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19 October 2012: Just wanted to get my thoughts down. I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and thought I had beaten it. I've just found out that the cancer has spread to my brain and I have 2 tumours. I have just been offered gamma knife surgery to...
Dangers of Porn
This question has 53 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 November 2011: I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
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I don't want to lose my marriage over porn...but I cannot trust someone who will look me in the face and lie.
Q. My husband knows how I feel about watching porn behind my back and lying about it. I don't like him watching it at all because I know that my body doesnt compare to those girls (after having his baby my stomach was severely covered in stretch ...
A. 1 July 2013: It's not "using sex as a weapon" - it is a very real feeling when the intimacy has been trashed to not want to sleep with your partner. If my partner had looked at porn then came to me for sex, having been turned on by the porn, then I wouldn't ... (read in full...)
Why are these girls at work so mean to me? What strategies can I try to help me? I talked to my Manager and she said, "ignore them"
Q. Why do these girls behave this way? So I got a new job a few weeks ago and the girls are started with are horrible, We are all temps on the same floor but none of them speaks to me. Is like they have a problem with me. So I stay away from...
A. 11 June 2013: Yes, I entirely disagree with Cerberus. Social isolation is a form of bullying in the workplace and what these girls are doing is bullying. So, as suggested, write down what is said, times etc, and produce this to HR as and when. ... (read in full...)
Do I give up and move on to try to find happiness? Or do I stay? We have 2 children together.
Q. Please help! I will get straight to the point. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together total for 10. In the beginning of our dating and married relationship I tried my best to be the best wife I could be. Obviously I know ...
A. 10 June 2013: If your husband has never really acknowledged what he has done and is dismissive of your feelings, then no wonder you are feeling a bit off towards him. Has he really grovelled and apologised over the affair, allowing you to voice your discomfort?? ... (read in full...)
Why are these girls at work so mean to me? What strategies can I try to help me? I talked to my Manager and she said, "ignore them"
Q. Why do these girls behave this way? So I got a new job a few weeks ago and the girls are started with are horrible, We are all temps on the same floor but none of them speaks to me. Is like they have a problem with me. So I stay away from...
A. 10 June 2013: "Ignore them and do your work". Sorry, but this is a bad manager. Do you have an HR department? If so, you could make a formal complaint about harrassment and bullying. These are very serious issues within the workplace and need to be addressed. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my marriage over porn...but I cannot trust someone who will look me in the face and lie.
Q. My husband knows how I feel about watching porn behind my back and lying about it. I don't like him watching it at all because I know that my body doesnt compare to those girls (after having his baby my stomach was severely covered in stretch ...
A. 28 May 2013: I understand you OP perfectly. You are being honest about withholding sex and I have the same thought process as you. It's not that you are wittholding, it's just that HIS porn use means you have no inclination to have sex with him. It would be... (read in full...)
Why does he want to do it himself instead of being intimate with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we are in love and live together. We have a really good and happy relationship apart from one thing. He would rather masturbate than have sex with me. Iv talked to him about it and he said that he ...
A. 21 May 2013: Sorry, the article you need is "The Porn Myth" by Naomi Wolf (not Andrea Dworkin). ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to do it himself instead of being intimate with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we are in love and live together. We have a really good and happy relationship apart from one thing. He would rather masturbate than have sex with me. Iv talked to him about it and he said that he ...
A. 21 May 2013: He's got into the habit of pulling his plonker and he's got nothing left for you. You poor thing, what a terrible situation. If this goes on for much longer, you will lose respect and the intimacy will be gone - then you will be like brother... (read in full...)
I'm feeling paranoid about his roving eye!
Q. I have just met a divorced guy with a teenage son. He seems lovely and genuine. We have been going out a lot these past few months and I can't help but notice how visual he is towards attractive women. I asked him if he knew the prety barmaid last ...
A. 20 May 2013: Psychology Today article reckons men who do this are borderline sociopaths. If you've asked him to stop and he continues, then he has a contempt for you which is worse than the ogling. Hope the following article helps from psychology today:-
... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in our relationship and his porn addiction is just breaking my heart!
