Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 18 December 2014: when you said "we might get engaged" did you add "if you can grow up and become a responsible adult"?
if not you are just lying to him and deluding yourself.
Unless you are going to stay with him the way he is, you need to let him know what... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep asking about who I might be dating?
Q. Ex, who is now married and I'm sleeping with (not proud of this), keeps asking me about who I'm dating. Why is he asking me this? Why does he even care to know? When I ask him, he changes the subject. He doesn't want a relationship with me again, ...
A. 8 December 2014: how is he an ex if you are in a current relationship with him now?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't back me up when someone attacked me verbally. Is he not right for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I flatted with another couple and a guy this year. We moved out of the flat a couple of weeks ago but I still have to finish collecting my stuff and do a clean. I have planned to do this in two weeks time. Our lease runs out in mid ...
A. 8 December 2014: I would so NOT want my husband to fight my battles.
I'm a big girl and if i get myself into a pickle (as you did) I can get myself out.
It's not like a man twice your size physically attacked you. (in that case all bets are off and my husband c... (read in full...)
Can you change a bad boy?
Q. Dear cupid, i just want to understand this. Is it possible to change a bad boy. Like he drinks a lot and has two kids with two different woman, he owns his own business and has lots of friend who they enjoy top life.ive seen all this on his facebook ...
A. 8 December 2014: In one word.. NO.
He is what he is and unless HE wants to change for HIM he won't change.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants MMF threesome... With one of his best friends?
Q. So here's the backstory... My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We've always had an adventurous and hot sex life. We are in our mid-twenties, no kids, and no rush. But he's the one, I knew it three months into our ...
A. 8 December 2014: Instead of bringing a third into your bedroom playground (I've BTDT and it destroys more relationships than I care to mention) I suggest you go treat HIM to a big old strap on for you to wear.
THEN YOU GIVE IT TO HIM... fantasy is so much more... (read in full...)
Has anyone else had second thoughts about getting married?
Q. I am 20 and my fiancé is 23. We have been dating for 4 years (so since I was 16). We are both in college and about to be finishing up. We are set to get married in 6 months. However, I'm feeling doubtful. He is the most respectful, loving, caring ...
A. 8 December 2014: If you marry him you are a divorce waiting to happen....
you do not want to be with him, you are crushing on other guys....
break off the engagement at minimum. ... (read in full...)
Asked out by 2 men but who do I choose and how do I let the other down gently `
Q. i dont know what to do , i asked a question about letting a guy down because he missed his chance he was taking too long to if he wanted to date me but then i suddenly met a new guy who wants to date me and we are arranging a time to see each other ...
A. 8 December 2014: you can take a date with each one on different days.
it's not wrong to date (NOT sleep with) more than one person as long as you are honest about it.
I'd give each 3 shots to decide what to do.... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep asking about who I might be dating?
Q. Ex, who is now married and I'm sleeping with (not proud of this), keeps asking me about who I'm dating. Why is he asking me this? Why does he even care to know? When I ask him, he changes the subject. He doesn't want a relationship with me again, ...
A. 8 December 2014: because while men do not mind having more than one woman to have sex with they don't want that woman having more than one man.
... (read in full...)
I don't match his preferences so I'm leery of dating him
Q. I met man online and we have become very close . The only concern I have is that he is a self confessed 'leg man' . Being that I am only 5 foot and my breasts are by far my best physical assets I feel like I would be starting a relationship already ...
A. 8 December 2014: Do not discount a man who is a self professed "leg man" just because your ex was a jerk.
my husband goes for young Asian girls with light eyes and big boobs. I am NONE of the above and yet this man loves me so much he would die to protect ... (read in full...)
How do guys feel about that playful, affectionate, sweet girl?
Q. I am married with young children and am considered to be an attractive female. I am a very playful, affectionate, caring person, sweet person. I think people see me as that innocent yet fun flirty girl. Anyway, my question is, sometimes when I show ...
