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... Send *DinCali a private message | | | *DinCali's profile:I've had a lot of experiences with people and places so far, in my first 30 years; a lot of ups a downs with lessons learned. I'm a very empathetic person with a good nature and honest with life.
I try to be a good Agony Aunt, treating others with the kind of honesty that I'd like to receive. I enjoy helping others with struggles and do my best to give a perspective, that maybe they haven't conceived of. By no means am I perfect, so you'll see me post questions as well as answering them. Just like when in love, we all get blinded at times and sometimes a strangers advice is the light bulb that's needed to go off in our gray matter.
I believe life is about enjoying what we have and surviving. It's about having the courage to overcome our fears and challenges, creating strength in our intestinal fortitude, so we can make the decisions we need, for the betterment of ourselves and those we love. Even if that means to move on if we need to. Advice is, at times, the push we need to put our words into action.
As a single Mom, Medic Veteran, Massage Therapist and now Nursing student I've been privileged to a lot of education and experiences which gives my words credibility. I've had to learn huge lessons in humility, perseverance and patience. I've also had lot of moments in my time to examine my past.
I hope my words help you and I'm looking forward to reading yours. Take Care and Be Well.
J.D. |
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Will having a child make things worse in the long run?
Q. im 25 and pregnant. Its been a bit of a rollar cosater but i have got over the hurdles of telling my parents etc and i thought i was on the roasd to happiness. But now me and my boyfriend are arguing. I have gone off sex and been feeling a bit ...
A. 9 March 2011: If you want to keep the child try looking-up Women's facilities that protect the abused, maybe a local church can sponsor you, check out government programs, etc. I hope you decide soon!... (read in full...)
He says I'm crazy and insecure and I need help yet he is the one who cant get over his ex...
Q. I don't even know where to start.:( My boyfriend has this ex who he can't let go of. She has been a big problem in our life. She lives far from us but that doesnt seem to matter. When I found out I was pregant he promised me he was done talking ...
A. 3 March 2011: Seems like your boyfriend hasn't been able to process the end of his previous relationship with his ex. The best thing I can suggest is to try talking respectfully about their past relationship with him (his opinion with why it didn't work) an... (read in full...)
Brain lapse re my birth control pill... Help!
Q. I've just had a moment of confusion about my birth control pill. I took my last pill on monday night and it was my last pill in the packet. So i am now on my pill free week. Do i start the next pack on the following monday or start it on ...
A. 2 March 2011: Start the following Sunday. It doesn't matter how long you've taken your birth control, it stops protecting you against pregnancy the minute you're off of it. Even the white pills are basically sugar pills, (telling your body to menstruate and help... (read in full...)
He won't leave his work where he had this affair!
Q. My boyfriend of 14 years had a affair for nearly 2 years i only found out about a month ago but always suspected he had cheated. he has a good career but the woman he went with works there and he wont leave his job. he wants to come home but doesnt ...
A. 2 March 2011: I'm sorry you're going through this.
If your boyfriend has established a career, then chances are he's a valuable asset to the company, which isn't as easy to sacrifice over some common affair drama.
So, you could always call his boss and negotiat... (read in full...)
Is 2nd base too far at 17?
Q. So, I'm 17 and got to second base with my boyfriend whom I've been seeing for 3 months. I can't say I didn't like it but it made me a bit uncomfortable. Is 17 really an age to going so fast? I would like to take it slower.. but I need to know if ...
A. 2 March 2011: Generally, the bases go:
1st - Kissing/Making Out
2nd - Feeling each other up
3rd - Oral activities
Home - Actual sex.
The problem with too much making out and groping is... you are playing with fire! Its so easy to get carried away and los... (read in full...)
What is this fluid?
Q. I'm a 17-year old male , but i haven't any ejaculations yet , i only get seminal fluid (transparent fluid) at the tip of my penis but no cum or ejaculation at all , what would that be ??...
A. 2 March 2011: Once you've started puberty, ejaculation has two phases:
1st - the vas deferens (sperm storage) pushes sperm to the prostate glad and then to the urethra, then seminal vesicles release secretions which mix with sperm to create semen.
2nd - muscle... (read in full...)
I want to make her love me!
Q. when i was of 7 years i liked a girl we were good friends and we liked to spend time with each other i used to watch bollywood films a lot we lived in hostel i started realising that i love her we bunked yoga classes and we just spent time with each ...
