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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 April 2011: Having not checked back here in quite a while, I've got some thoughts to share about your last post person12345.
To me, it's not just the women in porn that are interchangable, but the men too. Often they are nothing more than a hard cock. I... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
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Jealous partner, what do I do?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for just over 2 months now, I've been really happy in the relationship, we are happy together and nothing has gone wrong so far, well that's what I thought. We went out to a party the other night and he went to the toil...
A. 3 November 2010: GREAT JOB!!! Thank you for the follow up.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 November 2010: Holy crap! I think we just had breakthrough time didn't we! I'm very glad that there are women like you out there. I hope to meet one of my own someday. I'm also glad it seems like you've found the source of your feelings about his porn ... (read in full...)
Airports new "feel you up" measure is crossing the lines!
Q. ok. who was watching cnn this morning? airports are bringing in some new security measures and its getting personal. i watched (on cnn) an employee run her hand between and right under a female passengers breasts. they touch your butt and quickly ...
A. 29 October 2010: The "penis" article was intended to illustrate the maturity levels of some of the individuals we're trusting to look at naked images of us. The saddest part to me is that they continually harassed their co-worker till he snapped and beat one of ... (read in full...)
Airports new "feel you up" measure is crossing the lines!
Q. ok. who was watching cnn this morning? airports are bringing in some new security measures and its getting personal. i watched (on cnn) an employee run her hand between and right under a female passengers breasts. they touch your butt and quickly ...
A. 29 October 2010: What's really happening to the images?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/04/body-scan-images-from-sec_n_670170.html
Like in relationships, trust is earned. I have very little trust in the people in charge of these machines.... (read in full...)
Airports new "feel you up" measure is crossing the lines!
Q. ok. who was watching cnn this morning? airports are bringing in some new security measures and its getting personal. i watched (on cnn) an employee run her hand between and right under a female passengers breasts. they touch your butt and quickly ...
A. 29 October 2010: I've never been in the military. I appriciate every soldier who sacrifices their time, effort, and sometimes their lives and limbs defending the freedoms I hold very dearly. I just feel that part of defending my country is defending those rights ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 29 October 2010: I think that's a good plan, I also think that your imagination played into some of the "signals." Lots of that is just being friendly. Good luck. It is definitely best if you can move on. Especially since you're in a relationship.... (read in full...)
I want more sex!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been living together and been having sex for over 3 months now. At first, we had sex everyday. About 3 to 4 weeks later though, he started to seem less and less interested in sex. At this point, we have sex like once every ...
A. 29 October 2010: So do I, but that doesn't mean I get it either...
Really, you have to talk to him about your needs and part of a relationship is compromise. He may have to give it more than he wants and you may have to get it less than you want, but hopefull... (read in full...)
Is texting your girlfriend's friend behind her back classed as cheating?
Q. I need to know if you have been with your partner for a few years,and you find out that hes been texting one of your friends both doing this behind your back but no sexual contact is this classed as cheating?...
A. 29 October 2010: I say it depends on the content of said texts. I may text my GF's friend in secret if I'm trying to plan a surprise for my GF, or maybe try to come up with gift ideas that I don't want my GF to know about. It could be completely innocent. Who ... (read in full...)
Devastated after my mother's death. Help me..
Q. My muother has just passed away and i feel i cant cope any more i just dont know what to do my life has been ripped apart i was so so close to her i dont know what to do any advise please!...
A. 29 October 2010: I think you need to find a grief councelor. What you're feeling is normal. Loss, especially of someone so very close, is very difficult. It will take time and effort. Seek the support of friends and family. In times of need they are your ... (read in full...)
Airports new "feel you up" measure is crossing the lines!
Q. ok. who was watching cnn this morning? airports are bringing in some new security measures and its getting personal. i watched (on cnn) an employee run her hand between and right under a female passengers breasts. they touch your butt and quickly ...
A. 29 October 2010: "Laws are designed to keep us all safe. In the current atmosphere of terrorism, it has to be accepted."
True, but by changing our fundimentals aren't we giving the terrorists just want they want? Our fear.... (read in full...)
Airports new "feel you up" measure is crossing the lines!
Q. ok. who was watching cnn this morning? airports are bringing in some new security measures and its getting personal. i watched (on cnn) an employee run her hand between and right under a female passengers breasts. they touch your butt and quickly ...
