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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?
Q. Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only? Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children? ...
A. 28 October 2014: It's a good point.. yes you can LOVE more than one but unless you can get all parties involved to be poly... you can only LIVE with one...
he may love the mistress in a different way than he loves the wife, it does NOT mean he will break up his... (read in full...)
Did hiring a escort make me look bad?
Q. I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...
A. 27 October 2014: oh so if you can only meet partners in school I guess that meeting my last three partners didn't happens since I was not in school???
my first husband went to a different school altogether and i met him through a group membership we both had wit... (read in full...)
Met online. He's separated but still married. Did he break up due to me questioning him?
Q. I really need your advice here- I'm female (27) been dating this amazing man (35) who's separated but still married that I met online, -we went on four amazing dates (2 dinners, drinks and an art exhibition). We instantly clicked and we had amazing ...
A. 27 October 2014: You are essentially dating a married man. Yes he may be legitimately living apart from his wife.. but if after a year apart they have not filed the papers to divorce I would want to know why. (for my first divorce we had a very good reason, I was ... (read in full...)
Can you help calculate the maths to perhaps arrive at which guy is the likely father?
Q. This is kind of embarrassing but i just want an opinion im fairly sure i know the answer would like some opinions though. I am 6 mths pregnant. at the time of falling pregnant i slept with 2 guys. im fairly sure i know who the dad is but was w...
A. 27 October 2014: Sperm can live in your fallopian tubes and impregnate an egg for about 3 days from ejaculation. Boy sperm swim faster, girl sperm live longer.
The problem is you are not sure when you ovulated so with dates that close the only way to be su... (read in full...)
Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?
Q. Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only? Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children? ...
A. 27 October 2014: If he's been using you as his handy penis holder for more than 6 months, do not count of him ever leaving his wife even once the kids are grown....
if he was going to leave the wife for the mistress it would be within the first 3-6 months kids ... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts about the relationship because my boyfriend drinks to excess
Q. Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is intelligent and funny and fun to be with and we share many interests. What we don't share is his interest and committment to drinking on a daily basis, and at least 3 times a week being drunk to the ...
A. 24 October 2014: I am married to a man who like your boyfriend is an alcoholic.
Your BF does not have a DRINKING HABIT. He has an addiction. He drinks DAILY. He gets DRUNK at least 3 times a week.... he is an alcoholic. If he tried to quit cold turkey he would... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be mad at her for reading my diary?
Q. So i have this friend who i was really close to but now she has done something that i don't think i can forgive her for. We are both holiday reps working abroad and for the last six months we have shared an apartment. She has always been my best ...
A. 24 October 2014: Regardless of if you did sleep with him or not (as suggested by the anonymous male poster, you have EVERY right to be upset with her, angry with her, etc.
In fact, I would no longer consider her a friend.... and I would consider finding new livi... (read in full...)
I'm not jealous or possessive but I am worried about this guy!
Q. Hi people. First of all, I'm not a very jealous guy or possesive, but I'm a bit worried about this. Me and my girlfriend are both 22, we have been dating for 7 months aproximately. But lately I'm concerned that she is spending too much time with h...
A. 21 October 2014: how often are you and your gf together?
are you asking her out on dates or just expecting her to hang out?
is she cancelling plans with you or just not available for your spur of the moment desires? (not sexually meant)
if you are a... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend gay? Would another guy not want me because of the acne between my legs?
Q. Ok my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years the past few months our sex life has been dead! Now we are busy I work all the time an we have kids but we have had times where we can have sex but we both don't act on it I keep telling him I am ...
A. 21 October 2014: NO it's not true no other guy would want you, he says that to keep you tied to him.
I doubt he's gay... sounds like he has no se drive which is way more common that folks think....
most of my women friends and I whine that our menfolk are... (read in full...)
Am I trying too hard to get this girl?
Q. Hi there. Quick recap: Met a girl at a bar and we hung out the entire night. Danced, laughed, etc. I drove her home and we kissed outside her door. Made out up the staircase almost to her main door entrance. Not only made out but she let me put m...
