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I like older guys. He was respectful to me. But then his decision to ejaculate on my face bothered me. Were his actions out of line?

Tagged as: Age differences, Flirting, Health, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2017) 15 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I'm attracted to older men and that's what I normally date. I met this guy recently. He's 34. After exchanging texts for a while, we went out. It went really well. We had great conversation. There was chemistry between us. It was great all around. I don't normally sleep with guys on a first date but it happened with him. Here's the thing, he was respectful all night. He held doors for me. He was attentive.

The sex was good. He made sure I was satisfied.

The only thing that bothered me was that after all that, he pulled out at the end and ejaculated on my face.

It was so off putting. He was great to me afterwards and called me the next day. He wants to go out again but the facial thing was a red flag to me.

Everything else about him seems perfect so I'm confused as to what happened there.

I'm interested in hearing from women on this. Yay or nay on this guy? Is that a red flag or did maybe he just get the wrong idea and misread my signals?

View related questions: ejaculate, older men, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (22 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have got some great advice here. You need to be careful when it comes to having sex, please always make sure you are protected. You can never turn back if you catch a nasty disease or fall pregnant.

I personally would not like it if a guy done that to me, you should have simply told him afterwards that you did not like that and never to do it again. It really is that simple. It may not be a red flag he may have got carried away. He also scored lucky with you on the first night which probably made him feel you where quite open sexually. You just need to say no from now on and tell him you did not like it. I guess this happens a lot when you have sex without getting to know each other, he doesn't know what your boundaries are.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Look at this from his point of view. He didn't know what your reaction would be to anything before he did it.

Women usually WANT men to be kind of aggressive in this kind of situation. His not asking for permission to do things is very sexy in the heat-of-the-moment . . . . right up until he guesses wrong about something. Then suddenly he should have known. He should have asked permission. He should have expected her not to want this certain naughty act in the middle of a naughty scene.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2017):

that is disgusting. If it was me I would not go out with him again. Though I also

1. would not sleep with guy on first date

2. not use protection

obviously he wants to go out again. He scored unprotected sex with you on the first date for opening doors and being attentive!! what a gentleman! Which was proven by the romantic gesture of ejaculating on your face! He obviously did it because he thought you were so easy and doesn't respect you. Sorry but that's the way it is. Guys don't want long term respectful relationships with girls like that. They will just use you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

He maybe did misread your signals- but that's down to his misunderstanding, not your behaviour.

Coming on a girls face is fun for us guys- yes it is domineering, yes it is entirely for own pleasure (though if she likes it too, even better). But that's something that should be ok to both of you.

I think it was a bit weird of him to just do it on the first date, but we're all different sexually. If you want to meet him again, you really need to discuss it, his answer will give you more of insight as to where his sexual interests are.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (16 February 2017):

Ciar agony auntI find it equally revolting and disrespectful but the red flags for me are: he didn't ask AND he did it on a first date.

I don't think I would give this guy a second date. He could have 99 wonderful attributes out of 100 but if that 1 is a biggie, then the numbers don't balance in his favour.

And I strongly urge you to be more direct about what you like and dislike. If you need time to gather your thoughts on the matter, at least don't pretend you're fine or go out of your way to reassure him everything is good.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

I think it is a really odd thing for someone to do if it is the first time you had ever had sex. It is such a personal and highly intimate thing to do. Dominant? Something I would only do if I REALLY knew someone well. I would keep an eye on how he treats you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2017):

N91 agony auntI don't think it's a red flag, it's just something you don't enjoy.

You weren't to know he was going to do it so I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, but if I were you I'd tell him that you didn't like it and don't want it to happen again.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (16 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt I don't think it is a red flag per se. Although probably this sexual behaviour has been widely popularized by porn, let me assure that the act of ejaculating on some part of the partner's body ( belly, breasts, face too.. ) was well known and practiced waaaay back before Internet. When porn was the domain of lonely old weirdos in dirty raincoats :), not the favourite hobby of the average guy. At least. in my sexually decadent, Latin country, lol.