Q. I would really love some advice from men and women. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. He is my 1st true relationship I'm 27 an he is 26. We got together when we were 18. I told him from the beginning that i was not okay with porn. He always ...
A. 20 May 2013: "using porn for masturbation is completely normal" . Well, that is your opinion but not mine. Masturbation is normal, watching porn IS NOT! And no, you don't need to go check whether you have "underlying issues". Not at all. If you don't want ... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 20 May 2013: I know this is an old post but I've just found some brilliant advice on "Psychology Today". According to them, ogling is NOT acceptable for the following reasons, and dare I say it, there is a suggestion that a man who ogles has sociopathic ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in our relationship and his porn addiction is just breaking my heart!
Q. I would really love some advice from men and women. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. He is my 1st true relationship I'm 27 an he is 26. We got together when we were 18. I told him from the beginning that i was not okay with porn. He always ...
A. 15 May 2013: Stop saying porn and masturbation are normal - no they are not. Porn and masturbation do not go hand in hand (pardon the pun). The anon poster is right - your man has a serious problem and to leave his kids unattended whilst he watches it - NO N... (read in full...)
For my porn-addicted boyfriend, will me not having sex with him make him distant or just horny?
Q. hello, this might sound childish but i really need to make my boyfriendd want me more, i really need to tease him, but will me not having sex with him (we r sexual active) make him distant or just horny. see the thing is he watches porn and i hate ...
A. 15 May 2013: I think the "I really need my bf to want me more" has summed this up. Yes, porn does clearly affect their relationship and being INSECURE has got nothing to do with it, so don't let anyone else say so. Send him the link on yourbrainonporn.com to ... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 9 May 2013: I think the issue here is the age difference, which I don't think anyone has mentioned. I think you poster, are acting like the child you still are (my niece is around the same age) and you've got an old guy who I think just only wants you for sex. ... (read in full...)
How do you help someone with a fear of flying?
Q. My boyfriend has a serious phobia of airplane rides. We've been dating for a year and will be taking our first international trip together soon. We're both looking forward to the trip itself but as our flight date approaches, he's becoming quite ...
A. 9 May 2013: If you check on You Tube - "Tapping for fear of flying" and look at the Brad Yates video. It is a technique which I used recently when I flew off on my honeymoon. Prior to that, I hadn't flown for 15 years due to fear of flying. I felt I had a ... (read in full...)
How do I negotiate dating a soon to be divorced man with a child?
Q. I started seeing a guy. It started out as a hook up ad we started meeting regularly for BDSM type nights. I'm quite a bit younger than he is and he is in the middle of negotiating a divorce with a young child. I met her a few weeks ago and have seen ...
A. 3 May 2013: KC100 has given a fantastic response which I endorse wholeheartedly. It's interesting though that the male/female responses are poles apart. You are young and he sounds like a selfish one indeed. Go have some fun with someone your own age.... (read in full...)
Should I tell her about the relationship I had in the past with a married woman? Or is it best left in the past?
Q. Five years ago I had an off and on physical relationship with a married woman who I work with. I was single at the time. We still work together but it ended well and there is no bad blood between us but she can be Vindictive if she wants to be. ...
A. 3 May 2013: I'd say come clean and tell her. This will then give her the choice as to whether she would like to start a relationship with you. My worries would be that a) you keep targeting women at work and b) you have no qualms in having an affair with som... (read in full...)
Why will he not tell me the truth? Is my husband gay?
Q. I've been with my husband for 12 years. In the beginning of our relationship he put a porn video on to see if I'd be willing to watch it with him. Just a few seconds on there was a shemale on the screen. He quickly turned it off and said he didn'...
A. 3 May 2013: Well, Vincent Tabak strangled his neighbour after watching strangulation porn and another man has just killed a child after watching kiddie porn. I think men watch what they really LIKE. Haven't men always said on this site "watch porn with you... (read in full...)
Why will he not tell me the truth? Is my husband gay?
