrs. Very un adult like. i still say sick sick sick. Actually, this stuff as turned me against men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Men do not need porn. porn wasn't around as long as life has existed so it is obviously not a need! i caught my fiance looking at porn today, this is not the first time either. The time before this (3 months ago) i told him if he ever did it again i would leave him and that is what i did. It is completely degrading to women and sick (in MY opinion). THERE IS NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO RESPECT YOUR WISHES!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): my boyfriend i have been with for some time now had a conversation with me about porn a really in depth one, he said how porn was degrading to women, which i couldnt agree with more he seemed to have the same views on it as i did. After having explained to him the problems porn caused in a previous relationship of mine he swore blind he'd never even dream of watching the stuff...he made a promise and said because he loved me he couldnt watch it for that reason,because he respected me or so i thought...Not even a week later i found that he had been watching some serious hardcore pornography online and had taken the time to record it onto his phone so he could watch it whenever he pleases, i however used his phone a few days later as we trusted each other and supposedly had nothing to hide and i found it...when i confronted him he said he'd had a moment of stupidity and that he respected women and he put forth the idea that he didnt know what he was doing...what a load of bull...hence why we're not together anymore mainly because he lied and went behind my back now i never told him he coulnt watch it i never forbid it i just expressed my views on it and he went behind my back even after making a promise of his own choice that he wouldnt watch porn...i think it is a waste of time and degrading not to mention it causes more problems then it is worth, it creates lies and deceit between people and also sets doubt into many womens minds...why would anyone want to watch something so pointless just to create i life of misery for themselves and their loved ones, men might aswell walk up to any tom dick or harry and ask if they can come round and watch him and his mrs at it...essentially its not just degrading to the people in the pornography but the men(and women) watching it are just bringing themselves down to a rather low level of self respect and degrading themselves i feel...sex between a man and women is supposed to be something of intimacy and a show of how much you care for this other person but by watching things such as pornography you then make it become something completely meaningless...
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female
reader, candylicious +, writes (11 July 2008):
well sweetie not all women can "get off" withut porn. myself and my husband both regularly sit down to some good action on the telly. dont think it is because the man in your life doest think you are sexy enough, it is just smething interesting for them to engage in. totally natural. You should try it before dismissing it, you might find you too like to get off to it ;)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Ladies, please stop attempting to answer whether or not men need porn!!! I would never answer what it feels like to get a period, so how are your comments on what it feels like to be a man relevant? You first need to educate yourselves. Read "Brain Sex" or "The Psychology of Sex"!!! Men are, just as you are, products of millions of years of a genetic effort to see what reproduces best. And should it ever come as any wonder that men that were constantly attempting to have sex had more kids and therefore were more genetically successful? So the answer to whether men need porn is really an absolute yes, but the scary thing is the reason why. Because women allowed... no encouraged it. Yes, by selecting men who were more sexually active to procreate with women have ultimately created a more promiscous generation of men. The solution??? Just fight your very nature and select a "Bill Gates" (without the money) type, who will produce offspring that are less likely themselves to reproduce. You ask no less of men when you ask them not to look at porn.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): I am a female who regularly watches porn, even though I would consider myself as strictly heterosexual, I am easily aroused by wathing hetero and lesbian sex. So I can understand both the female and male viewpoint. The reason I enjoy watching porn is just strictly for pleasure, it has nothing to do with how I view men or women in reality. Girls, I know it may make you feel insecure if your man watches porn but you need to realise it DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, it serves a function.. to get a man aroused to and to help him come. That's all. With you though you are so much more than simply a tool to help him come, you are his friend, companion, confidante, etc. etc. So please girls do not stress too much about your man watching porn. As long as he doesn't overdo it, and never puts porn before you or his responsibilities, it shouldn't be a problem.
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male
reader, jay27 +, writes (9 June 2008):
Whether or not men need porn depends on the meaning of "need" (how's that for evasion?). But seriously I think they do. This points up another difference between the sexes. My experience with my wife and with other women before my marriage convinced me that women don't respond as strongly as men to sexual images. It's a rare man who doesn't get aroused by watching a movie of a woman displaying her wares or having sex with a man or another woman. Most men (especially young men), when they masturbate like to look at pictures of women; it just turns them on. But how many women want to look at a picture of a naked man when they masturbate? Not many I bet. Now back to the meaning of "need." Well it isn't "required". Men can sure get aroused and perform without porn, but it's just more fun with it.
I somwhat understand why women get upset when their man wants porn, but it's too bad they can't understand that it's just something men like and is no reflection on them.
And yes I like porn. Out of respect to my wife (and because I have two teen-age sons) I do not keep porn hidden aruond the house. However I do at time visit porn stores and once in a while some of my men friends and I get together and watch a DVD. Sorry, just the way it is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): My boyfriend used to watch porn, he doesnt anymore (he says) but i still wonder why he did it. It really bugs me, i let him know how i feel about it and i ask him why he used to watch it and he just says "well they just do rele dirty stuff", i try to be pretty dirty in bed but to be honest i dont want my boyfriend ejaculating on some girls BUCKET and then me having to come and lick it off after as he is always going on about. We have an amazing sex life but i keep getting that stuck in my head, would he prefer to sleep with a porn star? Should i be envious of these sluts? Its rele starting to piss me off and i have NEVER been insecure. If a rele dirty girl bent over in front of him naked would he have intercourse with her?? GRRRRRR I dont need a bunch of male pornstars to get me off, why does he need porn? :( i hate it. Morgan
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): men don't need to watch porn. they only think they do. because it is prohibited or frowned upon by women, makes it even more appealing.
men don't understand that to some women who do not like porn, there are reasons other than 'i feel insecure'. eg. my father had a cupboard of porn in his shed that he thought no-one knew abt. it made me sick cos i would think he preferred that filth to my mother which most likely he did. therefore i dislike the idea of my boyfriend watching it because of that. yes insecurity is a factor but it goes beyond that.
men are not going to die nor will their balls swell up to the point where it will implode or explode or contract 'blue ball syndrome' or whatever lame excuse they decide to pull out of their ass.
the woman that act in the films i have no problem with. they are beautiful and is their choice how they choose to display that 'beauty'. although to me porn is like cheating, if you want to go watch other women naked then f**k off. be single. simple. u can't hack being with one person then obviously monogamy isn't for u. don't hurt someone for the sake of your pleasure and selfishness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): wow so many interesting viewpoints!
I must say that one thing leapt out at me that should be corrected. To say that porn is to men what handbags and shoes are to women is a joke. Handbags & shoes are quite often purchased in an effort to "look good" or "look better"...partially perhaps so that the guy in question maintains some level of attraction to us.
Now, would you say that men watch porn because they want to keep their women interested and attracted to them? HA!
Sorry, if you're gonna make a comparison, which isnt possible on this subject matter it should at least be apples to apples...or fruit to fruit for that matter.
Bottom line is, if you love your girl so much, why flaunt the fact that you get off on simply looking at other women? Me, I'd rather not know. Honestly, no amount of self-confidence could prevent me from feeling that "compared to" feeling that absolutely sucks and only starts the brain off with a million questions id rather not wonder about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I am a little bit baffled by these entries..
I am 29, married for over a year now, and YES, my husband watches porn online. (I found out a few years ago, when we were dating, as my husband/boyfriend at the time did not bother erasing the history on the computer)
Yes,it hurt my feelings, when I found out. We talked about it and I am over it now.
Why? I have grown out of the "little princess" dream.
Sorry ladies, but a relationship isn't exactly like a Disney movie. We need to have expectations that are realistic .. or we WILL be disappointed.
Sure, we all seek (and deserve) respect, happiness, loyalty, trust, passionate sex, intimacy,intellectual emulation, you name it.. in a relationship.
We all aspire to feel special and loved. And our partner prove us in many (many) ways how special and loved we are.
However, it is NOT realistic to expect your partner to be attracted to only one woman / man on earth. Let's be real! if you expect your partner to never ever feel attracted to anyone else over the years, the wake up call WILL BE painful.
Now.. Attraction is one thing. Infidelity, cheating and deceit is another. Needless to say that I have no tolerance for the latter. The former is not only normal. It is HUMAN: Porn is about fantasy. Not about reality. And porn certainly isn't cheating.
Ladies, do NOT torture yourselves over porn: Men love watching it, it has nothing to do with you, your body or the state of the relationship for that matter. Do NOT take the porn hobby personally, as it ISN'T personal. Guys love the visual stimulation, that's all. It is about FANTASY.
As a woman myself, I have learned that we women tend to personalize a lot of things i.e : "My husband watches porn, which means that I must be ugly and he is not attracted to me/he is going to cheat on me".
STOP personalizing things that aren't personal. Guys love porn. Not just your husband. Not because of YOU. Not because of the way you are/look or the state of your relationship. Just because. Accept it. Move on. Be happy :))
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Men don't need porn, hun. They need a way to vent on a "idealistic" women who won't talk out of terms. Maybe in their adolescents they might but porn in my opinion is a cheap drug, and unfortunately once that cheap drug doesn't have the same thrill they move on to the harder ones. What a society we have evolved into, anything goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Men can handle having casual no-strings-attached sex with women they don't care much about, or even with female friends that they're not really very romantically attracted to in the first place . . . why can't most women do this with their male friends too? What's the problem?
For that matter, most men that I know wouldn't mind their woman looking at porn instead of looking at only THEM for sexual arousal. Why can't women deal with porn-liking partners as well as so many men can?
