A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 14 years had a affair for nearly 2 years i only found out about a month ago but always suspected he had cheated. he has a good career but the woman he went with works there and he wont leave his job. he wants to come home but doesnt want to change anything about himself. im so depressed and fed up we also have 2 girls aged 13 and 10. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): It sounds like a deal breaker for you that he either doens't leave his job or you know you cant respect him anymore and you want to leave. You need to firmly decide which it is and then move forward and move onwards and upwards.
I'm sorry this happened to you:)
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 March 2011):
 I think you have to be very brave and leave him. I understand that the jobs market is tough but if your partner is unwilling to make a clean break for the sake of your relationship then it speaks volumes about where his priorities stand. To be honest, if the affair is now over he should be motivated to get out of a situation where he has to see this other woman in a professional capacity. I think you will not stop feeling depressed until you get out of a relationship where you are second fiddle to his job. If you go back to him then you are sending a message that you accept his cheating and his right to stay in the job. He has betrayed you yet still seems to be holding the control reigns over your relationship. You would never be able to trust him again and since this affair was a long one then he is very good at hiding his activities. I think you just have to walk away or at the very least get couples therapy as well as insisting the change of job happens.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 I'm sorry you're going through this.
If your boyfriend has established a career, then chances are he's a valuable asset to the company, which isn't as easy to sacrifice over some common affair drama.
So, you could always call his boss and negotiate a business transfer or insist the company separate the two having the affair. You would be taking the risk of it back firing, (as it's poor work ethic to get sexually involved with a co-worker). However, you might have an understanding boss who's willing to work with you for the betterment of your family.
It's possible the woman would have a greater chance of getting booted from the workplace, if she's single, considering your boyfriend has children to provide for.
This happens a lot in the military and bosses are usually quick to defend the wife and family. Normally, the co-workers would be reassigned for the betterment of the workspace. I don't see the civilian side being much different.
Good luck!
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