A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am an Expatriate aged 39 and good looking working in a rather 3rd world country with good financial. I met a girl in a family friendly bar. After few visits at the bar, i took a liking to her as she was unlike the rest that goes around flirting with customers and doing all the work. I bought her a drink when i was leaving and flew off but to my home country waiting for my work visa. A month later i am back and she is still there. After few visit i bought her a drink again and we chat a bit as she cannot speak English while i am learning her language. Her male colleague suggested she give me a hug for alway being nice to her then challenge her to give me a kiss which she obliged. And she kissed me on my lips which blew me away. Before i left i recipriocated the kiss. Subsequently she see me, she become rather quiet and few days later i went there and found that she resigned to go back to her village to see her sick mother. I thought i will never see her again then and she don't have cellphone. I regreted not making any move then. I had been following up on her from her cousin working in the same bar. And her cousin asked if i like her and i cheekily said yes. 3 weeks later i went there and i was so overjoyed to see her back. I can sensed she was embarassed and trying to avoid me as the rest of her colleagues begin teasing us. I spent the whole night there and before she left, she hug and kissed me on the cheeks.This give me a clear signal to start. As she don't owe a cell phone, i have to make my visit more regular but i observed that she is alway looking away and keeping her distance away.Her cousin will ask her to come over whenever she see her being distant. Thinking that she may not be interested or extremely shy, i decided to go slow. But on 1 occasion her colleagues teased us and she got so uncomfortable and got annoyed. 1 colleague revealed to me that she is shy and unsure.Subsequently i didnt frequent that bar so much and i realised from her cousin that her father had been coming to ask her for money and she was earning low wages. Every night crying herself to sleep.After that she slowly warmed up to me.1 night i met a fellow countryman and drinking happily while she was with us playing card game. Emotion got to me and i hugged and expressed myself to her but she rejected and said we are friends and sorry. I was drunk of course and hugged her very tightly telling her i want us to go further and she took my hands off. I guessed i was so affected by her last time when she was gone and uncontactable that i dont wish to lose her again.The next day, i felt embarassed for my action, went to buy a cellphone with sim card, configured all the setting to suit her and visit the bar again. When i was leaving i asked if she can come out with me for a while and pass her the phone in a gift bag. She gave me a hug and i left. She did not text me and 2 days laterI went there, as usual she distant herself way and had to be called over by her cousin. she did not mention about the phone or at least said thank you which usually anyone i give a present will do. Things are rather cold with us due to language barrier.. Then i challenge her male colleague to gulp a mug of beer. After that, he got a bit tipsy and tried to push her to me and she got so annoyed. He cornered her and they were talking but i cannot make up their conversion but i can see she is almost bursting in tear. I pulled the guy away and her cousin called her to come back and join in playing the card game. She was fuming... i apologize to her but she did not acknowledge and i felt seriously bad and angry that i wanted to move thing slowly but they ruined everything. Feeling tipsy and affected, i was slow to throw out my cards. She naughtily smack my hands with her but i ignored. Before i left, i sent her a whatsapp message to apology for everythjng but it showed 2 grey ticks. The next day i sent her 2 whatsapp message with has only 1 tick(not blocked) . I called the number but the phone was off and i wonder did she sell the phone to bring money to her family? I had fall in love with her but it is really taking a strain as she seems to push me away and i cannot make up her interest for me.
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cousin, drunk, flirt, money, shy, teasing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2018): I'm sorry but you sound like a desperado. Yes she's different, in that she has her pride and she has made it very clear to you she is not attracted to you. If she started acting like she was now would you not honestly know it's because she's been made to. Leave her alone and if she is different as you say hopefully she will meet a man she does care for, you are NOT that man.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 April 2018):
 How can you be in love with her when you don't even know her, you don't speak the same language, you don't even know what she wants and you've hardly had any meaningful interactions? This isn't love, it's lust.
You're a 39 year old man! Act your age and stop behaving like a smitten schoolboy. The girl is almost being forced to kiss you because you've made it so obvious that you like her.
Leave her alone and forget the phone. Take it as a lesson.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2018): Sir, you behaved like too many male patrons that take a liking to a female-employee; and you make your unwanted passes and flirtations without any concern about how you could be cornering them. Forcing them to be extra polite; because their job sometimes depends on it.
You tried to make it sound innocent; but you were taking advantage of the situation. She is there working to support her family.
You made moves on her while intoxicated; which is very disrespectful and obnoxious. You just assumed, because you bought her a phone, she is now obligated to submit to your advances, and to take your calls. Kissing and touching was too much! The staff considers you nothing more than just some overly-friendly patron with deep pockets! Which is exactly what you are!
Everyone was pushing her on you to make you spend your money. That's what you want from patrons at a bar! They were encouraging you to tip and flash your cash; but they were treating her like she was some kind of prostitute! Keeping you focused on her; while spending a lot of time and your money at the bar. They were degrading her like a street-walker, by pushing her on you!
You may have meant no harm, and found her attractive. She has to put-up with dozens of men like you, passing through time after time. She has to work to support her family; while you, her cousin, and coworkers force her to be nice only for the sake of money. They are using her, and they know eventually presents and money will flow. They will take it all from her!
I am going to agree with the others. Leave her alone! It doesn't matter what she did with the phone. It was an inappropriate gift. At first she thought you were nice; then she realized you mistook her for something she isn't!
If anything, her father or her cousin took the phone from her. They are more than likely using her to fleece-down flirtatious male-customers. It's awful for these poor young girls struggling to help their impoverished families. The men in their own families exploit them and treat them terribly as it is!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 April 2018):
 Leave her be.
Her coworkers at the bar was being super inappropriate goading her into hugging and kissing you. Who does that?
Now she might have sold it, but that will make it easier for you to leave her be.
Just leave her be. Next time don't let OTHERS try and butt in.
And don't go looking for a date whom you can't even communicate with.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 April 2018):
 I have to agree.
You need to leave this girl alone. You can’t even communicate properly so how can you be in love with her? She has made it extremely clear that she’s not interested in you romantically and you keep trying your luck.
Accept that it’s not going to work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2018): I'm sorry to say this girl just doesn't feel attracted to you in that way. You should try to forget about her. Maybe go to a different bar for a while.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (21 April 2018):
 Sorry, but it sounds to me like her cousin & colleagues are almost pimping this girl out. They should not be getting involved in any relationship you two may or may not have. They should certainly not be embarrassing her or pushing her into something she does not want.
She has made it clear she sees you as a friend. Stop trying to buy her love. And yes, I do think she probably sold the phone to give money to her family. You know next to nothing about this girl, and she does not seem eager to get involved with you (she would not keep her distance if she did) so you need to back off and let her come to you IF she wants to.
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