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... Send *JH a private message | | | *JH's profile:Im a 43 year old guy from the UK. I`ve worked as a professional Agony Uncle for the last four years and joined Cupid for a variety of reasons - not least to "keep my hand in" whilst I hunt around for a new contract as the old one finished recently!
I`ve lived a fair bit and have four grown up children as well as two grand children!
As well as my work in print, I worked on air on national and local radio with Jeremy Kyle on his "Confessions" show before ITV came along and snapped him up. I now present a similar show on Vectis Radio on The Isle of Wight and love every minute of it! Peoples lives and problems have always fascinated me.
I can`t pretend to have all the answers but I have extensive experience in many of the key areas in life. What qualifies me to answer peoples problems? Nothing more than the fact the questions have been asked in the first place!
I welcome any feedback on the answers I give as any problem can have a variety of solutions! In particular, I`d love to hear from people who have resolved their issues as a result of this site!
Currently stubbornly struggling like mad with an iPad which seems to have a mind of it's own and a predictive text system which is unpredictable! Excuse the typos! |
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She's the girl of my dreams -- how to proceed?
Q. What happens now? I'm pretty sure I have met the girl of my dreams. It's taken me a while to find her, and I am extremely happy with how things have been going so far. Spending time with her is amazing, we cuddle and talk and we have made...
A. 21 January 2011: Stop trying to categorise this relationship and start enjoying it more. If you focus too hard on what you need to do, you're going to drive the girl nuts. Take things a day at a time and hope this develops into what you want. If it does, fantast... (read in full...)
How to do like yourself more?
Q. I've always felt like a bit of an oddball. At school i used to be the one sat to the side, not talking much- not that i didn't want to, but the things i said either sounded really pointless or i would mentally kick myself for attempting to join the ...
A. 21 January 2011: For starters, you need to stop looking around at everybody else and thinking "they're normal" - after all, what's normal? You want to be like one of the crowd and throw away your individuality? That's what makes you unique - regardless of wh... (read in full...)
Should I risk a possible awkward situation and tell her how I feel? What if she doesn't reciprocate??
Q. Ive suddenly fallen for this girl i know, our families are very close and are always visiting each other, she has just recently come back from up north were she has been working, she is back for a few months we have been hanging out quite alot ...
A. 18 January 2011: You need to get this out of your system either way. My own personal view on this sort of thing is that the feelings you have are pointless unless you actually make them known. Worst case scenario is that she knocks you back but even that comes ... (read in full...)
He just says he doesn't mean to hurt me and doesn't know why he does it, but thats not enough for me. Should I give him another chance?
Q. Hi, about 8 months ago I found out that my boyfriend of 3 yrs has been txting dirty messages to at least 3 girls, one of which I know. I found this out just after we had purchased a house together, so decided to forgive him and try and move on. He ...
A. 15 January 2011: Once the trust has gone, everything else seems to crumble away.
The guy is on dating sites and chatting to other women, this isnt about him hurting you, its about him having no morals or respect for you.
In short, you do need to end this and ... (read in full...)
Complicated break up, I still want to be with her!
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, were both 19. we had a rocky relationship, we had fun and commitment, after she lied to me (not cheating), we did fight a lot. The last time i saw her (5 days after break up) she told me she doesn't love me ...
A. 15 January 2011: Stop clinging to the idea its going to happen again. I cant tell you for sure that it wont but I do know that hanging around wasting time waiting for it will do nothing but hurt you. Very few people find "the one" straight away and you need to ... (read in full...)
I'm planning to tell him I like him on the last day of college!
Q. Hey. So I have liked this guy for almost three years now. We're really good friends now and that makes me feel happy. College is about to end and I haven't for once hinted that I like him. I mean, even if I have, it wasn't that prominent be...
A. 15 January 2011: Yeah, just let it be. Dont bother telling him about your feelings after all, life is endless and time will wait for you - ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!! Of course I understand your fears, probably everybody reading this now understands your fears - they are... (read in full...)
What do you think she wants?
Q. She even tells me she doesn't know. But maybe you guys can give me an idea? She broke up with me a couple months ago because she decided she needed space, couldn't deal with the distance (we're long-distance), and wasn't ready for a commitment. I ...