A. 29 October 2010: I wonder why people are so eager to give up their personal freedoms and privacy for a sense of security. That's all it is, a sense of security because these measures won't stop someone who's really determined. I fly at least a few times a year ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 29 October 2010: "Why can't men behave normally? And why women can't think straight?"
We do. We're much more straight forward than women in my experience. Men really are quite simple. We're also bound by our insecurities, societal norms and values, and our mora... (read in full...)
How do you tell if a boy likes you?
Q. how do you tell if a boy likes u...
A. 28 October 2010: Signals are signals, but the only way to know for sure is to ask him.... (read in full...)
How do you tell if a boy likes you?
Q. how do you tell if a boy likes u...
A. 28 October 2010: By asking him if he likes you or asking him out.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is only able to have sex once a day. Is it normal?
Q. My boyfriend and I are only able to have sex once a day. Then if it has been too many days in a row then he can't do it at all. Sometimes we can go a week without doing anything and he can still only go once, or have to wait a few hours to be able ...
A. 28 October 2010: Everyone is different. I'm older than him and I can go more than once a day, but who knows. If it's not a problem, then that's all that matters.
Many men masturbate, even when they have fulfilling sex lives. But that's not everyone.
Have... (read in full...)
Does it seem like she's interested?
Q. I’m a 17 year-old girl, and I like an older woman (29). I knew the first time I saw her that I liked her, and tried not to due to the age difference and the fact that I thought nothing would ever happen. But I can’t help it. For the past 18 months ...
A. 28 October 2010: She could have been busy and didn't feel like texting back and forth. Also, some people just aren't that in to texting. It could also mean that she senses you're interested in her so she cut you off. Still, she didn't completely cut you off, she ... (read in full...)
5 days ago I said something to my boyfriend that I regret and he hasn't contacted me since
Q. A week last sunday I said something to my boyfriend which I really regret and I didnt mean. Everyone gets wound up sometimes and for me I blew and blurted it out. Well since then hes not spoken to me, ive text a few times, called and last night ...
A. 28 October 2010: So this has been an insecurity of yours for a while that he's been working to overcome in other words.
I'd feel like giving up if I were in his shoes. It seems like he can't win. No matter how he may try to prove otherwise you just think he... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Sad, I know. Actually, I can think of one time it happened and one time it almost did. Once it happened on accident, but fortunately for me we were in a 69 and she was having one at the same time so she didn't care. Another told me she swallowed ... (read in full...)
5 days ago I said something to my boyfriend that I regret and he hasn't contacted me since
Q. A week last sunday I said something to my boyfriend which I really regret and I didnt mean. Everyone gets wound up sometimes and for me I blew and blurted it out. Well since then hes not spoken to me, ive text a few times, called and last night ...
A. 28 October 2010: That's mean, but not exactly a reason to cut off all communications.
If you start to talk again, make sure to not say such things out of spite.
Then again, he may have cut communication because you called him out and the game was over. Hard ... (read in full...)
Stress taking its toll with LDR
Q. My boyfriend of two years and i have just become a long distance relationship due to college. We live 4 hours apart and the new surroundings and stress-ors have taken a tole on us. Neither of us are losing love for each other but because of the ...
A. 28 October 2010: Can we get an example?
LDR's are really tough, and rarely work out. You can see why first hand. You both need to decide that if this is something you really want to continue, then you can't get upset about the small stuff. Communic... (read in full...)
Could drinking interfere with the results of a pregnancy test?
Q. i think im pregnant because my period is over a week late. im 15 years old and very worried as the potential father is 21. i have had nearly every other sign so i took a pregnancy test today and it was negative but i was drinking last night and ...
A. 28 October 2010: It may have interfered. Why not take one more test just to be sure?... (read in full...)
I can't give in to my husband's sexual demands and now he's sulking
Q. I'm 46 been married 28 years. my husband demmands me to do things sexually that i'm not comfortable with. I've always gave in in the past but his recent demmand i just cant do. I've tried it but i dont like it. we have been fighting about it for 3 ...
A. 28 October 2010: You should never be forced to do anything you're not comfortable with. Plain and simple. Part of a relationship is compromise. He's acting like a spoiled child who got his toy taken away. Verbal abuse isn't the answer.
Ideally, you two need... (read in full...)
5 days ago I said something to my boyfriend that I regret and he hasn't contacted me since
Q. A week last sunday I said something to my boyfriend which I really regret and I didnt mean. Everyone gets wound up sometimes and for me I blew and blurted it out. Well since then hes not spoken to me, ive text a few times, called and last night ...