The answers to all these questions are that the genders are different. They're just made that way. It's not nurture, it's mostly nature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Well the excuse I get is that it's nothing to do with me or how I look, it is completely seperate from our marriage and that it's just something he does. The thing is, does it reduce the desire he has for me or not? I don't know. Without it, would he want sex more often?
We didn't have sex for about 3 weeks once, and in that time he didn't watch porn at all.
When he started watching porn again, we started having sex again, so maybe it increases his desire.
But if that's the case, then is he with me when we do it, or is he fantasizing about who he's seen on the internet?
I don't necessarily want him to stop watching it, I just want to understand why.
That is a big question to me is why, when he has a good loving wife who would please him in any way he wishes, why would he need to watch porn and jack off to it rather than have proper loving sex, dirty sex, any sex he wants?
Why still watch it when he knows it's upsetting to me and leaves me feeling like I'm not good enough?
The only thing I can do is try to just ignore it, but when he does it 2 - 3 times a week, perhaps more, and only comes to me once a week, he is watching it more than having sex with me, should I feel hurt?
I just don't know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): I understand that porn is needed, sure some nights i really do not feel like having sex, ok, fine, watch porn. But i have to ask, how much is really necessary and when does it become excessive? I recently found a flash drive which i had "lost" about a year ago. Being that it is my flash drive i plugged it into the computer to use it for a project, only to discover over 400 pornographic pictures. yes, that right, my husband stole my flash drive, loaded it with naked women, hide it, and then lied about it for a YEAR!!!! when i found it, i decided to go to his "porn drawer" to see what exactly he had in there; 23 videos and 5 magazines. I really need to wonder when enough is enough! on top of this, which occured about two weeks ago, this weekend he is at a bachalor party for his best friend, three hours away, and yes, they are going to a strip club, or a few. I feel like crap! there are so very many ways to make a woman feel inadequet, but to do it so many times so close together. what in gods name do i do about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I get so frustrated and so fed up with my husband for watching porn, we have had the most phenomenal arguments over it and yet he still watches it.
I told him I don't care anymore whether he watches it or not. I do though, I just said that to keep the peace because I didn't want our relationship to get ruined. I hate porn now. I never used to.
The rest of our relationship is great, it's just the porn watching and the decrease in sex because of it. I just want to smash his computer up and leave him but I can't because I haven't got the money to leave. I made so many sacrifices to be with him, I moved 4000 miles to be with him so it's not so easy to leave him and go home.
I love him but I hate his guts at the same time. I do nothing but try to be a good wife to him, I please him in any way he wishes, I've never refused him sex and yet he would rather watch porn than have sex with me.
He watches it behind my back, as soon as I'm upstairs or asleep, he will watch porn. I know because I spy on his history too. I have tried reasoning with myself, telling myself that it doesn't matter, because it's better than him going out and screwing around behind my back, and that all men watch porn, but I'm absolutely sick of it.
I feel like our marriage is based on a lie because of it, that's how bad it has got. He never wants to make love to me more than once a week anymore, or once every 2 weeks, we used to make love a lot more than that. It's over within 5 minutes and never used to be, we used to have sex for ages. When I want sex, he makes excuses like "I'm not in the mood" yet he will be in the mood nearly every day for porn. I feel he has pushed me away intimately. He seems to want me around to clean his clothes, clean the house, cook his meals, all that, but not for sex. We only seem to make love with the lights out and I think it's because he isn't really with me, he is fantasizing over his latest thrill on the net.
It has damaged our relationship. I carry all this hurt around because if I confront him as I have done in the past, it pushes him further away from me and then I feel like I'm the one who has done the damage to us. I'm frustrated sexually, I need sex a lot more than once a week and he knows this but still prefers porn. I've said to him, next time he wants to watch porn, to come to me instead and I'll get him off, but he doesn't.
I'm fed up with the lies, the feeling of betrayal, feeling like I should be the guilty one for spying on him, feeling like I am blowing it out of proportion, feeling like I am the only one who cares about our marriage, and most of all, I feel bad for thinking he was better than that and that he loved me so deeply, wanted me badly and that I was the most important woman in the world to him.
If I had known what an addiction he has and how much it would hurt me, I would never have actually married him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): my boyfriend looks at porn of pregnant women, which really does anoy me as his brothers girlfriend is heavily pregnant. hes also looked up for swinging and doging in aares near us, well i dont wann do swinging so why is he looking up this. and also its near are area which really got me pregnant. it doesnt help that hes also been talking to girls online asking them if there single and calling them babe ect, how anoying! this does really put my confidence down. once we had a small argument and i read him talking to someone saying we had split up and he was intrested in this girl. then another time someone told me hed been plaaying 2 girls agaist eachother saying he liked them and everything, well then bout 2 weeks later i found a ripped up letter in his pocket from one of the girls saying how she liked him but hed also been chating to the other girl on msn so she was confused bout what was going on. all of this has been happening through out the last year, and we also have a child together. before i got pregnant he was dumping me and going back out with me and even slept with another girl. he said it was his brother telling him things to make him do it. (there twins) nd his brother was worse dumping diffrent girls and slepping and two timing lots of times but kept on coming back to my friend who is now pregnant with his child. and the other day she burst in to tears saying lodes of stuff my boyfriend been saying and doing.saying that i did nothing all day while he did everything but in truth its the complete oppisite way. she also said hed been smoking around r baby (which im agaist) and that r baby had banged his head and was screaming his head of while my boyfriend had just sat there on the computer. hed also got every1 else to feed and changed are son while he sat there at his brothers (i was aat home tiding) and i said to my friend doesnt that prove that what he said wasnt true hed also said i had beat him and are son up. and that hed asked for them to find him another girl. ( i did knee him in the face cuz he waas trying to hve sex with me when i didnt want to aand he hadnt listened.) well after all this we fell out he said he was gunna change but the other day i got up and did everything that needed done ( feed nd change baby waashing up hovering tiding washing ect) and then the baby fell asleep on me and my boyfriend was on the computer and i aask him about 3 times to get it ( i cudnt cuz the baby was asleep on me) and he shouted at me clling me a lazy little bi**h telling me to get it my self. and then last night he was looking up pregnant porn!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I am 7 months pregnant and I have "caught: my husband watching porn--I can't begin to tell you how inadequate it makes me feel--When I've confronted him about it he acts like I'm crazy and he doesn't know what I am talking about, needless to say he forgot to delete the history off the search--It's not even like I'm not willing, why does he had to hide it, why am I not enough?
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reader, mrsdkellysr +, writes (6 May 2008):
I am completely amazed at all of the posts on this subject. I have been with my husband for 12 years and he is constantly doing the online "porn" thing, dating sites - you name it. I don't think there is an excuse I haven't heard come out of his mouth! Been throught the phone sex lines, watching cable movies - honestly after reading these entries - I think my view these responses has gave me a bit different perspective than when I first came here.
I have blamed myself, thought I wasn't enough - now I am saying what the heck was I thinking. Yes it bothers me totally and I don't really think is the fact of watching porn but the fact he has to hide it and to me that creates the feeling that he is lying to me and cheating - although MAYBE not physically - guess if he could be open - this would not be a question. I often find that I am not sexually into being with him anymore (he has always been the best sexually - could never ask for more!)as I KNOW it is not ME he is really with when we are having sex anymore - but, all of the women out there he is watching and chatting with. Keeping in mind he really honestly thinks I DON'T know what he is doing - Hello I am by no means STUPID or BLIND! I have always been a very open minded female and will even add - I have a very very kinky side myself However, the fact that he is not open with me is where my issue comes in. I find him repulsive to me at times because of the "unknown". I often wonder if there are other women. When he says he loves me - well frankly he isn't showing it by getting off looking at other women and trying to "connect to other women" when he is away from me! So I have to say in all reality - it isn't the porn that is the issue - it is the fact that men have excuses and have absolutely NO CLUE that just simply sitting down and communicating with us women openly would change alot for the entire relationship. We are naturally emotionally open and to be honest - if a man would be 100% open and honest with me I think I could work through just about anything as it creates a secure connection - then as your partner wouldn't feel rejected, not good enough, left out and therefor there would not be a breakdown in self-esteem and worth!
Moreover the main thing I would like to point out is men vs. women and sex drive - no offense but, men want sex - women want the whole thing not just to f*** - personally I have a sex drive most men would love to have! However, since my husband doesn't have the "open and honest" capability - then he has absolutely no clue how good he really could have it if he stopped being such a typical guy and opened up and actually showed me he did want only ME and talked to me - I don't think he could handle me to be honest about it! He would have more than he could ever get from looking on line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): I would like to get more honest answers from the guys. I recently found this list of web sites my husband had written down where he could watch porn or whatever. I was hurt and shocked because my husband always treats me with kindness, we have a great sex life and he pays alot of attention to me,makes me feel beautiful and sexy. I even enjoy getting my freak on with him sometimes, you know just having some fun but I feel good about this because he is my husband.I want to understand what he is going through, he has tried to explain but I just don't get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Taking into account that men see it as harmless, and women see it as hurtful, the basic reality is that it affects the intimacy of any relationship it touches regardless. The difference being, if you're in a relationship where both people are like-minded, no harm, no foul. However, if you're in a relationship with the seemingly more common "harmless/hurtful" scenario, it is a much more difficult situation altogether.