What is a " nay " is that he did not ask. I mean, it's common courtesy. Anything that's not strictly by the book- one should ask first. It's the same like, say, swallowing afyer a BJ. Some women hate it, and some women think it's totally fine. You'd better find out which is which BEFORE.

Another thing that is a " nay " ( beside the fact that you were not using condoms , as remarked by other posters ) is that you did not like it, felt offended by it- and kept mum. Did not say anything. Why ? If you are confident and grown up enough to hook up with a perfect stranger, you supposedly are also confident and gtown up enough to tell him immediately " Hey pal, what's the big idea ?! Not my cup of tea ! " rather than taking it on the chin ( pun intended ) and THEN steaming about it at home.

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A female reader, fishdish United States + , writes (16 February 2017):

fishdish agony auntI think if you go out with him again and it gets back to a bedroom, then you need to set boundaries. Or even before you see him say hey I liked hanging but this is NOT something I'm ok with and has made me unsure if I even want to see you again, can we agree that's something that is off the table?

I think people are making a lot of assumptions with the lack of condom, but they ARE right IF you didn't use one (just cause he didn't ejaculate inside doesn't mean you weren't exposed)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

You had unsafe sex with a man you didn't know well enough to set and enforce boundaries with.

Get yourself to your gyno for a full STI workup. The guy groomed you and left you questioning your own better judgement.

Nay on him and for gods sake put a freaking condom on him and his ilk going forward.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntTo me, it's such a PORNY move. But he might have thought it was "sexy" and he might NOT have meant any disrespect by it. MY take is, however, that a guy OUGHT to ASK if it's OK before doing it. Because there are as many women who DOESN'T like it, as there are women who do.

Personally, I think he is WAY too old to not ASK.

Think about it. If you were against anal and he just "stuck" it in there without asking you wouldn't want that either would you?

My advice, talk to him. Tell him that it's not something you enjoy. If you can have sex with him, you can tell him about your boundaries in the bedroom.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (15 February 2017):

You don't only need to hear it from women, you need a man's perspective as well.

During sex, some actions are a reflex and others are pushing the envelope. If you decide to have sex on the first-date, you are also allowing the guy a wide range of latitude. Some will be quite disrespectful. It is wrong under any circumstances. Your reaction to his presumptuous behavior was appropriate.

Always be prepared for the unexpected when you're alone with a man. Whether you know him well or not. Set your boundaries before the sex-act. Don't be afraid to firmly say no to anything against your values, or done to your face and body that you don't want done.

If you date men, you need the advice of men and your father. Men and women don't think alike, so you need different perspectives on behavior and how to handle them.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntWhy was he not wearing a condom? You could have an STD now. Please get checked for that and pregnancy. Don't be irresponsible next time.

As for the face thing, I think it's rude of anyone to do that without asking first. That said, you shouldn't have sex with anyone before talking about boundaries.

It makes him inconsiderate, not awful. You'd need to tell him you don't like it before he does it again. You also need to use condoms every time. I'm surprised neither of you care about getting an STD or pregnant.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2017):

Phil052 agony auntIn my view it is disrespectful. He should have asked if it was something he could do, not just assume that you wouldn't mind. And he didn't even apologise after! I think you should tell him that you didn't like what he did. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

Ughhhh yuk , personally I would see this as a red flag that he saw me as a piece of meat rather than a long term partner . Of course it could be something he thought you would be into but it would totally make me feel disrespected and dirty . Especially the fact that it was the first time and it doesn't should like he asked or even cared how you felt about it.

Personally if I really liked him I'd go on another date but I would withhold on the sex and try and see if he was serious about me as a woman rather than a conquest. Not having sex and seeing what his next move is after that date should give you a bit of insight into his true character . Then before sleeping with him again I would likely raise the whole 'face' thing and express how it made you feel

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