A. 21 October 2014: Another older auntie vote for PICK UP THE PHONE and make a real date.
NOT for TONIGHT
or even tomorrow night.
but at least 48 hours in advance.
something in public where you two can sit and talk and get to know each other a bit...... (read in full...)
Sleep-over: Just friends or more?
Q. Dear Cupid, Background: I met a guy at a concert. After talking and dancing the whole night, we exchanged #s. Then, we sent flirty texts to each other and finally met up last Sunday for afternoon drinks, which turned into a fun night of hanging...
A. 21 October 2014: He may just be a take it slow kind of guy... and I think if you are enjoying this then just go with the flow for a bit before asking him how he feels or what he thinks.
if after 3 months you are still at this stage then I think you can ask what... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I've fallen out of lust with him. Will the feelings come back?
Q. Hello everyone Thanks for offering advice I've been married for 10 years like everyone we've had a few ups and downs but the bottom line is we love each other very much and I'd say my hb is my best friend, again like many relationships ou...
A. 21 October 2014: I think Hugh of Avalon is spot on!
you love him but you are BORED...so you need to shake it up.
marriage is like a dance... after a while it's so familiar you can do it in your sleep. you need a new dance.
NOT a new partner.
Think ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for my girlfriend to sleep in another guy's bed?
Q. I just recently started dating someone new and she has had a lot of friends that are guys most of which state she's hooked up with or has had sex with in the past two weeks ago she slept over at her friends house which was a guy in the same bed and ...
A. 21 October 2014: sleeping at someone's house when you are too drunk to drive should be done on the couch or in a spare room, not in the bed of the host.
If my husband did this, i'd point it out to him just that way. NOT because I don't trust him, but because ... (read in full...)
Lost him after 8 1/2 years overnight
Q. 8 1/2 years we were together through all kinds of troubles but after 8 1/2 years he ended it in a cruel way. I think he planned ahead. Came to my house took things he hdId for and ended it by telling me I was selfish stubborn ect.... I was in shock ...
A. 21 October 2014: Why do you want him back? What is it that is missing from your life that ONLY he can provide?
He does NOT want to be with you.
When he tires of her and comes crawling back begging you to forgive him I hope you do not.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him but there's another woman in his life
Q. dear cupid am dating a man I met and dated two years back we broke up that time and I got married to another man, now my marriage did not workout so am single now and this man I knew before has asked that we be together again, I have fallen inlove ...
A. 21 October 2014: You can't lose what you don't have and if he lives with another woman SHE has him not you.
HE FORCES her to have sex.....
what do you think will happen if you manage to get him to leave her and be with you?
a. when he wants some... (read in full...)
Cheating boyfriend?
Q. Me and my boyfriend known each other for 10 years but have been together romantically for the last year. A few weeks ago I noticed he had been sending sexual messages to another girl over skype; when I called him up on it he broke down in tears, ...
A. 21 October 2014: if you ask and he gets mad, it's a smoke screen to distract you from the truth.
he is a liar and a cheater.
IF you can manage it... you should leave.... (read in full...)
Can soul mates find each other at such a young age?
Q. Hi there people, I was just wondering is it possible to meet your soul mate in school. I have been with my boyfriend 7 years (since we were 15). We have an amazing relationship i really couldnt complain. We both have good career paths hes a proje...
A. 21 October 2014: why not?
my grandparents met in an orphanage when they were 10 and 12.
The did not marry till nearly age 30 which was considered old in the late 1920's early 30s...
they were married 67 years.... and died less than a year apart.... (read in full...)
I'm really down over a family sex affair!
Q. I was working my normal Sunday shift and was able to get out early. When I came home I saw my sister in laws car parked in my driveway. I thought it was odd she was at our house,then thought it was probably my brother who was there. I went inside ...
A. 9 October 2014: I think that you should meet with your husband in a public place (neutral territory) without the kids around so you two can talk and decide if you BOTH want to work on saving the marriage.
I have seen marriages survive cheating. If his behavior... (read in full...)