It seems from reading these blogs that men overall think that women should get over it and realize that "it's not about them", and women think that it is a reflection on the relationship. Either way, it cannot be ignored that when the relationship is fraught with hurt, pain and suffering... the offended party is usually the woman. If men continue to salve their egos and libidos with "the man's right to porn" hard line, then I can guarantee that they will eventually be alone, single and free to partake of this hobby at their leisure, with no feelings of guilt or judgement.
If however, they realize that the instant gratification that is so prevalent and easily availble to them will actually do long term damage to the initmacy of the relationship, then it would behoove them to at least try to open a dialog in the relationship. As one man here put it, "porn is to men as candy is to a kid". I don't know about the rest of you, but if that is true, then men need to grow up and realize that candy causes cavities and porn can create hurts that no amount of posturing will ameliorate.
If I am away from my husband for a week, and I "take care of myself" every night, every other night...whatever....I honestly feel much less desirous of him when he finally comes home. If I abstain, I want to rip his clothes off as soon as he walks in the door. I want sex to be all about him. Any man who says he doesn't use images of his favorite porn when he is having sex with his signifigant other, is lying. If men thought that women used the same "creativity" as much as they did, their egos would certainly suffer a bruising. Yes, men and women are wired differently. But the bottom line is finding a way to make the other person happy, while not hurting them. Does it "hurt" men to abstain from ogling the genitals of hordes of women if it makes the woman they love unhappy?
Sacrifice is a part of life. We each sacrifice things we want, and even sometimes need, for the benefit and well-being of another. It's called self control. It's called respect. Before there was television, the internet, etc., I believe there was a much stronger sense of devotion and intimacy in relationships. Now, in our world of "I want it and I want it now", porn is far too available, far too addictive to men, and far too destructive to many relationships. They can go to the "candy store" pretty much any time they want without fear of reproach. Men can go on choosing to ignore the effect porn has on what I would cautiously say is "the majority" of women, or they can at least make an attempt to use a bit of self control and introspection in trying to examine why they repeatedly hurt the one person with whom they should care most about. If they aren't willing to sacrifice this guilty pleasure for the sake of the relationship, then be a man and move on and find someone who thinks it's cool too...maybe even someone who might star in one of the home movies/porn videos you like to watch...unless of course, you're a hypocrite and you don't want an amateur/porn star for a wife or girlfriend. Go on, admit it...you probably don't want thousands of strange men seeing your girl/wife/daughter spreading their legs on the internet, do you?...but it's okay if "you" watch someone else's girl/wife/daughter, right?
Every single person deserves to be loved and respected. I think men hide it and lie about it for these basic reasons.... they are too selfish to abstain, they don't want to feel like a pervert, they don't want to deal with the hurt it inflicts, they don't want to hear the nagging and they all think "what she doesn't know, won't hurt her", because "IT'S NOT ABOUT HER".
If a person is at all spiritual, whether religious or not, they should understand that the motivation to hide, lie, or deceive by action or omission are all signs of a guilty or selfish conscience. A hurt undiscovered, is no less a hurt. It simply lies there, creating a barrier between the two people that should fulfill any needs of sexual intimacy that the other has.
If you are with someone who feels the way you do about porn, count your blessings. If you are amongst those of us who aren't, then you have my sympathies, and all I can say is I hope you find the grace to enable you to get through any tough times this may cause you, and the strength to say "it's over" when you've simply had enough of the pain. Try to discover if you're with someone who will continue to hurt you, or someone who will try to heal with you. Everyone deserves to be loved as they would like to be loved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I keep finding porn on our computer and on things like his personal media player. He has absolutely LOADS of it. I had been noticing that he was going into his bathroom upstairs for long periods of time. Now I know why-- he was taking his Archos in with him.
I would blame myself and say I am not satisfying him but I know he has done this during our highs and our lows. I don't think it has anything to do with me. I do find it disgusting. I could get on my soapbox about supporting an industry, blah, blah but there have been a time or two when someone looked a bit young to me (hard to tell- they were late teens or anywhere from 18-19ish)so I confronted him. He said he didn't realize that was there and deleted it. Now I found that one, with many others, on his media player. I got pissed off and deleted those. I don't care.
I know men are wired differently but still. I don't know why I care or why it bothers me but it does.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): To answer the question, porn is not a necessity. I think if you are a single guy then it is okay to get off on images of various women or even more hardcore porn that includes normal sexual interaction between consenting adults. However, as a person formerly married to a porn addict, it is not okay to indulge in porn while in a relationship unless both parties are into it. My ex-husband used to hide pornography and spend bundles of money we didn't have on it. This was a betrayel I allowed to continue for too long. His unwillingness to give it up told me more than any words that he obviously did not respect my feelings enough. Needless to say, while there were other issues, the porn addiction caused me to lose all sexual attraction to him. His lying about it caused me to lose respect for him and we eventually divorced.Fast forward to today and I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who very openly watched porn on occasion when he was single for over a year before we met. When I discovered his "stash" while we were dating, I told him about my history with the porn addict and said I would not go down that road again. I said "it's porn or me". He very agreeably got rid of it in front of me and even showed me where there was some I had not found before he threw that out too. He said the porn was because he was single and that he obviously no longer needed it because of me. We have a VERY active sex life and have been living together for about 8 months now. He even gave me all of his passwords on the computer and full access to anything on it. I explained to him that I feel that men jerking off to the image of another woman while they are in a relationship is cheating. Watching people have sex and getting turned on is another story. We have watched some soft stuff and had some fun but he totally respects my feelings and no longer watches porn. He also canceled his subscription to playboy that he had been receiving for over 10 years. My point here is that its understandable for people to masturbate to porn when they are not in a sexually active relationship or if they enjoy it together but it is a complete diregard for your lover's feelings if you do it when they ask you not to and it can destroy relationships. If you hide it that only makes you a liar as well as a cheat. Men get over yourselves and your lame excuses and treat the women that love you (God only knows why) with the respect they deserve. When you die, surely your last thought will not be "Gee I wish I would've watched more porn". Step away from the Computer, tv, or magazine and start living your life.Women, if it bothers you that much then really analyze the guy's treatment of you in other areas of your relationship. His unwillingness to give up an inanimate object for you should be an indication of his extreme selfishness and you need to decide if its worth your self-esteem to stay. Respect yourself because if he won't give up porn for you, then you're obviously not getting respect from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): men need porn because they secrectly wish they were the ones in the films ..... yes doing all the things they WISHED THEY COULD DO to these women or guys t ,,,, to all these surgically ehanced ACTORS/ACTRESSES yes they are ACTING do they honestly think theses women or guys are enjoying it ,,,, lol they doing it for the money ,,,, and if you are in a relationship fine if you both agree to porn but ,,,,, the ones who dont like it, well, the men are the ones destroying there relationships with there wives/gfriends etc.... it does hurt us it does cause us to feel you dont want to be with us,,, i cant look at my ,man ,, i even told him b4 i dont want it in the house if he wants porn go to the places where they show this and stay there , then he can get all the satisfaction that he wants or even better go earn some money and star in the not so real world of porn and then see how he feels when his lost his family
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): There is answer after answer from men saying it's natural it's because we're more visually stimulated or because we have higher sex drives ...... get used to it. And yet, at the same time, I have read answer after answer from women saying they don't like it when their blokes look at porn. Saying "Live with it" isn't going to help a woman who feels betrayed by her partner using porn as she's very clearly saying "I don't want to" or "I can't live with it."
Porn is not natural. In order for it to be so it would have to be achieved without any kind of technology, which it clearly isn't. The reason that men are more visually stimulated than women is simply that we live in a patriarchal society. It is a nonsense to suggest that this is natural, men with the power have objectified women. Men have taken women and very narrowly packaged their sexuality for their own use. Were the boot on the other foot you would find women with wank mags and "we're more visual" excuses for bad behaviour. I also don't know where the myth that men have higher sex drives than women came from - perhaps because post natally many women don't fancy sex. Although only anecdotal all the evidence I've seen points, in fact, to women having a higher sex drive than men.
I don't have a problem with porn per se, I have used it myself with a partner on several occasions. If you're single you have no responsibility to anybody and it's totally up to you what you do. However, if you're in a relationship it's a different matter. I wouldn't dream of using porn if my partner objected and I think it's selfish and arrogant to carry on doing so if you have a partner who would rather you didn't. Nobody needs porn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): OK - its clear that most of the ladies don't like men using porn, and that's a good reason for men to keep hiding it. My spouse doesn't come close to satisfying me, so rather than bugging her for what I'd like, I enjoy the visuals when I get the chance. I'm not making women into objects, just enjoying the sex objects from those willing to share a view. Isn't it strange that most women can't stand men getting off on pictures while men enjoy the thought of women getting off on anything. Hey, we're wired differently. Perhaps the anger and disgust women feel is from the loss of power over men. Are these women guilty of treating men as objects to be attracted?
This is an interesting thread to read through. Thanks to the women who shared. I really don't fully understand why you feel that way - just as I'm sure you don't fully understand the attraction men have to porn. Perhaps its because men are not in the driver's seat when it comes to sex and have to "get over it". Women are not in the driver's seat when it comes to porn, so perhaps its their turn to "get over it". Equal rights and all....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): The fact that men are STILL saying get over it shows how incensitive they are, even if they don't understand where we are coming from they could at least try and say ok i kinda get it this is my opinion not "get over it and deal with it" it pisses me off.
I'm sorry but if my boyfriend found out i looked at cocks, naked men and got off on that he would be devastated does that mean he should get over it too? Or is it the fact that we are stupid over-emotional women that makes you say that?
