A
male
age
30-35,
*rbear
writes:Hey guys, me and my gf have been dating for 5 months already. The thing is she's a virgin and I'm not, I of course care about her and do not want to pressure her into doing anything shes uncormfotable with. We've been talking about sex (well maybe ive done all the talking) and shes told shes had a couple of nasty experiences with other guys in which they just wanted to get down or leave, so shes a bit reluctant to think about the subject stating that guys only want that and dont care about anything else. How can I make her change to change her mind about this stuff and like teach her its not bad at all and that there ARE guys who really care, and can be emotionally involved as she is? On the other hand my friends just nag me about why is it taking so long, so if the girls a virgin how long is enough as to start thinking about it?so if shes scared about the subject or doesent even want to talk about it, do I give her space and just wait for her to take initiative? or is it better for the guy to start out trying some moves and seeing how it goes? you guys/girls out there help please!by the way I'm 22 and shes 21 its not like were teens anymore so dont moderate answers any help is useful Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): 1) Break up. You 2 clearly have different intentions and goals. Hers is love and a relationship; yours is sex. 2) Find someone you're compatible with. She's obviously not the one and there's nothing wrong with that.3) Stop talking to your friends about your relationship and sex life. 4) Learn to not pressure your partner. Could you really enjoy sex with her knowing she doesn't enjoy it and felt pressured into doing it?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 First question from me: WHY is YOUR sex life ANY of your friends business??? this is between you and your lady... and by discussing it with your friends you show her disrespect.
why do you want to have sex? you should want to make love to a woman you care about... do you want to make love or do you want to "notch your belt"???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): Dude, you have a lot of growing up to do... I can't believe your friends know anything about this! Boys will be boys, but real mean do NOT discuss this stuff with their buddies...if you love this girl and she loves you, the trust will be there when the time is right and you will be patient, and go slowly and not make her do anything she uncomfortable with. However, if I was aware that your friends were involved in this, I would not have sex with you at all and would be gone with the wind. Get a clue.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 November 2011):
 You are making the idea of SEX worse for her with all your "talking". I'm pretty sure she feels pressured by you.
And your friends... tell them to go fly a kite, find a girl of their own to have sex with.
It Seems to me that she isn't ready to have sex with YOU or anyone else right now. If sex is what you want, maybe you need another GF.
Her being a non-virgin has NOTHING to do with it. If her first couple of times were unpleasant and she was treated like dirt, no wonder she associate sex with a nasty experience.
If you don't have the patience to woo her, then seriously think about ending it with her. She isn't looking for sex right now, but some sense of stability, love and friendship.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 November 2011):
 How do your friends know she is a virgin and why are they being kept up to date about any sexual activity between the two of you? Does she know you're sharing intimate details of your relationship with your mates?
'...do I give her space and just wait for her to take initiative?' THAT is precisely what you do. You prove that she's worth waiting for and that sex isn't the only thing on your mind by never mentioning it again and leaving it entirely up to her to initiate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): I would move on find a girl your friends can be proud of, one that puts out so you can tell them all about it.Is that what you want?
This girls been hurt in the past and here she is with some bloke who wants to tell the world when they've had sex.
Sex is clearly important to her, she doesnt want to just have it with anyone, the fact she is a virgin shows she has resisted up to now.
Its clear to me you have been patient, 5 months shows you care. And should have proved to her it isnt all about sex or you would be long gone.
If you want a full relationship with a girl then dont advertise your most intimate moments to your friends.
Thats a good starting point.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 You cant "teach" anyone about sex being good or bad. Its for her to judge when she feels right about it. If you truly love and respect a person, you will never make things uncomfortable for them. Just let her be and behave like a gentleman and not some horny teen who just wants to get into her pants.
As for your friends, its really none of their business to probe into your personal life with your G/f. You have given them too much liberty to make such crass and unwanted comments. If you really loved this girl, you wouldn't go around discussing her and your relationship with her.
I suggest you leave this girl alone or you might just turn out to be another nasty experience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): Your friends have no business knowing whether you and her are having sex or not. For me 5 months is nothing, and the more I think a guy is just in the relationship so he can get into my pants, the longer he will wait, and less likely he will ever achieve his goal of having sex with me. The problem isn't her at all, it is in fact the way you are thinking and the fact your friends are privy to such personal information. You say you care about her a lot, if that's true, then respect her decision to wait, respect her privacy and tell you nagging friends to get lost and mind their own business, and wait patiently until she ready for the relationship to become physical. If on the other hand it is as I suspect and your only in the relationship to get into her pants, do her a huge favor and break up with her so she can find a decent man who will treat her right.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Stop talking about your lack of sex life with your friend. Your fiends should not even be thinking about whether your girl is a virgin or not.Dude what is wrong with you? I Hope this young lady never has sex with you/
The reason she doesn't want to have sex with you is because she knows your the wrong guy shes a smart girl the next step will be to dump you.
As soon as she gives it up to you which she never will, but your the type to go tell all your freinds and post it on a twitter feed... I could tell you exactly what to do to get her to willingly give it up but i wont because your the type hat makes it bad for all the guys.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 November 2011):
 I find it interesting that your friends are privvy to your sex life.
THAT "tells" me that you're not really being truthful when you write "...I of course care about her and do not want to pressure her into doing anything shes uncormfotable with..."
She's smart to have resisted your advances up 'til now... and will be much better off when you and she split....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): Your friends have no business knowing anything about your sex life with your gf, this is a violation of her privacy. Do this woman a favor and tell her what an ass you are- let her find someone who will be good for her. I'm sure there are guys who really care, but you're not one of them!
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A
male
reader, NFenix +, writes (18 November 2011):
"but my friends' are nagging me about why its taking so long with her"Hmm.. If this is a problem because your friends are nagging at you as to when you are going to "Tap that" then you should spare her a broken heart and break up or man up. You guys are obviously in the relationship for two different reasons.Seems like she is in it for the relationship and at this point your in it for the sex.Being a virgin for a girl is different than being a virgin for a guy, I could name all the differences but I'm sure you're aware of them.Dont push her, when she's ready on that emotional level than she's ready. But it sounds like you came into the relationship expecting sex within the first few months, which is never good and is unhealthy for it. Trust me, enjoy the time you spend with her and the passion you share with her; Cause you never know whats going to happen.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Talking is useless and all it does is create more fear in her. I suggest you take the pressure off of penetrating her, but instead warm her up to it by more foreplay, and less verbal persuasion. Develop sensual touches, discover her erogenous zones. Become a good kisser. Make her feel that sex is so much more than breaking a hymen. There is a difference between giving her pleasure than taking away something valuable to her, such as her virginity. Your goal is to let her passion override her fears. The reason why her exes did not succeed was because they were impatient and did not have the tools to please a woman and turn her on.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (18 November 2011):
The thing that jumps out at me here is that your friends know what you have and have not done with this girl. That's teenage stuff that has no place in an adult relationship. If she's picked up on the fact that your friends are nagging you to shag her, then no wonder the poor girl is reluctant! The idea that your friends will be high-fiving you the day after you take her virginity -- that is the makings of yet another nasty experience with guys. Give your head a shake.
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