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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
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19 October 2012: Just wanted to get my thoughts down. I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and thought I had beaten it. I've just found out that the cancer has spread to my brain and I have 2 tumours. I have just been offered gamma knife surgery to...
Dangers of Porn
This question has 53 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 November 2011: I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
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My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient?
Q. My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. We have been together for a year. I love her a lot and want to stay with her despite tough times ahead. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient? I want her to feel...
A. 9 September 2012: Do you know what treatment she will be having? If she's having chemotherapy then she will most likely feel terrible, dependent upon the strength and type of chemo. She may not want to eat much, if her mouth becomes sore. I was diagnosed with ... (read in full...)
Young Woman attracted to a man over twice her age or just really fiendly?
Q. I'm a mid 40's guy who works in the IT sector. Most days I have been going to the same local Subway for lunch over the last 6 to 8 months. There is this young chinese girl who looks about 17 or 18 and I think is interested in me. I say "think" ...
A. 24 August 2012: maverick494 has put it far more eloquently that I have - a brilliant response. I asked my partner, who is 43, would he date a 20 year old. His response was no way. He said he had dated someone before me who was 8 years younger and they had zilch ... (read in full...)
Young Woman attracted to a man over twice her age or just really fiendly?
Q. I'm a mid 40's guy who works in the IT sector. Most days I have been going to the same local Subway for lunch over the last 6 to 8 months. There is this young chinese girl who looks about 17 or 18 and I think is interested in me. I say "think" ...
A. 22 August 2012: Hey, I'm 47 and the thought of dating a guy of 20 is in my mind laughable. Why do you have issues dating women of your own age? As I said before, please leave her alone. She's young and impressionable and quite frankly you are old enough to know ... (read in full...)
Young Woman attracted to a man over twice her age or just really fiendly?
Q. I'm a mid 40's guy who works in the IT sector. Most days I have been going to the same local Subway for lunch over the last 6 to 8 months. There is this young chinese girl who looks about 17 or 18 and I think is interested in me. I say "think" ...
A. 21 August 2012: You are old enough to be her Father, please leave her alone. She's just being friendly to a good Customer.... (read in full...)
He's 14 and I'm 15 and we are cousins. Is it wrong to have these feelings? Should we have sex and what are the consequences?
Q. Im a 15 year old female, and my cousin is a 14 year old male. We've always messed around, like flirted. We have like dry humped, had oral sex, basically everything but real sex. We have a cottage, and we're always at each others houses. We went...
A. 17 August 2012: Isn't this classed as "inbreeding". In the UK, as far as I know, it is not allowed for first cousins to marry. You are essentially getting involved with a close family member. If you can't see that's wrong on all counts, then perhaps you need ... (read in full...)
Should I be upset about planning an abortion?
Q. I just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant. I'm going to have an abortion. I don't feel guilty about it at all, in fact im actually happy about it. Shouldnt I be crying?...
A. 15 August 2012: Sometimes, at the time it is the best decision all round. Maybe it was unplanned, maybe the father doesn't want to know, etc, etc. However, hindsight is a wonderful thing so make sure this is your BEST option. I had 3 abortions between the ages ... (read in full...)
Can my low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness stem from not being emotionally supported as a child by my parents?
Q. This is kind of a relationship question, about family relationships. Basically i have a difficult family situation. I feel like I have to help, because there are a lot of emotional struggles going on, but I am extremely drained. I love my family b...
A. 3 July 2012: Hey, I totally identify with you and yes I do believe your issues are due to how you were brought up. It's all very Freudian but I believe everything that happens as a child impacts on us as adults. My Mother is a crazy Irish lady who panics at ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches porn! I feel unloved
Q. My boyfriend likes watching porn and wants a mistress to punish him,he will only touch me and want to make love to me after he has watched porn or some one being punished,i thought he loved me for who i am, please help, ...
A. 3 July 2012: "he will only touch me and want to make love to me after he has watched porn or some one being punished".
If you encourage him down this path by joining in you will be on a rocky road to no-where. The guy has a big problem in that he can only... (read in full...)
Why do his comments about my friend give me a pang of jealousy?
Q. Hi, not sure if i,m reading too much into my boyfriends comments and could do with other peoples opinions. We have been with each other for 2 years very happy and in love. He is always complimenting me and telling me he loves me. A few times now, in ...
A. 19 June 2012: Is he like this with everyone or just your friend? Your bf is behaving in a crass manner, to compliment your friends breasts and talking about a threesome. It sounds to me like he very much wants this to happen and is testing the water. How does ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to stop looking at porn but its very difficult!