A. 15 January 2011: Save yourself some tears and regain your self respect. Walk away, take the pain and start again - with somebody more worthy of the love you have to give. Only she can give you the truth about whats been going on but, for what its worth? My view i... (read in full...)
I love her but I'm afraid we're at a dead end
Q. Weve been dating/going out for about a year and a half now, at the start, it was great, now there is no spark between us. A few weeks ago she said im not as happy as i was when we first started going out (in general) Yet i dont feel like i have ...
A. 7 January 2011: You've seemingly answered your own question haven't you? In your owns words....this is a dead end relationship. It's hard to let go though isn't it?
I think you'd be very wise to continue to refuse to put a ring on her finger as the timing j... (read in full...)
Everything was going so perfect, why did he do this?
Q. hey agony aunts. ok so ill get straight to the point. i broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, i was with him for 9 months, he was my first serious boyfriend. he wasnt right for me, i knew it and so did everyone else, he constantly questioned ...
A. 5 January 2011: You could look at life that way and play it safe, build some walls around yourself but it wouldn't be much fun would it?
Things, even seemingly matches made in heaven, can and do go wrong. The only positive in that is that you learn more about yo... (read in full...)
BF suddenly claims that he's commitment phobic! Where does that leave me?
Q. I am a 24 year old woman and dating a 26 year old guy we have been together for a year now .suddenly he starterd acting up for me like not taking my calls and stoped me from coming to his place he said he has commitment phobia and says he doesn't ...
A. 30 December 2010: It's impossible to say what's happening with him, what you need to focus on is what you want and how to get it.
I know it's been a year and you obviously don't want to walk away from the relationship but consider what the alternative is, staying ... (read in full...)
He treated me like a queen, but I wasn't ready. He said no contact, but I want him back
Q. So, here is the situation. A couple years ago, I went out with a guy who pretty much used me for my money. That relationship lasted nine months. It took me awhile to get over it, but when I finally did, I met someone else, and he was amazing to ...
A. 26 December 2010: As you've found, things change and, given the benefit of hindsight, we realise that perhaps we made mistakes in the past.
Despite the no contact agreement, it's certainly worth writing your thoughts and feelings down in an email to this guy to s... (read in full...)
My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. How do I forgive him?
Q. My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. I just found about it 2 months ago. He paid her $200.00 for sex in a motel room. (Isn't that protitution?) I also found recepits where he bought her jewelry three different times. ...
A. 23 December 2010: If he's paid one girl for sex I'd say it's likely he's been paying for years - the fact he got caught this time forced him to be "honest". Sweetheart, you can't ever trust this man again and it's clear he has no respect for you or your family. ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for him to call?
Q. Just wondering what men think..... I met a guy for dinner that I met online... we hit is off great. Had a great time. Met for a second date... it was hot. Did some making out... I did not do it with him. Told him I dont do one night stands. He...
A. 23 December 2010: Who knows what he wants? Why not work on what you want and put it to him?
Sounds like it's all gone swimmingly but now stalled so take the bull by the horns and ask him on a third date!
What have you got to lose?
... (read in full...)
He's scared to say "I love you", what should I do?
Q. I have been dating a man (we are both in our 40's) for almost a year and a half now. We have a great time together, talk, laugh, awesome sex, great friends, etc. I love him and I've known that for a long time, however, I waited and waited for him to ...
A. 22 December 2010: Love is so much more than a word. All of the things you describe, great sex great laughs etc - quite a list of plus points - don't they, somewhere, somehow add up to the fact that this guys loves you just as much as you love him. It's why he's sp... (read in full...)
She's totally ignoring the fact that I sent her three messages!
Q. I'd like some advice please regarding a potential new relationship. A new girl started at work a few months ago. We get on really well, and have been getting to know each other. I recently suggested going out and we arranged it for the day afte...
A. 21 December 2010: The text route obciousl hasn't worked so why not try the old fashioned approach and speak to her face to face at work?
You could be right that she didn't get your texts or notice them before so forget that for the time being and start again.
... (read in full...)
Ideas please on How to take our holiday romance to next level?