Sometimes my boyfriend is a mean drunk!
Q. My boyfriend is lovely 99% of the time but sometimes when hes drunk he can be mean. Not everytime but about 50% of the time that hes drunk he will say things as a joke but i think he means it. An example being at the weekend he said i had a fat ...
A. 8 October 2014: I think you are deluding yourself.
I live and love with an alcoholic. My husband can be a loving drunk, but that gets old. when he's an angry drunk he is dangerous and i have to leave my home for my own safety.
THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE.... a... (read in full...)
I am starting to wonder if he will ever propose!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am watching everyone I know get engaged, married and have children and I am starting to wonder whether he will ever propose. I want a family life with children, so I cannot accept a life without ...
A. 7 October 2014: At your age if he was going to propose he would have. I find that within 3-6 months most men know if a woman is "the one" within a year for sure.
You could propose to him... but that's not what you want is it? If MARRIAGE alone was wh... (read in full...)
My fiancé has a past of the 'down low' lifestyle, should I believe him that he no longer wants sex with men?
Q. If my boyfriend/fiancé has had a past life style of having sex with men can it be possible that he's no longer into that lifestyle since being in the relationship he has with me? This is what he claims is that it's over that past life style and he ...
A. 7 October 2014: I can't speak for him but I can tell you as a bisexual woman who is now in a monogamous marriage with a man, I have "forsaken all others" and while I will not go out with women I think of it and I miss it.
... (read in full...)
So many lies. Can I continue to believe the things my boyfriend alleges are true?
Q. My boyfriend was madly in love with his last girlfriend. I heard all about her in the beginning when we started to date. It seems she broke it off with him and he was having a hard time adjusting to that fact, telling me he didn't know if he wo...
A. 7 October 2014: yes.
yes you have a guy who is a liar.
no you will never trust him or belive him
yes he is trying to keep yo with him.
no you do not have to stay with him.... (read in full...)
They say that opposites attract and you can complete each other, but is that too optimistic?
Q. Hello. I need some help in figuring out if opposites really do attract. I'm 18 and I'm starting to like someone who I probably wouldn't usually befriend, not for any negative reasons, but just because we're very different. For example, I like ...
A. 7 October 2014: sometimes yes, sometimes no... dating is a process... a means to an end... a way to STOP dating.
i suggest you give it a shot.... (read in full...)
Disappointed that I had a lesser role at wedding of my cousin. Should I tell the bride how disappointed I was?
Q. I can't help but feel a bit hurt over my cousin giving a more important role at her wedding and more thanks/attention in general to her best friend. My cousin made her best friend her maid of honor, and me her matron of honour. I thought it was s...
A. 7 October 2014: you flew there.. that means you are NOT there on a day to day basis. And a BEST friends is supposed to be the attendant. I Think it was VERY nice of her to ask you to be the matron of Honor. There is no need to have one.
Yes you are b... (read in full...)
I snooped ... and I think he's cheated on me!
Q. I know what I did is bad, but I think what I found is worse... I snooped on my boyfriend's facebook account and found him talking to an ex flame which he told me they're just friends now... I would like a stranger's opinion on whether these...
A. 6 October 2014: you address this by leaving.
you clearly didn't trust him in the first place, now you have proof and you won't ever believe him.
if you confront him he will say things like "you misunderstand" "i'm just telling her things she needs to ... (read in full...)
Will the Doctor respect my privacy or is it likely that the Doctor will tell my Mom that I'm not a virgin?
Q. I'm 17 and my bf and I got carried away in the moment and so three days ago I lost my virginity. My mom is making me go to the doctor for a yeast infection. I know they will ask if I have had sex without my mom in there but can they tell her I'm ...
A. 6 October 2014: I want to add that while it's ok to use OTC yeast meds once you know what a yeast infection is like, your FIRST one needs to be diagnosed by a doctor.... (read in full...)
My bridesmaid told me she is a recovering alcoholic! How do I deal with this when I know there will be drinking at the wedding?
