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... Send *JH a private message | | | *JH's profile:Im a 43 year old guy from the UK. I`ve worked as a professional Agony Uncle for the last four years and joined Cupid for a variety of reasons - not least to "keep my hand in" whilst I hunt around for a new contract as the old one finished recently!
I`ve lived a fair bit and have four grown up children as well as two grand children!
As well as my work in print, I worked on air on national and local radio with Jeremy Kyle on his "Confessions" show before ITV came along and snapped him up. I now present a similar show on Vectis Radio on The Isle of Wight and love every minute of it! Peoples lives and problems have always fascinated me.
I can`t pretend to have all the answers but I have extensive experience in many of the key areas in life. What qualifies me to answer peoples problems? Nothing more than the fact the questions have been asked in the first place!
I welcome any feedback on the answers I give as any problem can have a variety of solutions! In particular, I`d love to hear from people who have resolved their issues as a result of this site!
Currently stubbornly struggling like mad with an iPad which seems to have a mind of it's own and a predictive text system which is unpredictable! Excuse the typos! |
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I just want to stay friends!
Q. my close friend is ver sexy and I think that she is trying to seducing me . she has big boobs and when we are alone (studying...) she always try to show me her boobs by bending over without reasons or wearing low cut clothes(sometimes I see her ...
A. 25 January 2011: Its your choice who you date and who you keep as a friend.
People can often mistake genuine friendship for something else and it looks like this friend of yours is doing exactly that just now.
You can either do nothing and hope that she gets ov... (read in full...)
In love with my straight friend, could we ever happen?
Q. Hi I am a gay man in love with my straight friend. I have always denied it to anyone because, We are both in relationships and never strayed but we are always flirting even his missus jokes about it. Nothing has ever happened between us but ...
A. 25 January 2011: I cant see anything in those texts that suggest he is anything other than a great friend to you?
Having a crush, even loving somebody is fine but rules are rules! Here you have to very clear "rules"
1 = He has a girlfriend
2 = He`s straig... (read in full...)
Every time I leave I end up coming back!
Q. I want to leave a bad relationship w a man I love dearly we have a 4 month old daughter how can I go thru with this? Everytime I leave I end up coming back...
A. 24 January 2011: If you cant do this for yourself, do it for your daughter. Children pick up on things far more than we think. Shes going through the misery with you each and every time. Be strong, tell yourself you and your child deserve a better life and ... (read in full...)
I don't want to treat my girlfriend in the manner that I do
Q. Here it goes. Tonight I pretty much figured out something I would consider it a small, but on-going problem that I need to correct for the simple fact that I dont want to treat my girlfriend in the manner I do. Background info: I am 24 years old, ...
A. 24 January 2011: You need to learn to bite your tongue - thats all there is to it really. From what youve said, its obviously difficult for you to maintain this relationship but the light at the end of the tunnel is the fact that in six months things will be d... (read in full...)
Is regular masturbation healthy?
Q. Is regular masturbation for a guy of age 19-20 is good?healthy?and will in future this will affect my sex life? i heard something like premature ejaculation occurs...same time i also heard this will improve my sex performance as i know my body mor...
A. 24 January 2011: Masturbate as little or as often as you like - it does you no harm whatsoever. There is a general consenus in the medical profession that masturbation acually clears out old sperm which is then replenished with a fresh, healthy batch - ready fo... (read in full...)
I feel I'm married to the wrong person!
Q. I am 36 and been married for more than 2 years. I feel I married the wrong person. From marriage day she just started being rude to me. As if she thinks she has finally trapped me and therefore can do whatever she likes. She wants to live lavishly ...
A. 24 January 2011: Its not a marriage at all is it? Its more like some kind of punishment. Dont kid yourself about your daughter - she will be feeling the bad vibes and experiencing the misery in your marriage in her own sweet way - its not fair on her. Saying ... (read in full...)
I think girlfriend likes to make me jealous
Q. ok need to straighten thoughts in my head,my girlfriend of 3 years is and allways has been quite open but more so in last 6 or so months mainly in the fact that she seems to like telling me about guys that fancy her and want her etc,nothing has ...