Q. Hello, I am attempting to stop looking at porn because it is hurting my girlfriend's feelings. She likens it to cheating or is afraid that it will lead to me cheating. I love her more than anything and that is reason enough to try to stop, and I ...
A. 19 June 2012: If you check out the links that Person12345 has provided, you will find this informative and it will give you a fresh perspective on giving up. Well done you for trying. It will take a while to re-wire your brain but it can be done. Your gf is ... (read in full...)
I'd rather my boyfriend used his imagination rather than porn
Q. Does anyone share my views... I still think id rather my boyfriend use his imagination and think of other people than use porn, does anyone else have a similar view? ...
A. 18 June 2012: Of course they can use their imagination - what do you think they did before porn mags and the internet. We are all visual, and NO they don't need porn to get off, they just like it. If you read the links from person12345, you will see that men ... (read in full...)
How many men out there are NOT into pornography and find it degrading?
Q. Hello Dear Cupid, I've been in a relationship nearly 4 years - 3 of which my bf used online porn most days, even perusing it while I was asleep naked a metre away from him, even though I was always happy and curious to explore our sex life. We fough...
A. 14 June 2012: Hey, I understand your pain. My bf used it initially but I, like you, felt spiritually bereft and you are right, almost mentally damaged by the whole thing. I remember when I found an image he had looked at, I was so distraught I ended up self ... (read in full...)
Guy with girlfriend keeps trying to string me along!!! I am nobody's puppet!!
Q. HELP!!!! This guy friend has a girlfriend. BUT he keeps trying to string me along!!! I told him I have feelings for him. He told me he has a girlfriend. So that should be the end of it, right? NO!!!! He just keeps giving me hope and then he...
A. 8 June 2012: As soon as he told you he had a girlfriend you should have backed off and certainly you should not have told him you have feelings for him. He's behaving badly but as far as I can see, so are you. You said "he keeps giving me hope". I'd say get a ... (read in full...)
Is it alright to slip a guy your number in class?
Q. I'm not a social butterfly I'm a little shy because I don't know how to start a conversation most of the time. Anyhow I keep catching this guy in my class checking me out usually I'd see him out of the corner of my eye. Until recently I caught him ...
A. 1 June 2012: Let him do the running and let him slip his number to you. Generally in the wild, the females have the males do all sorts of things to get their attention, like the Hares in March, where the female has to fight off the attention of several suitors ... (read in full...)
Is this man who I'm having an affair with claims to like me so much, then why is he avoiding me?
Q. Ok I can't believe I did this i never in the 21 years that I’ve been with my husband cheated on him. People on this page can’t think any worse of me then I think of myself. My husband is the first man I ever been with. I’m 38 now I take very good ...
A. 28 May 2012: I think you should come clean with your husband, then you will understand the effects of your actions. I mightily diasgree with those who have said "say nothing". Your husband deserves to know what sort of woman he has married. You said you don't ... (read in full...)
Do women really hate porn?
Q. I have lot of porn dvds at home. My wife rarely watches it. My question is, do all women hate to watch porn or is it some?. If some women like porn what are the categories they like to watch. say, lesbian, taboo, straight, BDSM, oral.... ...
A. 21 May 2012: I hate the stuff but I have watched it in the past. I certainly do not watch it now. It interfered with the intimacy between my partner and I and he's a much better lover when he's not watching porn. It's a commercial product and anyone who likes ... (read in full...)
My husband loves teen porn
Q. Hi, I have been married to my husband for 4 years. His a really good guy but looks at porn every day. The main issue is that it's teen porn. The girls in these sites look too young. In worried that it's a problem, especially since its everyday and ...
A. 26 April 2012: I'd run for the hills if I were you. Despite the girls in porn probably being old enough, he is desiring a young teen and in this country, having sex with a minor is still illegal. Unfortunately, he's watched too much porn and is now finding this ... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 25 April 2012: I've just noticed that you are incredibly young and therefore I will base my answer on that. What you are doing is NOT normal by any standards, and I think the age of 18 is a bit young to be deciding categorically what you want for your future. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 29 March 2012: Absolutely spot on Kyle007, you are absolutely right, what woman in her right mind would choose a man of dubious character who likes going to strip clubs. I really feel very sorry for any woman in a relationship with a guy who likes to do this, but ... (read in full...)
How can women watch porn with their partners?
Q. One thing that bugs me is how can women watch porn with their boyfriends/husbands? Aren't you bothered he's getting turned on by another woman, who he possibly thinks is hotter? The thought is horrible....
A. 23 March 2012: Um, no I don't think you are insecure (last poster's comment). I believe the insecure women are the ones that stay with men who like to watch porn. The secure ones are the ladies that tell their men to get a life. And pornography is about as far ... (read in full...)
