A
female
age
26-29,
*ovelyprincess
writes:Hey all so I've been dating this guy going on 3 months we started dating while he was in another relationship. The relationship was serious he and the girl he was with had been together a year and 3 months and they lived together. Any way I was so excited because he had finally broke up with her. And my birthday is today so he spent the whole day with me. He was being very sweet and nice. But while he was talking to my parents outside he left his phone inside charging so glanced at his texts from his ex.. I seen texts where he told her he was going to break up with me a week after my birthday party. My birthday is today (Monday) but I'm having a birthday party at chuck e cheese on August 9 I know it sounds lame but I've never been. Any way that completely broke my heart because we don't hangout out hardly ever he seems to always make up excuses to not see me. I found out in some texts that he had moved back in with her but they're not officially back together. They have sex. They're going to the beach this weekend. And the. As I was scrolling through the texts I read texts where he was talking about me. He told his ex that our relationship is ruined and nothing is there because I've killed it by telling him every day how in love I am with him, and how he's almost met every single person in my family on my moms side and my dad's side. He said that breaking up with me woukd have to be one of those slowly break it to me moments. I really love him. And want this relationship to work. How can I make this relationship work. And keep him from going back to his ex. Is he really going to break up with me or could he just be telling her that? Also why would he wait so long to break up with me?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 July 2014):
 You need to get away from this guy asap. What do you even see in him?
He's a liar and a cheater. why would you even want to make that work?
Who knows what the reality is with his "ex" or with what he plans to do in regards to you. He's just an asshole. Let him go. He's completely unworthy of your time.
Next time, don't start dating a guy who is in a relationship, and don't look through their personal property.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2014): He is a cheater, he was in a relationship when you started dating him, and you should know better than to do this. Why would you expect him to treat you well, when he is cheating on his gf? Just dump this TURD and find a bf who is not already in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 July 2014):
 This "relationship" to him never really was all that great and he is ready for it to be over. You can't keep him from going back to her! He's going to do it regardless of what you say or do. Even if you get down on your knees and beg (DO NOT DO THIS), he's still going to leave you! If I were you, I'd want to leave and I'd try to do so with my dignity in tact, so what I'd do if I were you is I'd break up with him first! Straight away. Just walk away and never look back. Like honestly, I don't know why you're here asking for advice on how to get him back, let the jerk go, in fact, you should cut him loose. Don't make yourself look more naive than you already do by begging him to stay. Don't behave like a foolish little girl. You've got to realize that he doesn't and never will care about you. Move on and focus on yourself. I advise that you shouldn't enter another relationship for a while as you're not mature enough for one. Move on OP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 July 2014):
 Chigirl and Cindy nailed it.
Grow a set of ovaries, read up on morals, common sense, common decency and self respect. Study hard, you are severely lacking.
Since you are in the 18+ category I also want to say this, IF this is how you let this GUY treat you you are in for a whole lot of heartache in the future. YOU get to choose how people treat you (up to a point) by NOT allowing guys like this one to WALK all over you and use you up.
Go ENJOY your birthday, ENJOY people who treat you good. Treat them good back.
Dump that scummy guy.
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A
female
reader, lovelyprincess +, writes (28 July 2014):
lovelyprincess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI confronted him today about everything, he said he still loves her and that the only reason he dated me was because they was having problems in their relationship before they broke up. He did mention to me a while back that he we still going to support her financialy her and her daughter. He must really love her to keep paying her bills and pay for her to go to college right? He said that no matter what he was going to help her out in any way he can until she gets back on her feet.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2014): "Also why would he wait so long to break up with me?"
Maybe because he assumes that any girl who is dumb and/or desperate enough to get involved with a guy whom she knows is cheating on his live-in girlfriend is also dumb and/or desperate enough to allow herself to be strung along while she knows she is being cheated on in turn.
Or else he's just telling her what she wants to hear so she'll keep putting out for him while telling you what you want to hear so you'll keep putting out for him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 July 2014):
 I had started reading this post from the end- from Chigirl's answer, and was thinking to myself, come on, Chigirl, give her a break, the girl is 18-21 and inexperience leads to mistakes.