A. 24 January 2011: It really doesnt matter why it bothers you, the fact is it does and she needs to understand that.
Sit her down and explain that it really does upset you. Ask her how she would feel if you told her in grim detail about every offer you get from pre... (read in full...)
How do I act around this guy that I've liked for a long time?
Q. I’m a senior in high school. I have a class for the first time with a guy I’ve liked for a really long time. We’ve been out of touch for a little while now, but we use to text each other all the time. What should I do? Should I sit next to him or ...
A. 24 January 2011: How about just being yourself and showing him your true personality rather than pretending to be something or somebody youre not?
I know its all pretty scary but honestly, right now? Youre worrying way too much. Meeting somebody and getting ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to catch up to me and the way I feel?
Q. Dear Cupid: I've met a man recently. We're both in our early 50's. We have much in common, we have much of the same likes and dislikes, however we still remain individual. I have fallen head over heals with him. I have all but told him this and I ...
A. 24 January 2011: If your feelings are real of course he`s worth waiting for!
Nobody can promise you anything but you say you think and feel its going to go the way you want it so calm down man! Enjoy the emotions youre experiencing and enjoy the relation... (read in full...)
Trying to rebuild our relationship, should I tell him about the one night stands
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago. We had been dating for almost 5 years. At first, we didn't really talk much after the break up, and when we did it was usually just small talk. But recently we began talking again. About our ...
A. 24 January 2011: I think it would be a really bad idea to lie to him - especially as you know he already has trust issues from your previous relationship together.
You can probably minimise the impact by just saying you had a couple of one night stands and not ... (read in full...)
Should my wife be very close and open to male friends more than women?
Q. My wife is very friendly and open to male friends than women friends. She says she is more confortable with men than women. She almost talk about anything(culture, love eperiance, sexual things, men vs women behaviour etc) with her male friends may ...
A. 24 January 2011: I think you need to allow your wife her freedom and respect what she wants.
From what you say, its clear the realtionship is perfect for both of you so dont try to change her.
It is entirely possible for women to have male friends and vice... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about burning during sex?
Q. It kind of hurt while i was having sex with my boyfriend and after a while it even started to feel like i had been torn. After we stopped when I went to use the restroom it burned a little bit. Should this be something to worry or go to the doc ...
A. 24 January 2011: See your doctor, it could be a few things and only a doctor / nurse will be able to give you an accurate answer.
With things like this, its safer to deal with it right away rather than leave it and hope it goes away.
It could be nothing, it c... (read in full...)
I feel helpless and paralized by fear that all good things in my life will come to an end very soon...
Q. I know this is weird, but it's my weird thing. Whenever I feel happy in a relationship; things are going well at my job, I'm healthy; everything feels wonderful I always get bombarded with horrible negative thoughts; like I'm going to die young, or ...
A. 24 January 2011: Hey we all suffer negative thoughts at times, especially as time waits for no man....or woman.
You seem to have done a pretty good job at coping with this so far - forcing yourself to think positively etc.
If you find thats not quite working fo... (read in full...)
Help! How can you tell if you're being used???
Q. I was wondering if there is a way you can tell if someone is using you as a friends with benefits sort of thing? I have been sort of involved with this guy for several months now. I feel certain that he does like me, however I do have my doubts b...
A. 24 January 2011: Of course it sounds reasonable - you should be communication and both be agreed on the status of the relationship anyway!
One thing though, dont completely discount other peoples views but remember at all times that its you thats in the relation... (read in full...)
I feel so utterly confused and heartbroken... help!
Q. I split up with my ex-boyfriend at Christmas 2009 after 2 1/2 years and have never really got over him as there was no official split as such - I mistakenly thought we would work things out but he never responded to me so in time I came to the ...
A. 24 January 2011: You have two choices really, you can either continue down this path of uncovering more and more hurtfull "facts" or, you can force yourself to move on and carve out a life without this guy being in it.
I know youve carried a torch for him since yo... (read in full...)
I really don't know what I would do with out him...
Q. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 18 we have not been together that long but I am so in love with him and i would do anything for him. At the the start of our relationship I thought he felt the same way but I don't know if he does anymore because ...