How can women watch porn with their partners?
Q. One thing that bugs me is how can women watch porn with their boyfriends/husbands? Aren't you bothered he's getting turned on by another woman, who he possibly thinks is hotter? The thought is horrible....
A. 22 March 2012: "So, prolonged exposure brings a kind of numbness"!
That is the saddest line I have ever read on this site. That is what porn can do to a partner, alienate them and leave them on the sidelines feeling numb. However, again each to their ow... (read in full...)
If your partner watches porn is it natural to get turned off and start looking elsewhere?
Q. My partner watches porn and masturbates. I have found that this has turned me off of him both sexually and emotionally. My question is this: If it is just natural for men to look at other women and have urges towards them, is it just as...
A. 16 March 2012: I'm still with you OP. The age issue was not brought up by you in the first place and that red herring was thrown in by someone else. Do not feel bullied by these aunts/uncles with differing opinions. I think you know your own mind so glean what ... (read in full...)
If your partner watches porn is it natural to get turned off and start looking elsewhere?
Q. My partner watches porn and masturbates. I have found that this has turned me off of him both sexually and emotionally. My question is this: If it is just natural for men to look at other women and have urges towards them, is it just as...
A. 14 March 2012: I took the last comment the OP made to be "tongue in cheek", a role reversal if you like. Like the men who watch porn, the likelihood that they will select a fat ugly bird to watch is probably highly unlikely, unless that floats their boat. I ... (read in full...)
My friends girlfriend wants to end their relationship because he used to watch porn
Q. So I have this friend (yes folks, it actually is a friend) who's going through something that neither of us can seem to really get our heads around. His girlfriend of over a year sent him a random text yesterday, immediately stating that she ...
A. 8 March 2012: I'm with ChaliceODamnation on this one. It's about integrity, moral standards and being the sort of man that women respect. I doubt that she is insecure, otherwise she would end up staying with the guy. It takes a strong character to decide what ... (read in full...)
If your partner watches porn is it natural to get turned off and start looking elsewhere?
Q. My partner watches porn and masturbates. I have found that this has turned me off of him both sexually and emotionally. My question is this: If it is just natural for men to look at other women and have urges towards them, is it just as...
A. 29 February 2012: I think it is a normal and natural response because it happened to me. Sweet-thing and Person12345 are right. Porn does have a way of making a woman feel replaced. When my partner did it, I didn't want him to come near me. Our sex life suffered. ... (read in full...)
Supplementing your relationship with cyber and virtual contact?
Q. Here's the dilemma with a double-standard. For some reason, I'm ok with porn. I've watched it. It turns me on. I don't fantasize about the actors. I think about myself and my (at the time) boyfriend. I'm sure what everyone gets out of it is ...
A. 7 February 2012: "It's a form of entertainment that is produced and sold for the purposes of sexual enjoyment" - um, no it isn't. It's a billion pound industry which prays on weak individuals who part with their cash for sexual thrills because they are lacking ... (read in full...)
Husband is watching porn on our honeymoon!
Q. My husband and I are on ourhoneymoon and we were about to get in the hot tube in our room (ending in having sex) but when I looked over I saw he was on his computer watching porn. As I was walking over he quickly exited out of it. I confronted him ...
A. 11 January 2012: He's watched too much porn by the look of it and now can't get it up for a real live woman. If he has a low sex drive then watching porn is NOT going to help! He is completely desensitised! Wouldn't viagra have been a better option if he was ... (read in full...)
How do I avoid becoming single and friendless?
Q. Two years ago, I ended an unhealthy relationship. My ex and I had been together for four years, but we fought a lot and our interactions got ugly, so I haven't looked back. My problem is that since that time, I haven't been able to meet any men. ...
A. 29 November 2011: Stay positive and focused on what is important to you, and most of all, you need to learn to enjoy your own company. I was alone for many years and did not meet my partner until I was 40, and had really given up hope. I too tried the dating scene ... (read in full...)
Is a 30 year old man too old for a girl of 19?
Q. Ok so I met a guy in April met at a nightclub he was 24 we hit it off got together but within about a month weird things started uhappening he kept having serious accidents I couldn't get thru to his phone he could only call me he claimed it was a ...
A. 25 November 2011: In answer to your question I think a 30 year old man is too old for a girl of 19. And to the guy that answered saying "don't let it put you off other 30 year olds" is just plain CREEPY. He's probably watched too much porn and finds a young girl ... (read in full...)
I found hundreds of porn videos on his laptop. I'm devastated.