Q. I've been with my husband for 12 years. In the beginning of our relationship he put a porn video on to see if I'd be willing to watch it with him. Just a few seconds on there was a shemale on the screen. He quickly turned it off and said he didn'...
A. 2 May 2013: Oh dear. We've just had a case in England where a man murdered a little 5 year old girl because he was watching kiddie porn and decided to turn his "fantasy into reality". This porn shit is NOT good. It sounds like his preference is men, ... (read in full...)
I feel too ugly to be a bride!
Q. I don't want to sound conceited or like I'm being an attention seeker but I'm due to get married in 1 year and i feel as though I'm too ugly to be a bride. I hate having my photo taken and I even discussed with my fiancé about not having a ...
A. 30 April 2013: I can totally relate to this. I got married in December last year and due to various medications etc, I was bloated in the face, I had piled on the pounds, my skin and hair looked terrible, etc, etc and I felt exactly as you do. But, my partner ... (read in full...)
Is it time to leave? She issued me with an ultimatum: The bachelor party or her
Q. My girlfriend(who I live with) and I have been at odds everyday for the last week. My friend has a wedding coming this weekend, and their bachelor party on Friday night. So she has made an effort to fight with me everyday. But to cut to the chase...
A. 26 April 2013: I think you are planning to leave her anyway by what you have said. And it's clear you do not communicate well as a couple. She's talking to friends because she cannot talk to you - that is normal so I'm not quite sure why others have bera... (read in full...)
I'm feeling paranoid about his roving eye!
Q. I have just met a divorced guy with a teenage son. He seems lovely and genuine. We have been going out a lot these past few months and I can't help but notice how visual he is towards attractive women. I asked him if he knew the prety barmaid last ...
A. 22 April 2013: Well, it might be worth getting the male perspective again and asking CMMP, who said he does check out women when he is not with his wife - perhaps he can shed the all illuminating light on why people can behave so crassly when in a relationship ... (read in full...)
I like to dress up in women's clothing and then hump a pillow. Why do I do this?
Q. My question is embarrassing and its about a sex fetish. I tried looking it up on google and i got all kinds of porn ads n than i tried to find a sex fetish forum but couldn't find one so i found dearcupid.com. i hope my question doesn't offend ...
A. 22 April 2013: I'm sorry OP but I would ask you to go to therapy and get help. Go meditate, go clear your mind. You've already said you feel guilty afterwards so STOP doing the very thing that makes you feel guilty. ... (read in full...)
I was snooping around boyfriend's home and found bags of ladies underwear, sex toys and porno!
Q. While snooping around my boyfriends house I found bags of ladies underware, sex toys and porno movies. I mean several bags! I was shocked. Why did he have these and why would be ever keep them. I can't tell him that I found this stuff because I was ...
A. 11 April 2013: If you snooped I am assuming that your gut instinct was trying to tell you something. Talk with him and admit the snooping; if you are prepared to snoop then you have to take the consequences too. See what he says and what excuses he has for the ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend very insecure because I watched porn
Q. I have been in a very serious relationship for the last five years with an amazing girl. I love her so much. I would take a bullet for her. I am going to propose to her soon but I don't know when. She's the only person I've ever been in a relati...
A. 11 April 2013: I am glad you told her and now you have a chance for her to help you stop watching it. Men who watch porn make lousy, lazy lovers anyway so you are doing the right thing in not watching it. Leave the porn watchers to a single life, their pc and ... (read in full...)
I was snooping around boyfriend's home and found bags of ladies underwear, sex toys and porno!
Q. While snooping around my boyfriends house I found bags of ladies underware, sex toys and porno movies. I mean several bags! I was shocked. Why did he have these and why would be ever keep them. I can't tell him that I found this stuff because I was ...
A. 8 April 2013: I'm with Janniepeg on this one. He sounds like a big revolting pervert to me and I personally would run a mile!! Anyone with lots of "paraphernalia" would just be a red flag to me. Yes, I have a vibrator and my husband and I have a few other ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with people looking at me
Q. Why do they keep looking at me? I don't understand? So I signed up for the gym a few months ago and diet to help with my self confidence and I've lost a lot weight, toned. Uk size 10 but still curvy with big boobs. I've noticed that the guy...
