A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:When I was 15, my mother sat me down and had "the talk". She is very open and liberal, so we ended up talking about everything from sex and birth control to relationships and life in general. One of the things she was adamant about was that porn was degrading to women and to never allow myself to be treated like that, men cumming on my face, etc. I've now been with my boyfriend for a year and we have been sexual for the past 6 months. From the beginning, he would pull out during sex and cum on my stomach or boobs. I allowed it at first because I was too timid to say anything but, over time, I found it was kind of fun and sexy. That later morphed into him cumming on my face. We have a great relationship and I love him to bits. I like doing these things for him but part of me feels guilt because I was taught it was wrong. I like to think of myself as worldly and strong on feminist issues. However, for the life of me, I can't reconcile in my mind why it would ok for him to ejaculate in my mouth or vagina but not on my body or face. Why is one natural and the other degrading? I would love to hear opinions on this. Is it degrading to my gender? Am I being blinded by love or is this ok within confines of a strong relationship? What further complicates this in my mind is that there is something I really like sexually that is not his thing per se but he works it into our sex life to please me. Isn't that pretty much equal to letting him give me the occasional facial? I guess what I want is for someone to tell me what I'm feeling is normal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2017): My man ejaculates inside me mostly. But he has also ejaculated on my stomach. In my mouth. On my boobs.
I have absolutely no problem with any of this.
In fact, it is a turn on for me.
It is like he is marking his territory. Very primal.
Just go with the flow and enjoy yourself. Inhibitions just interfere with amazing sex. So live in the moment and whatever happens, happens. :)
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 Your mother found these sexual acts degrading not you. If when he done it you felt degraded then you tell him no. But it sounds to me like you enjoy it and therefore there really is no harm. I can understand why you feel it is wrong as your mother taught you that, and to some women it does feel degrading, but other women tend to love it. As long as you are happy and in control off what is happening then relax and enjoy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (24 January 2017):
 You are not your mother. You don't have to have completely the same values as your mother. Your mother grew up in different times, when attitudes towards sex and porn were not as liberal and diverse as they are these days. Her values and attitudes were formed by her exposure to those things as she matured. They were probably far more liberal than the attitudes of her own parents.If you have no objections to what your boyfriend does in bed, especially as he seems to reciprocate by doing what YOU like, then I would stop thinking about what your mother said and just enjoy. For the record, MY mother told me sex outside marriage was bad. If I had listened to her, I would have missed a hell of a lot of fun! And probably died a virgin, as I have never chosen to marry. Our parents can only guide us, based on what they believe to be right. After that, you need to go out in the world and make up your own mind about things.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (24 January 2017):
 Don't have a problem with a sex act just because another person has a problem with a sex act. I dunno I wouldn't let anyone spit in my face, I don't know why I'd let them spit in my face with their dicks..? I can see it as an insulting sex act. I can also see that degradation as a turn on for some. But for you it doesn't seem that one follows from another. Seems silly to force yourself to feel bad when you don't feel bad from the act, apart from the demonization of the act. As long as you're not hurting anyone, and it's consensual fun, I don't think any connotation or symbolism needs to ascribed to an act.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): I'm a guy and speaking for myself, I like cumming on a girl's face because I feel lust (just on the lower half otherwise her face looks gooey and messy!). Therefore when I do it, I don't mean it to be degrading at all. It is the complete opposite in fact.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (23 January 2017):
 That is a very well written question and it seems you have thought this out very well. An act is degrading or not, not based on what exactly is done but by the emotions surrounding it. If he does it to "mark his territory" that's a bit risky, unless of course your emotion is pleasure at being desired and "claimed". in which case you are both displaying your true emotions in a way that gives you both pleasure. So you see for us to say, this sexual act is degrading, or hurtful, or controlling, or loving, or uplifting, is impossible without knowing the emotions and meaning to the participants.
Now having said all of that there is much in Porn that is presented in a very degrading manner. The wrong words, the wrong actions. I agree with your mother that you should never let a man or anyone treat you that way. (meaning a degrading way.)
Here is the tricky bit. Just because you have grown to enjoy a certain act, does not mean that you are not being abused. Abusers are insidiously tricky. They manipulate their victims into desiring to be abused. There are signs in your emotions, the level of control, things like that. You should at least look up the signs and do a self inventory from time to time.
Your final question deserves a honest answer. You asked is what I'm feeling "Normal". I hate the word normal because it implies that the majority is always correct when in fact the majority frequently goes astray. What I can definitely say is that the feelings you have are common in many happy relationships.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 January 2017):
 Porn tends to be degrading, yes. Ejaculating on someone's face can be degrading, but if you're okay with it, then that's fine and it's not degrading for you (at least not at the moment). It may or may not change - either is okay.
With that said, I'd always suggest condoms as well, just in case the birth control fails. If you give him oral, he can always do that without a condom and ejaculate on you (if you wish), but not using condoms is incredibly risky.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 January 2017):
 If YOU enjoy it, it's NOT degrading.
If you don't, you tell him no.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 January 2017):
 You are normal. Its not degrading. Just because your mother might feel a certain way, doesnt mean you need to. If you feel its al right and you enjoy it, then that is fine. What goes on in the bedroom is between you and him, not you and your mother.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (23 January 2017):
If you like it and you don't feel degraded by it, I can't see that it's a problem either. What two consenting adults enjoy together behind closed doors is their own business.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017): If your ok with it then it's fine , as long as you're not being forced then it's up to you
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 January 2017):
 it's how YOU feel about it, not how anybody else tells you to feel about it.
If you like it, then what's the problem?
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (23 January 2017):
 Its really not that complicated. You like what you like, so who cares what other people think? Your mom prob feels differently but shes not you. Just keep your sex life to you and your lover and youre fine. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Its no biggie
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