A
male
age
41-50,
*ansKal
writes:My gf and I had been dating for a year and had known each other for 9 months prior to dating. Six months ago a "friend" of mine made a move on my gf and when she turned him down, he poisoned me against her. Taking advantage of my trust in him from a friendship of several years, he made me believe she was the one who betrayed my trust and unfortunately I broke up with her. For the next months I was so hurt and had lost faith in being a good bf and I decided to be with as many girls as possible, making a point that no girl would ever mean anything to me other than just momentary fun. Now I did not sleep with like 100 girls or anything, but there were quite a few. And the worst part is that some people of my circle of friends let my ex know what I was doing, in order to make sure she knew what she had lost. About three weeks ago my "friend" had a moment of remorse and told me the truth. Now I am tottaly lost as to what to do. I know I don't deserve my gf's love after what I did and I won't push her into giving me a second chance, as much as I would like for that to happen. But I want to at least make sure she knows how much I regret what I did, specially being with those girls. I know it doesn't really count as cheating, since we were not together anyomre. But I am not stupid and I know it must have hurt her very much to see me act like that. Thanks for any ideas.
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (3 April 2014):
 Assuming you haven't been blocked, I would email an apology and an explanation (do not make excuses) and expect nothing in return. You may not even get a response.
You made a mistake and you're trying to do the right thing here and I applaud that, but if your girlfriend has any class and self respect the most she'll do is thank you for the apology and that will be the last you hear from her.
Besides the apology, all you can do is learn from this. Don't be so quick, in future, to believe what others say. Get the facts before taking action.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 If the situation was the opposite: you are dumped by your girlfriend who thinks you betrayed her (because of the false accusations of one of her best friend) and to punish you, she's fu''ing around as much dudes as she can. Then, she learns the truth and comes back to you...Frankly, would you take back a girl in this situation? For my part, even if I was still in love with her and hurt by the trap our couple felt in, I think I would not because other than love there would be no more respect nor trust for a girl who would have dived so easily between so many strangers sheets.That being said, I'm not your girlfriend and who knows what she for herself is able/willing to forgive. The "miracle if love" may exist after all ?
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A
male
reader, devont  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 What a 'friend'. Unbelievable behaviour.I can't even imagine how hurt she must have been. You need to apologise and not expect anything from that apology.I would try and meet up with her to apologise face to face, or failing that if (understandably) she doesn't want to see you, send her a letter or an email saying how sorry you are and that you know you made a mistake, and maybe bunch of flowers. You need to tell her that you were wrong and she wasn't, hopefully that will give her some kind of closure. I probably wouldn't mention that you are sorry about the other girls explicitly, just say you know you behaved badly and immaturely and you very much regret your actions. Let her know you are sorry and then let her decide if she wants anything more to do with you.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Oh, and kick your friends ass.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (5 March 2014):
I say you speak up. Even if it doesn't get you your desired result of her taking you back, it at least puts the truth about your real feelings out there.
Also, when you really think about it, even if you are ultimately rejected, are you in any worse of a place than you are right in this moment? Right now, you are not together, so really, what's the difference? Admitting to your feelings can possibly change only one thing; and that's her possibly deciding to take you back. Rejection merely leaves the outcome the exact same. So what is there to lose?
I say write her a letter and pour your heart out, leaving nothing out and not censoring yourself. Either that or ask if you can meet up and speak face to face. Then do the same and let it all out.
Good luck to you.
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