A. 24 January 2011: Its very difficult at my age, 43, to answer your question without sounding like an old fart! Hey I remember being 16 and I remember the intensity of feelings I had for a certain girl whom I though I`d be with forever.
Of course things changed ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I'm not interested without breaking his heart?
Q. a guy likes me and he's really nice but i seriously don't want a relationship... how do i tell him without breaking his heart?...
A. 24 January 2011: Sometimes youve got to be cruel to be kind and in this case youre hardly going to be cruel your actually just going to be honest.
His nose may be put out of joint slightly but telling him you just dont want to be in a relationship is aboout y... (read in full...)
I'm just not sure what's going on with her!!! Help!
Q. I've been dating this girl for about a month now. She's cute, silly, beautiful, smart, and pretty darn awesome. But there are things that are making me turn away. Before we started dating we were both in very tough relationships. My ex girlfriend...
A. 24 January 2011: A month in and the alarm bells are ringing so loudly yet youre ignoring them? Come on, read your question back to yourself and think about it will you?
All the odd things, her sister hating you, her stories about her ex trying to kill her dont the... (read in full...)
Text messages lead me to believe she wants her ex boyfriend/casual partner more then me!
Q. My fiance and I have been together for over a year. At first, like all relationships, things started off great, we'd text all the time, the sex was regular, we were both affectionate to each other. However, over the last few months, things have cha...
A. 24 January 2011: She has betrayed you, you seem like a very decent guy who is fair to the point of accepting things he simply shouldnt.
In all honesty, you need cut your losses here. You say yourself that the relationship isnt what it was. I know its hard and you ... (read in full...)
Do I carry on the affair with my ex? Or walk away?
Q. I am so confused.. I am married and have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 1. I have been fairly happy I really do have a good life and I do love him but I also have an ex husband who has come back on the scene, we have been meeting for ...
A. 23 January 2011: An affair is one thing, going back to guy full time another.... Its a shame youve decided to cheat on (your words) "a good man" - that should be the thing you focus your attention on rather than "what if" with your ex husband. The thrill of m... (read in full...)
I might be being taken for a ride ...
Q. I was broken up with!!! The girl I was involved with is 25 and is trying to finish her degree. She called me almost a month after we broke up and started to tell me of her financial problems; and was thinking of working at a strip club to pay for ...
A. 23 January 2011: Do you think youre being a fool? Youre the only one who can tell arent you?
It does sound like youre wasting your time with somebody who will never give you what you want or need.
In life, its so easy to go chasing a dream and allowing that dr... (read in full...)
He is my best friend and my worst nightmare!
Q. Ive been dating a guy for almost three years and I still feel hot for him one week and cold for him the next. He makes me feel loved and needed and we can be the best of friends like it comes naturally. Then he will show his irritated and angry ...
A. 23 January 2011: Youer being utterly manipulated by this man - break away before he does you some real damage.
The hot and cold thing isnt uncommon but its almost certainly a sign that this relationship isnt working.
Its easy for me to say because Im not i... (read in full...)
My boss wants to meet up with me on the weekend!
Q. My Boss has asked if he can join me on a night out!He asked what I was upto at the weekend, I told him I was going to watch a local band play at my local and he said "i'd like to join you sometime for a drink", he then said "sorry there's me ...
A. 23 January 2011: He wants to get to know you socially so its really not work related is it?
Theres a little rule you need to keep in mind "dont poke the payroll" - maybe sounds a little strong to you right now but the fact is, if you end up getting together... (read in full...)
He has a partner how can I tell him I like him?
Q. About 2 months ago i was in a bar having a few drinks with a friend of mine when suddenly this guy who I have never seen before bought me a drink. I thought he was really really cute and was so happy he bought me a drink. But the next minute I know ...
A. 23 January 2011: Difficult situation. I would say that theres no harm in actually telling him how you feel - if you dont youll probably regret it forever anyway. Just be sure that you dont cross the line and go with him whilst he is still in a relationship. ... (read in full...)
I just want my fiance back!