A. 28 October 2010: What did you say? That will influence the severity of his reaction. It's hard for me to give any advice because I don't know if he's overreacting or not.
You just need to give him space right now. He has to figure out what he wants and how he w... (read in full...)
How do you hire a private detective?
Q. How to hire a private investigator? Is it expensive? I need professional help to discovery truth about my suspicion. ...
A. 28 October 2010: Have you tried searching the yellow pages or google? They typically advertise. ... (read in full...)
Can I make a woman happy with a small penis?
Q. hello people, I am not a native speaker of English. If I make mistakes, pls forgive me. if you do not have this problem, I don't think you can fully understand what it feels like to have a small penis. My character has unfortunatelly b...
A. 28 October 2010: That's enough to make a woman happy. Really it's only slightly under average. I do think you're torturing yourself without reason.
If you're worried about pleasing a woman, learn how to perform oral sex on her. For many women, this is much bet... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't used to someone saying no to him!
Q. my now ex boyfriend has been used to girls running after him and doing anything for him, ive told him to leave me alone as ive got things that i want in life also, and a relationship is a two way thing. Hes also a jealous person. So whats his ...
A. 28 October 2010: Possibly, or maybe he likes that you're not as easy as the others have been. Some guys like a challenge. Stick to your guns.
You also may have damaged his ego and he's trying to get back at you. It's hard to say.... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and dating a 42 year old married man!
Q. I've kind of dug myself a grave here. I'm dating a man who's 42, and I'm only 18. But there one huge problem that I used to let slide but now it's starting to get to me. He's married. I used to just brush it off, but every time I see his and her car ...
A. 28 October 2010: You're his sex toy and he's a smooth talker. Learn your lesson here. Any man willing to cheat on his wife is bad news. Period.
Don't waste any more time with him. He doesn't love you. He won't love you. He'll deny you the second his wife fin... (read in full...)
Are we doomed to keep repeating the same pattern?
Q. So here's my situation. I have been seperated from my ex of over 8yrs for about 2months ish. In the first month we still used to see each other quite alot and usually end up in bed but then all of a sudden she cut contact with me. I started to think ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good luck! I hope that things work out for you.... (read in full...)
How do I get myself together and what do we do now?
Q. When i get angry sometimes, I tend to say stuff I dont mean(names or things, that I manipulate him into believeing) I hurt him, and was lowering his self esteem, He wasnt happy so he got out. WHat do I say he said hes not holding grudges but he also ...
A. 28 October 2010: We've discussed change, so I won't get into that. The problem of taking an argument to a inappropriate place happens a lot. The only way you'll get better at this is with practice. Practice staying on topic. Find a friend who is willing to help ... (read in full...)
I have a probation officer, should I tell my boyfriend?
Q. I need help debating on if I should tell my boyfriend, that I have been with for over 5 years, that I recently got charged with stealing from my job. It's been a year or so and I now have a probation officer. I've never been in deep trouble like ...
A. 28 October 2010: I think it's best if you tell your BF. If I were in his shoes I'd want to know. Frankly, I'd be more hurt by the fact that you kept this whole thing a secret from me for over a year now than by the fact you are now on probation. Everyone screws ... (read in full...)
I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral!
Q. I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral... this might turn out really long, in a way I just want to vent, but also some words of advise or opinions that can make me feel better w...
A. 28 October 2010: Thank you for the followup! You've got a great attitude about sex and I think your BF is luckier than he likely realizes.... (read in full...)
First time am having sex in my life need to have some suggestions!
Q. Me and one of my friend but she's really not my girl friend we gonna have for first time and me for first time having sex she asking me to keep my penis inside her am just scared to do that and she want me to cum in her mouth bcus fist time I'm ...
A. 28 October 2010: If that's what she wants, then why not let her have it?
Performing oral on a woman is great, have fun.
Please do use protection. ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 28 October 2010: It's hard to say if that behavior means anything. He's probably interested on some level but it's hard to say how interested. I can say I'm 90% sure he won't make a move. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 28 October 2010: Good point Gabrielle. Let me rephrase, your attitude about sex is special. As is yours Smiliek. I hope to meet a woman with similar feelings toward sex someday.
Do guys prefer a handjob or bj when getting a "release?"
This guy prefers a bj... (read in full...)
What distinguishes boy from man?
Q. This is a question mostly for guys but input from the ladies is also appreciated. My question is: What distinguishes boy from man?...
A. 27 October 2010: Maturity ... (read in full...)
I tried to get her interested in me, never planning on following through, and now I've got a problem!