A. 23 March 2013: Crikey, OK, I'll try and explain it. Of course women look at men but quite often it is done in a very non sexual way. What you explained further down was the poor OP jumping up and down and getting sweaty - it was very obvious how you viewed this ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with people looking at me
Q. Why do they keep looking at me? I don't understand? So I signed up for the gym a few months ago and diet to help with my self confidence and I've lost a lot weight, toned. Uk size 10 but still curvy with big boobs. I've noticed that the guy...
A. 22 March 2013: To be honest, if a guy was prancing up and down a beach showing off his abs, I'd think he was a knob anyway. To be honest, ripped muscles don't do it for me or my friends. So I'd suggest you stop living in fantasy land!! ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with people looking at me
Q. Why do they keep looking at me? I don't understand? So I signed up for the gym a few months ago and diet to help with my self confidence and I've lost a lot weight, toned. Uk size 10 but still curvy with big boobs. I've noticed that the guy...
A. 21 March 2013: Neanderthals - that's what they are. Are you staring at a hot guy watching his dick jiggle up and down as he runs?? No, of course not (i'll bet)! Stare back at them and ask them "what the f*** are you looking at". If not, complain to management ... (read in full...)
Is he bored with me? I caught him yanking off in bed next to me!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man who was married for over 20 years. The last 7 years it was a sexless marriage. We happen to have sex very often but there are times where I find porn on his phone and have caught him a few times masturbati...
A. 28 February 2013: I find grown men with their "dirty little secret" quite abhorrent, particularly those who are asking you to watch porn and join in. Yuk!!! What men don't realise is that you dilute your sex life with porn, then you expect the women in your lives ... (read in full...)
Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship?
Q. Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship? My ex just says I think it matters more how I treat you when we're together, I don't understand what he means because the way I see he's still in a relationship ...
A. 20 February 2013: The response from female Anonymous on the 18th February is absolutely spot on. Well done you for giving a brilliant and succinct answer. It's one of the best I've ever seen on this site. ... (read in full...)
Porn discretion for men, how to prevent porn ever becoming an issue in your relationship.
Q. (Disclaimer: This article is not about lying to your partner. If you using porn in a relationship is a deal-breaker for her and has become a problem then this is not an article for you to break the conditions of your relationship by using these tips ...
A. 8 January 2013: I am amazed at the double standards here. I wrote years ago about being honest up front about not liking porn with a new partner and I'm fairly sure I was shot down in flames - I will try and find what I wrote so I can link it! Porn brings out the ... (read in full...)
Porn rears it's ugly head, again!
Q. Hi everyone i have been with my bf for 6 yrs now. About 6 months back i found porn on his laptop.he apologized, we broke up and patched up again. He promised he would not watch again. I posted here regarding that and i got many answers which helped ...
A. 3 December 2012: It's his defensiveness I'd worry about. He is emotionally stunted if he cannot talk to you, without fighting. That's a big red flag. I'll be happy about porn when men do what women do, and there is a level playing field. When men pole dance for ... (read in full...)
My Peace to you. Seeking peace within you - some life lessons, including: Never deliberately create a drama in your life.
Q. Just wanted to get my thoughts down. I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and thought I had beaten it. I've just found out that the cancer has spread to my brain and I have 2 tumours. I have just been offered gamma knife surgery to...
A. 19 November 2012: Thank you Spunky Monkey x ... (read in full...)
I don't understand the big deal about men watching porn.
Q. this is a genuine honest question that i can't seem to understand. I've seen many questions on here about girls who are unhappy that their boyfriends watch porn. Thing is, I don't ask my boyfriend if he does because I assume he does for his own ...
A. 19 November 2012: The tiny penis was to try and get men to understand how some women feel about porn. The point has been heavily missed if you think I was being patronizing. ... (read in full...)
I don't understand the big deal about men watching porn.
Q. this is a genuine honest question that i can't seem to understand. I've seen many questions on here about girls who are unhappy that their boyfriends watch porn. Thing is, I don't ask my boyfriend if he does because I assume he does for his own ...