A. 8 December 2014: I am an outrageous flirt. with words. NOT with touching or eyes or anything remotely sexual (innuendo excluded as I am full of innuendo )
I flirt like I breathe. With men young and old, with women... even with babies... it's how I am.
... (read in full...)
How to hide teen hard-ons?
Q. Quick note: I have searched the site A TON already, and can't find anything useful on this, and desperately need help. Hello DC, I'm in a bit of a pickle... I'm 15, and "well endowed" so to speak, at 7 inches. In my gym class, we have to wea...
A. 5 December 2014: or as another suggestion the popular boxer briefs... long legged but like briefs... my husband loves them.
and as for a package being large... remember some guys are show-ers and some guys are grow-ers. and i don't think 7 inches is "well e... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and have questions about sex help??
Q. Hello all, I would like some (kind please!) advice for my situation. Starting off, I have been with my boyfriend for a little less than a year and we're saving ourselves for marriage (yes we do intend to marry each other in the future). I am still a ...
A. 5 December 2014: I can't improve on Chigirl's answer... therefore I suggest you read it again and pretend it's from me. too.
well done Chigirl!
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 5 December 2014: He is NOT going to change. this is who he is.
he is lazy, he is unmotivated, he is immature.
getting engaged will not change this.
I would not get engaged to him. I would go have your holiday with your family alone and use the ti... (read in full...)
I don't want to be pushy but I want my boyfriend to stop smoking!
Q. When I started dating my boyfriend, I knew he smoked in the past but had quit. Now, he has started smoking again. I lost my uncle to smoking so I am not ok with smoking at all. Plus it smells! He doesn't go through a pack a day or anything, but it ...
A. 5 December 2014: Well not to be snarky but "how does it feel to want?"
sadly Nicotine is one of the worst drugs to quit.
YOU want him to quit and he says "not to worry"
you won't leave him over this so, there is not much you can do but accept it. IF yo... (read in full...)
I know I'm young, but how do I tell my best friend I love him?
Q. im in love with my bestest friend and i have decided to tell him that i love him but i don't know how to tell him. we have known eachother scince we were really young so it will be hard to tell him how i feel. i know im too young to know what tru...
A. 5 December 2014: "I really don't care what will happen between us"
what if he says "oh NO i don't feel that way and I can't be friends with you any more if you feel that way" ?
IF you don't really care what he says (and I think you do) and you tell him an... (read in full...)
In anger he said I'm unattractive
Q. Hi, I have been married for 4 yrs,my husband treats me well except for few small fights.last night we had a fight,he told me in anger,I dont look attractive,he is making love out of sympathy.next moment he realized what he told and not accepting ...
A. 4 December 2014: oh yeah... i like the idea of "throwing it back in his face"
IF he does not apologize and deal with the fact that he said something to hurt you.
IF he does not apologize or acknowledge the remark, I would so very much say to him the next time... (read in full...)
Can males and females really just be friends?
Q. This seems silly, but I honestly wonder this. There was a few posts on a social media site that claimed while females will look at a male as just being a friend, the same is not true for the male. The male, supposedly, almost always has some level ...
A. 4 December 2014: it is MY PERSONAL experience (and that's all I will speak to on THIS topic) is that YES they can IF
a. one party is gay and the other is not
b. both parties are in serious relationships with other people and committed to them.
OTHERWI... (read in full...)
Is it too late to start college?
Q. I just turned 30. Is it dumb of me to start college now? i feel old and i also know that if i don't do this no company will even consider me until i have a degree. i just hope i am making the right decision. 5 years of school is a long time at my ...
A. 4 December 2014: IT is NEVER too late to go to college.
I went for 3.5 years after high school then dropped out and got married and became a SAHM.
Once i was 29 and went back to work full time I also FINISHED my degree part time. IT took me 23 years tot... (read in full...)
Emotionally manipulative sibling
Q. Hi, I have a very difficult relationship with my brother, who suffers from a lot of mental health problems. I am 35 and he is 40, but neither of us are married or have families. I live abroad and have a good job. He is currently out of work and ...
