A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello:)Me and my bf have been going out for three months and we said that we love each other. We have been said that this is the best relationship that wev ever had. however. i am in my 2nd yr of uni and he is in his 4th ... after his fifth year he hopes to get a good job in a different country. He said if he had to move their forever he would have to end things as he isnt selfish with keeping it goin etc But iv been thinking alot lately and he knows that i also want out of scotland once i graduate... is it too soon to be thinki g of goin with him? shiuld i suggest this? i mean,it isnt for a a yearanf a bit yet but he wouldnt be selfish carryin it on if i were the one saying that i want to go with him, simply cause i lovd him and i cant imagine not knowing him x Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): It's very early days. Just get to know him and then see what happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Seriously just enjoy what you have now and go with the flow.
What you're proposing is tying him down by making big sweeping long term plans. That would freak some guys out, no matter how much they love you the idea of making a life long commitment like that after 3 months is enough to make any guy feel trapped. Especially seeing as he already said he'd have to end it then. Give it another year and see if you feel the same way.
First build a relationship with him, it's only been 3 months you barely know each other yet. You probably haven't even lived with each other. You have no idea what will happen.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): 3 months? I've had flings last longer than that.
It is way too soon to be thinking 1 and 1/2 years ahead don't you think? You can't imagine not knowing him now, but a lot can happen in that time.
Why are you so concerned about the future anyway? Is now not good enough for you?
I agree with Abella, one of the best ways to lose someone is to become overbearing and start talking about moving away together to spend the rest of your lives together after 3 months. You might aswell tell him you've picked out your wedding dress and the name of the kids you're going to have together.
Relax and enjoy yourself, try not to get too caught up in your love for him, it's all well and good to feel that way but it's impractical to even think like that and you might just freak him out.
Focus on your own education for the moment and if that idea you have for moving with him means not completing your education then that's even more reason you shouldn't bring it up. Because talking about such huge life changes and rest of your life commitment after three months is too much. Try not to get carried away, you're too young to be making ridiculous life plans with a guy you're only with 3 months and plans that won't even matter for another year or two.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 It is not too soon for you and he to be thinking of joining each other permanently together. Could you complete your degree in the country your partner intends to shift to. However one word of caution: on the one hand your partner, like me, could be thinking first about your studies. He too may not like to think that you will not complete your degree because of him. BUT, he may have another agenda. What if he does not want to get into a LDR with you? Knowing that in most cases a LDR ends in
tears. Perhaps your bf sees the end of his studies as an opportunity to end this relationship, so that he can start playing the field for a few years, before he is ready to settle down? Talk to your bf.. Ask him , what are his intentions? Try to stay
calm. He may genuinely love you, and feel his honesty is the right way to go, because he is just not ready for a permanent lifelong commitment to you, at this time. And so seeks to end the
relationship on a (to him) high note. Sometimes guys just do not realise their partner is much more committed to
them, than they are to her.
...............................
A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You have a year to think about this properly - no disrespect here, three months isn't a long time despite the fact that you are sure about him right now, six months could change that.
Give it's some more time before having these conversations just take it easy, one step at a time. Of course the thought of losing him is scary, I do understand that but making a decision based on that at such an early stage isn't a gret idea.
Theres no rush is there?
...............................
|