Their is no female equivalent, like the lady on the 19th december wrote, you have had it all your lives and it's become something of the norm, you feel like you need it, how sad!
It's like their are some men out their that dont respect their partners enough to not look, is it that difficult if your gf hates it then dont do it simple. If you are so pathetic that you cant stop, talk to your gf, i'm sure most ladies out their wouldnt mind watching a COUPLE having sex in porn with their boyfriends (can be a turn on i.e. the act of sex itself), it's just the other women that get's to most women, just wanking over another girl thinking of her body or what you might do to it is unfaithfull and disrespectfull.
Right then, lets bring on the immature men saying we should get over it again because they cant possibly overcome their innability to put themselves in a womans shoes for 2seconds!
Funny though, the guys that have wrote on this wall, wonder what they typed in to 'accidently' stumble across this web page... god i cant think what it might be!!! The men that have respect for their gf's probably wouldnt be on here in the first place!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years now. We've been in this long distance relationship for along time now and i just recently moved to be with him. Now i knew he looked at porn time to time and being the distance i didnt care, i mean what could i have done? but nonetheless we satified eachother still being 1000 miles apart. Now that i live with him and seeing how when im away or not home at the moment he 'wacks' off on the computer to this sites which disgust me. I watched and saw all the exact things he watched from what i saw in his History and it totally put me ino a dump, where i can hardly look at him. He would have sex with me all the time and i loved it; he has a woman here who is willing to have him whenever and where ever/however he wanted, Im up for new things, but now that were together we went from having sex all the time to not having sex at all practically. We have it maybe once a week if im lucky. I dont get satified at all from it because were done within 20 secs. so yes i am sexually frustrated! Hes only happy when he gets it when he wants it, but when i want it he gives me a exuses. Before he would have sex with me allllll the time non stop, he was always concerned if i was satified and now its like he dont care if i was or not. Now seeing he watchs porn in his off time when im not around, disgusts me. Its basically saying "i rather look at these unrealistic women than be with you but when i want the real thing i'll come to you". I do not get why men do this when they have the real thing waiting for them. To me its like cheating. I tell him how i feel and he tries to deny it at first but then when he cant he gets mad at me and now wont talk to me. who cares about my feelings right? I can't handle it...i rather be alone i think than to be with a man who rather look at porn than to be with you. I dont no why hes changed like this.This is more venting from my view than to give anyone a answer about why men look at porn. All i can say at least women can relate to my situation.
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reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 I'm 30 years old, and I have to agree to some large exrent, that porn is not NEEDED by men. Porn is ultimately a westernized thing and sex is everywhere we look... in a lot of other countries porn is not either allowed or a shame in the culture, and regardless of the beliefs behind them or not, the fact remains that their are men in many societies who dont view porn or have the "natural" urge to utilise it in any way, and their wives are enough to satisfy their natural urges. we live in a society that depicts women in a lot of ways, and don't fall short of objectifying females for the male audiences... mind you even so the women here are just plain stupid to allow themselves to be objectified... men use the excuse that their libido is higher, but once again their are women who are hornier than their male counterparts, my boyfriend for one cant always keep up with me, I'm always ready and humping his leg even when hes out the door to go to work.... but, i have had problems with him watching porn, as i have taken some offense to it, as the stuff he watches is mainly anal and dbl penetration, gangbangs etc, and it makes me nauseous and disgusted when I view his smut on my PC and in the past once I was sleeping and caught him secretly jerking off and the next day I confronted him and his lame excuse was" you looked so cute sleeping I did not want to disturb you" yet he ALWAYS KNEW THAT HE COULD HAVE ME WHENEVER" I always made it clear to him that even if i was tired i was always ready to service him no matter what.... now while we had many fights over it because yes, it made me feel insecure and everything, he's gotten much beter at the whole porn thing, he's not a hider or a liar and I can search my PC for the history, and really, he's more tired now than ever before because he works long hours and all, and while I want sex 12 times a day if I can get it, he cant handle that amount and I'm satisfied if i get it 1-2 times a night or every other night, whatever... Back to the issue at hand, women, stop complaining, because our society is sick and our menfolk are sexfiends... what do u expect when u open a magazine nowadays and almost all pics of women are seductive and sultry? the demand for porn was always big once it hit the market many years ago, and money always was the number one maingain of our society, and others, and since sex sells like no other, I doubt porn will become out of fashion, ever. and we are just going to have to live with it... my best advice is when u go on a date for the first time, with a guy, u might pretend and say, hey I love porn... or, if u hate anal and guys who love it, you can say, hey, I love anal, what about you? and if he says, wow, I love it too, it's awesome! then you just look at him, tell him he's a @$##! fag and he's sick in the head and bounce.. believe me, you will knock his balls right out of the fungus infested sac they sit in... his jaw will drop, and you will have one up on him... shock value always works, especiaslly when after you make the guy think you're a kinky girl who loves dirty dirty sex, you work him, and find out all his deepest fetishes, then after working his hopes and dreams and making him sweat and pant in his drawers, you smash his dreams away and cut the flow to his manhood by saying.. hahha.. fooled you, just wanted to see what kind of guy you were.. sorry for your luck.. Most guys won't lie to a girl who admits (by truth or lie) she loves anal or whatever, what about him? because when a girl admits she likes something and it so happens he loves that kind of sex fetish.. fantasy etc he will be like YES this girl will let me bang her in every hole or whatever.. or yes, she loves porn now I don't have to hide in the closet about it but if you say to a guy you love anal, or porn etc, and he replies, yuck, I'd never disrespect a girl like that, or, I don't believe in porn I think it's cheating, then that's your cue to say, whooh, actually I wanted to see what type of guy you were and you're exactly what I was looking for... it's all in tact ladies, it's not impossible to find the man of ur dreams, you just have to play the game the way men do... think like them, get into their heads, play them like a violin, that's about the only way you will ever know for sure what he is all about, and then you can avoid being in a long term relationship and arguing over stupid stuff and going through heartache.. its not worth it, and their are billions of men out there, so why be miserable and try to change a guy that can't be changed because society has hardwired him to be the way he is... yes!! believe it! men are not necessarily hardwired to be visual, or need porn or whjatever, it's an excuse because the truth is, sex does feel good and men here will gtake it any way they can get it!! men in this country are very perverted, and sex shops etc dont help at all, unless its 2 consenting adults who love the same thing, then u have a balance... but men think women are emotion train wrecks?? perhaps westernized women fall into the trap of believing and conforming to the way media makes women look, on tv, on movies whatever, but a lot of women overseas are solid, strong minded and not emotional wrecks like the women here.... they don't play the mind games and are not golddiggers etc, you knoew why? Because the way their society reflects the women is different, and I'm not supporting the muslim views of women or other low based cultures, but we easily conform to our own societal standards and maybe it's a wake up call for us here in north america and other westernized countries to start to realize, that hey, either you are a conformist or you're a blacksheep.. which is why I say when you do meet men who are against anal, or porn etc, they're considered a minority here because most men here are cultured specifically in a certain way, like for instance, fathers will have no problem if they know their sons have playboy magazines under their beds, but take flight and reel in the reins when they find their daughters dildo under her bed.. they get all upset and ansy about it... they have no problem knowing their sons girlfriend slept over the weekend before while they were away, and while mom gets all pissed off, dad secretly shakes the sons hand and says good job son.... but will kill his daughter for doing the same....... So what are we teaching the newer generations coming to hand? that for our sons.. hey, porns all right and normal, and they disvcourage the women from such, so when men say their naturally visual and women are not, its not thats its natural, but it was always encouraged and women were kept from it, so women secretly fantasize so they never get caught i mean, really, can my bf know if I'm thinking of an ex bf while we are having sex?? no, but, i know what he fantasizes about when I view his porn, etc, and why, when I watch porn from time to time, I get off of viewing the actual penetration, and i cant get off of my vibrator weithout porn, its really hard for me, so while im only one woman amongst millions, id say my example does prove a point... its all up to the individuals and thje societal norms and standards, not what scientists necessarliy try to throw out at us and claim is genetic.... women can be visual, but our society does not encourage such in youth... who wants to know their daughters are masturbating and watching porn? men dont lioke it and dont agree, and they are all for it when they know their sons doing the hot cheerleader of the high school team, or whatevver...i say, if its ok for boys to find their sexual outlet. then its should be ok for girls to, anyhow girls cant get pregnant from watching porn at home or masturbating privately rather then screwing some guy and getting knocked up, as far as im concerned, my daughter can watch all the porn she wants whens shes older, and be honest with me and open about her sex life with me, at least she and i can be best friends and still maintain a level of mother-daughter respect.. im not saying that i support porn, but rather being the devils advocvate for both sides.... and thats just my views on this subject, and i do invite any and all opinons on my blog and especially, from men... i welcome the debate as much as i welcome my bf to do me anytime, im ready for the heat!!! are You?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): i wouldnt consider porn cheating if it wasnt interfering with you sex life, but it does with mine. My boyfriend of 2 years feels the need to beat off every time im gone which frustrates me because everytime im there, he doesn't want to. And no im not sexually satisfied, i think i get it maybe 2 times a week which is pathetic for a man who is 22 years old with a 19 year old girlfriend who is willing to help out EVERYTIME. I have talked to him about it and he just keeps saying i dont understand the big deal. Im not comfortable with him staring at other women and getting off to it, it actually disgusts me because I feel he would rather do that then sexually satisf me. Now explain the reasoning for that!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): Women, please get over it or at least learn to tolerate it/join in. Generally it can be proven that men are genetically programmed back to the dark ages to spread their wild oats etc, but in conflict also to seek stability in partnership - in my opinion what men do with porn is just a balancing act to counter these urges while staying monogomous. Perhaps to some porn can be harmful, like any addiction, its not the subject matter, its the nature of addiction, but you are getting confused by how your brilliantly complicated head works and how simple we men are. Quite simply, men are visual women are emotional. If you take a straw poll, I bet if you asked most reasonable men who watch porn, they are thinking 'I wish my girlfriend was a little more like that in the bedroom sometimes', rather than 'I wish that IS my girlfriend, I resent my own for not looking and doing that every time we have sex, what am I doing with her, etc' as you might think in a paranoid moment. A sensitive, reasonable partner might then try and work out how to get their girl to experiment without making them feel bad. These men exist, are all men are not sneaky pigs like the women using these blogs as an anti-men sound off suggest. Infact, in the same way you are carrying baggage from the way some guy has treated you, men are mostly sneaky with porn due to previous experiences with unhappy girlfriends that will never understand or even back to the days of hiding it from their ma! It is a visual stimulus for an inherently carnal being - end of. If like the girl earlier, are a self-appointed hottie, are trying all that stuff, and have a higher/similar sex drive to your man and he is still obsessed by porn, then there are things that neeed addressing- but hey love, you picked him. As a footnote, I think men underestimate how importnant similar sex drives and attitudes are when choosing a partner; or at least they should accept living with the difference without whinging about it. Porn again is just a balancing tool in these situations; he probably still loves you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): well after reading most of the responses here, I feel I need to throw my two cents werth. I know that alot of men seem to think or want porn. Myself I don't understand why they do this even after they are married? i know for myself that because of my husband watching his porn, my sex drive has been drivn down to almost nothing.. The more he watches it the less I want sex.. He has started just laying naked on the bed, and it doesn't matter that I have just put in a 14 hr work day, did dishes, some laundry, and what ever else . And am extreeemly tired and just want to lay down and relax. He's starts huffin and puffn and then get upset; jumps up grabs his pants and stomps outta the room.