Q. I have cheated on my fiance several times,he had an idea, but as nothing was admitted or had been confirmed was thinking he just may have got it wrong. Well thats how it seemed. Last week he walked in and showed me a text he`d been sent with the ...
A. 23 January 2011: Easy to blame somebody else when its you thats behaved badly isnt it? Stop kidding yourself - you are simply getting what you deserve.
If you can forget your frend who blew the whistle on you for a second, consider this....how would you feel if ... (read in full...)
She tells me I am ridiculous for feeling this way and that she is walking on egg shells around me.
Q. Im 29 years old and have been married for 2 years but have been with my wife for 6 years. We have two children, 4 and 2. Ive tried to talk to her about the lack of attention between us and she just makes all types of excuses why she doesnt. We are ...
A. 23 January 2011: There are two things you should be considering here, firstly what your wife is saying to you and secondly how you are feeling.
Its true that she may feel over pressured by you and that that in itself is causing some of the issues between you. The... (read in full...)
My ex and I are over, but we have a young son together. How do I get over these feelings for him?
Q. I need major help. I was with my ex for two years before he broke up with me, and we have a nine month old son together. We had been going through a major custody battle, but we were able to come to a written agreement and work on this outside of ...
A. 23 January 2011: Good advice? Thats a difficult one, none of us can ever be confident, without knowing the people concerned that we are giving good advice. You know this thing cant work and your ex says the same so, as tough as it is, thats what you have to keep... (read in full...)
I think my in laws are stalking me online
Q. I think my inlaws are stalking me online. A few years ago I posted a story about how awful a certain in-law had behaved towards me and how upset I was and asked what I could do about it got a few replies but the in-law it was regarding found out and ...
A. 23 January 2011: Given that youve spouted off about them a few times now, is it really a surprise thay they are eagerly waiting for the next installment?
Listen, without knowing you, the inlaws or what youve written online, its impossible to tell who is at fault... (read in full...)
What else can I do to gain her forgiveness?
Q. I recently upset a girl really badly, so I wrote her a letter of apology. She has been ignoring me for the past few days and never replied to me. I seriously do not want her to hate me for the rest of my life. What else can I do to get her ...
A. 23 January 2011: Depending on what youve done, yes more time is probably a good idea.
Continually hassling her now will do nothing but make her more irritated with you. Give her time to remember the things she likes about you rather than pretty much forcing ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is in a band that has two attractive girls. How can I stop feeling insecure?
Q. I have a boyfriend of 4 months. I am 15 going on 16. I absolutely love him to bits, he is everything to me and I never, ever, ever want to lose him! Everything has been going perfectly, he treats me like his only girl and we spend as much time as ...
A. 23 January 2011: You need to be careful because insecurities can destroy relationships pretty quickly.
Try to accept what this guy tells you - youre the only girl for him and that he wants to be with you.
Its almost a case of denying your thoughts - after... (read in full...)
Are my girlfriend's sexual issues common in women? Is there something I can do to make the experience more enjoyable for her?
Q. My girlfriend and I are sexually active. After having sex for a bit, she will ask me if I am about done. After she asks me this question, I just stop, or other times she will say it's hurting her. We use a lot of lube. Is this normal for women? Is ...
A. 23 January 2011: There could any number of reasons she`s finding sex uncomfortable, the best person to speak to would be her doctor.
In the mean time, you need to appreciate the fact that the kind of pain she is experiencing isnt pleasant for her and probably... (read in full...)
Torn Between Two Great Guys!!!
Q. So let's call the first guy #2, and the second one #1. I'm in middle school. I recently met #1 but he flirts a lot and not in a player way. He's really sweet. He's also funny and texts me all the time asking to hang out and stuff. But #2, he went ...
A. 21 January 2011: Presumably, you want the truth?
If you cant decide which one is right for you, its probably the case that neither one is. I know youre excited about this whole thing but stop and think for a few minutes.
No matter who you decide to date o... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling insecure about my body?
Q. How can I stop feeling insecure about my body? Even now that I'm single I feel constantly insecure, 'cause I'm just average, not stunning or very pretty, nothing. Even when I was in a loving relationship I felt insecure, because I knew he looked at ...