Q. I've got myself into an awkward position. I am married 12 years with two children, very happy and wouldn't change that for the world. I love my wife dearly. However, there was a similarly aged lady at work who I thought was quite attractive, she ...
A. 27 October 2010: Well, you could start being cold toward her. I'm assuming you didn't do anything physical with her, so neither of you have crossed that line hopefully. Switch your signals. Either that, or tell her the truth and apologize. It all depends on how ... (read in full...)
Why does he criticize me but not do anything to help?
Q. I lost my job few months ago and been very stressed lately dat i'v lost weight. My fiance always complain abt my clothes dat r now bigger dan me bt he doesn't buy me anything. He buys himself clothes every now and den and sumtyms when i'm wit ...
A. 27 October 2010: No he has the problem. If you are unemployed, how are you supposed to afford things like clothes, which you don't need right now. You have bigger concerns like keeping a roof over your head, food on your plate, and finding a new source of income. ... (read in full...)
Moving On From One Night Of Horror In A Happy Marriage Of 10 yrs??
Q. I've been married now for almost 10 years. My husband and I have what most people consider a great relationship. We don't argue or stupid things and when we do, the fights don't involve name calling, profanity, or low blows...and we make up ...
A. 27 October 2010: I don't think you will be able to move on until you can get him to talk about what happened. I think what you're feeling is completely normal.
Tell him that you want to talk about it so that you can move on. You're locked into fear and doub... (read in full...)
Why does he keep asking "what are you thinking"?
Q. Recently me and a guy friend met up for drinks and i ended up staying over at his place. He has a girlfriend and nothing happened between us that night. The thing i find a bit odd is when we got to his we were a bit worse for wear me more so than ...
A. 27 October 2010: Because he wants you to tell him you're thinking about what would happen if you two fooled around (basically the same thing he's thinking about). That would be the cue he wants for him to try something with you. He's basically trying to figure out ... (read in full...)
What is my girlfriend thinking?
Q. So heres my problem: My girlfriend hasnt been so affectionate lately so i brought it up with her and asked if there was something wrong and if she wanted to talk about anything. so she kinda gave me round about answers like "idk" and such so ...
A. 27 October 2010: 2 months. I think that helps make my case.
Thanks for the followup.... (read in full...)
Should I keep my baby? It's all up to me....
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and now im 4 weeks pregnant. Im 19 years old and I don't feel I'm ready to be a mother. I want an abortion but I'm scared to kill my baby, most of all, I'm afraid he won't be there during and after the ...
A. 27 October 2010: I'm not going to offer an opinion but I am going to say that if you choose to get an abortion, then the sooner the better.... (read in full...)
Please give me some ideas on how to find a girlfriend!
Q. Hello guys this is undead here for the first time in my lifer am planing to get a girlfriend and gf means not just for flirting or to have sex with her for everything and I want to stay with her for whole she got to be my first best and last gf so I ...
A. 27 October 2010: You want a good girl who's likely interested in commitment, then church is the place to look.
The other aunts here have given some good advice, but I didn't see this one yet, so good luck.... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken at being dumped because we got uninvolved with each other's daily lives... I need to hear some different perspectives!
Q. Ive had a relationship before, and ive been dumped before. This time its worse. Basically, ive been going out with him for a while now, and it might just be me but i get used to things, i get attatched and when they leave i cant cope myself...
A. 27 October 2010: This relationship was doomed if he was willing to walk away so quickly into going to college. It's best if you can grieve the lost relationship and move on. I know that what you're feeling is very intense, but this guy bailed at the first ... (read in full...)
Was my wife just joking about us becoming swingers?
Q. my wife and i were talking about our sex the other night and i said maybee we need to spice things up. she says maybe we should be swingers. i asked if thats what she wants she said yes. a min later she says she was just kidding. i just dont know if ...
A. 27 October 2010: Moo's Mum is right, ask her seriously this time.
Unless you both are fully on board, I wouldn't suggest the swinger lifestyle. You open yourself up to lots of problems for your relationship, jealousy and STD's beging the big two.
I'd venture i... (read in full...)
Jealous partner, what do I do?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for just over 2 months now, I've been really happy in the relationship, we are happy together and nothing has gone wrong so far, well that's what I thought. We went out to a party the other night and he went to the toil...
A. 27 October 2010: Your mom is exactly right. It will likely get worse. It might even extend to things from your past.
Think about it this way. You were at a party. Presumably there were a lot of people around. You were socializing, which is what you do at a ... (read in full...)