Q. I went on a group tour to italy as a single traveler. Anyways, on the tour I met a cute woman who is also a single traveler. During the free time when most of the people go with their partner or travel companion I have went around with this woman. ...
A. 21 December 2010: Sex sex sex sex!!!! My god it's not the only thing to do with a woman you know!
What about forgetting the fact that you're desperate to get in her pants and just enjoy the time together? If it's going to happen it will happen in it's own good tim... (read in full...)
I just wanna be normal like every other teenager...
Q. Hello, This is quite personal but i have never been fingered before but i think my boyfriend wants my first to be with him. I do finger myself sometimes because i want to get used to it. When i do i have found this small selection of lumps ri...
A. 21 December 2010: The Internet is an amazing resource for all kinds of things but when it comes to self diagnosis it's just about the worst place to look for answers.
The nurse who examined you will know exactly what she's talking about and you really should t... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to be thinking of going with him?
Q. Hello:) Me and my bf have been going out for three months and we said that we love each other. We have been said that this is the best relationship that wev ever had. however. i am in my 2nd yr of uni and he is in his 4th ... after his fifth ye...
A. 21 December 2010: You have a year to think about this properly - no disrespect here, three months isn't a long time despite the fact that you are sure about him right now, six months could change that.
Give it's some more time before having these conversa... (read in full...)
This lad is a whole new world!
Q. Hey:) Well I split up from my boyfriend in August, but after a couple of weeks we were flirting and stuff again. 9 days ago we agreed to go out together as he claimed he had changed so I thought you only live once... why not. So we met up on the...
A. 21 December 2010: You say you grew up with him, from where I'm sitting, I'd say it was just you that grew up sweetheart. Don't hang around to be treated like dirt, no matter what he feels for you, he seems incapable of treating you with respect which is a huge deal ... (read in full...)
How can I become friends with her for the right reasons??
Q. Hi, so basically I've been in love with this guy that is my ex-bestfriends older brother! When her and I were bestfriends this other girl said stuff about her that wasnt true (which she happens to tell me now) and I got mad at that ex bestfriend an...
A. 21 December 2010: Honesty is the best policy. Contact this ex friend, tell her about your feelings for her brother and tell her you want to be friend again swell! It wouldn't look good if you hid the thing with her brother and she discovered it at a later date would ... (read in full...)
I want to move on from cheating boyfriend but we have kids!
Q. I feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me and i can not take it any more because he always on his phone not working at this time having nasty pics of other girls on his contact list and he really don't wanna have sex with me anymore saying " if i ...
A. 21 December 2010: There are always two sides to every story but going by what you're saying here, the man sounds like a complete waste of space.
Staying together for the sake of the children is about the wort thing you could do. No matter how young they are, the... (read in full...)
In love with a married man, how do I say 'no' when my heart says yes?
Q. Okay, here is the deal. I am in college, but right now I am on winter break. My sister, still in high school, and I went to go watch her boyfriend in a school performance. The teacher I used to have a crush on was there. I gave up on anything ...
A. 21 December 2010: Listen, there are some lines you just shouldn't cross.
Physical attraction is fine, harmless even - but this guy is married! Be honest with yourself and think about what you would get out of a relationship with him? It would be nothing more tha... (read in full...)
What is the mindset of a man who makes obscene phone calls to women?
Q. I logged on to one of the secret confessions websites and I read the confession of a guy who, years ago made obscene phone calls to women and teenage girls. Even though he didn't give out his name or hometown, I think I know who he is and that I was ...
A. 21 December 2010: Impossible to say what goes on inside peoples head a really. I wouldn't condone what this guy did but then again I can't condone or understand a lot of things some guys (and girl) do to their their kicks.
I only hope, whoever he is, he realises... (read in full...)
I was his rebound and two years later still think about him... how do I move on?
Q. Sorry if this is long but I need some help. About 2 years ago I met a guy who I fell really hard for. He was so different to anyone I'd ever met before and he made me feel like I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He's in the military ...
A. 21 December 2010: This first guy may not have known he was using you. As you say, he'd been dumped on from a great height by his ex so he was desperate to find somebody he could give his love and affection to in place of his gf of 6 years. It's quite possible that ... (read in full...)