What He expects is for me to "do him" while he just lays there; just like alot of the porn he gets .. the guy flopped down on back just waitn for the bimbo to do everythign to him. then slamming it down their throat and then all over the face.. EXCUSE ME maybe I'm weird, but I can't stand that. I almost puke just thinking abt it. So what if they like to swallow ... . I will not and won't.
before he was so involved into his porn our sex life was great.. spur of the moment times long meaningfull nights.. hell we even caught a pillow on fire one time. .was one hot night.
but after this one really nasty slut moved in next door, whom would brag abt how many she would do or has done. His porn watching was much more and his actions our sex life changed. I don't know why guys think that every woman should behave like the ones in the videos. because I don't believe most do.. I feel its' ruining marrages and couples all over. because the excitement of all the experimenting that couples use to discover is now just thrown out on the screen and there isn't any bonding or passion built up before,durring and after sex between two people. its now F**k me and go your own way. or Why can't you do it like the video?
sorry if i have rammbled on. just needed to voice my end of this question. And why would a guy want someone that screw every man they come across don't they give a d**m where they put their third apendage?
BTW .. favorte sayin.... loose lips sink ships tight ones hold tight.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Just want to add, I have been married twice. Men and women alike simply do not need to sneek behind their loved ones
backs. There is a problem with the relationship if men have to sneek preview PORN. It would be like if i made a beautiful meal, that my husband thought i would share with him, and then brought into my bedroom with candle light and shared it with a strange handsome man i invited in for the night.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Wow, I am so glad that there are far more women out there who agree with my point of view! I am equally happy to see there are normal guys out there who don't try to make excuses like "higher libidos" and all that nonsense. In my opinion, porn is NOT harmless! It gives men the wrong idea about all women, there is just a few women out there that actually will do those things, and if you looked deep into their past, I am sure you would find that something really disturbing and painful sexually happened to them @ one point in their lives. I know this to be truth because I know a few women who are over sexed, love porn and have a lot of bagage. These women require quite a bit of fixing before they will ever have a real meaningful relationship. Because they are to busy being disrespected and objectified and thinking that it's the best it will ever get. So sad!
I do beleive that there are men out there who are "normal" who look @ porn(in whatever form) every now and then, but the constant viewing and hiding is extremely suspicious! And may be a sign of something wrong. I'm definetly not an expert nor do I claim to have all the knowledge on men. One only needs to read the comments posted to see that the majority beleive it is not needed and there is probably some deep seeded issue if your man is hiding porn!
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reader, ruby rose +, writes (1 January 2008):
I'm glad I found this site. It seems there are only a few decent men alive. My fiance hasn't hidden it from me. I even tried watching it with him but the whole time I felt uncomfortable. I feel I am being compared and I'm not good enough. I'm a dirty bitch in bed when I feel comfortable but when you know the muck they've watched, you immediately feel self conscious. This really affects me in bed. As one of the other replies stated, I only get it when he wants it. It's bollocks that women haven't got as high a sex drive. I'd do it all day every day -with my bloke- if I got the chance and if I was ALLOWED. I think it's rationed as part of a control thing.
All my friends have been made to feel the same. None of us are perfect. I don't need to look at other blokes. When I go out I get plenty of attention. As I am faithful, I ignore it and don't play up to it but I doubt if I get the same respect.
I've done just about everything I can to keep my self fit and young so he won't look about but you know when you're not there they just can't help it. Bless them I think they are to be pitied most of the time. They are like dirty little dogs.
I had liposuction before I met him and a boob job because of the mental and emotional shit I had with previous blokes over the years. I have a size 10 bum and a 14-16 top. I run miles every week and train in the gym. It's still not enough . He says I should know his comments are jokes- not very funny ones as he makes me want to cry, get my own back and compare him to the next 20 year old I see with a 6 pack and nice hair, tell him he's crap and I've been faking it and then smash him in the face.
He became ever so slightly insecure when he checked the computer history and found I'd keyed in 'huge cocks'!!!
He then said he's not big enough and I make him feel inadequate. It's OK for him though, making comments about other women and criticising my make up-which I hardly wear, the fact I eat crap and might get fat-like his exes!!
I only looked at it for sheer amusement and the fact that I don't have a computer and if I did it on the one at work I'd be sacked.
If I want to annoy him I purposely key it in so he'll find it. The pictures are comical and I couldn't get my self off over them if I tried. I bought a porn mag for women once. It had good looking fit men in it but they all seemed to be gay. Again there is nothing real on the market that is the female equivalent. They would hate it if there was.
I put pictures from my porn mag up at work and was instantly told by the male staff to take it down. The fact they had the Pirelli tarts plastered all over their walls did not count.
It's always unfair for women. I don't know what the answer is. I know in my head I'm lovely. He used to say he was lucky to have me and wanted to be seen out with me as he is so proud.
All my insecure feelings come from lack of any re-assurance when I need it. I spend a lot of time re assuring him he's good enough and big enough etc. but I don't get any back.
If we want to play games we can make them feel just as crap but I can't be bothered.
It depresses me just what horrible pigs men are in general.
I'm also a mum of one and got no stretch marks- that was bloody lucky. I get spots though so there's still plenty for him to criticise and take the piss out of me for.
Perhaps we should campaign for proper porn for women and direct our own so men are the objects being degraded. Then they can all be insecure and we could laugh at them and tell them to deal with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): I don't know what you men/women are getting so annoyed about.
Men will look at porn whether you want them to or not, and i don't see nothing wrong with it.
I mean for goodness sake they are only naked, we were born that way.
I think people that find it disgusting should stop living in the dark ages.
There is nothing wrong with looking at naked pictures of women or guys or watching porn, after all were all human and if you suspect your guy/girl is cheating on you then you should look at the relationship not blame porn.
My girlfriend and i both look at naked pictures of girls/guys and see nothing wrong with it at all, we also watch porn sometimes and enjoy it, so come on people, just because your guy or girl looks at porn it ain't mean they are disgusting or cheating, just human.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): THINK ITS ALRIGHT FOR YOUR MAN TO WATCH PORN SOMETIMES IT BECOMES A PROBLEM WHEN THEY START WATCHING KIDDIE PORN OR ANYTHING WITH YOUNG,TEEN LITTLE !!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): So many women buy into the male argument that it's harmless and it doesn't mean anything, and as one of the respondants said "it's like me using my vibrator." Except a vibrator's made out of plastic and porn is pictures of naked women. If I am upset because my bloke is getting off over pictures of other women it is not, as I keep reading, because I am insecure. I'm not. I'm an attractive woman and I'm proud of my figure (I'm not perfect, but then who is?) I am upset because I don't think that my bloke should be having any kind of sexual relations with any other woman - be it in the flesh or just imagined.
