A
female
age
30-35,
*aneshaXD
writes:Hello, My boyfriend is not asking for any physical pleasure from me lately and i found out from his friends that they are paying a visit to massage parlors for a quick and fun release from time to time in other words happy endings. I read many articles and posts around the internet and found out that married men as well as men who have a girlfriend visit massage parlors for happy endings. I wonder why would he be going to one of these places if i can pleasure him for free. I am definitely convinced that he is visiting these places, as i heard that they are everywhere and a lot of men visit them ( including married men) for extra services. I can't stop thinking about how my boyfriend would be capable of doing such thing. Why do men visit these places? i am shocked that some men think of it as some kind of treat or hobby, and what's worse is that their partner is completely oblivious about their visits. I am thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend as i can't stand anymore that he would let a woman see and touch him naked in a sensual manner.How do men and women see this? would you be angry if your wife or girlfriend would break up/file a divorce because of a happy ending? do you think my boyfriend would be furious? I am going to do it in a polite way and also apologize to him if i am being inconsiderate of his feelings but this is the only way i can break free from these horrific images that i store in my head. Please help me out here!! I will appreciate any advice from you guys as to what i should do. Is it really worth it considering the consequences?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 March 2014):
 OP, you are still very, very young.
I fear you have a very skewed view of the moral behaviour of men, and this is rubbing off on your relationships.
You are obviously convinced of your views, and you know what you know, so nothing we say is going to change your mind.
You need to break up from your boyfriend and remain single, because if you continue with these skewed beliefs you will never be able to trust a man not to be doing these things behind your back. Even if he is not - you will worry and accuse. No man will put up with that level of paranoia.
Normal men do not search out websites like you have - normal men do not look for erotic massages.
If you really believe your boyfriend is mixed up in this, break up with him. But do not let these issues cloud your future relationships - ultimately you will be the one that loses out.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 March 2014):
 I think the proportion of 40-60% is skewed. A lot of men - the men who wouldn't dream of going to such a massage parlour, for example - wouldn't be on the websites you've looked at. So the figure is probably much lower.
But yes, it's a good idea to get a sense of someone's morals and character before getting in to a relatinship with them - and also a great idea to get out of a relationship if something like this crops up.
All the best, OP.
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A
female
reader, TaneshaXD +, writes (11 March 2014):
TaneshaXD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, did i say all? if so i apologize because i meant most( not saying that i am right). Since i found out that these places exist ( never would have ever thought about it) I started to think that most men visit them because i have been reading various posts since and visiting different websites, mainly Rub maps, and i can't believe what some of the responses say. Most people do believe that it's just some kind of extra hobby or it's just don't make a big deal out of it at all therefore they keep it as a secret from their partners. Most of these men are good men who you would not even think of suspecting of this type of thing because they try and rationalize it in their heads as something that saves their marriage and makes them happy. ( i read one on here as well), these men have either a problem with communication or simply as i said don't make a big deal out of it and keep their mouths shut. ( my boyfriend is an example of this, thinks its fun and not cheating). I saw here on the internet several men who do this kind of thing recently and most responses centered around the point that it makes them and their wives happy therefore they look at it as some kind of therapy or as i said before some just don't think it's crossing the line in their marriage and just do it for fun, and some even think it's a medical procedure haha ( quite pathetic to be honest). Most of these men are selfish or good thinkers because they know exactly what to do.So yes i have done my homework on these places and no NOT ALL men do it i have seen men who would never do this kind of thing, but the proportion of men who thought otherwise was larger i say 40% to 60%. Many men would admit that they would like this kind of treatment as well! and since they know they will never be found out they continue doing it! it kind of makes sense as well! which wife would suspect a husband who is visiting massage parlors for happy endings once a month with no signs of change of behavior or routine?yes no wife would since they don't even know these places exist let alone thinking their husband would go to one! i for instance would have never EVER thought my boyfriend would be this kind of person. I was trapped in illusions, not knowing how men work! men are completely different to us women, not saying that women aren't but since massage parlors apply mainly to men, i have to say that since these places are in business many men visit them. And no UK is not exception. I also read many stories about women who are shocked as they found about these places, yes they are everywhere mostly found on business trips and out of town events where they get offered at nearly all business hotels!So i have done my research and i will be more careful from now on. Its never good to be trapped in fairy tales! i believe people should first learn what happens out there before they get in an type of relationship. You can think i am naive or stupid but that's how things are! and the men who are currently visiting these places and are reading this , they know i am right! again i am not saying that ALL do it just more do than don't which is sad. Of course there are alternatives such as full prostitutes ( i call these women semi-prostitutes), affairs, etc so women are at fault as well. But this Celtic Tiger is reality! ( men who are being faithful are probably angry on me but whatever).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Why in the world would you stay if you "had been the reason" for his going?
There is NO EXCUSE for a partnered man seeking a sex worker.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 March 2014):
OP - Can I ask you a question?
Why do you think that ALL Men go to these places? What has been said to you to think this?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 March 2014):
OK, now I understand!
Yes Celtic Tiger is correct. It is not common practise for men, and I suspect your boyfriends friends are either a 'bad lot' or bragging about something they haven't actually done.
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A
female
reader, TaneshaXD +, writes (11 March 2014):
TaneshaXD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, sorry Daisy, you misunderstood what i wrote. That follow up refers to Celtic Tiger's post, about men in the UK not visiting these places. Thar surprised me! if i had to act like a prostitute for my man then i would because it makes him happy, but no way i am going to be with a guy that frequents prostitutes! i would only stay if i have been the reason why he went to them. These massage parlors are the worst type of places people can visit and i would not allow my partner to visit them.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (10 March 2014):
Tanesha, a small minority of men visit these massage parlours, not the majority, and why does if make you happy that men do this?! I'm really confused by your follow up.