I kissed a girl on my course, both in relationships, do I approach the subject?
Q. It was our christmas party at University last night and we all out for drinks afterwards. I ended up spending most of the night hanging out with a girl I get on with on the course. We where both drunk and things where a bit flirtatious between us ...
A. 20 December 2010: It was a drunken fumble just forget it ever happened and carry on as usual.
Christmas parties are notorious for this sort of thing!
I'm not saying it's right but it's just a mistake - no big deal.... (read in full...)
Why would she say she loves me and then walk off with another guy?
Q. i dated a girl for about a 1 1/2 years, then for the next year it was like we were dating but without the title. She recently has broken up with her bf of 10 months in october. We started talking and hanging out over thanksgiving. She goes to school ...
A. 20 December 2010: I think she's shown you the definition of scatterbrained by flaunting this other guy right under your nose.
Maybe she does feel she loves you, you say you were her first, perhaps she always will love you in some ways. I know it's hard to take but... (read in full...)
He's married, but I want him back. What should I do?
Q. i had been in affair with married man for 7 months. i knew having sex with married man is no good. but he was a good looking 47 years man and he has a nice body. first, he drove me home after work and he was saying he had cheated his wife befo...
A. 20 December 2010: Have you any idea how shallow you sound?
He has a great body and gives you great sex BUT he has a wife!!!! This guys is a cheating rat and does deserve to get caught every time but you, sweetheart, deserve to have your boyfriend cheat on you - ju... (read in full...)
I love him, but I don't feel sparks
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Our relationship is amazing in so many ways. We have a very stong emotional connection and laugh alot together. We still have a good sex life and I love cuddling him. However, something that has often ...
A. 20 December 2010: Each relationship has it's own plus/minus points - that spark you talk abut can come and go and then come back again also.
In this case, it sounds like you're with a guy who suits you down to the ground - the laughter, the great sex and everythi... (read in full...)
He forgets to call, should I be worried?
Q. I have been in a relationship for two years and a half and recently every time my bf goes on trips for a couple of days he forgets to call. We live together. I am worried he doesn`t miss me or love me for that matter. What is it???...
A. 19 December 2010: Ask him? Maybe he feels comfortable enough and secure enough in the relationship not to call. Regardless of that though, if it upsets you, you need to tell him.... (read in full...)
First she's available, then not, rejected me, now she's jealous. Is it just me?
Q. ok there's this girl i've been friends with for 2 years. i was at the pub with her and sort of started having feelings for her. So i invited her over for dinner and cooked her a meal to die for. I really wanted to impress her so i pulled out all ...
A. 19 December 2010: Members of both sexes can be fickle and change their minds or intentions in a split second. You can question it till the cows come home and never get the right answer.
No disrespect but are you sure you're just not reading her correctly? She said... (read in full...)
Is it really wrong to be in love with my best friend's ex?
Q. I am 27 year old female and I am in love with my best friends ex boyfriend. They had only been with each other for a year or less. My friend is very mean to him all the time and says if she stayed with him she would continue to cheat consistently on ...
A. 19 December 2010: Yes you are answering your own question BUT make sure your feelings for this guy are not affecting your judgement.... (read in full...)
Flatulence from my privates? At any time. I think this is so weird. Am I normal?
Q. So I read a few things on here how girls sometime "fart" from their vaginas. It's not really farting it's like the air thing people have said. So I tested to see if I have it, and I do. I was laying on my back and lifted my legs up closer to my ...
A. 18 December 2010: It's perfectly normal stop worrying.... (read in full...)
Stuck in between 2 flatmates that have fallen out with one another
Q. I'm really stuck my two flatmates have fallen out and although they say I don't have to choose it is pretty much implied. Sarah went to stay at her boyfriend's this week and says she will move out if Becky stays. If I'm 100% honest I know who I'd ...
A. 18 December 2010: Excusde teh pun but this Christmas break really is a godsend isnt it?
Its very unfair of either of them to pressure you either directly or indirectly. You seem to be doing a great job of remaining neutral so far and the best advice I can give you... (read in full...)
Is it really wrong to be in love with my best friend's ex?