For a very long time women have been packaged up for men's sexual pleasure and it is something we have become used to as a normal part of our lives. There has traditionally been no packaging up of men for women in the same way. This is why men like porn, because it's been sold to them from the word go, packaged up and ready to go. The reason, then, that many women don't like porn is that it hasn't been packaged up for them. I don't agree with the ridiculous statement that men are visual but women aren't - it's simply that men have had it easy and women haven't. Things are very slowly changing, but to date porn remains a male domain. I enjoy watching porn and I get turned on by pictures of naked men, but this is something I have only just become open to. If I'm not in a relationship, I'll wank over porn if I so wish. But if I'm with somebody I won't because I'm with them and the only place porn has in that relationship is when used as a shared aid to sex. I think that this is the attitude that men should take too, and I think it is sad that so many of them don't
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Ok, as I was reading the responses, I was really shocked so I had to respond. I am a 22 year old female and I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and many more to come. For starters to everyone who says "Men need porn", just stop, they DON'T. They simply enjoy it and like just like I enjoy my vibrator and like my vibrator. It has nothing to do at all with our sexual life, I just enjoy time with "Penelope" as I call her. I must admit, the first time I saw tons of porn, I freaked out and felt insecure and hurt and I cried. But now that I look back, I WAS INSECURE, and I think that's the problem with a lot of women in relationships. You cannot be in a happy and successfull relationship until you are completely happy with yourself. If you really think about it, it makes sense. After I found all the porn on MY computer :P I was very hurt, but we talked about it and I realized that it is just porn. I can't say I would not look at a hot naked guy if I saw him online or on TV...because I would. It is very natural for me to be attracted to males because I think think they are good-looking and it's natural, and OK for my boyfriend to be attracted to females other than me. My outlook is that he is not in a relationship with them he is in one with me. I get his time, love, and money, not them and that's all that matters. My word to men who watch porn and your woman hates it: Let her know why you do it, and be honest, but at the same time remind her how much she means to you(and this she should know). If you just like to watch it, then say it and say it proud. My advice to the women who really break down everytime you find your man "doing something behind your back", stop snooping and you won't find anything. And if you must snoop, then you should consider getting out of the relationship. If you are looking for something, you will find it and make it bad because you are going into it with that mind frame. You should know what you mean to your man, and if you don't, maybe the problem is in you. Not in a negative way, that's ok if you have insecurities, but if they screw up a relationship, you should work on YOU first. It took me sometime to be ok with my boyfriend watching porn, but I love myself and I am confident and happy with me as I know he is too. And if he ever cheats, all I know is that it would be his lose, not mine because I have been good and understanding to all his needs. I love to end things knowing I gave my all, I would rather our relationship end because we just fell out of love and could remain friends rather than break up because of his sexual fantasies. It is not that serious and I will end this with, "I love my porn watching boyfriend and I know he loves me = a happy long lasting relationship!"
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I dont think they need it. I watch porn with my boyfriend..and really i've watched it without it. He dosent watch it that much. Just if we dont have sex for a while and its fine cause i do the same. People need that release that they haven't been getting. I like watching it. I know its sounds weird that a girl dosent mind..and watches it with her bf but he has playboy and i know he reads the articles, but he does look at the pictures too, but always talks about what was in the mags that month (the articles) I've come to this. That he loves me he wouldnt cheat on me. And i would rather him watching porn than going and having sex with someone else..and I know he wont ..he dosent have time in between work and seeing me..guys would kill for a g.f like me and i hope there is more like me out there that feel the same way towards this subject..
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): FEMALE WHO HAS ENOUGH OF PORN!! secret porn watchers, my partner of 7 years is a secret porn watcher. I have said I would quite happily watch it with him. buts thats never happened. he buys magazines and hides them. its what he watches that concerns me, mature porn, he clearly has a thing for older women (but im 8 years older than him (isnt that enough?) i am not adverse to dressing up, until the last time, when i spent a fortune on a french maids outfit that never got christened! so instead of trying to pleased him, I now use a rabbit in private (so he doesnt get the pleasure of watching) no mess! and i can orgasim as much as I like, and he can continue to F himself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I sometimes wonder if the question asked should be, "why do men look at porn?" or "why does it bother so many women so much?"
I feel soo lame for allowing myself to get worked up over my boyfriend looking at porn, but it really bothers me. It probably does coincide with an insecurity of mine. I have tried so hard to understand his "need" too look at other women doing what I believe are intimate and sometimes even disgusting things especially when he claims that I am enough for him. If I am truly enough for him, why does he have to look for it else where? Why can't he fantasize about me? Does he honestly get sick of the same old thing? We aren't even married yet, so what if he is seriously already getting sick of it? I don't know any man who would answer yes to that question if asked, so I can't even ask him b/c of course he would say, "no! of course not!" How would men feel if we gawked and got off on other men rather than them?! The point though is that many of the women who complain about this matter don't do it themselves. They want their man and that is it.
I can't help but wonder if this means that he isn't satisfied. He says he is, but then why is he looking at other women?! What does he think of women we pass in public? Is he always staring at other women and I don't notice it? What will happen when we are married for years and older? Does this turn into a trend that will lead into the possibility of being unfaithful? I think it is pathetic that in order for a man to remain faithful he needs to "fulfill" his appetite.
I guess I really don't understand how it is a "need". For the women out there that this bothers: I am so glad that I am not alone!!! I am sure to most men that I sound ridiculously insecure and controlling, I just don't know why I am not enough if he really is sincerely inlove with me and attracted to me. I assume that is where many of us women get confused. It is nice to know that I am at least not alone in the matter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): I've been reading a lot of threads on porn because I am in a situation myself. I'll spare you the details but I've resorted to buying my husband a bunch of movies and saying go nuts (no pun intended)- if that's what you want fine- you got it. I can't cope with finding any more of his computer porn. The physical reaction I have is just stunning. When I find something I get sooo angry and I literally shake. It's not even so much about the porn anymore, but the fact that he's lying and hiding, and that he's doing something that he KNOWS hurts me badly. It also bothers me that he seeks out specific women- who are all the exact opposite of me of course- tall and blonde. I have seen several standard responses to why men "need" porn.
Explanation #1: Men "need" it, all men dot it, and the best I have seen- they are "genetically programmed" to watch porn. We are not cavemen. It used to be OK to drag women around by their hair. It used to be OK to trade your 10 year old virgin daughter for a chicken. We have evoled.
Explanation #2: If he liked porn before they were married, she can't complain. I'm pretty sure by that point most men have a clear vision of their fiance's view on porn too, so why do only HIS needs take precedense after-the-fact?
Explanation #3: It's just the womans self-esteem issue. A womans self-esteem issue is the mans issue as well- if he truly cares about the woman. If it really is a self-esteem issue, why would a man knowingly contribute to the problem instead of devoting the time and energy to helping his sig other to feel better and deal with her issue, no matter how unreasonable it might seem to HIM? A man can't give it up just for a few months, or years if necessary, in order to help his wife and marriage? I just don't understand the priority it takes above what is really important.
My issue is a self-esteem issue, but it's only with HIM- because of the PORN. When I go out with freinds I get hit on all night- it does wonders for my "self-esteem issue". I don't feel self-conscious around anyone else- although I'm not naked with anyone else either I guess. I can't compare to those women. I can't look like they do bouncing around on top of him. It's just not gonna happen. We have 3 kids. I'm not fat but I'm not so firm in some areas anymore either.
I soooo wish I were OK with the porn. It would make my life so much easier. I have tried talking myself out of it, watching it with him (he doesn't like that), acting like it doesn't exist, burying my head, reading post after post of how women need to just accept it becasue men will be men and it's the womens own issue anyway. I can't stop my reaction when I find something though, and all this negative crap just floods right in all over again.
I feel cheated on and betrayed because he's so sneaky and he leaves me to go wack off to the blondes. I just get to feeling comfortable and confident around him after the previous "finding", and WHAM- there it is again. I feel like a fool again thinking it was actually ME turning him on for the past few months. I just can't take it again- so I did what I did buying him the movies of every blonde I could find. Well now he has nothing to hide, and I have nothing to find. I figure mybe he'll at least keep it off the computer so one of his daughters doesn't stumble upon something. I've emotionally given up. It's just been too many years and too many times. He's not going to stop, and I am not going to accept it, despite how hard I've tried both solutions. He's got it made though. A whole library of women he wants that he can indulge in any time. I even put a lock on his "room" downstairs so he's got his privacy. I don't want him touching me, but I give him oral sex every few nights- it goes really quick when he's got porn on his mind!! I figure then he won't be able to tell the judge I wasn't doing MY part.......
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reader, kevinb +, writes (2 December 2007):
Hey there, i happened to stumble on this while googling under a different search. After reading a few of your answers its clear your issue, not unreasonably, is with the insecurities that come along with being a woman in society. What you have to realise is no matter how good looking you are every man is always going to be attracted to every other female out there as well as you. Its not that he doesnt love you any less, hes just hardwired to look at every female as another sex opportunity. This mindset may be alien to you but it is the reality. He doesnt compare you to the girls he sees in porn or in magazines. He knows what he has is good. If things aren't going well in your sex life its not because of porn and porn is not a sympton. It can act as a way for him to somewhat experience other fantasies that he may be embarassed to even mention to you, or merely as something pleasurable when your not in the mood for sex (or he's been oblivious to your attempts to reveal that if he just put in a little work he'd have you in the mood). You should know you have to be straightforward with us. Women are far more complex and expect us to understand everything when really were only capable of getting 5% if I had to put a value. But thats besides the point :P. But we don't need porn, we just like it. Again it is no way utilised as an act of comparison in which we sit wishing we had those girls. Guys surprisingly arent just looking for sex, at least the guys I hang around with. My group of friends and I all pretended to be constantly wanting it until we were 22, then in a late night whiskey confession session we all sorta admitted to each other that we'd been putting on 'macho' guy acts for over 8 years together, and really we found we were all looking for the same thing. Someone to share time with, to take care of us, and to make us feel meaningful. I dont know about my friends, but I also want a girl who will challenge me, i'm an argumentative guy and I look for girls who arent afraid to speak their mind, tell me when im wrong, point out when I do something stupid, and not pretend that I'm bigger than I am. I like a girl to be real with me right off the start, and the more conflict the more fun the relationship. I've noticed they're fairly rare, and I've yet to meet a girl who will kickbox with me.