A. 2 March 2011: You can't make someone love you, but you can do some verbal judo ...(come to think of it, that's a book). http://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Art-Persuasion/dp/0688137865
Anyway,...try to get her alone; while you're both walking to go some... (read in full...)
Is it strange that I'm falling for this guy over Skype?
Q. Hey Everyone, I just wanted to know if what I'm feeling is completely crazy. So a little while ago I met this guys online and we exchanged skypes and we've been video chatting on there everyday for 3 to 4 hours at a time. Is it strange that I'm...
A. 2 March 2011: It's good that he bought tickets to come see you. I would hope his intentions would be honorable; as in, just visiting to see if you two are compatible in person. Beware that you might be loving the his potential. If he pressures you to have sex, ... (read in full...)
Did I misread the signs? Is there anything I can do now?
Q. A couple of weeks ago I went to a friends bday party and met this really beautiful, funny, cool girl. We laughed and joked all night. Danced a little bit. It was one of those nights where you meet someone and go "Wow, I really like this person" ...
A. 2 March 2011: She really likes you ...and found you just as amazing, but enough so that she didn't want to ruin the moment with "Oh, I have a boyfriend." It would risk you feeling like you're being dissed and/or not her type, etc. So...she decided to lead you on. ... (read in full...)
I don't understand him! Do you? Should I move on?
Q. He calls often, just always wants to know how I'm doing and that he finds me attractive and at times tutors me with my science classes, so he's quite bright (unless he's quick on Googling information). It's all really sweet. However, when I ask him ...
A. 1 March 2011: LOL! Anonymous, don't know if it'll get to the 'going to bed' part anytime soon, (or at all), but it's a funny example. So, thanks for the giggle! What you wrote totally makes sense; I think you hit the nail on the head. ;)
Thank you all for taki... (read in full...)
When I asked my boyfriend to set up some healthy boundaries with his children, he broke up with me! Help!
Q. I have been in relationship for 5 years. It was great for 3 years until his children ages 16 and 20 started to cross boundaries when he and I were together. I asked him on several occasions to set up some healthy boundaries to not have them wake us ...
A. 28 February 2011: I agree with you, he's codependent. You can't do anything if he's not willing to admit it and work on getting over it.
Codependents always feel like victims, because inside they're unloved rejected children. So, until he can find his own identity... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't pay bills, or clean up messes, and she's taken money from my account without permission. What should I do?
Q. I am 36 years old and I have a wonderful two year old daughter. I own my home, and my daughter’s mom lives with me. This is where the problem comes in. She is going to school full time and out of the three years we have been living together...
A. 28 February 2011: Seeking therapy seems like the thing to do here. Maybe she has fears, self esteem, anxiety or depression issues that she needs to address.
Also, sometimes people act out like this, because they're upset with how things are going and try to puni... (read in full...)
He's 38, and I'm 21. Someday I would like to have kids, but he doesn't think he wants them. Should I stay?
Q. I am 21 years old and have been with my 38 year old boyfriend for over a year...we live together and get on sooooo well. He never upsets me, treats me like a princess and I love him to bits. The problem is, I would like to have children in the ...
A. 28 February 2011: You have a lot of experiences still to be made and he's in the "been there done that" phase, this is why age differences over 10 years can be really tough. Seems like not agreeing on kids is a huge deal breaker for you! Honestly, you have to be tr... (read in full...)
Am I addicted to smoking after two puffs on a cigarette?
Q. Hey, On saturday, i went to a party with all my mates, there was one girl who was smoking and made me take a puff, i ended up taking two puffs. All today i have been craving a fag and i was going to steal one from my sister. Am i addicted now...
A. 28 February 2011: Genetics can play a huge role with you being susceptible to drug addiction. This should be a big persuasion to never smoke again. One trick that really works, is to start running miles a day. You'll be teaching your body that the need for oxygen i... (read in full...)
Will having a child make things worse in the long run?
Q. im 25 and pregnant. Its been a bit of a rollar cosater but i have got over the hurdles of telling my parents etc and i thought i was on the roasd to happiness. But now me and my boyfriend are arguing. I have gone off sex and been feeling a bit ...
A. 28 February 2011: You deserve a loving and supportive man! You and your baby do not need the emotional distress this guy is causing you. Every bad feeling you feel, your baby is feeling also. Considering this, as the mother of his child he should have more respect ... (read in full...)
We were all set to meet up and then he goes on a date with another girl, and now only wants to be friends!