A. 21 January 2011: Brainwashing is a great word - you do, in effect have to do that a little but ultimately, you have to remeber that somebody out there is going to find you attractive for all sorts of reasons.
I dont want to upset you BUT the truth is, the man of y... (read in full...)
How can your life get so out of control?
Q. I don't understand my own life. I have so much tragedy in my life, when I tell people what happens to me, they probably think, I m. lying. I have all the possible problems ,you can have in this life. including -death of a child -mental health is...
A. 21 January 2011: Theres nothing wrong, I`m afraid its just the way life goes.
I`m not trying to belittle what youre going through or have been through but everybody, at one time or another has to go through unimaginable times. What you say about having no idea how... (read in full...)
My husband hates me
Q. My husband and I have been married for less then a year. I love my husband very much, but lately I feel as tho he hates me. It hurts so bad the way he treats me. He calls me names, threatens divorce all the time and tells me he doesn't care about us ...
A. 21 January 2011: Im puzzled, why is it that you think YOU are the one who needs to change? The guy is treating you like dirt, dont allow it to go on. If hes this bad after just a year of marriage, imagine how bad he`ll be next year and the year after etc. We a... (read in full...)
I can't get him out of my head! I think he is the one.
Q. I can't stop thinking about my ex, and I wonder every day if he's the love of my life. We were together for five years and he's the only real serious relationship I've had. And same with him (I'm 18, he's 19).. We split up about three months ag...
A. 21 January 2011: Please dont think I`m ignoring what youre saying ok? I do get that you two got on really well. The thing is, his mum knows you and she knows whats going on with him. Her advice is probably spot on. You need to get out there and enjoy daying for a ... (read in full...)
If I'm bi, where does that lead me?
Q. Hello, im bi-curious at least i think i am, but im just really confused about the fact i like guys but the other night when my friend put porn on there were lesbian interactions and i couldn't help feel aroused. Though the thought of me actually ...
A. 21 January 2011: Stop laebeling yourself sweetheart, just be who you are.
The porn may have aroused you for all sorts of reasons - perhaps you just imagined your own body being touched or aroused as the girls on screen were. That doesnt mean your Bi, Gay, Straight... (read in full...)
Can I trust my new Gf? Doubts keep creeping into my mind due to my previous gf.
Q. I've recently started a relationship with a girl I met online. We met up, after talking online a while and things went great. I was nervous upon the first meeting. My main concern was about our attraction to each other. But as I mentioned, things ...
A. 21 January 2011: ITs only natural to have doubts, I dont think anybody ever goes into a relationship with complete confidence If Im honest.
What you have to realise here is that your fears and doubts probably ARE down to past experience, just as youve said you... (read in full...)
Confused about my feelings and his!
Q. hi ok i met this guy online a while back wen i was away and we chatted alot had a lot in common and then when i came back we met and hang out loads and basically the relationship was great it still is, we both wanted a non comitted relationship and ...
A. 21 January 2011: Why not just tell him and see what he says? It sounds like youve both become close and its a shame youre both holding back from behing completely up front with each other.
Its your choice isnt it? Either you stick at this non comittal thing an... (read in full...)
A friend who is letting me down
Q. im sitting here typing, wondering what ive done wrong. i have a male friend who has recently moved to another team-same job due to a manager clash. we worked together for 18 months. during that time we were on the phone all the time. he rang me ...
A. 21 January 2011: You could spend forever trying to answer your questions about this guy or you could just put the whole thing down to experience and move on. Of course it's worth putting your questions to him directly but, ultimately, he's a free man - maybe he n... (read in full...)
She's the girl of my dreams -- how to proceed?
Q. What happens now? I'm pretty sure I have met the girl of my dreams. It's taken me a while to find her, and I am extremely happy with how things have been going so far. Spending time with her is amazing, we cuddle and talk and we have made...
A. 21 January 2011: Stop trying to categorise this relationship and start enjoying it more. If you focus too hard on what you need to do, you're going to drive the girl nuts. Take things a day at a time and hope this develops into what you want. If it does, fantast... (read in full...)
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