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My sister's boyfriend kissed me and now we've been making out behind her back!

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 November 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 13 November 2017)
A female United States age 16-17, anonymous writes:

My sisters boyfriend kissed me what should I do??

I’m 15 years old and my sisters boyfriend is 19 they’ve been dating for about a year I’ve known him as long as she has known him. This all started about 3 months ago when he started grabbing me and hugging all up on me and it’s been going on since. Bout just recently he’s been giving me lots of compliments and touching me. And last week he kissed me...we were Messi around and having fun where out of no were he grabbed my face and kissed me and honestly i didn’t hate it but I didn’t know how to feel. And just today he grabbed my face when my sister was not there and we made out and honestly I don’t know what to do.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 November 2017):

In the United States you're under-aged. His touching you is inappropriate and illegal. He is taking advantage of your naivete.

I hope he gets caught and your parents press charges!

You are not held responsible for his bad-behavior; because of your age-appropriate lack of judgement in such situations. It's what predatory-behavior depends on. Innocence and the lack of judgement of minors. Children to be more exact and literal.

This must stop now! If your parents or sister should catch you, he will and should be arrested.

Oh, I'm not letting you off the hook about how you're treating your sister. She should be able to trust you when her back is turned. Your whole family should expect you to be vigilant and ready to report when someone older is inappropriately making passes and touching you. You are not supposed to give them permission. It's a sickness and you are a victim.

Please think about what this means about your safety and your sister's trust. Please tell her what's going on. She might be mad; but it isn't your fault! She will forgive you! If anything, she may feel responsible for keeping an eye on you when bringing boys around.

To place even more responsibility on your parents who should be looking-out for both of you!

IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!!! He is wrong, wrong, wrong!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (13 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThere are two main points here, but the most important is that no decent adult will touch a minor inappropriately, let alone kiss one! He is a creep.

Secondly, you should stay away from him - for the above reason and that you're old enough to know not to betray your sister. He is at fault 100%, but it's also your fault if you don't keep your distance.

Tell your parents because he may tell your sister you were flirting with him. Your parents need to know not to trust him and so does your sister.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2017):

02DuszJ agony auntI agree with Youwish.. this is beyond "you're seeing your sister's bf"

Seriously? Not only is he after his GF'S SISTER, but under 16 makes you a CHILD- the fact you don't understand what's happening here alone demonstrates that.

In most civilized cultures he would be locked up for what he's doing- molesting you. Tell your parents, otherwise he will keep manipulating you to get away with it.

Don't let this ruin your childhood- speak out now, otherwise it might ruin your life i.e. you end up raped

And yes it would be rape whether it feels good or not because he is a piece of scum taking ADVANTAGE of your naivety and CHEATING ON YOUR SISTER.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (13 November 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt No no no, OP. You can't be confused over stuff like that; it's pretty clear cut.

That's your SISTER's bf were are talking about. By making out with her bf behind her back- as dramatic as it sounds, you are betraying your own flesh and blood.

It would be bad enough if you were carrying on with the boyfriend of a friend of yours, but your own sister's ?

Blood is thicker than water; sisters before misters.

Don't let your young hormons overcome your best judgement, and stop allowing him to take liberties with you. Tell him that if he tries to touch you again, you'll raise hell, you'll call your sister, your dad, the firemen :). But do not make the same mistake again.

As a matter of fact, probably I would go a step further, and I'd tell my sister what her precious bf has been up to. I realize that this may be difficult for you, both because you do not want to hurt her, and because you'd have to apologize and explain her how come you let him grab you and kiss you AGAIN, after the first time he took you by surprise. Embarassing, I suppose.

Then again, if she breaks up with him over this, great ! It's for the best. . What's the use of a bf that you can't even trust around the women of your own family ? A guy like this is just trouble, and she might as well get rid of him sooner rather than later.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYour sister's BF is gross.

He is 19? And chasing a 15-year-old, and not only that the BABY-sister of his GF.

1. You wouldn't want YOUR BF to go around behind your back kissing your sister, right? So why would it be OK for you to do?

2. He is being a creep. He is basically suing BOTH you and your sister for his OWN little game.

I get that it might seem flattering but this is not OK. Not at all. NOT so much because he is your sister's BF (that is just plain WRONG) but because HE is a grown up and YOU (legally) are NOT.

While it's not QUITE the same but how would you feel if HE was 15 and you were 11? Gross, right? At your age, a 4-year gap is NOT a good thing. A 19-year-old will want more than kisses and be groping.

And let US not forget your sister in all this. HOW can you even think this is anything that is OK? Do you have any idea how HURTFUL your actions are? Your sister is your sister for life. Guys may come and go. Keep this up and your relationship with your sister will be damaged because she might ACTUALLY blame you, not her sleazy creep of a BF.

Next time he tries to corner you, tell him no. LOUDLY. And walk away from him. Either to where your sister is or your parents. And tell your sister. She needs to dump this creep.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (13 November 2017):

YouWish agony auntThis guy is an adult, and you are underage to be touching him. What he is doing is STATUTORY RAPE/solicitation of a minor/lewd act on a minor under 16 because you are too young to consent, and he is taking advantage of you.