Q. Ok so I have joined a dating site, i got talking to a guy on it and we really seemed to have a lot in common, we swapped numbers and were texting the whole time. he lives an hour away and doesnt have a car so we were dying to meet eachother but we ...
A. 28 February 2011: I'm sorry you're hurting over this guy. You really worked hard to prove to him you'd be there. Maybe it was the distance, something you said, ...who knows, only he does. However it could be that he's looking out for your best interest; consid... (read in full...)
Hurt and confused, was it all my fault?
Q. Today makes a week since I last spoke with my ex and I am really taking everything hard. I feel like I'm the only one hurting, like I'm the only one who cares as he is just moving on with his life happily. Long story short, we met through mutual ...
A. 28 February 2011: It's kind of hard to give good advice when we don't know what the "minor misfit" was. Evidently, it was a deal breaker for him. He was putting effort into the relationship and then, he wasn't. So based on that, you know he's not interested anymore. ... (read in full...)
He's so mysterious, is that bad? How can I get him to open up more?
Q. Thanks for reading. There's a guy who's been really patient with me and persistent to know me and I've become interested in him. Here's the snag, he's a bit mysterious and doesn't talk much about himself. I really have to think of things to ask hi...
A. 28 February 2011: Thank you for your answers. It seems its been hard for him to figure out a time for us, because it really depends more on his schedule. He works crazy shifts and lives 2 hrs away. Honestly, a bit of distance is probably good for me.
He calls of... (read in full...)
He's been ignoring me for 7 years now...
Q. So here it goes...it happened 7 years ago. I was in the same city as the guy i liked(my dad was in the army) and he promised to meet me . . .we were supposed to go out for a movie or something. Well, he never turned up. I was stood up...and t...
A. 27 February 2011: Aww, you're not a loser. You know what you want, but just don't look back once you made a decision. Maybe keeping a journal would be good for you; to revisit why you made the choices to move on. Sometimes re-experiencing those awful emotions... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going to prom with someone else!
Q. Hey guys, I am sort of in a dilemma. I am in highschool and I have a girlfriend of about 6 months. We both really like each other, talk everyday, and just generally feel really relaxed and comfortable around each other. But now, as the time for prom ...
A. 27 February 2011: What an uncomfortable situation.
Your girlfriend should be able to tell in her parents that she's with you and if she's too co-dependent to do that...that's not good, she should'nt be ashamed of you. However, if this is just the case of stub... (read in full...)
His brother is trying to sabotoge our relationship!
Q. I love my boyfriend very much and is very much serious about him. I know that very well that his brother doesn't like our commitment. Recently I came to know the reason behind this hatred, his brother liked me before. But I accepted my boyfriend's ...
A. 27 February 2011: Sibling rivalry sucks and I'm sorry to know you're in the middle of it. The best thing to do is to confront his brother, with your boyfriend there (so you're not at risk for more 'he said, she said' drama).
Also, publicly proclaim your love as ofte... (read in full...)
Am I puritan for staying a virgin at 18?
Q. I am an 18 year old girl who is a virgin. All of my friends have had sexual relations prior to turning 18. They say I am a puritan and should be having sex at my age. I think I am right in that I want to wait until I am married. Am I wrong ?...
A. 27 February 2011: You're responsible! You're a strong willed woman for making a man prove his love. When you with-hold sex you're telling the guy/man you're worth more than what you can physically give. A man should appreciate the fact you're respecting your bod... (read in full...)
She used me and I need to confront her on it
Q. I am in serious need of help, The girl I thought was my best friend/friend with benefits/girlfriend used the shit out of me and I can't stand it. She said we never dated but I went to her house met her parents went to sporting events picked her up ...
A. 27 February 2011: You are NOT a loser! This is what happens when a woman isn't true to herself. She wanted attention and you were willing to give it. Yes, as you know, she used you. She's incredibly shallow and selfish. Shame on her. You really want seconds on that?... (read in full...)
A question mark text...
Q. Call me naive but, I'm a little confused as to what my ex is trying to say in a text message he recently sent to me. I have not spoken to my ex in 9 months. Since he left me and became involved with someone else. It was my idea to sever all ties ...
A. 27 February 2011: It can be that after you two broke up and he occasionally said, "Hi", that it's because he was finally at liberty to contact you and address his guilt for hurting you. However it's more likely he sent a text because, basically he'd rather be with ... (read in full...)
I get angry for no reason...is this hormonal?
Q. I get really angry, for no reason. I get really emotional just before my period, which is normal, but I get angry over nothing at random times. I get angry just walking to school, or sitting in class or at home watching TV- literally for no reaso...
