A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently moved to a new location about 6 months ago, I started going to bar to hang out. I started talked to the a Server while I was the bar and every time I go in she always made a point to go say hi. Now she was cute, so I went more often than I should just to see her and talk to her. I found out she was married, but it was harmless entertainment. One day she did something and a sexually joke came out of it that day it was very slow and I got the scope on the her life. She told me about her husband, that a 4 months before we meet that the marriage was in trouble and she cheated. My friend that goes there was friends with their Bar manager, one day bar manager, her and my friend were together on an errand for her work. She told him the story that her husband tried to cheat on her and caught him, but didn’t tell him but instead she cheated. Well her hours were cut back due to coming into the off season, so we talked once or twice every 2 weeks. One day out of the blue she would come up and hug me, then a 2 months she would come up and hug me, and just cuddling with me. In the meantime of all this I meet her father and he was telling about the relationship with the husband and basically confirmed that it was an emotional abusive relationship. You can just tell that the girl doesn’t have any self-esteem. I started to actually like this girl, she was so down to earth and a big basketball fan, which I love, but I knew that she was married and I didn’t want to mess around with a married woman. Deep down I felt so bad that she was going thru all this stuff and abuse. Then one day after we haven’t talked for 2 weeks, she came up to me at the bar and told me that the Chef started a rumor that we were dating cause she was cuddling me. I told her that’s funny, we could have some fun with that. She said yea, They she proceed to ask me if I had room for her and her 3 kids to move in. I was like sure. That day we kept talking about it. She would come over and say you know I can’t have this or do that, is that a deal breaker? I said no. She asked me to come in the next day she was working.We talked more about the this dating and she told me all the details of her life about the affair cause she wasn’t happy (never said he tried it), Then told me all the family deepest darkest secret, and on her way out of work I left to she followed me to my car and we talked more. She showed me her boobs and said that she like me. Told me that she was married doe 15 years and this isn’t what she does, but she just isn’t happy and she was so afraid to her husband because of the kids ( they are 3,4,8) that she wouldn’t be able to provide for them. Then she said seriously if I leave I’m calling you I have nowhere to go. We talked again later and I asked her if this was for fun or something she wanted. She avoided the question then told me that it was both that she really likes me and that she wears her heart on sleeve. I’m not sure what I should I do. I do like this women and would love to give it a try, but I don’t want to be an affair. But more importantly she needs to leave her husband, he destroy her and call her a piece of shit for not cleaning the house after she work a 14 hour day and he worked a 6 hour day. She cleaned the next day but wouldn’t do it that night. And she feel guilty about like she did something wrong. I want to her to be happy and I starting to want to be with her. But I know sure if she will leave him. I don’t know the signs to confirm she wants to leave him and wants to be with me. He tracks her phone so we can only talk when she is at work. All this stuff he does has been confirmed by her family.
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affair, at work, boobs, married woman Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2017): Be a good man to her. Please put sex aside and help her get out of her abusive marriage if you want and if she wants. Being called a s^^t by a husband, is a s^^^ty thing to do, goodness knows what other bollocks he has put her through too! I feel she is desperately confused and anxious about her marriage and what to do with her kids. Please please please do not start anything with her. Be A Friend, I think that's what she needs really, because it sounds like her husband isn't being one. It would be wrong of you to start anything with her (I'm so proud of you that you haven't) and very wrong of her too and you clearly recognise this because you keep confirming that!So, be warned... Get involved in the right way or leave her alone to battle her own life. Make this happen NOW!Good luck
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 June 2017):
 You are only getting one side off the story, even if her family confirm it! He may be what she says he is, or he could be a husband heart broken because his wife has already cheated and he doesn't trust her. Either way it will be your bed to lie in if you get involved. Abusive or not she is still married, and that means something. That means she should either step up and leave him or stop leading you on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2017): You only know her side of the story. Now are you up for going from chats to full on family man etc... Help her get out to a place of her own but don't move in together. You don't actually know her and her kids are so young they all need 100% from their mum. She won't be able to give you 100%
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A
female
reader, Isolatedgothicprune +, writes (31 May 2017):
If she is a woman of integrity, she will leave her husband and do the hard work of divorcing him. That is on her. She made the commitment to him. If she wants out badly enough, she will leave him. Do not be the catalyst who breaks up the marriage, or "encourages" her, or supports her through it. She must do this herself. Don't be the one she uses to get her through her divorce, just so she can find another man after it's all done. Take a look at yourself and your own fears of true commitment. You have fallen for someone you don't really have to take responsibility for. She goes home to him at night, not you. You don't deal with her on a daily basis. Let her be the adult and work this through on her own. Do not get involved with someone who is still married. It only leads to more heartache, and who knows if your heart could heal from it.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (30 May 2017):
You're kidding right? You know she has cheated on her husband and you have the unbiased word of her family that her husband is a bad guy. So yea get involved with this train wreck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 May 2017):
 Don't - JUST don't get yourself into this mess.
You might think that you somehow can RESCUE her from her bad marriage, but in reality, only SHE can remove herself from it.
She is USING you to make herself feel better. You are like an illicit drug. Something to make her forget (for a little while) her shitty life and her obligations and responsibilities. She has stuck it out with him for 15 years. She has 3 kids.
Are you ready to take on a woman with 3 kids and her (without doubt) mental and emotional issue?
You are an escape from reality.
She is a fantasy for you. You get to be her knight in shining armor.
My guess? If you DID decide to jump in with both feet ONE of two things would happen.
1. she will chicken out and stay with him (for the kids, fear of XYZ)
2. you will take over a family that isn't yours and who doesn't appreciate your efforts (kids mostly), the husband, her family, her friends. etc. YOU will be the bad guy and you will then try and do your best and you will be STUCK with her.
What kind of grown woman shows a guy her boobs? What does that even mean? That's a really weird thing to do.
I think you are making a MASSIVE mistake if you get further involved here. MASSIVE.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 May 2017):
 You need to stop. It may be a bad marriage, but you can't have someone who is still married.
Cut contact, at least until she's single. Move on.
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