Q. I'm getting married next year and I asked one of friends who I have known since college to be a bridesmaid. She had said yes but then proceeded to tell me about being a newly recovering alcoholic. I never knew that she had problems with alcohol or ...
A. 6 October 2014: She told you as a friend, not her sponsor.
I'm sure she is aware that there is normally alcohol at social events and I'm sure she will plan to handle it appropriately.
I rarely drink. By choice. My husband drinks daily. His drinking does no... (read in full...)
My friend's dad is cheating and his children don't know what to do!
Q. My best friend is having a real life crisis! Any help would be really appreciated. Her brother was helping their dad link his emails to his phone. When doing this he found that their dad has a profile on a sex website. (Where people message ea...
A. 6 October 2014: third vote for STAY OUT OF THEIR MARRIAGE.
as the adult child of a man who cheated on his wife (my mom) and a married woman with adult children... I will tell you that from both sides CHILDREN whether adult or not, have NO SAY in what goes on... (read in full...)
Does it make me a bad wife to exclude my husband from my social life and travelings?
Q. Doesn't make a bad wife that I don't want to travel with my husband anymore, and more...I don't really want to involve Him in my socialiZing anymore also. We are married for 23 years. I married very very young right after high school, had a ch...
A. 6 October 2014: I'm going to Nashville this weekend with a gf... no hubbys.
My gf travels all over the world with out her husband. He does not like to travel and she does so she goes with the girls.
I would much rather go with my gfs than my husband.. he... (read in full...)
Dated a guy who gave me HIV yet he's not supportive to me. What are my options?
Q. I've been talking to this guy since early summer. He was unaware he was HiV. We had sex and I was given the HIV virus. It has been a hard depressing Time for me. He is the only one that knows I'm postive. To me he is not showing no support t...
A. 6 October 2014: I'm so sorry this happened.
You should always use condoms.
My brother met his husband about 15 years ago. My brother has Hep B and his husband has HIV and has for over 20 years.
My brother does NOT have HIV. His husband does not ha... (read in full...)
Is it really my call to pull my alcoholic boyfriend out of rehab?
Q. I need some help and guidance here because I don't know what i am doing or if im doing the right thing anymore. Right ---- so my boyfriend of six months has entered a rehab program for alcohol addiction and due to problems inside there (some guy ...
A. 6 October 2014: If there is a situation in rehab then your boyfriend needs to go to someone in charge in the rehab and tell th em the problem. They have seen it all.
If you enable him to get out of rehab you are enabling him to continue his addiction. ... (read in full...)
My 17 year old niece was extremely rude to me
Q. Hi everyone, this might sound trivial but it is really upsetting me lately. My niece is 17 and throughout her teenage years she has been a typical sulky teen. However since her 17th birthday she has been downright rude to me. She lives in another ...
A. 6 October 2014: OF COURSE you can ignore her.
My aunt got mad at me when her mother died and left me some jewelery not her. My aunt has not spoken to me since and I respect that.
I would not send gifts or reach out to her. Perhaps when she matures she will... (read in full...)
I want to see a doctor about a reoccuring UTI, but I have some concerns
Q. My age is kinda important in this so, I'm 16. Every time I've ever had sex I've gotten a uti afterwards. I always pee when we're done, but I still get one. I've even tried peeing at different times afterwards. One time I peed right after me a...
A. 6 October 2014: I used to get UTIs all the time from sex. It did not change till after I was a mom and also I stopped using a diaphragm for birth control (do they even still use them??)
Your doctor will not discuss this with your mom if you don't want him/her... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave, but how can I make him see what a monster he is when he's drunk?
Q. My fiance has a binge drinking problem. When we are on a night out, its as if he just can't get enough and he doesn't know when to stop. He blows all our money on it too! And he gets violent.Last night, he was invited with me to a function and I was ...
A. 6 October 2014: Dear OP,
I live and love with an active alcoholic. I am married to him. It sucks when he is drunk which last week was THREE TIMES. There is NOT a day that goes by that he does not have some alcohol. I tell you this because if you won’t li... (read in full...)