A. 16 November 2012: Can a guy with a teeny weeny penis please answer the question as to whether you would feel insecure if your partner wanted to watch porn with guys with big cocks? I've just searched "tiny penis" on Dear Cupid and the guys on there seemed furious ... (read in full...)
My husband can't stay hard unless I'm talking dirty to him.
Q. My husband can't stay hard unless I'm talking dirty to him. I'm tired of it. Sometimes if i stop talking he goes soft and just stop its over. He wants me to make it dirtier and i can't. Can you suggest something to help us?...
A. 15 November 2012: Oh yes, porn is the problem. Watching it with him makes no difference at all - he needs the variety he has got from porn to keep his pecker up. Get him to lay off porn for a while and you should see an improvement. If not, see if there is a ... (read in full...)
I don't understand the big deal about men watching porn.
Q. this is a genuine honest question that i can't seem to understand. I've seen many questions on here about girls who are unhappy that their boyfriends watch porn. Thing is, I don't ask my boyfriend if he does because I assume he does for his own ...
A. 15 November 2012: Perhaps it is to do with pair bonding. If a man is seeking out other images and looking elsewhere for his sexual satisfaction, then that is not good for the relationship. I remember years ago seeing a picture of a lioness attacking a lion... (read in full...)
What does she have that I haven't???
Q. My ex husband left me for this younger girl he fell in love with. the girl is twenty three and he is thirty four. well he was a womanizer but was very rich, money maker at the job, very successful and very well known but his job had him out of home ...
A. 6 November 2012: It sounds like you rolled over and did whatever he wanted, without any thought for yourself. I personally think that is an unattractive quality. She stands up to him by the sound of it and he clearly likes it.... (read in full...)
The destructive effects of porn?
Q. I have a partner who watches porn and looks at pictures of naked women. I couldn't understand this so I gave it a go myself. Problem is I think I prefer the porn, I don't want to make a habit of it as morally and for my own reasons I don't ...
A. 4 November 2012: Yes, it is the porn and I had this same scenario with my partner which played out years ago. When I used porn, as my partner had been using it and it was my way of trying to understand what was going on (if you can't beat them, join them); yes, my ... (read in full...)
So much porn on boyfriend's computer has really grossed me out
Q. Ok so I've had issues with my boyfriend and porn from the gate im insecure and hes bot very understanding of that but whatever just some history for ya .... Anyway I went to his pad to do some work for my college courses i'm in and ( we have bee...
A. 2 November 2012: Those feelings of "ick" are not going to go away. I think you two need to separate. Believe me, you will feel a lot happier once you have done this. I think someone highlighted the age gap too - oh yes, that would be a red flag to me. So, you ... (read in full...)
Has he lost the hots for me? How can I bring back that spark?
Q. My fiance and I have been together for a couple years. We used to have sex once or twice a day, but over the last month, he's wanted to have sex a couple times a week, tops. He's not nearly as affectionate with me either. Otherwise, our relationship ...
A. 11 October 2012: "I have noticed he looks at porn more" - there is your answer. Get him to stop and he might be more inclined to have sex with a real life woman. His porn use is taking him away from you. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women, so does this mean he has a thing for my pregnant 19 year old daughter?
Q. Agony Aunts I need help please!!!! I just recently found porn on my boyfriends phone. I was looking for a pic I had emailed him of a rare protected snake so it coulr be forward to the DNR. The porn was in the downloads with the picture he downl...
A. 11 October 2012: This is the problem with guys who watch porn in general. They can turn an everyday situation into a porn fest because they have become sick in the head, in my opinion. Oh, and you are watching it too. Shovel shit into your mind and hey, gues... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient?
Q. My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. We have been together for a year. I love her a lot and want to stay with her despite tough times ahead. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient? I want her to feel...
A. 9 September 2012: Do you know what treatment she will be having? If she's having chemotherapy then she will most likely feel terrible, dependent upon the strength and type of chemo. She may not want to eat much, if her mouth becomes sore. I was diagnosed with ... (read in full...)
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