Do you not love your sister?? Family is family, and this guy is a disgusting sexual predator for touching you in this manner. I know your feelings are confused right now, and I commend you for writing us here. He is grooming you for sex SPECIFICALLY because you are underage.

Different states have different penalties for what he's doing, but you need to expose him before you have sex and possibly become pregnant or get really really hurt. AND -- your sister needs to know what a slimebag her boyfriend is for going after an underage girl.

I know you said you don't hate it. I wish I could tell you that your sister will instantly understand. She most likely will in the long run, because in this case, you're young and he is a predator who is grooming you. That's why it feels good. That's why you like it.

But what you said here..."I didn't know how to feel" is your brain and the maturing part rising up and saying "THIS IS NOT COOL AT ALL!", but he's playing with your hormones and causing your body to betray itself and you.

Do you know that little children often feel orgasm when molested by adults?? It's a terrifying, revolting, horrific truth that pain isn't the only motivation behind molestation and sex crimes. More often it's pleasure.

Special attention, money, compliments, gifts, pleasurable touching, kissing, secrecy, all of that is there during molestation, and the one you should go to is your PARENTS or guardians. Don't face this alone. Tell your mom or dad or both what is going on RIGHT NOW. Tell your school counselor. 19 is still a legal adult. Just because he's not some 80-year old perv skeeving off of you doesn't make it any less wrong or any less creepy, and usually sexual predators target underage teens that are known and accessible, meaning the boyfriend you know is abusing you right now.

Do not let him touch you again. Do not be alone with him again. Talk to your parents and counselor. You are in DANGER. This is beyond "I'm seeing my sister's boyfriend behind her back". This is "My sister's adult boyfriend is touching me inappropriately".

PLEASE DO IT and PLEASE follow up here! Of all the people on DearCupid who come here for help, people like you I care about not falling prey to scum like this guy!

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A male reader, TylerSage United States + , writes (13 November 2017):

TylerSage agony auntImagine the side effects this will have if your sister finds out? There's enough lying and backstabbing in the world don't let it tear apart blood relations. Plus, bear in mind this guys now has the two of you under his fingers. Imagine the stories he tells his buddies. There are many more men you can find to make you happy. Tell your sister if you think he deserves to be dumped or end it otherwise.

All the best.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (13 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntYou're still young, so is he and i do get that, but seriously, you're old enough and wise enough to know right from wrong and this is plain WRONG, it really is.

You need to put a STOP to this before it gets even more out of control.

You should ask yourself a few important questions.

1. What would my sister do if she were to find out?

2. Do i carry enough guilt and remorse to actually tell my sister the truth?

3. If i don't tell my sister the whole truth, how do i live with that knowledge?

4.Will my sister's bf eventually tell her out of feelings of guilt and if so, then what for me and her and our relationship?

5. If i were in my sister's shoes, would i want to know the truth and how would i feel upon finding out?

In all honesty though, i would HIGHLY advise you to pluck up the courage and take the slap if need be and tell your sister what her bf has done with you behind her back.

If you truly love and respect your sister and her relationship with you and with her bf, then you owe her the truth don't you?

Don't worry about what her bf chooses to do.

You have no control over HIS behaviour, but you do have full control over your OWN behaviour, so do the right thing by YOU and by YOUR SISTER and the sooner you do it, the better.

She'll still be angry and she'll feel hurt, but the sooner you tell her, she'll be much more appreciative in the long run and she'll think more highly of you.

In life, there's this little thing called "KARMA" and believe me when i say, KARMA will come back to bite you on your bottom, if you think you can get away with it and deny your sister the truth.

You have a conscience, you carry remorse, otherwise you'd not be writing in to DC, so you need to grow up here and do what's right and what's absolutely necessary by you and your sister.

I have a feeling she'll dump her bf after she finds out what you and he have been doing behind her back and you wouldn't be able to blame her for that would you?

The other issue, if you do not put a stop to this crazy and sleazy behaviour now, then what will happen 2 weeks from now, 3 months from now, 6 months from now?

It will get much, much worse, if you don't apply the brakes now and in the meantime, you'll be carrying so much worry and unnecessary stress.

Your sister's bf is only getting away with his bad behaviour, because quite frankly, you are granting him permission to behave badly.

Remember, it takes two to tango and yes, you are one of the two!

Do the right thing and put a complete stop now and do tell your sister the truth, because eventually she will find out and if you never tell her, things will get terribly ugly for you.

The other risk for you, if you tell her bf to stop misbehaving with you and he doesn't take well to that, he may well try to blackmail and/or threaten you by way of telling his gf, your sister, that it was in fact YOU who came onto him, just to get himself out of trouble and she may well believe him.

Are you prepared to place yourself in such vulnerable and dangerous positions?

Good luck and try not to worry, because the sooner you do the explaining, the better off you'll be and your sister will be much more likely to forgive you.

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