But then I read your post, OP, and frankly, I am amazed. This is not a matter of being 18, this is... just hard to believe : OP ! Show an ounce of common sense ,please. I don't get your reasoning : so, suppose it is not true that he is really going to leave you soon, suppose that he is just telling this to his other gf to keep her quiet. Well ? Does it make things any better ?! It makes them worse ,if any ! It makes them that this is a manipulative, callous scumbag that would say whatever to keep dipping his quill in two different inkwells, so to speak. It means that if he has to act all nicey and boyfriendishy to your parents too , to get his way, he will do that, therefore laughing not only behind your back ( and hers ) but your parents' too !
You don't " really love " him yet, you are mightily infatuated. Which happens to the best of us, and might cloud our judgement for a while, but- within limits,please, it does not have to make us delusional.
You want this relationship to work ? Which relationship ?, it's a scam, a new toy he is tired off already ! You don't want him to " go back " to his ex ? She is not his ex, and he is back already, they communicate about very personal matters too, they spend time together, they go to the beach together, they HAVE SEX- how much more " back " you want him to go ?!
Why would he wait so long to break up with you ? Uh guess what : because he likes to have two girls rather than just one, of they are so weak to allow that. Because he likes what he is getting out of you ( sex, or oral, or just kisses , it does not matter ) and wants some more helpings of that before he discards you. Then again, he may not discard you, if he finds a way to convince to other girl that yeah with "X " it's all over and done, don't worry babe. He sounds the type who is likely to ( and apt at ) juggle two, or more , women.
In short : you met a player. The first time is bad , it's heart breaking, ... it is useful. Live and learn . What, for instance ? For instance, do not get into a " relationship " with someone who is already in a relationship . Wait until they have broken up, officially , confirmedly and undeniably ( And after that.. wait some more, least you do not end up as a rebound :).
Remember : the way you get them, is the way you lose them. Which seems to apply well to your case.
Now, dry your tears, give him his walking papers, gather your family and friends around you, and go enjoy your Chuck E Cheese birthday ( btw : Chuck E Cheese rocks ! I miss it, lol ). Better the nice big cuddly Chuck E Cheese rat- than that disgusting rat of your ( hopefully ) soon to be ex.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 July 2014):
 Woman, seriously, you need some tough love. You're delusional. Are you kidding me?!?! Here I thought you were going to just have a rant at how foolish you were to get involved with a taken man, and how you have now learned your lesson etc etc, and we could comfort you, but what do you do instead? You want to crawl and beg for this prick to stay with you?
I understand perfectly. You have incredibly low self esteem, right? You don't think you're worth a decent man. So of course, since you can't ever get the attention of a decent man (or so you think), all men you date must be like this. Hence you have developed a habit of snooping and not trusting. Can we add to it that you are not only insecure, you are also controlling? Insecurity tends to bring out that in people.
You don't "love" him after three months when he's not even been with you, he's been seeing two women at the same time. Obviously, his other woman is insecure as well, since she is perfectly happy with him having been with you for three months, yet wants him back.
Shouldn't be a surprise, you and the other woman seem to be like two drops of water, still pining after this prick. I can't think of why, he's hardly that amazing. So the only answer must be: you do not see yourself as worthy of a proper relationship with a decent man.
Well guess what, unless you start to take some pride in yourself and stop thinking you're as low as dirt beneath his shoe, no man will take your seriously. Take PRIDE in yourself, woman! This man, you know what you should do about him? Kick him to the curb! Under no circumstance do you start to CRAWL for him!!! Respect yourself. Other people will respect you too, but it starts with you respecting yourself.
Once you gain self respect, you will not sink so low as to snoop. And once you gain self respect, you will not sink so low as to start up a relationship with an already taken man. And once you gain self respect, take pride in yourself, your self esteem will rise. And once that happens, you will find yourself able to be with a decent man who actually gives a flying hoot about you. A decent man who is happy to meet your family, because he wants nothing else but to share your family with you. A decent man who you can actually love, not just pine after, and who loves you back! Imagine that feeling of being loved by a decent man. It's a great feeling. A hundred billion times better than what you're feeling right now with this douche bag.
So no, you don't start thinking about how you can win this man as if he's some great prize. Bless your lucky stars that you only wasted three months of your life on him. Ditch him. Never talk to him again. Never get involved with such men again. Because this is the time when you decide to take pride in yourself, to respect yourself, and to tell yourself that you are worth more than this.
Raise your head, you have a great birthday party ahead of you, and a great new year in your life. Without idiot men. Can you promise me that? No more idiot men. And no more snooping and insecurity. Renew yourself, be proud of yourself. Walk away from this with your head held high, because you deserve better.
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