A. 4 December 2014: If he lives with mom then he is not alone...
IF being in contact with him is making you ill (mentally or physically) it's perfectly acceptable to cut contact with him.
there is nothing written that says we HAVE to keep toxic relatives in o... (read in full...)
Is the lack of compliments a sign that I'm not attractive to him anymore?
Q. My husband never compliments me. I have talked to him about it and he now occasionally will but it seems somewhat forced and rare still The other night I dressed up and thought I looked nice . I had a new dress, my hair done , make up and the whol...
A. 4 December 2014: no it does not prove he wants a younger or a different woman.
Do you eat the same food every day? NO.... you mix it up some I am sure.
Have you asked him about it? Have you TOLD him you want him to compliment you?
are there othe... (read in full...)
How to hide teen hard-ons?
Q. Quick note: I have searched the site A TON already, and can't find anything useful on this, and desperately need help. Hello DC, I'm in a bit of a pickle... I'm 15, and "well endowed" so to speak, at 7 inches. In my gym class, we have to wea...
A. 4 December 2014: are your gym shorts baggy? if not, can you, in addition to a a tuck and hide method with an athletic supporter (jock strap), wear shorts that are a couple of sizes too big so that they are baggy?
... (read in full...)
I know I'm young, but how do I tell my best friend I love him?
Q. im in love with my bestest friend and i have decided to tell him that i love him but i don't know how to tell him. we have known eachother scince we were really young so it will be hard to tell him how i feel. i know im too young to know what tru...
A. 4 December 2014: OP,
while i have done as you requested and answered your question, I do not think that you will be happy with what may happen after you tell him.
There is a reason folks are concerned that you do not tell him.
I have a question for you... (read in full...)
I won't let my ex take my daughter for a weekend if I don't know where he's taking her
Q. Hello, I have a situation I would like to hear the opinions of others on and I appreciate any advice in advance. My ex and I have been separated for seven years now, you would think after all this time we would be settled in a schedule wi...
A. 4 December 2014: oh your follow up says "it's not fair that she knows where i live"
you are still competing with her in your mind. this is not ABOUT HER at all.
I would think that knowing where your minor child is staying is covered under some statu... (read in full...)
I caught my girlfriend wearing sexy bra & panties...cheating right?
Q. My girlfriend of two years came home from work and was undressing out of her work uniform when I walked into our bedroom and saw that she was secretly wearing sexy lace bra and panties under her work outfit. I never saw or got her the sexy panties ...
A. 4 December 2014: So because she wore sexy matching UNDIES (btw I do that under my work clothes too now and then) you think she's cheating.
The only thing that MAY indicate this is that she blew up at you and got defensive about it. BUT that applies ONLY... (read in full...)
This doesn't seem like a very fair arrangement
Q. Hi I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years, we live together, have a baby, mortgage. I stay at home in the day with our child then go to work in the evenings. I work for very low pay, he makes £40,000 a year our mortgage is very low, I cant ...
A. 4 December 2014: oh yes I like Chigirl's Idea.
there are usually set guidelines based on income.
My bff was divorced from her kid's dad. she was getting a decent amount of child support and didn't need much more but she did want him to pay for half of t... (read in full...)
I have a phobia about throwing up in public. How am I going to get through my wedding day?
Q. Hi all. I'm hoping someone can help. I have always suffered from anxiety due to my phobia of vomiting - I go through good and bad stages. I have seeked various therapy, counselling and anti depressants but they were all short fixes. I ...
A. 3 December 2014: wow you are really working yourself up over a normal bodily function aren't you?
cancel the wedding and go to the court house and get married.
what if you don't throw up?
what if you faint instead?
or trip and fall and everyone sees your ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend want to break up with me?
Q. So my boyfriend seems so obssesed about my past since he wasnt the guy i lost my virginity to last night we had a couple of drinks and then we had sex after we were done he gave me oral sex and fingered me he then the next day told me he was able to ...
