A
female
age
36-40,
*eelingsrsostrong
writes:I am 27 year old female and I am in love with my best friends ex boyfriend. They had only been with each other for a year or less. My friend is very mean to him all the time and says if she stayed with him she would continue to cheat consistently on him. She says she hates for him to touch and kiss her he grosses her out! He is really good to her she kicks,hits and punches him and always says nasty mean things to him. When she met him he was a virgin and since she wasn’t she made fun of him and talked about him bad because he didn’t have any experience. He is 26 in school and has a job and he is always nice to me and we have good conversation and he is really good with my son he plays with him and takes him places. Every chance he gets he touches me in these little flirty ways and if were together he will hold my hand. I don’t know I think he is a really great man and I Love him! Should I tell him how I feel?
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female
reader, JGSM  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Sorry I still think it is wrong.. and I would never trust someone who think it is right... because I would never do that to my friend. Treat people how you would like to be treated. When I was little, Yes it is a bit different when children are involved but anyways - my mom had a friend who she always could talk to about everything. They often talked about how mean my dad was to my mom when they were together. My mom told her friend about everything she and my dad had been through. And that friend was supportive and gave advice like a friend does. And later that so called friend met my dad at a Christmas party in our house. They hooked up and started dating. Our whole world collapsed. How in the world can you say that dating your friends X is right? I dont think it is... I would never even want to date someone my friends have only slept with. It's theirs... people who are part of their lives. I have no business trying with their leftovers. Even though I would fall in love. Because I actually did that once... (My best friends boyfriend) We can not decide over our feeling... because it is what nature causes. But we can decide what to do about it. Who you want to be. What path you want to follow to succeed best in life. What kind of friend do you want to be? It doesn't matter if they were together one month, five moths or two years - Like I said if they only had sex once - I would never even try with that guy. Every situation can be handled differently, and if you two aren't so close.. because now it sounded like you did not wanted to be friends with that person anymore. Well ... you should know.. if you do this - you'll never be friends again. Not as you have been.. ever!It is your choice... you do what you want to do. But friends does not do that. Its always the best to stay away.
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Yes you are answering your own question BUT make sure your feelings for this guy are not affecting your judgement.
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A
female
reader, feelingsrsostrong +, writes (18 December 2010):
feelingsrsostrong is verified as being by the original poster of the question I agree that I should ask her before pursuing anything with him if I ever do at all. I just know that I do have feelings for him and there is nothing that I can do about it I did not choose it just happened. I think I am a very truthful person and I do not over exaggerate how she treats him it is true. I just want to tell him that he is better than that and there are other women out there that will respect him and love him like he deserves to be loved, and it does not necessarily have to be me. I have even thought about not being friends with her because of how she has been acting lately I just hate it she acts just spoiled and rude to not just him but other people. I don’t know I think in so many ways I am answering my own questions and doubts.
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A
female
reader, JGSM +, writes (18 December 2010):
Sorry.. I would never ever even though I loved that guy EVER touch him sins he is my best friends ex. Thats forbidden and a true friend would never go down that road. There are so many fish in the sea and your friends leftovers are not what you should go after. And sins you ask this question - it means that you already know the answer.
Even if you do ask your friend - you put her in such a hard situation. Because she cant say "Stay away from him" Because she does not own him. But morally you should stay away from him. And even if she would say that is is ok - Its not!
So decide - Men come and go - but true friends stay forever.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (18 December 2010):
If you value your friendship, as a mark of respect at the very least you should talk to your friend and tell her you've developed feeling for her ex.
Where you go from there depends on how she takes this news. Sadly, a lot of people tend to try to reel an ex back in when they find he or she is becoming involved with somebody new. In this case it's doubly difficult because of the friendship you have.
Having said all of that, if you've found happiness with this man, I think you should stand by your feelings for him.
As ever, talking things through is the way to go. Approach your friend firs and tell her the situation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 December 2010):
 I would talk to your best friend first and ask her if she would be okay with you dating her ex. A lot of factors could be at play here. Did they just break up? Is it possible that she's putting him down constantly because she's not yet over him? How did they break up?
Keep in mind that best friends are once in a lifetime, and dating a guy who used to date your best friend is touchy and requires lots of communication with your best friend. If he cheated on her or hurt her, she's looking to you for support. We all need friends in our lives who have our backs.
So have the talk with your best friend and make sure she's more than oksy with you dating the guy.
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A
female
reader, feelingsrsostrong +, writes (18 December 2010):
feelingsrsostrong is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talk to my friend very openly about evrything and am going off what she tells me and what I see with my own eyes with them.I don't think he is a perfect person, but she is just very inconsiderate about alot of things I am not the first person to think or say so. He flirts with me right in front of her he doesn't hide it. I think because she is his first serious gf that he might like the way she treats him. And you are right there is no telling what goes on behind closed doors.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (18 December 2010):
 You paint a mean picture of the situation he has with your best friend. He may like her being like that with him. I'm a bit worried that he is flirting with you now and your friend doesnt know about that. What is it he wants. I suppose you could always ask your friend what she really thinks of him, then that would be your answer, you would be able to take it from there. No one knows really what goes on behind 'closed' doors.
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