The slightly immature girlfriend... help!
Q. my girlfriend is awsome. until a few months ago, we are constantly fighting and it sucks. she gets mad when i dont send her a txt message first to say "hey whats up?' i am a person who doesnt txt for no reason and i have told her that but she doesnt ...
A. 27 October 2010: You have a couple options. You can wait it out and hope she matures, or you can walk away. Really, all that text BS is just looking for drama. She sounds like a drama queen to me and I couldn't take that crap. I think your best bet is to walk ... (read in full...)
I don't want to spoil his new-found fun with his long lost daughter but how do I get him to see our daughter needs quality time too?
Q. Hi my husband of three years, has a daughter by a previous relationship and hasnt seen her for 5 years. The Ex now says its ok for him to see her. I am ok with that, but in the 3 years we've been married he has worked almost every week 6 or 7 days a ...
A. 27 October 2010: Right now he's trying to make up for lost time. Instead of forcing him to plan something, why don't you plan a family activity for him to spend some quality time with you and your daughter? This way he'll have less stress about it and do what ... (read in full...)
What is my girlfriend thinking?
Q. So heres my problem: My girlfriend hasnt been so affectionate lately so i brought it up with her and asked if there was something wrong and if she wanted to talk about anything. so she kinda gave me round about answers like "idk" and such so ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think it's good you talked about it. You sensed a problem and addressed it. Excellent work.
With regard to her, it's hard to say. Of course, being a guy I'm probably not the best person to read your GF's mind. Usually big questions like she... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're a special girl Gabrielle, and I envy your partner. The only girl I've met who had a similar attitude to you as far as sex turned out to be a manipulative psycho. That relationship never would have lasted so long if the sex wasn't so ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 27 October 2010: Good questions, and no you're not all alone, I keep checking in and referring people in situations similar to yours back to this thread.
Can a guy have enough sex that he doesn't need to masturbate?
Yes and no. I've found that (at least in my ... (read in full...)
I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral!
Q. I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral... this might turn out really long, in a way I just want to vent, but also some words of advise or opinions that can make me feel better w...
A. 26 October 2010: I think it's good you denied him. Even if it felt bad, he can get a taste of the disappointment you feel at his refusal to reciprocate. I'm glad to hear that everything else is good. Tell him that his reaction to your request really hurt. This ... (read in full...)
Are we doomed to keep repeating the same pattern?
Q. So here's my situation. I have been seperated from my ex of over 8yrs for about 2months ish. In the first month we still used to see each other quite alot and usually end up in bed but then all of a sudden she cut contact with me. I started to think ...
A. 26 October 2010: Most of the time in situations like this you just keep repeating the same thing over and over and over. You've already done it 4 times.
This relationship isn't working. It is possible to love someone and still not be right for eachothe... (read in full...)
I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral!
Q. I'm getting sick and tired apart from frustrated by the fact that my boyfriend doesn't want to give me oral... this might turn out really long, in a way I just want to vent, but also some words of advise or opinions that can make me feel better w...
A. 26 October 2010: Long isn't so bad when you use paragraphs like this. Thumbs up! BTW, you'll be getting a long answer in reply.
Ok, lots of stuff going on here. I'll try to offer a guy's perspective on this issue.
First the easy one. Cumming on your ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 26 October 2010: Exactly my point there. When we want something to be true we will often read into what's not there. We will give meaning to the meaningless. We will interpret things to mean things other than what they were intended to mean. We build up a whole ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this crush? I hate it so much.
Q. Sometimes I feel I am in love. Sometimes it is not important at all. But I like him so much and the thought of his voice and words make me feel secure. The last few times we talked about some thing he lowered his voice so much that I could not...