A. 3 December 2014: It sounds like he has RJ (retroactive jealousy) or that he's a very judgmental person.
I figure he assumes since he was able to penetrate you with three fingers you are a slut and loose and therefore he is not interested in you as a gf.
HIS l... (read in full...)
In anger he said I'm unattractive
Q. Hi, I have been married for 4 yrs,my husband treats me well except for few small fights.last night we had a fight,he told me in anger,I dont look attractive,he is making love out of sympathy.next moment he realized what he told and not accepting ...
A. 3 December 2014: Cleary you pride yourself on your appearance and he knows this so he, feeling helpless in this fight went after the ONE thing he was sure would upset you, attacking your attractiveness.
Has he apologized for his comment? ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to change my mind about staying with my boyfriend who cheated on me?
Q. I can't get over the fact my boyfriend cheated on me , pure and simple. But I'm so worried about how people will view me leaving him when I took him back only a few months ago. So basically, my boyfriend slept with some random girl over the su...
A. 3 December 2014: OF course it's ok to change your mind and end it.
and you don't owe anyone but him an explanation.
... (read in full...)
I think I'm bisexual and I hate myself for it
Q. I recently discovered that I am bisexual. I'm a 16 year old male. I feel like I am a straight guy trapped in a bisexual guy's body. I don't think I was meant to be this way and it makes me sad because I don't accept myself at all. I hate myself ...
A. 3 December 2014: I really want to change that I'm 54 with a bad back.
that's not happening and neither is your being able to change your inherent sexual orientation.
I'm bisexual. I'm married to a man now and cheating is not an option nor is an open relat... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend's feelings for me become stronger now that he's finally had an orgasm?
Q. Okay sooo, I made my man cum for the first time ever in life from fellatio . We hav been together now for 6 years and not once could I. He's told me that was his first time cumming this way . Will this change his feelings more now in a g...
A. 3 December 2014: feelings (other than it feels so good I'm glad you can do it) won't really come into play...
my ex husband told me last summer that the ONE thing he misses from our relationship was my ability to make him orgasm from fellatio. His current ... (read in full...)
I know I'm young, but how do I tell my best friend I love him?
Q. im in love with my bestest friend and i have decided to tell him that i love him but i don't know how to tell him. we have known eachother scince we were really young so it will be hard to tell him how i feel. i know im too young to know what tru...
A. 3 December 2014: since you will probably not be able to say it I suggest you get a lovely holiday card and write it on the card and hand him the card.
As you hand it to him you can say "i wrote something special on the inside for you"
... (read in full...)
How do I find someone to help fulfill my fiance's fantasy?
Q. My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years. We are very secure and loving toward each other and I don't see that changing at all. However, he's got a fantasy that he kind of wants to fulfill before we get married and has told me that he wants me ...
A. 3 December 2014: As a former swinger i think you are playing with fire but I'll answer your question.
Post an ad on OK CUPID or Plenty of FISH and you should find someone.
FWIW I've BTDT and it's not that big a deal.
I now have a NO SHARING policy sin... (read in full...)
Not sure where to take this FWB
Q. Dear friends, I have always appreciated and taken seriously your insightful and wise advice! Well, I have known this guy for four years when we both used to be with other partners. After we both broke up we met due to some professional circum...
A. 2 December 2014: If you even think you want to try having a full blown relationship with this man you need to put your cards on the table ASAP.
I would just say to him "hey have you ever considered us being more than just good friends since we do so well together... (read in full...)
Has your fiance or significant other ever said to you that they appreciate your 'sexual favors?'
Q. My fiancé use to have a friend with benefits. I often wonder what he did in exchange for her when they had sex. Did he buy her gifts or give her money for sex. She wanted a FWB relationship. He wanted more than that from a relationship. I go...
A. 2 December 2014: I think it was just a poor choice of words on his part. What he's saying is he loves you and your sex life with him, he just didn't have the right words.
when he had an FWB what he gave her was exactly what she gave him friends and sex.
... (read in full...)
