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Her parents insist we don't talk for 5 years! They disapprove of our relationship!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Gay relationships, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2017)
A female Malaysia age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I had been in in relationship with my girlfriend for 7 months. She's 18 and I'm 17.We just so in love with each other. We chatted all day, we share our everyday life ,topics and stories. We greet each other good morning and first thing in the morning and say goodnight together over text. We enjoy every second together. We even talked about our future like getting marry ,live together and having kids.we have a lot of common interest and we love spending times with each other. Our sexual experience is one of our precious memory we have.

My parents and her parents not support at all. (We are lesbian). Her mom forced her to break connection and it connection with me, and never talk to me again for five years after uni.

I mean... Five years....is this really insane? Can u imagine how long is five years, how much things can happen, how much things can change...

How much small and big events and growing process wr have that we can see both. All the social media we're blocked by her yesterday, we said our farewells and our last hopes for each other..

She asked if I will wait her for five years. I of course said yes ,I love her, I really love her, of course I will wait...

But I am really worried, if I am able to make it or not for five years. I am also anxious of my gf having new crush. I usually think positively in most cases, but this is all hard, it just beat me down like a crushed bug...this morning waking up ,my heart straight felt so sour and heart broken, my chest almost get ripped off, I just wish I can sleep til 5 years so I don't need to suffer every time missing her..

We can't chat, we can't meet, we have nothing to look forward of, we have nothing to be sure of after five years. Nothing, she's just like poof, gone. She cried a lot of times, the last few weeks when we chat because ,she also love me so much she also didn't want to let go of this relationship.

But we didn't let go, we are still in relationship, but waiting for five years, with no connection at all.

Is there anyone out there who is also having this experience or story? Please I needed advice and help on this. I don't want to give up on her. But my life is so unbeatable, so painful.. Please someone give me hope, please someone give me advice so I can successfully pass this five years happily and greatly.. Thank you guys if u helped on me, I am very appreciative towards u all...

View related questions: crush, lesbian, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntShe is an adult and her parents cannot force her to do anything. Honestly at 17 if you have no contact until you are 22 you are going to be a complete different person. You will both be strangers by then and it is impossible to wait for someone for five years. When she goes to Uni she should be able to contact you, if she doesn't then you need to let her go. For your own sake.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (31 March 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntDo you know for a fact that her parents decided this?

It's possible she'll go away to uni and unblock you. If she doesn't, just understand that it's not meant to be. Honestly, I'm not sure it's a bad thing that she'd choose her parents over young love because her parents are for life and most relationships aren't.

If she is still interested in women in the future, she will have to stand up to her parents, but she still needs them right now, more than she needs a girlfriend. Provided they are otherwise good people, they need to compromise on their relationship, so it works for all of them.

Unfortunately your relationship has ended, but that's not the end of the world. Focus on yourself and having a great life, then you can see how different your life will be than you think it will now. Make friends. Study hard. Enjoy yourself and be safe.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (30 March 2017):

YouWish agony auntHer parents can SAY that all they want. The bottom line is that she is an adult according to the laws of Malaysia. This means that while her parents can insist on some 5-year thing, which really means that they're trying to get her to forget you, they can not actually ENFORCE this.

When you turn 18 (you are a minor right now), you will then become an adult, and when both of you are adults, you both have the say, not your parents.

Now I know that we're not just talking about legal issues. Family dynamics being as they are, her parents are giving her an "us or them" ultimatum that FEELS impregnable. It's not. As long as she lives with them, she will be subject to their will. However, if she goes away to university, or moves out on her own, she will be fully independent.

That is what you should set as a goal together - a life where you are in charge, not parents. I think 5 years won't be enough for her parents even if she waits for you. They have her future all mapped out with university and family, and they don't see you as anything but a hindrance. That won't change 5 years from now. YOU and she can only change that by not sitting around being upset. You must order your life for one goal in mind:

Independence.

She needs to think about her career/college. You need to do that, because getting THOSE things in motion will be the key to being together. Think about it. You turn 18, go off to university or get a job. You can support yourself. She does the same thing, and by age 20, you can both leave childhood behind and forge a life together. Or, you both can go to the same college and literally forge your lives together.

But her parents can not order her life when she's 23 years old. Are you kidding me? You know it, and I know it.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (30 March 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou're not still in a relationship if you have no contact. That's a break up.

I'm so sorry this has happened and I know it hurts, but you'll both move on and grow into your own individual people. You may both get new partners because that's what happens at your age - you can't promise you'll wait 5 years because you still may not talk after that.

You're both incredibly young and this is puppy love. Maybe you will meet again in the future, but it's best to let go of each other properly and understand that you aren't still in a relationship.

Live your life, get a degree from uni, find a place to live and you'll probably forget about each other unless you meet again by chance. This is your first relationship and it's been a short one, but long for your age. Please just try to focus on yourself and let her do the same without you expecting to stay together without contact.

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