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Should I explain to my ex? Or just let him think what he wants?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Well, It all started when the guy I was seeing for a 1 1/2 years dumped me out of the blue... I moved on and met someone else who was going out of town for 2 months.. (New dating by this time) This new guy is nothing like my ex.. he's sucessful, sweet, wants and needs me.. So i knew I'd be okay waiting for him.

This is when the guy who dumped me came back into the picture, we first started out as friends and became instantly close again.. and I got hooked to my ex again.. I almost acted like nothing changed that he was my boyfriend.. even though I was dating someone else really.. Well, my new guy ended up texting one day and my ex saw it... he said nothing for an entire mounth.. until now... he told me he knew everything and that he can't trust me and that he's done.. I told him that I was only waiting until he got home.. since its a military based reason that he's gone.. my ex did not believe me of course.

Why would he? I'm a liar, and its fair not to... so while he was talking to me about this I shut down, upset that he wouldn't really care to see what was going on.. I even told him to ask my family and know my intentions were always there... but he didn't want anything else to do with me. So I didn't say anything else, I froze.. I knew I was wrong, but not to the degree that he was thinking..

Anyways, I'm just wanting your thoughts if I should write my ex a letter to explain really whats going on.. or should I just move on and let him think what he wants to..

View related questions: liar, military, move on, my ex, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (22 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntNo don't write him a letter. Let him think what he wants, he is the one that walked out on you. Yes you are in the wrong here and you have held your hands up and admitted that, now draw a line under it and don't dwell on it. It is a lesson for the future to be honest to yourself and any man you are dating.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2017):

My question to you is why you got involved with your ex again at all? If he was so insensitive to you and just dumped you, why let him into your life again? And why cheat on your great new boyfriend with your ex? You don't really say if it was just an emotional affair, or if it was actually physical.

Either way I think you should be much more concerned about what you are going to tell your new boyfriend when he comes home.

Good luck.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (16 February 2017):

CindyCares agony auntBy all means just move on and let him think what he wants to.

He is your EX. Twice. So , he belongs to the past , no point in dragging him along in your present . What is done is done. File him under " case closed " and move on.

Let me add, though, that if he thinks you have lied to him and you have sort of screwed him over , he is not far from the truth. You did lie, at least by omission. Sure, there is no law which says that you had to inform him about the further developments of your love life, but, c'mon- you know it would have been the honest and appropriate thing to do. You did not allow him to make an informed decision. If he had known you were sort of taken anyway, maybe he would have been perfectly fine with that - but also, maybe not. No wonder that he feels manipulated and deceived. He was.

Now, I guess that what you mean is that you had your own good reasons for acting so NOT transparent and that things aren't ever just black or white blah blah. OK. Rights and wrongs are seldom all on one side. But, really, what's the point in dragging on a long and sterile debate about ifs and whys and becauses, once your story is definitely (... let's hope .. ) over .

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2017):

So your ex has now effectively dropped you twice and you are still hankering after him?

He is your ex for a reason. Leave him in the past. Why is it important what he thinks? He is right in so far as you were lying to him (I assume you forgot to mention the new boyfriend) and you were cheating. You have no defence really, so take it on the chin and admit you were wrong to be messing around with your ex when you had a new boyfriend. Just because your boyfriend was away does not mean you have reason or excuse to be messing around with someone else.

I do wonder how much you really think of this new boyfriend, lovely as he is, if you can cheat on him so easily? Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your relationship and decide whether he is really the one for you. He certainly deserves better treatment.

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A male reader, DeadEyeDick United States +, writes (16 February 2017):

DeadEyeDick agony auntSounds like u might just wanna cut bait and start over all together, you probably led your ex on, of course hes upset, wouldn't you be? But I'll tell u right now if you were as into this new guy as u say, your ex wouldn't even be a factor, u may want to be honest with yourself, cause where I stand, that's the problem, if your into anyone, it's your ex, which I don't think u are, your into whoever's around you, that's my opine!

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A female reader, mandalovee23 United States +, writes (16 February 2017):

Let the ex think what he wants. If he's an ex, he should stay an ex. He had no reason like you said breaking up with you. Move on, someone better always comes along. & as for the other guy, you should break things off. If youre not respecting him while he's away, (which is something you chose to do, wait.) then I doubt you're too into him. Drop them both, I'm sure a new better person is bound to come into your life, and stay. But you cant have your cake and eat it too. Good luck! Best wishes! -A

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