Q. I am 27 year old female and I am in love with my best friends ex boyfriend. They had only been with each other for a year or less. My friend is very mean to him all the time and says if she stayed with him she would continue to cheat consistently on ...
A. 18 December 2010: If you value your friendship, as a mark of respect at the very least you should talk to your friend and tell her you've developed feeling for her ex.
Where you go from there depends on how she takes this news. Sadly, a lot of people tend to try t... (read in full...)
What's got into my wife? She says infidelity will enhance our relationship.
Q. My wife and I have been married for 17 years. She has never had sex with anyone other than me. She told me just two days ago that our sex life was great but that she wanted to experience sex with another man and also said she wanted me to be with ...
A. 18 December 2010: For some couples it works, for others it doesnt. You could probably find dozens of people who will tell you it was great and their sex lives have improved as a result of bringing a third party either as part of a threesome or on a one on one ... (read in full...)
She's fallen for me but I'm gay!
Q. hi :) i have a problem thats all my fault and i dont no what to do about it. it started when i realised i was gay i came out to my close friends but i then found out that one of them liked me (shes female). i decided that i might not be gay so im ...
A. 18 December 2010: First of all, you can't hold yourself responsible for your friends weakness. You've done the right thing, you've told her you're gay before if I understand you correctly?
The key to solving this problem is to be sensitive but firm about your fee... (read in full...)
I'm ruining everything and I feel powerless to stop what I'm doing. Help please.
Q. hi, I am so confused and don't know what to do. I've fallen in love with this guy and sometimes i feel like I shouldn't talk to him. That I might do too much, I may annoy him or disturb him. I think he may think the same way. The problem now is that ...
A. 18 December 2010: Keep talking - or try to - be honest with him and hopefully he will afford you the same in return.
It's all too easy to clam up and worry, just as you seem to be doing right now. The conversation then becomes stilted and it ends up being a viciou... (read in full...)
How to make a good first impression on a guy?
Q. I'm gonna meet him. He's my mom's business partner's son. He is a teenager. So how to make good first impression on him?...
A. 18 December 2010: A good starting point is to be yourself. Regardless of whether you have a romantic or purely platonic interest, there's nothing worse than meeting somebody and trying to be somebody you're not!
Of course, be polite, make an effort with your app... (read in full...)
Being confident and making better conversation?
Q. So I've got this issue, I'm quite confident yet very very shy at the same time and I'm have a lot of trouble sociailizing on a one on one basis and with people I feel are better than me, like more popular or older because I feel that they'll judge ...
A. 18 December 2010: You are being judged all the time, we all are - it's just plain old human nature. There's nothing you can do to change that - some will have a balanced opinion of you whereas others may have their judgement clouded by their own emotion, jealousy or ... (read in full...)
Is he wanting to remain friends or try again?
Q. Please take the time to read this as you need the full details to understand. thanks for any advice in advance x :) x It started about 6 months ago when a guy (Ethan who was 17 and a virgin) approached me on holiday, we got to know each-other ...
A. 18 December 2010: It seems to mean that Ethan likes you?
If youre worried about a repeat of what happened before, why not insist on just being friends and getting to know each other even than before?
Sex isnt the be all and end all of a relationship, no... (read in full...)
I'm super attracted to this guy, but will he feel less of me for my 'enthusiasm' on our second date?
Q. I had sex with a guy on basically the second date ... Something I never do but I was just super attracted to him. I'm a little worried he'll judge me for it but I hope not, What's done is done anyways. How do I read his body language? After ...
A. 18 December 2010: Hey everybody is different. Whether I make love on the first or hundredth date, I dont think it means I see the lady differently.
You had a good time and so did he, enjoy that and try not to over analyse the who situation.
Others may di... (read in full...)
Everything was going so perfect, why did he do this?
Q. hey agony aunts. ok so ill get straight to the point. i broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, i was with him for 9 months, he was my first serious boyfriend. he wasnt right for me, i knew it and so did everyone else, he constantly questioned ...
A. 14 December 2010: Youre blaming yourself for something that clearly isnt your fault - stop it!! Stop questioning your worth, it will just drive you absolutely bonkers, trust me. You guys did have a whirlwind thing and now, despite the depth of your feelings, it see... (read in full...)
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