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Boyfriend's grandmother died, should I go to the funeral?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 16 February 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of 2 years grandma recently passed away. He's asking me to go to a funeral with him to comefort him. I told him I would feel out of place and not comefortable because I never really knew his grandma or other relatives besides his parents. Should I go to comefort him or stay behind?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (16 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntGood choice OP.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

Op here

This is my first funeral I have ever gone too in all my years alive, and was confused on what is a right time and wrong time to go. Thank you all for your feedback it was helpful. So far I have full intentions to go and support him and take all of your advice to get to know the family while giving him my full support. Thank you all!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

Yes, go support your boyfriend. He'll love you more for it. He's going through a painful time and having you there will help soothe the pain a little.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt For going to a funeral you do not need to have known the deceased, or the other people attending the ceremony. You do not need to ever have set eye on the decesead , or heard about him / her. Your personal relationship with the deceased and his/her intimate circle is totally irrelevant.

You go to funerals when you feel it is helpful /comforting / appropriate / respectful for the bereaved person . In your case, you have been expressely asked ! so, it obviously is ( helpful , comforting etc. )

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2017):

N91 agony auntThis is for your BF, he's asked you to be there for him and I'm pretty sure at some point down the line you will ask him to return the favour for something and be there for you.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2017):

This is not about YOU. This is about HIM.

Can you put your (relatively minor) discomfort aside and go to support him, as he has asked? It is obviously important to him, otherwise he would not have asked.

Admittedly a funeral is not the best place to meet a boyfriend's family, but you will be there to comfort and support HIM and help him get through the day as best you can.

It is a lot to take on at your young age, I know, but if you are old enough to date, you are (in my book) old enough to show support to your partner when he needs it.

Be strong for him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2017):

You need to go. There is no choice here. It is your duty as his girlfriend to be by your boyfriend's side and support him in all that he does. In good moments and in bad.

It does not matter if you never knew his grandmother or other relatives. What matters is that you integrate yourself into the family and show them your relationship is solid and serious.

This is an opportunity not only to support your boyfriend but to show his parents and family that you care about him and what a kind, caring and supportive girlfriend that you are. They will have a high regard for you as well as a newfound respect.

And your boyfriend will love you all the more for being there for him when he needs you most, especially if he knows this was uncomfortable for you. An act of kindness goes a very long way. You would want him to do the same for you, wouldn't you?

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (14 February 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntFunerals are for the living. You boyfriend wants you there for support, accept his invitation and support him ...

This is not just about saying goodbye to Granny, its also a statement (he may not realise it) on your boyfriend's part that you are part of the family, in for the long haul, and he would like you to be part of the family's farewell to his grandmother.

I'm not sure if you have been to many funerals, some are just sad, sad, sad but others, like MY Grandmother's can be wonderful celebrations of a life well lived, and a chance to catch up with those family members you see infrequently, at weddings and funerals.

Your boyfriend has asked you to be there with him, I think you should go.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI would go and support your BF. Even if you didn't know her. Funerals are for the living remembering and honoring the dead.

I am not a fan of funerals, but I do enjoy a good wake. Might sound morbid but this is the time you get to see and hear about someone you either knew or even a stranger.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou've been together two years, which means you should definitely go to his family's funeral. There's no good excuse not to, unless you end up with an emergency.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (14 February 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntYou should go because you were invited. Funerals are a good time to get to know the whole clan. You will hear all the old stories, and get to know distant relatives that don't visit often. If you have any thoughts about this relationship continuing to grow into a permanent thing then you should go.

There were times when I felt the way you do today. Sharing this with him will build a bridge. Not just between the couple but between you and his family. It's the right time for that now. Rejecting his invitation will do the opposite.

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