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I love him, but I don't feel sparks

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Question - (19 December 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Our relationship is amazing in so many ways. We have a very stong emotional connection and laugh alot together. We still have a good sex life and I love cuddling him. However, something that has often bothered me and I have been thinking about alot over the last week is the fact that when we kiss I rarely feel things like butterflies or my heart racing. I have only ever felt this with one guy who I knew before I met my current boyfriend. Sometimes I think about this guy now and long to feel a kiss like his again. I do not feel like this or think about this often but every now and again. I love my boyfriend and I doubt I will ever meet anyone as caring or emotionally compatible with me as him but I also wonder if I will want to stay with him for the rest of my life when I do not feel sparks when we kiss.

Any advice is appriciated. p.s. I am 23.



View related questions: sex life, spark

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A male reader, CJH United Kingdom +, writes (20 December 2010):

CJH agony auntEach relationship has it's own plus/minus points - that spark you talk abut can come and go and then come back again also.

In this case, it sounds like you're with a guy who suits you down to the ground - the laughter, the great sex and everything else you describe really isn't that easy to find.

I'm not telling you to put up with second best here - I'm just saying that the positives seem to outweigh the negatives by miles.

Why try to pick apart something that's good on so many levels? So he doesn't kiss as nicely as one of your exes.....I wouldn't mind betting he does a shed load of others things better than them!

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A female reader, crescendoll United States +, writes (20 December 2010):


You have to ask yourself, is looking for another guy worth losing the one you have now?

Another is when you have sex, is it making love? Is there spark there? Usually as a relationship goes on, just kissing doesn't give you the same kind of high as it did when you first started dating. Especially if you're having sex now because it brought everything to new, more exciting level.

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