A. 27 February 2011: Spontaneous anger isn't PMS related, crying over a 1 minute Hallmark commercial is. Sounds like you're really stressed out and you need to teach yourself how to express your emotions as they come up. Talking with your best friends is ok, b... (read in full...)
Height Perception..what's a desirable height?
Q. On average, is a height of 5'8 an initial turnoff? I understand that women prefer taller guys, and that 5'8 is a bit below the average height of 5'10-6'. Am I at a general disadvantage in dealing with women? I mean my current girlfriend is 5'4 so ...
A. 27 February 2011: To answer your question, 5'8" is fine. :)
I'll make this simple though... Women like to wear heels, (4 inches max) and if they have big hair, then add a couple more inches. If you're taller than that, you're golden. Most women like it when thei... (read in full...)
He's been ignoring me for 7 years now...
Q. So here it goes...it happened 7 years ago. I was in the same city as the guy i liked(my dad was in the army) and he promised to meet me . . .we were supposed to go out for a movie or something. Well, he never turned up. I was stood up...and t...
A. 27 February 2011: You're right, he's not interested in you. Actions speak louder than words when it comes to men, always!
The fact that he said he was going to do something and didn't follow through, is making a clear statement to you that you're not worth his time... (read in full...)
Boyfriend only talks to me when he is bored!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 1 year is ignoring me often. He talks to me only when he is bored or needs some help. He ignores me other times. I started doubting whether he loves me or he is just using me. I love him a lot, but it looks like i am the ...
A. 27 February 2011: Sorry to say, he doesn't find you interesting. If you're staying because you think he's attractive then, that's more reason to leave, because, all he is a pretty face. He's rather shallow for keeping your around and being insensitive to your ... (read in full...)
Jealousy..How to deal with it?
Q. hello everyone!=] I'm currently in high school,and i'm really confused.. Last year a boy started asking me out, and it was really annoying at the time seeing as it had wound me up alot and made me really upset. People were telling me to go out...
A. 27 February 2011: Don't pay attention to their games and don't participate in it. Just take the high road (by not being dramatic, cussing, etc.) and do what you love to do.
Look at yourself every morning and tell yourself, "You're beautiful." Seems silly, but it h... (read in full...)
Why would a girl whom I had eye contact and exchanged smiles with rub it in my face that she has a boyfriend?
Q. So there's this girl I met on occasion who exchanged regular eye contact and smiles with me. Obviously, she must have realized that I was into her, lest she would have looked away, as most of the time, girls who aren't into you usually do. So I d...
A. 27 February 2011: Her behavior told you she's not interested. She teased you with eye contact to suggest either, you lost out or he is her type of guy.
We can't say that you don't have a chance, because that's her decision to make. If you're stubborn to main... (read in full...)
7 years together and torn apart by her parents...
Q. Hey there Dear Cupid, its been a long time. The question I have to ask is one that has been on my mind the last few weeks (Since around Valentines day). My girlfriend and best friend of 7 years and I were split up in late December by her ...
A. 26 February 2011: The ball is in her court. She has to stand up for what she wants in her life. The fact she's allowing her parents to control her life is wearing her down.
Don't let her blame you for her misery. Seems like all this drinking is just negative atte... (read in full...)
After dating for 3 years, I suspect my boyfriend is cheating! How do I approach him to ask if it's true?
Q. Do I or don’t I break up with my partner? We have been seeing each other for 3 years now and I suspect him of seeing some one else. How shall I approach him to ask him if it’s true? Help please!!!...
A. 26 February 2011: OOPs! Guess I'm a rebel. lol, scratch that then, better to hire a real private eye, if talking gets you no where and you can afford it.
Good luck.
... (read in full...)
Too wet during sex?
Q. I'm having a problem with my sex life - I'm a pretty tight girl but i get extremely wet during sex to the point where my boyfriend complains that it doesn't feel as good! Does anyone know what I can do?...
A. 26 February 2011: I understand your concern, but be happy that you don't have painful dry sex! I'm sure your man would be more distressed if he couldn't get you wet. ;)
Maybe explore the Kama Sutra, by using different positions between your climaxes.
Enjoy... (read in full...)
Since announcing my engagement, I've noticed some of my female friends have dropped out of the picture. Why?
Q. I am a male in my late 40s and engaged to be married. I have several male and female friends who I've been friends with for several years. I became engaged this past summer and naturally told all my friends the good news. Since then, I've noticed ...
