A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:Here's the dilemma with a double-standard. For some reason, I'm ok with porn. I've watched it. It turns me on. I don't fantasize about the actors. I think about myself and my (at the time) boyfriend. I'm sure what everyone gets out of it is individually different. Here's the issue: my problem is with interpersonal connections of cyber and virtual relationships. If you're truly satisfied in a committed relationship, why would someone go looking for the sexual attention of strangers on other social networking sites (be it Facebook, Fetlife, Omegle, etc.)? Or why would you need to supplement your flesh and blood relationship (who can sext you themself) with dating sims on the computer or an app that actually sexts you?I guess I'm just trying to understand something to which I might never have a straight answer. It's not just about the "physical act of sex", but about the mental, emotional and spiritual connections you have with people. Are there others like me who only have eyes for their partner and who do not need to supplement the relationship in these ways? Who are fulfilled completely by the flesh and blood being before them?
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female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 "It's a form of entertainment that is produced and sold for the purposes of sexual enjoyment" - um, no it isn't. It's a billion pound industry which prays on weak individuals who part with their cash for sexual thrills because they are lacking something in their real life!! I have a partner (six years) and I don't want his libido being diluted by porn. He's a much better lover without porn. We had fantastic sex the other day, it was sensual, animalistic and we were both so wrapped up in the pleasure of it all that we were both blown away!! He was NEVER like that as a consumer of porn!!
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Porn is one thing, like you I've used it solo and with a partner and found it enjoyable. It's a form of entertainment that is produced and sold for the purposes of sexual enjoyment.Sextexting, chatlines, cybercam, sex dating sites... that for me is problematic, I consider them as cheating. The are not images with people who you can't contact, instead you have access to people and can easily arrange to meet them. They are done in real time with a person at the end who listens and responds. Pornography is not like that.Flirting with people on facebook, flirting in the street.. depends on the degree... I flirt in a careless way, but there is no sexual intention behind it. I flirt with everyone, women, men, children, animals, it's my way of trying to make people feel good.I don't like the sound of your situation. Sounds too sex obsessed to me. You can never be everything to anyone, that to me is a little claustrophobic. You need friends, you need family, you need hobbies, you need to meet and speak to different people to develop and grow. But the time he spends on sex talk with other women, is the time he should be romancing you. He shouldn't need to sex talk other women if he has access to you.He sounds like a man who needs to sex talk other woman like an alcohol needs his next drink. I couldn't stay, I couldn't trust him to be faithful.. and if it's not ok with you, then you really need to talk to him and consider why your staying in this relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Interesting to read this one. I have met someone normal after being with a date site/text/cyber sex addict. Trust me, they are a small proportion of the population, and the next person you meet is unlikely to be one. I do believe though, once a date site member, always a date site member.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (2 February 2012):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for affirming this for me. I felt they were forms of cheating but those closest to my ex said it was just 'a guy being a guy'. I'm just appalled at the extent to which people cheat! Men & women-how would they feel if it was their partner? Apparently they can't empathize that idea and are too selfish and do what they want at the costly expense of those around them. Tragically, it makes me unreasonably suspicious of future partners.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): That is like asking why do people cheat. The only answer is that they are with their partner because they have a fear of being alone and not because they love them. I feel people who engage in cyber affairs and sexting are puddled. They have a constant need to be desirable yet know they are being fed bull crap. I have a friend who collects dirty cell phone pics of women and shows them to all and sundry. The women are under the belief they are special.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): You could ask this question about any form of cheating. The only real answer is they want to. It causes an awful lot of divorces. In some cases the one doing it believes (or acts like they believe) they have done nothing wrong. I think anyone who has a cyber relationship and risks losing their real partner is not all together mentally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): It`s probably something you will never understand unless you are one of them. I agree with one thing though, that being, a virtual cheat is just a cheat without real life opportunity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): imo anyone who has to do that is not someone having their needs neglected,it is someone who has absolutely no respect for their wife/husband/partner. if not that,then someone who is unhinged.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): They are just people who would cheat on you the moment they know they will get away with it. People who do it are probably hoping it will lead to more. I believe 101 per cent that anyone who has to resort to cyber sex or internet relationships are not attractive enough to cheat in real life and lack that opportunity. They are a lifes losers. It's a shame for them really.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 February 2012):
 There are plenty of folks that don't have extra people cyber or other wise in their relationship.
My man has Sunny Leone (the porn star) as wallpaper on his computer screen...that's as interactive as we get...
I came from an open swinger marriage. I'm totally about the monogamy now.
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