How can we help my Bf's brother to take control of his eating and drinking habits that are affecting his health?
Q. Hello. My boyfriend and I are great. His brother is our problem. He has severe health issues and my boyfriend and I want him to take better care of himself. We just don't know how to go about it. The guy drinks 4 x 2 liters of Diet Coke a d...
A. 2 December 2014: Sadly you can't do anything. In fact, NO ONE can do anything to fix this until the person who needs fixing wants fixing.
You can live your life to be healthy and set an example. It won't help.
You need to let it go and let him do his own t... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable that my Bf of 2 years rejected a Thanksgiving invitation and went drinking with a friend?
Q. I invited boyfriend of 2 years to stop by my family's thanksgiving dinner in the city when he was done with his family in the suburbs. He is a 35 minute drive away. In the morning when I first mentioned it, he said he would probably have too much...
A. 2 December 2014: At your age after 2 years, unless you are happy with a relationship where you are a second class citizen and its not going to improve I would say it's time to end it.
If he was serious there would not be the separation of him to his family and y... (read in full...)
Abusive ex is engaged to his new girlfriend of only 3 months! How can he be like this?
Q. I was in an abusive relationship for over a year and just had a baby. My ex left us and got with someone else. Now they're engaged to be married here soon after only three months. I'm feeling horrible. Is he getting back at me or trying to prove ...
A. 2 December 2014: If he's using his child, once you have established paternity and gotten appropriate child support I would suggest you have the courts intervene to have supervised visitation.
has he ever abused your child? ... (read in full...)
Abusive ex is engaged to his new girlfriend of only 3 months! How can he be like this?
Q. I was in an abusive relationship for over a year and just had a baby. My ex left us and got with someone else. Now they're engaged to be married here soon after only three months. I'm feeling horrible. Is he getting back at me or trying to prove ...
A. 2 December 2014: He is not doing this to "get back at you" in fact, I am sure YOU do not even enter into his mind as he moves forward with his life.
HIS life is not about you at all in fact and you need to let it go.
What about this upsets you for the b... (read in full...)
My partner is much bigger than I am and it's hard for me to breathe when he's on top! How do I handle this?
Q. Hey everyone....I just started dating this really awesome guy.he is great and he really loves me because no one has treated the way he treats me.I have come to love him too.I think he is the one.he just makes me feel so complete. We have known ea...
A. 1 December 2014: lay side by side or you go on top when making out...
For Sex there are many sexual positions other than missionary (male superior) that can be used... female superior (you straddle him on his back either facing him or away from him (called cow ... (read in full...)
Do I give in and travel over the holidays?
Q. Am I being unreasonable? We have visited my mother in laws for the last few years over the christmas holidays, this year I have said I would like not to go. The thing is my husbands teenage children who don't live with us have basically said if we ...
A. 1 December 2014: Is there a way your husband can go without you for the few days it takes to attend to his spoiled children?
he's basically letting the kids blackmail him which does not bode well for when they become adults, but it's his call to make as they... (read in full...)
How can I help this girl without betraying my granddaughter's trust?
Q. Granddaughter has been friends with another 14 yr old girl for many years Last year other girl was grounded for 6 months and phone taken for sending nude pics to a boy Now my grand daughter has confided that this girl has started giving oral sex ...
A. 1 December 2014: I am so glad you are the cool grandma that your granddaughter can confide in.
Have you asked her what if anything she would want you to do to help this child?
if you have custody of your gd and she can get her friend to stay overnight... (read in full...)
How can I block out the hurtful words and focus on taking care of my daughter?
Q. I have a very hard time taking care of my 14 month old daughter when my GF (her mom) is mean to me. Not big things but like putting off feeding her for 10 minutes while I try, and try to make things better between us. I'm the type of person that can ...
A. 1 December 2014: You say that your gf needs "space and time" when she's mad to sort things through and YOU need to resolve it HERE and NOW.
I used to be a HERE and NOW person till I married my space and time husband.
I LEARNED that walking away and let... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
