Hi, I'm a year 10 girl and I've liked a guy (K) for 4 years. He moved to study abroad last year for a year and he came back about a month ago. When I found out that he was leaving, I really didn’t want to go as I was afraid we would lose our friendship and that I miss him. During the year he was gone, I always thought about him but I started to develop for this other guy (J) but every since he (K) came back, I forgot everything about the other guy and all my focus was on K. Every night I pray to God so every since he left, I prayed that if it's meant to be with him, it will be and that we would talk again and that our friendship would be the same as before but I know that isn’t going to happen because ever since he came back, he hangs out with this soccer group and the girls in this group are very b*itchy and they drink and etc. About last week, we were on a field trip and we sat next to each other and we talked again. I was so HAPPY. I feel that whenever he is around me, he doesn’t act like this around other girls. He is always making me laugh, looking at me, finding ways to come closer to me. ( E.g. On the field trip, we were sitting on the ground and my arms were on his arms, while his legs were on mine etc. ) But I know I could be wrong and I may be reading into this too much. That night, I pray and thank god for making us talk again but I burst out in tears. For the past year since he was gone, most nights I burst out crying because I thought of him and I miss him. And since, I’m the type of person who doesn't express my feelings so I keep them to myself and cry myself to sleep overnight. I still like him and I think I will always have a soft spot for him but I want to move on because I am afraid to get hurt by him ( E.g. him liking another girl, him thinking we are just friends etc. ) but I thought I will be able to move on and I am finding it very difficult get over him. Whenever I see him at school, I know I still like him and I won’t move on. Why am I feeling like this? Am I in love with him? Is this lust? Someone, please give me advice, explain to me why is going on etc.Also, I would like to thank whoever is reading this and helping me because NO ONE knows how I feel about this guy but no-one knows how I’m feeling in general because I NEVER expressed or tell my feelings to anyone because I'm afraid that I will get judged and I just HATE expressing my feelings.
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reader, aunt honesty + ♥, writes (14 September 2017):What you are experiencing is a crush. I know that it feels like love, but some day you will look back fondly and remember your first crush. I felt the same at your age. I do understand you don't want to be judged none off us do, you will learn in time as you grow older that you need to speak up for yourself in this world. But there is no hurry to do that yet and if you are not ready then that is okay.
These feelings won't just disappear so either you can deal with them and try to get to know this boy even better, or you can ignore them and make yourself miserable. You don't need to tell him outright you have feelings for him but you could show an interest in him and his hobbies.
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reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (11 September 2017):Dear Poster,Ive been there, face all covered, tears behind my pillow,praying to God that something may change and that one girl would look my way, come see me,and talk to me.I'll spare you the the long story and just cut to the part where I tell you it just got worse. Feelings got repressed, I felt rejected, and my time was wasted.You feel something for this boy and it longs to be free. You seem like a Christian...GOD HAS ALREADY GIVEN US THE POWER TO DO INCREDIBLE THINGS, you cant expect him to do all the work.Please never be afraid to express what you feel. If you think you feel something for this boy, ask him out,spend time with him, show him in subtle ways that you care. Get to know this boy, his hobbies, interest, see if he really is special. Its all part of growing up, please I encourage you; live your life and dont miss anything life gives us plenty of opportunities to be happy, you just have to be brave and take those risks.If you keep going down the path you're in you'll end up in a house full of regret. I get it that it may be embarassing to share but in the end you just have to accept that people cant help but judge, dont fret on opinions and do what you feel like will make you happy. Never be afraid to take happiness for yourself if you know your doing the right things.Remember you are never alone and there are always people out there willing to help.You are one endearing young lady and anyone would be lucky enough to spend time with you, dont let anyone else make you feel different. Goodluck...follow your heart but use your head. Sam Wilson
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