My mom is going to visit me but I cant stand the way she constantly criticizes me. How do I handle her?
Q. My mother and father are visiting my brother and his family today and tomm its my turn, they will be staying with me. I live alone. They live interstate and I see them maybe twice a year, I enjoy catching up with them, and we mostly get along, a...
A. 6 October 2014: If you KNOW she is going to comment on stuff... beat her to it...
when she walks in say 'mom you look great. I want to list that I am currently:
1. in dire need of hair color and I am going next week as I did not want to take time away fr... (read in full...)
Was this office hug inappropriate?
Q. I started a job a couple months ago. I work with a group of Christians. My boss is a woman and her boss, the big boss is one of the owners. He and I had a meeting the other day and after the meeting was over he asked me for a hug. I said okay and ...
A. 6 October 2014: i hug co-workers both male and female if the spirit moves me. I can't imagine hugging my team lead or my boss.
he ASKED first (very appropriate)
and then wanted a "side hug" (i know what it is but have never voiced it) which makes it I... (read in full...)
What's the deal with this girl? Is she playing me?
Q. Ok... So basically at work, we had this national conference (a place to mingle). Anyways I went to work the next day at my local branch, and received an email from this girl who I noticed was at the conference. Asking if I enjoyed it. This was a ...
A. 6 October 2014: how about she didn't get the text?
I once sent my hubby a text in AUGUST. He got it in November. I know because I was sitting with him when the text came in and he showed me.
My very good friend just his weekend sent me a text to let me kno... (read in full...)
Is there something hypocritical about this relationship?
Q. How should I understand this situation? History of a relationship 1. Been dating someone for 2 years. 2. We have had some arguments and she says we are through. Has been like 4 times and we don't speak for a few weeks then everything goes back to ...
A. 6 October 2014: I don't see how it's hypocritical unless she looks at men and you are not allowed to get all stupid about it like she does.
List THREE good things about this relationship?
I have a great saying... Love is not about finding the perfect pers... (read in full...)
Will the Doctor respect my privacy or is it likely that the Doctor will tell my Mom that I'm not a virgin?
Q. I'm 17 and my bf and I got carried away in the moment and so three days ago I lost my virginity. My mom is making me go to the doctor for a yeast infection. I know they will ask if I have had sex without my mom in there but can they tell her I'm ...
A. 6 October 2014: when my (step) daughter was 15 I took her to the GYN.
the doctor would not permit me in the exam room. Even id my daughter wanted it (we were close and had no secrets).
the doctor would NOT discuss anything with me about her even though I ha... (read in full...)
Has anyone here ever traveled with herpes meds in their luggage and if so did it cause any issue?
Q. Has anyone here ever travelled with herpes meds in their luggage and if so did it cause any issue . I will be travelling on January to the USA with a group of people ( some of whom I don't know that well ) and would not like to have it cause an...
A. 6 October 2014: carry your meds that are not liquid in their dispensed container in your carry on bags.. never check your meds.... (read in full...)
My family doesn't want to meet my boyfriend. How do I tell him?
Q. I would like your advice on how to handle the following situation I have. I met a guy online in a chatroom. After being an online couple for a month, he came to visit me. He initially wanted to stay at my place as I was living by myself at the time...
A. 6 October 2014: At your age, doing what you want is more important than pleasing your family.
At your age, you now can choose who you want for family. You do not have to have relatives as family.
Since your aunt lives IN YOUR HOME... YOUR rules apply. I... (read in full...)
Attending college leaves me little time to work out
Q. Hi all! Hope everyone is having a good week. Some of you may remember I posted a question a few months back about losing weight, I bought an exercise bike and managed to lose a stone! However I am now having some problems with it, and would lo...
A. 6 October 2014: Most adults work 40 hours a week and commute too... we learn to make the time...
for example.. if I get up at 6:30 and I get to work at 8 and I work till 5... I will be home around 5:45. I still have to make dinner and do the home chores.... (read in full...)
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