A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a male in my late 40s and engaged to be married. I have several male and female friends who I've been friends with for several years. I became engaged this past summer and naturally told all my friends the good news. Since then, I've noticed a lot of my female friends chose to drop out of the picture. We used to stay in touch through email and phone calls. Some I would hear from every few days and others every few weeks. I saw a lot of these female friends through various rough spots in their marriages and committed relationships. Why would they drop out of the picture when I thought we were friends?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Thank you to everyone who took the time to answer this question. I sincerely appreciate all the different answers.
A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (27 February 2011):
I think it's natural to loose/gain friends when your relationship status changes. I've been married three times, every time I go from one status to the other, friends change. Single friends hang out with single friends; married friends hang out with married friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Were you ever at all interested in these ladies as parnters?
I'm guessing you were happily in friendzone with many of them. Ladies like to keep guys in the friendzone because it makes us feel desired, without the complications and weightof sexual intimacy. We can confide personal problems and talk about our love lives without complication. And we get the benefit of an honest male perspective. Your marriage is a potential complication.
They all probably recognize that that sort of intimacy is inappropriate to have with a married man.
It's fine with a single man, it's flattering with a single man, but it is asking for trouble and drama if you have an intimate emotional relationship with a married man.
I've also let male friends drift apart after they announced their wedding. Typically it was because of a combination of things:
. I had kept a relationship in the hope it would evolve into more.. Marriage essentially guarantees it won't.
. They were very involved in their wedding plans and ambitions for the future. (As they should be)
. I didn't like their fiance or choice of wife to be...or she was excessively jealous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): maybe they feel that you're no longer going to be there for them because you now have other priorities
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): Do any of these female friends know your fiance? If so, how do they get along? Are they friends with her as well? If not, they may feel threatened by her and your relationship with her versus your relationship with them. If I had a good male friend who suddenly got engaged, I probably would distance myself from him just to give him his time with his fiance. The only other reason I would is if I didn't know or like the girl he was with. Especially if she was possessive, jealous, or controlling. As someone else mentioned, maybe they had some sort of romantic interest in you that they can no longer flirt the possibility of. There could be a number of reasons, but I've definitely been there. Good luck =)
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (26 February 2011):
 C'est la vie. They're respecting your relationship and not wanting to interfere. A lot of times when friends of the opposite sex are around it's because, they're secretly interested and just waiting for that right window of opportunity to take the next step. Be grateful that they respect your woman's feelings (as you do) and aren't persistent with interfering. Women can be jealous of each other, it's best they stay away than risk being misunderstood or worse.Congratulations on your engagement! Hope all goes well for you and yours. Oh, and if they're truly good friends, they'll help your soon-to-be wife with the wedding plans. :)
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A
female
reader, The Girl with the Diver's Hair  +, writes (26 February 2011):
Maybe they are jealous because you have a good relationship (hopefully) and you are committed and they may feel that now you are engaged you will not be there to help them with their problems in theor marriges and relationships. Talk to them. Try :)
Good Luck. E xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This same thing happened to me I announced my engagement then bam they didn't want anything to do with me any more.No idea why either. We are all such good friends as well
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A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (26 February 2011):
Off the top of my head, I have two guesses:
1. They looked at you as date material. You were friends, but maybe they thought there was the possibility of something more.
2. They don't want to make your fiancee jealous. I don't know what she is like, so it might not even be an issue. But maybe they think they are being respectful of her.
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