A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. For the past year, I've been fighting with my on/off boyfriend. The reason being were never together. We've been on/off (meaning broken up/back together every other day) for two years and he's been living in another state for the past year. Now I love him. I really do care about him. He's a beautiful person. He's been there for me through thick and thin but I don't know if i can do this anymore. So we've been arguing about not being together for a year now. We've had some problems in the beginning, he did get physical with me and I cheated on him. We stayed together despite our troubles, and he eventually had to move because of his job. So last summer, he sent me money to move with him. At the last minute, I stayed here, and gave his money back. That almost ended up for good.It seems every time we break up it gets more and more final. I've been going through some rough times, personal problems and he's the only one who's been there for me. We have this connection. He's my best friend, but we've been apart so long and I've got my own life, so does he. I don't know how to end it. I'm ready to end it, the thing is...He's on his way here now. He quit his job, and he's moving back here. Some friends of his are going to be in his area, and they're bringing him back. What confuses me is that I really wanted him to be here, like a month ago, and now I don't. I realized that I don't need him as a crutch, and he's been resisting coming back here for so long, I never thought he would. Now he's coming back just when I decided its over? I don't know what to do. I can't tell him to stay. He doesn't have a job anymore. What do i do?
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female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (26 February 2011):
 Being done with the arguing and being done with the relationship are two different things. Take time to decipher which one it really is. The fact that you have a wonderful friendship and this intense connection is definitely something to fight for. Once you're in his presence again, I'm sure your feelings will resurface. Take a vacation together or lots of alone time, don't expect anything and talk about your feelings. It's wonderful you've learned from this situation, (being that he's no longer your catalyst), but that also doesn't mean you're totally over him. The fact that you two can teach each other things and unknowingly empower each other is great. Life is about learning. It's a huge thing for a man to give up this job. I wouldn't turn your back on him, just yet. Take Care!
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