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male
reader, kevinb +, writes (2 December 2007):
Hey there, i happened to stumble on this while googling under a different search. After reading a few of your answers its clear your issue, not unreasonably, is with the insecurities that come along with being a woman in society. What you have to realise is no matter how good looking you are every man is always going to be attracted to every other female out there as well as you. Its not that he doesnt love you any less, hes just hardwired to look at every female as another sex opportunity. This mindset may be alien to you but it is the reality. He doesnt compare you to the girls he sees in porn or in magazines. He knows what he has is good. If things aren't going well in your sex life its not because of porn and porn is not a sympton. It can act as a way for him to somewhat experience other fantasies that he may be embarassed to even mention to you, or merely as something pleasurable when your not in the mood for sex (or he's been oblivious to your attempts to reveal that if he just put in a little work he'd have you in the mood). You should know you have to be straightforward with us. Women are far more complex and expect us to understand everything when really were only capable of getting 5% if I had to put a value. But thats besides the point :P. But we don't need porn, we just like it. Again it is no way utilised as an act of comparison in which we sit wishing we had those girls. Guys surprisingly arent just looking for sex, at least the guys I hang around with. My group of friends and I all pretended to be constantly wanting it until we were 22, then in a late night whiskey confession session we all sorta admitted to each other that we'd been putting on 'macho' guy acts for over 8 years together, and really we found we were all looking for the same thing. Someone to share time with, to take care of us,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): I think that the phrase "they are just men being men" is a bunch of BULL CRAP!! They don't need it and it is true they WANT IT! It is dis-respectful to sneak around and do it behind your loved ones back and it is completely messed up! And you can find all these websites and movies on the history every once in a while when they forget to CLEAR IT OUT when they visit them - that sucks and hurts the most! I am horny all the time and would do anything with my man any time any place - BUT since I only get it when HE wants it and that is like 2-3 times a month (I am missing it!). Then I find all these sites every once in a while and he knows I HATE IT!! I am a real person - I will do anything! And then to see that on the computer - HURTS LIKE A BIATCH! I hate it - it is CHEATING!! Your looking at naked people BEHIND your "Loved" ones back - HOW NASTY IS THAT!!??? I am sick of it and these excuses for the men who look at them - THAT ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN WHO HATE THE FACT THAT THEY LOOK - is just NASTY and GROSS!! I am so sick of men - my husband - and being married - I married for life - but now I am thinking hard about it - and I want to end my marriage over it - and some other things too - but still - MEN ARE PIGS AND VERY NASTY IF THEY VIEW IT WHEN THEY AREN'T ALLOWED - IT IS CHEATING!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): i also have similar opinions. I hate all of the pictures of women. You see them everywhere. You know, women are just as bad as men for looking at good looking men but why don't we see hunky men in magazines etc etc.
Men don't need porn, like people say it's just for the lonely people or, possibly men who don't want to commit or are not bothered about their g/f's. There has never been a problem with porn between me and my boyfriend he's not bothered :S Think im enough for him lol. Which is good.
But yes I am a very insecure person. I am constantly comparing myself to the girls in the media with their gorgeous faces and fantastic bodies, it just makes you feel like an ugly fat cow that's worthless, and have been feeling like it lately.
I'm currently on a diet just to try and loose a bit of weight although everyone says i don't need to. I just want to stop comparing myself. I wish my boyfriend would understand the reason why i feel the way i do.
men are okay in relationships because gorgeous hunky men with a great six pack are not broadcasted everywhere and women don't drool at them when they do come onto the tv or magazines. women are insecure because alot of men make jokes about beautiful women, or make sexual comments, which make us feel bad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Men don't need porn. The majority of porn depicts woman as objects and that hinders "man"kinds thinking. Women get upset about it for several reasons. The majority of the problem is due to the guy feeling the need to lie about it in the first place. If he is honest about looking at porn, then his girlfriend is more than likely willing to look at it with him.
Other women, don't enjoy it because alot of pornography is made by people who are very insecure and feel that the only way they can have a job, or express some sort of talent is through porn.... which is very sad. They are obviously not beautiful to begin with, otherwise they would have ended up becoming models instead. Some girls in porn are moderately attractive and could be goregous, but then they put on that fake tan, insert inflatable tits, and bleach their hair. It's really disgusting.
They feel as though they can't make a living any other way. The attention makes them feel good for a bit, but they are really hurting on the inside ( and I'm not talking about from the massive cocks and fuck-nots)
Alot of girls in the porn industry don't want to be there in the first place, they were forced to, kept captive, and fucked on camera against their, will for men and women to jack-off to!
Men do not need porn, just fucked up perverts do!! Which I occasionally am one and hate myself for it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): What men dont understnd is that they dont live in a world where they are faced with insecurities every single day. Our boyfriends pick up the paper and we know that there's going to be at least one topless woman in it (i mean for god's sake i watched a programme last year where they showed you how they airbrushed these images!) What annoys me is that we know it's all bullshit and that the womans hips or stretch marks have been altered, men think that its all genuine or they just dont care that it's not and that's what hurts because it makes me feel like i should look like that when it's unrealistic and even he knows it's unrealistic but he still 'idealises' it. Yeah some women do have 'perfect bodies' but why has society decided what's perfect and what's not? I've got a good body, not too skinny not fat but no i dont look like a porn star and what's wrong with that? Most of them look horrible anyway with there fake boobs, fake tan, peroxide extentions!
Men cant even face you and tell you the truth that they look at porn and it annoys me so much, id be hurt but strangely happy that he was at least honest why cant they tell the truth?!!! I mean were not stupid and i'm always honest with him about things like that.
In movies tits are everywhere, magazines, posters and what do men have to deal with and feel insecure about, the constant display of massive cocks... oh wait NOTHING!
This world we live in is so biased and i honestly think men wouldn't handle it if it were the other way round, and you guys can say "Yeah we would" but i'm sure all you women out there have dated a fair few insecure men and there are alot of you out there, oddly enough it's mostly you insecure men that look at porn because you fantise about something you could never get when you have a good, sexy woman who loves you at home and if you actually focused your sexual needs on her would prob be more than happy to oblige!
It's just soo fucking frustrating that women have to be on there guard from psycho men out there and on top of feeling weak because we arent as strong as you we are made to feel like shit because we arent good enough for you either.
I just think society has ruined relationships, ruined how special things could be and how intimate, you'd get alot more sex and more confident experimental sex from all those insecure girls out there if you stopped making them feel like they could never live up to your wants an your fantasies.
Jamey 37 if you're for real, good on you, you love your gf and im sure she's enough for you :)
The sad thing is that some men are so pathtic that they say they NEED it and it fullfils their needs, grow up and actually try to HAVE SEX and stop being so stupid you dont need it you're just not strong to stop yourself having a wank on a lonely night!!
And it's not like buying shoes or bags, we can help ourselves we CHOOSE to buy things just like you CHOOSE to watch porn, i mean come on your gf feeling so ugly and worthless is justified becuase we buy handbags, ha!!
What should we do just get over it, you're not cheating so we should be gratefull, why should we? You are cheating and im sure many women would agree, watch porn with your gf's i mean two people having sex i can handle my bf watching that with or without me (id still be insecure if it was without me because i am an insecure person and would be hurt if it was degrading porn that depicts women as sluts) but in that case it's the visual aid of seeing sex itself that turns you on, but looking at naked women and nothing else is unacceptable and un-neccesary!
As you can tell this has been a recent argument for me and my bf, some feed back woul be good from you girls so i dont feel like im being stupid and that i dont need to be one of these women that supposedly 'dont care!'