These types of massage parlours that offer happy endings are more like brothels than anything else. The masseurs are more like prostitutes than professional and well trained masseurs.
Why would you want to behave like a prostitute for a man? Why would you be happy to be with a guy who frequents prostitutes? Don't you deserve better?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 March 2014):
 I question the "friend's" motives in telling you this. And I question your reasons to believe you BF would do this. JUST because he CAN get a HE massage doesn't mean he will.
Getting a massage and a "massage with happy ending" are two VERY different thins, one is a legitimate experience that CAN be sensual but NEVER sexual. And the person GIVING the massage is trained. The "happy ending" version is prostitution, nothing short of that and THAT requires no training. And yes, I agree the LATTER kind would be cheating.
I have to agree with the aunties, that you seem to have some trust issues going on here.
I think you should ask your BF why his friends are telling you stories about HE massages. And simply TALK to your BF.
You know I seriously doubt "most guy" go to illegal massage parlous to get a wank. SERIOUSLY doubt it. If "most" guys did this you would be arse-deep in illegal massage parlous all over. And seriously who sleazy is it to go have some stranger put they hands on you for a wank/diddle? Just eww.
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A
female
reader, TaneshaXD +, writes (10 March 2014):
TaneshaXD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, yes i do live in UK, and yes i am talking about the happy ending massages, not legitimate massages. I did not know that men in Britain feel like this! it made me quite happy! I will ask him and then decide on what to do depending on his response. If my gut instinct was true and If he needs it i will offer him massages but if he refuses then i will have to leave.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (10 March 2014):
OP, I have no idea what country you really live in, but it certainly isn't the UK.
Have you seen most men here in Britain? 99% of them would never have the confidence to go and get a HE massage, let alone want to! Either that or you are really associating with the wrong kind of people for your personality.
Your age states that you are 18-21, that is still VERY young, and if your boyfriends friends are the same age then really, in mental and emotional behaviour are still very much little boys living in a sexual fantasy land.
There is a LOT of bravado and lying at that age by both men and women with regards to sexual behaviour. Men want to be seen as sexually experienced, irresistible to women and getting sexual favours morning noon and night. I would bet that these things they are saying are not true in the slightest.
Not everything on the internet is true. You can google any subject and come up with a load of rubbish that people have put on the net. there is no restriction to quality or truth (the number of essays I have marked using rubbishing from Wikipedia is shocking!). DO NOT believe everything you read from online blogs or polls. They are not scientifically based and are mostly just made up in order to get hits on a webpage.
It does sound like you have trust issues, and control issues. You obviously do not trust your boyfriend and that is being manifested in this concern, which unless you have solid proof really is founded on your own problems.
This issue goes much deeper to your own insecurities and I really hope that you can address those to make your future happier.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Why men visit these places is a curious question, but the curious thing is you say you have a gut instinct and that you’re definitely convinced your boyfriend is receiving pleasure (happy endings) when he visits these massage parlours with his friends.
Well I can’t see through solid walls myself, but if my partner were to visit a massage parlour rather than a Massage Therapist for any reason, my suspicions would be aroused too. As sure as my bum points south, if one needs a massage for stress relief etc, surely there are other practical services in your country that he could go too?
My understanding is there’s a huge difference between the two services; Parlour verses Massage Therapist! So of course you’re right to have a gut instinct, you’re not naïve to think him going in with friends for some honest treatment. A venue in itself can suggest and trigger suspicion as to the activity going on inside that establishment.
Now if this venue is inappropriate to your values and he has need for treatment then he shouldn’t get furious at you suggesting he go to a proper Therapist!? If he refuses, then you know he's possibly guilty.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 March 2014):
If you are *sure* your boyfriend is doing what his friends are doing (though I'm not certain of what you're sure of & why) then - in your shoes - I would end the relationship. As Cerberus says, it's cheating. If you are unsure then ask him; though I believe gut instincts are more reliable than a possibly shifty partner.
I don't understand the consequences you refer to. Breaking up? Look, if he's really been going to massage parlours for hand jobs, you don't have to spare his feelings by being polite and considerate and apologising. You just end it. It is not the norm for men in relationships to go to massage parlours for hand jobs, and it's not the norm for a partner to accept it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2014):
 If you trust your gut feeling then it's time to break up. Asking "why" is a waste of time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2014):
Hi, you found out from his friends? How odd, they told you about this?
Thank them, break up with him and move on! There's no point in spending time trying to figure out why people do this. It's a waste of time.
If you know for certain that he is not being faithful then it's time to woman up and break up with him.
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A
female
reader, TaneshaXD +, writes (9 March 2014):
TaneshaXD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry but you misunderstood my question, by "them" i mean my boyfriend as well. I am going with my gut feeling as it is mostly right. And i don't think everyone does it, just MOST guys. I am not paranoid as i explained my reasons above.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): "I am definitely convinced"
On what basis? What evidence have you got? Plus how do you know even if he did go he'd get a happy ending?
OP guys who do it while in relationships without the explicit consent of their partners are assholes and are cheating.
Me and my wife get regular massages, sometimes at the same time most of the time at different days. They're amazing for stress relief, I would never ask for a happy ending as it's just a wank and I don't see the big deal, but obviously I mostly wouldn't because it's cheating.
Now considering you're only going to dump him because you've heard his friends go there and have zero evidence at all, I think you're doing him a favour. Clearly you're so paranoid that you will accuse him of cheating on you based on something ridiculous, like something you heard his friends "might" do.
Dump him, so he can go find a girl that isn't going to accuse him of being a dickhead every time she hears something or reads some articles. Oh and best of luck finding another guy when you believe that they're everywhere and we all do it.
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