Q. This is so hard, I dunno where to start :/ I moved abroad about a year ago, I left everything behind because I wanted to pursue some intellectual goals. Everyone supported me and it seemed pretty exciting for me. Things were good, and they got bet...
A. 23 November 2011: "I didn’t become a consumer of abusive images of men, I never felt the need to bully, oppress, hurt or control anyone sexually. If anything it made me more of a victim. Only his lack of conscience, empathy and respect for women would do that, and ... (read in full...)
A little primer on women and sex...
Q. A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
A. 15 November 2011: I met my partner just as I turned 40. I'm not sure if it was to do with "women reaching their peak" at 40 or the fact that he was an incredibly skilled lover but I started to experience multiple orgasms, which I had never experienced before. He had ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 14 November 2011: Hey, I am not a man hater per say and not sure where you've got that notion from. I've always loved working with men, in fact in preference to working with women. I worked in construction many years ago and the guys still keep in touch with me. I ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 13 November 2011: @Smiliek - if your partner used drugs and lied about it in order to get together with you, then I think it's OK to then ask them to stop! Same with porn. Oh, and hope the pregnancy is going well x Someone wrote further down about not wishin... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 9 November 2011: "Well said Gabrielle, I like to see a reasonable and sensible argument; and you didn't need to refer outside to a reference or statistic once" Mmm, I'm glad Gabrielle posted and it was interesting to get her view on things. However, you sai... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 9 November 2011: Thank you everyone for responding, I think it's been an interesting debate. Special thanks to Person12345 (as always) and Dark Heart who gave some fabulous answers. Thanks to those also with their alternative views, which of course sparks the ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 7 November 2011: Gosh, I haven't the heart to respond to that last lady. It's her first time on this site, so she hasn't seen the number of issues that porn has caused in relationships.
Oh, and men do confuse fantasy with reality, which is why you get men comi... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is becoming a mysognist (hate women).Any ideas why he has suddenly become like this? Can I change his mind?
Q. Ok, some advice please. My boyfriend has always been slightly sexist- men do this better, women shouldn't do that job, etc. It never caused a problem between us, and sometimes was rather sweet when he would act really chivalrous. However this s...
A. 6 November 2011: Does your partner watch a lot of porn?? I'm just curious as to where he got his attitude from. Your options are to leave, or to challenge him on every pre-conceived idea he has. I hope you stood up to him and counter argued his ideas. If not, ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 5 November 2011: @Odds - I didn't say abuse was funny. I said the idea that you think I'm abusing my bf was funny - please get your facts right before responding, or twisting the answer to suit your own aims. I have, many years ago, been in an abusive relationship ... (read in full...)
Hubby gettin porn in emails!
Q. I am a 60 year old women who has been blind sited by my husband's use of porn and emails. As both of us worked and I never saw his work computer I had no idea he received emails from his "buds" that contained naked women, porn video's,s and m, and ...
A. 4 November 2011: This is a classic case of men reading the question and tailoring their answer to make the woman feel bad about her husband's porn use.
I would worry BIG TIME that he calls women in power "bitches" - he's definitely looked at too much of this sh**... (read in full...)
I don't have a job or a man in my life, my ex dumped me for someone younger, my best friend is doing great in her life, while I spend my days in bed and nights crying
Q. Ok, not sure where to begin, just turned 31 and life is shit! Really bad!!! I have always had an ok job, men and good body, looked good...but in the last 6 months lost all that. Big time!!!! I've put loads weight on (despite going gym, my a...
A. 4 November 2011: Hey, when I was in my thirties I was pretty much like you. I had no one and was very jealous of a friend who had a great job, rich boyfriend, etc. But a lot of it is in your attitude. You also perhaps are a bit depressed which makes things 10 ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 4 November 2011: The statistics and succinct arguments that Person12345 puts forward has enabled me to say to my partner "no more porn"! I came to this site originally because I was confused and didn't know what to do. I've seen Person12345 counter argue every ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 3 November 2011: Thanks for your responses everyone. Person 12345, always a pleasure to have you respond too.
I believe what the criminologist and The Madame were trying to say is that porn did influence the outcome of Tabak's actions. He was totally desensit... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 2 November 2011: "Hmmm. The OP seems to be reacting to a deliberately-provocative article!!" Is this a case of stating the obvious? Of course I've reacted to a poor girl being murdered by a seemingly normal charming man who happened to be into violent porn an... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 1 November 2011: Thanks KC100 for your comments.
I dislike porn on many levels and this is just one of them. My partner and I had disagreements over this as he watched it and wanted me to join in too, which I did, for a while. I didn't like it and I asked hi... (read in full...)
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