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): i dont think there is any logical answer to this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): because men are less evolved and have to actually have it visually in their face. Women can just fantasize and be aroused. This just proves, once again, which gender is truly superior.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): It hurts so much just knowing, thinking, that my boyfriend is looking at this stuff. When I've confronted him about it, in person and over the phone on one occasion, he lied and sternly repeated, "No, I didn't. I didn't do that." The only reason it bothered me at first was because he went out on a limb, without having my say what-so-ever and said, "You know, I love you so much, and you're so beautiful. I don't need anything else in my life. Not porn, nothing. I love you." Ha! What a fucking joke. It wouldn't bother me so much if he wouldn't hide it from me. After being confronted, he'll "feel so sorry" and mope about. What's more, though, he'll be back at it again in a few days. I've even said to him, "Let's watch this together." His reply, "No, that's too awkward." Well, he must be watching something pretty wrong to be that way about it. Or he doesn't feel sexually committed to me or something. I AM SO FRUSTRATED and it hurts so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): According to my husband, men don't need porn, they do like to look at women though. He said that he is visual and does like the curves of a woman, he cannot help that. My husband does not look at porn, he looks at me. I'm 44 years old and have children, but I keep myself in great shape and wear sexy outfits for him. I did a full photo session for my husband. I start with sexy panties and bra's, teddys, garters and babydolls, in many different positions (just like the porn stars), then I did a hotter collection in sexy poses where eventually I take it all off and do several poses nude. My husband stares at them a lot when he is on the road and can't be with me, and when he is gone for several weeks, he uses my porn collection to get his release. Ladies, understand that men have to release, especially when they are away from you. So accept that and just make sure that you are the object of his fantisy when he does relieve himself. My husband will look at my pictures, then he calls me and we have phone sex together, and he talks me through while I use a vibrator to get my release. Ladies, this is VERY HEALTHY FOR BOTH OF YOU! When he is travelling home, I'm always wearing something sexy underneath my regular clothes and describe it to him while he is on his way, so he is so worked up about wanting to see me that we have great sex the minute he walks in the door. Hey ladies, if you don't want your man looking at other women and fantisizing about them, get him TO LOOK AT YOU and to FANTICIZE ABOUT YOU! Believe me, it would be the best present you can give him. He does not have any guilt or worry that way, and you have fullfilled his need to look. My husband adores me. We are very devoted Christians, so I dress modestly and act discreet around other men, but I go wild for my husband in private. God said the marriage bed is pure, and a woman should entice her man and right down seduce him with her beauty. Am I right? My very happy, fullfilled husband thinks so.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): my husband lies to me about his addiction he rather have porn than me im willing to do ANYTHING he wants but if it isnt porn it doesnt do it for him i told him he could have his hand or me and he chose his hand as a woman i was totally ripped apart inside now i cant even look at myself with out asking myself whats wrong with me for him to want porn more than me im 22 and im not bad looking i am totally devoted to my husband ive never done him wrong in any way but he rather play with hisself than make love to me to anyone in this situation the best thing to do is leave them they will never change they say they will but they wont porn has warped mens way of thinking about women they look more highly at a whore than a respectable woman because of my husbands addiction i have lost all my self asteem and respect for who i am i have been dealing with this for 6 years now ladies men like this are not worth it you are the onr who gets hurt not them cause all they have to do is go to porn thats what they really want anyway
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): I'm a heterosexual male, and i happen to know that thats just the way it works. we do. we can't help it. just like you can't help buying handbags and shoes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): I HATE WHEN MY BOYFRIEND LOOKS AT PORN IT PISSES ME OFF!!! AND HE DOSENT UNDERSTAND!!!!!
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male
reader, yow9999  +, writes (31 October 2007):
porn isnt necessary for men but some people like it i like it too. Why do girls worry about it they are not cheating, they are only fulfilling their needs.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I don't think guys in a relationship realize that it is hurtful. It KILLS me when I know that he gets off to watching or seeing other girls!! I feel like I can't compete with them! I don't know what to do. I feel as if I'm his second choice, or when he wants the real thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): They dont! simple...they WANT porn but they DONT need it...basically they d it because they can...throughout history men have always eld the power and abused it....in these days when beating and raping your woman is socially unacceptable porn is a great way for them to satisfy sexual urges whilst simutaneously disrepecting and degradng women...making themselves feel big.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): A logical answer would be that most men are more stimulated visually... most women are stimulated by touch. My boyfriend has a keen eye for women.. you see his has a roving eye. Inwardly I hate it because it is so so disrespectful! I rather he does it in a very subtle manner when I am not looking. I am also very attractive and gets a lot of looks by guys but I do not turn around and make eye contact with them like he does.So it proves it that men like that are visually stimulated!Too much in excess is bad... it cheapens the relationship and does not give the relationship the time needed to be quality time when guys are on their computers half a day claiming that they are working but they are looking and jerking off all day before they see you. Of course it kills the sex part of it in the relationship... It is common sense!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): I think that men don't realize that porn is like a drug. Unlike buying shoes, make up, and clothes-which are all OBJECTS! Buying porn is pretty simple, when I look at this issue I think-wow! Women are objects too? When you read the studies and research made about this "problem" it gives you a good insight about the man's priorities.
I don't agree with the cop out saying that it's because men have a higher sex drive, women do too, me included-but I don't need to watch or buy things to satisfy my urges, if people buy it because of the fantasy idea-then get a journal and write about the things that turn you on or something, and if fantasy is the goal-let your partner in on that and fantasize together. Intimacy, anyone? I feel that no woman should put up with something so unreal. If I ever have children, I wouldn't want my daughter to feel that she's not enough to have a respectful and healthy relationship with a man. Porn is a lie, about women, human relationships and dynamics. It is degrading to everybody involved because it doesn't teach anything and it addresses issues of power and submission. It dehumanizes the other person, the relationship, and ANY intimacy.
I hope this helps some of the women who posted that they don't know what to do because their boyfriends are into it. And I am glad that not all men are that way-and there are some real ones out there somewhere, and I still hope to find him. Recently, my sister's boyfriend opposed to going to his brother's bachelors party. She and I were upset because we felt that he needed to be there for his brother. When we got to his apartment and saw him changing the water on his fish tank and asked him what he thought he was doing not going to be there for his brother he responded, "They were going to a strip club, and once men go to one, that's all they want to do for the rest of the night. I didn't want any part on it, I don't want to watch women for hours and hours doing whatever they are doing, I rather spend the night by your side." Beautiful, isn't? I realized then, that I would want the same type of respect towards me from a man. That I deserve to have that too, because I have never needed to watch someone else to find satisfaction when in a relationship, instead I would fantasize about my boyfriend and the naughty things we could do to each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): Men watch porn because they have a much higher sexdrive due to testosterone. It is also the reason men can build more muscle faster. Testosterone is an accelerant and it also accelerates sexual drive. You have to understand he needs to relieve himself and if you are busy and can't do that you should just be happy he isn't cheating on you. Now on the other hand if he rather look at porn than have sex with you then there is a problem. Porn is merely a filler, but a neccesary one.
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reader, jamey_37 +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Not all guys need porn. Actually NO guy "NEEDS" porn.
The guys that think they do are perverts. Also, they're not committed to you.
I don't watch the stuff. It's wrong. Immoral. Huge sin. And it would take away the love I have for my gf.
I hate the stuff, and I hate any guy who says he needs it or even watches it. They're giving the good guys a bad name.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): it hurts when your husband looks at that stuff. i found out that my husband watched some stupid videos of girls gone wild and i swear i cried for almost a week- i was so tired because i was working so much while he was at home doing that-, i was sad more than mad. i told him how i felt, and he promised it won't happen again, he didn´t know it was gonna affect me so much. so i hope he is being good for real.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): I'm in the exact same situation! I did snoop on his computer. And I also found porn. I confronted him, Yes he was mad I went behind his back. But if he is ashamed to admit... then he has an addiction. Why should he feel guilty? Because he feels bad? I say, talk to him about it.
I absolutely HATE it when he looks at it. And he knows it. I feel like I'm not good enough. I don't know what to do either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): I know it was wrong of me to look on his computer. I wasn't looking to see if he was watching porn or not, but I found it on their anyway. I want to ask him why, but I feel like it was wrong of me to look. I'm very split on this issue. At times I feel very hurt to know that looking at other women like that turns him on, but I know that it something that almost every guy does and I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): whats wrong with it???? a heck of a lot....and if you get educated on the issue of porn , the gender implications, the effects and the studies done then you might have a clue....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): Porn is not needed but me and my partner both enjoy watching it.. so whats the problem?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): It just hurts when I know that he looks at other girls in that way.... to get off. What did I do wrong? To me it feels like he is cheating on me and there is nothing I can do about it. I've told him and he told me to deal with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): yes.
i look at porn every day. what is it hurting really?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): to the person who wrote he wont nee it if she performs in bed i find this comment to be rubbish me and my hubby do and say anyhitn in bed do it whenever we want yes we atch porno they not on for long. our sex life is fantastic. caught him sleeping with prositutes 1 month ago so my answer is he is sick it womt matter what you do in the bedroom if he wants more he will get it NO MATTER how good it is at home we been together 20 years
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reader, eddie + ♥, writes (26 September 2007):
 Who says men "need" porn. I'm a man and don't have any. Do some men enjoy porn at "many" different levels? Yes. Some guy may have movies and another may read Playboy sometimes. Why do women need so many pairs of shoes? Purses? Make up?
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female
reader, starfairy + ♥, writes (26 September 2007):
 My boyfriend and I watch porn together, it enhances sex together and is great for getting into the mood. Plus you pick up some good tips sometimes! I don't think men need it, but they seem to have higher sex drives than women and spend half their life with a hard on lol...So who knows.
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reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (26 September 2007):
 Men don't NEED porn... porn has only been around in a significant quantity since the middle of the 20th century. Men somehow managed to get by for the other 100,000+ years of human existence.
But men tend to like porn very much. Porn to men is like candy to kids... not something natural but something that's easy to come back for more of. And certainly too much of it is bad for you.
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male
reader, PsychMaster55 +, writes (26 September 2007):
 first off, if men could get off like women do, then we would all be women. second, if it is interfering with your regular time together then i would say something is wrong, but if he is doing it along with having a healthy sex life, i would say not to worry. he could be watching for many reasons, and they dont even have to do with you. its complicated without letting you in on the secrets of MAN.
you can also try watching with him. but also beware of the next problem, he is going to expect exactly what he watches in porn, so try to tell him early on that there is a line that you are going to set. most of the porn out there is hardcore, and the women are not always an equal partner in the act, so just keep the control in balance.
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reader, rcn + ♥, writes (26 September 2007):
 Porn is not needed if he has a good imagination. I don't know why you believe men need porn. I live quite fine with very little amounts. I wouldn't say NONE at all, but not a lot.
Some men like it because of the fantasy around it. Especially when their girl just lays there and one position all the time with no changes or uniqueness to their sex lives.
How does the saying go, and I'll probably bash it. Me want a good girl outside the house, in public, and a bad girl in the bedroom.
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