A. 25 October 2010: Wow, I know how you feel. I had to leave my last relationship because of feelings I developed for someone else... The worst part is that she's taken and I won't tell her how I feel about her while she's in a relationship. It's a boundary I won't ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 13 October 2010: Welcome back Mia. Glad you got everything sorted out!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree. It is lazy. It also becomes harder to fantasize if you're constantly bombarding yourself with these images. The problem in my life is that I haven't found many women with comparable sex drives. Most of the women I've been with have ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: I agree to a point. I think part of the appeal of porn with regard to masturbation is that it is easy and highly accessable. Can I masturbate without it? Sure. The thing is that it takes longer. At least for me. If I just want to make it fast, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 7 October 2010: Ha! Just because they happen doesn't mean they need to be accepted. I see people who don't pay their taxes every day. Death is hard to cheat though.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 6 October 2010: Nobody ever has to accept anything they don't want to. I do believe that a lot of people believe that someone may have to accept something but the truth is that it is your right as an individual to make your own choices as to what you'll accept or ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 5 October 2010: I'm still reading it. :-)
I think that's because of the fact that it's viewed as "taboo." These are conversations that need to take place in a relationship. It makes the relationship stronger if both parties lay out their expectations for each... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 30 September 2010: I think you're right person12345, there is a bit of the ostrich syndrome going on here. I have some thoughts on this question though: "If she's already insecure and that makes it worse, why wouldn't he want to make her feel better?"
This is a sli... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 29 September 2010: OK Friends, we're opened back up. I just wanted to post a reminder to everyone to keep it civil. I haven't seen anything like that in a while, but it's still worthy of a reminder.
So, without further delay, please let the conversation continue... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Katy, I didn't realize you were the anon poster. However, I never said you don't belong here, just the negativity you were expressing.
I was pushing for contributions, not attacks. Please do contribute. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 2 September 2010: Anon poster, where your argument about men fails is your statement about their actions. Actions and thoughts are two very different things. Just because we may fantasize about something, that doesn't mean we will, or even we want to in reality, ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "Why is it you don't talk about 'masturbation addicts'"
LOL Mia, a masturbation addict will eventually be unable to even view porn since they'll go blind and have super hairy palms.
Don't you love those old wive's tales?
I also have pro... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 26 August 2010: "As for Dirtball's theory about masturbation is dirty, I think porn would actually lessen especially in how degrading it is if masturbation wasn't thought of as hidden and dirty."
I agree. When we're hiding something already, it becomes easier t... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 25 August 2010: "But lying as a teen to your mum is surely different to lying to your partner?"
It is and it isn't. Your point is valid and the way things should work ideally. The thing is that learned behavior is difficult to change. An example. I live alo... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 24 August 2010: Why is this "ok" to lie about?
It really isn't. You are right that a relationship built around lies doesn't have a real foundation. Now, what I'm about to type, is the justification.
It's not that it's ok to lie about it, it's that men ha... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: Be careful when you say such things, especially if the pig is around. He tends to get very funny ideas when you say "woman, naked, ogle"
Ha, Q isn't the only one who gets crazy thoughts in his head when he hears (or reads) those words. ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: If I had a gf who would take sexy pics of herself or star in a video with me, you better believe I'd watch that above anything else in my collection. The problem is that, like with just about anything, the same thing can get boring if repeated ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 23 August 2010: "sorry to drag it back, but im still at a loss as to what to say to women who post on here who cannot accept their partners porn use, but love him and do not wish to leave the rship. If he wont stop (even if he only does it sometimes) what should ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: I should add, thank you for identifying yourself!... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Sorry person 12345... I was writing my response at the same time.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 22 August 2010: Anon, she says you're hiding because you haven't signed up and given us a user name to call you.
As for the prevalence in today's society... I blame "girls gone wild." My mom had an argument with one of my brother's girlfriends once because ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: I'm going to step out of the porn discussion for a second and address the Neuroscience issue (as this was one of my primary collegiate areas of study).
What you see activating in the brain of an addict during a scan is their dopamine centers.... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 21 August 2010: My point is that "normal, mainstream porn" can be all the things I listed. It's all out there for anyone with internet access. Even in your "expert" opinion you have to see you're over generalizing. Also, just because something is out there, it ... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: I'm with Tisha. There is every kind of porn out there under the sun.
You've got the ones where they are actors with lines and are playing out a scenario. Heck, I just saw a XXX parody of "That 70's Show." It was hardly degrading. It was funn... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 20 August 2010: Wow, this thread really exploded didn't it.
First. To LucyLoos. I was the responder who discussed my sex drive. I find it admirable that you've been able to enhance yours to meet your husband's needs. That's excellent. My first choice i... (read in full...)
Why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?
Q. ok, so my question is simply 'why is there no middle ground when it comes to porn?' It seems there are two sides, those for porn, and those totally against it. I have read many a question about porn on here, and there are the guys and some women who ...
A. 19 August 2010: "I love the man i met, i dont have any need or want to change him. I may not love the man he became if he tried."
Of your whole post (which I agree could really have used paragraphs) this is the sentence that summed up my stance on this topic. ... (read in full...)
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