A. 26 February 2011: C'est la vie. They're respecting your relationship and not wanting to interfere. A lot of times when friends of the opposite sex are around it's because, they're secretly interested and just waiting for that right window of opportunity to take the ... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend's friend talk to me anymore? It's very awkward!
Q. Why is he acting so weird? What’s his problem? My boyfriend’s friend has been acting really weird with me lately. I spent Christmas with him and my boyfriend. We got on really well, but now he hardly says a word to me whenever I am around. ...
A. 26 February 2011: Your boyfriend is right. You don't need to be so concerned about his friend. His friend's loyal lies with him, not you and it's honorable that his friend keeps his distance from you; especially if he finds you attractive. Be grateful that your ... (read in full...)
After dating for 3 years, I suspect my boyfriend is cheating! How do I approach him to ask if it's true?
Q. Do I or don’t I break up with my partner? We have been seeing each other for 3 years now and I suspect him of seeing some one else. How shall I approach him to ask him if it’s true? Help please!!!...
A. 26 February 2011: CaringGuy is 100% correct. I've dealt with cheaters before and every time they'll deny, because they hate getting caught. They think they were being sly, doing something dangerously fun without getting caught and it's humiliating for the truth to ... (read in full...)
Why would a girl whom I had eye contact and exchanged smiles with rub it in my face that she has a boyfriend?
Q. So there's this girl I met on occasion who exchanged regular eye contact and smiles with me. Obviously, she must have realized that I was into her, lest she would have looked away, as most of the time, girls who aren't into you usually do. So I d...
A. 26 February 2011: Shes rather immature, but maybe she was trying to teach you a lesson. If you don't take a chance, during your windows of opportunity, you'll miss out. Try to use this situation as a lesson learned, rather than focusing on the negative feelings this ... (read in full...)
I got upset, and confronted my new friends in a fit of anger. Now I don't have have any friends. Did I do the right thing?
Q. I’m new at a school, and I’m trying to get into a relationship with a girl. Every time I’m with her, my friends would come and interrupt the conversation. This happened quite a few times and I kept the anger bottled up. I have a short temper, so ...
A. 26 February 2011: This is just a learning curve and hopefully you'll never forget this moment. We all have these moments in life, just don't dwell on the negative aspect of this situation and use it to better yourself. As you know, you need to work on being more hon... (read in full...)
I found out my girlfriend has a very wild sexual past, and she did webcam shows for others. Will a threesome make me feel better about her past?
Q. Ok where to begin?! I was in a relationship of 8 years and that ended 1 year ago. For the past 5 months, I've been dating and living with a woman who 24 years old. She has 2 children and I love her and them! The problem is she did soooo many sex...
A. 26 February 2011: In general a threesomes just stir up drama. You have to be true to yourself. If you're uncomfortable with the thought of sharing your girlfriend, then don't; because otherwise you're just putting yourself in a bad situation. The fact that ... (read in full...)
Three significant relationships have all ended due to circumstance. Is it my fault?
Q. Is it true that women just want bad guys? I'm a good natured guy, and whenever I'm in a relationship with someone I will do anything to try and keep them happy and show them I care. Unfortunately I've just gone through my 3rd break up from a signif...
A. 26 February 2011: Try not to take these break-ups too personal. Women from teens to mid-twenties, generally, don't know who they are. It's a huge time for self discovery and a lot of women, (and even men), during their early twenties don't want to commit to anything. ... (read in full...)
I'm finally ready to end this off/on relationship but my boyfriend just quit his job and is moving back!
Q. I have a problem. For the past year, I've been fighting with my on/off boyfriend. The reason being were never together. We've been on/off (meaning broken up/back together every other day) for two years and he's been living in another state for the ...
A. 26 February 2011: Being done with the arguing and being done with the relationship are two different things. Take time to decipher which one it really is. The fact that you have a wonderful friendship and this intense connection is definitely something to fight fo... (read in full...)
We have a beautiful daughter and a nice house, why would he want to put that in jeopardy???
Q. My Fiance and I will be together 8 years in May, we have a beautiful daughter who will be 4 in March, we have a house together that we bought 4 years ago. My Fiance recently found an old girlfriend on Facebook and he has be chatting with her for ...
A. 25 February 2011: Wow, I know how you feel...
Some men put wonderful things in jeopardy, because they're so caught up in their moment of selfishness, they're not looking further down the road.
If he's met her for breakfast, drinks and not telling you; he's dating h... (read in full...)
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