I cheated on him, now he wants me to pay
Q. Hey! So, cheated on my bf and I know it was bad and all. So, please, please, please, no judgment. Trying to win him back. He says he loves me, but his trust is gone. Then he came over to my place tonite and tried real hard to have sex.I refused cos ...
A. 23 September 2011: I suspect he has fantasized about debasing and degrading someone for some time. Now he thinks your recent indiscretion gives him the perfect opportunity to bring it to fruition without looking like a tyrant.
You're better off without him. He will ... (read in full...)
He contacted me. Now he's ignoring me. Is he having second thoughts because he's married? Or jealous that another guy is interested in me?
Q. An old high school flame contacted me on facebook after 10 years. We were in love and we had to break up due to his move to another high school. He met a woman nothing but a year after we broke up and he is married to her now with a child. I am...
A. 22 September 2011: In addition to what the others have said...
Meeting this old flame for cofee, pure or otherwise is definitely NOT smart. You've just finished telling us your old feelings came back after speaking to him once. To have any more contact with this man... (read in full...)
On off boyfriend of 4 years doesn't want to date but wants to borrow money!
Q. Hi Cupid, I've been dating this Scorpio Guy on and off for about 4 years. Now he had broke up with me and told me that we were not compatible but wants to borrow money and he says he's in love with me. I'm so confused what kind of game is he playing ...
A. 22 September 2011: There is nothing to be confused about. When someone's words don't match their actions, you go by their actions.
Decline his request and sever ties. Problem solved. ... (read in full...)
How did he get Chlamydia?
Q. I have been with my partner for over 2 years, we have had a few tough weeks. he has been depressed as he has lost his job and feels a failure, which of course I tell him he is not. He has been a bit agitated for a few weeks,today he rang me and told ...
A. 22 September 2011: I'm with tennistar on this. 100%.... (read in full...)
Does these seem like normal husband behavior? Or is he embarrassed by me?
Q. I am curious about this. I know my husband loves me but I feel that he is embarrassed by me. Here is my reason: he doesn't seem to want me to speak or hang out with any of his friends (both male and female,) and behaves as if when I do spea...
A. 22 September 2011: 'I feel like he wants my support but not to let anyone know I'm there'...That about sums it up in my opinion. He isn't in love with you. He's using you as a security blanket. He wants you to give but gets annoyed when you expect something in ... (read in full...)
Do you think he sees me as his girlfriend?
Q. so ive been sleeping with this guy for about 5 months and we do alot of things that couples do. we text and talk to each other everyday he invites me over to his house to just hang out. he has invtes me to go with him to his friends/ cousins. he has ...
A. 22 September 2011: Hard to say. He seems to be treatng you like a girlfriend, but some people like having all the perks of a relationship (besides just the sexual) without the commitment. I recommend you not ask him, but TELL him you're operating under the assump... (read in full...)
I cheated on my wife. Should I tell her?
Q. I cheated on my wife 14 years ago. I didn't have an affair. It was just one day in a motel room with an ex-girlfriend. I felt terrible about it even as it was happening. My wife does suspect something may have happened. In fact, I think she susp...
A. 21 September 2011: There are valid moral arguments to be made for and against telling your wife.
One the one hand, witholding information which would influence her choices in the future is unfair. On the other, getting this off your chest plants it squarely... (read in full...)
I can't figure him out. Is he a real GIGOLO as he says, what's up with him?
Q. I have a male friend with whom first were co-workers now just friends. I was his confidant when his Girlfriend dumped him 6 months ago, so I know he's still very hurt. He's been a BIG flirt with the ladies so he's always telling me he's having some ...
A. 21 September 2011: The truth is you don't want 'just sex'. You want an exclusive relationship and you're trying to bait him with sex hoping it will lead to one. He knows that which is why he's keeping you at a safe distance. The way to 'get him off those other girl... (read in full...)
I always make fun of girlfriend's class and stuffs...How should I get rid of this habit?
Q. Dear Cupid, I always make fun of my girlfriend’s class and her middle class dressing and stuffs . Actually she is from middle class and I am from extremely rich family and we are in a relationship for the last four years and will make it off...
A. 21 September 2011: Your girlfriend isn't bluffing. The reason she used to just smile wasn't because of how funny you were or how envious she was, but because of how foolish you made yourself look. Your behaviour makes those of means cringe as well. Every group ha... (read in full...)
Do people look badly upon me if I tell people that I think they are attractive?
Q. Just looking for some opinions on my behaviour and how it would make you feel and to be honest how it makes me look. When I find someone attractive I tell them. I am not interested in being with any of them but always tell them if they are sexy or...
A. 21 September 2011: It depends on how well you know them, how you say it and the circumstances under which it is said. Sharing unsolicited opinions about someone's appearance, be they complimentatry or critical, assumes a certain familiarity with that person and ... (read in full...)
My husband had a 2 hr long, intimate conversation with a girl and I cannot believe this is happening to me. What do I do now?
Q. First of all, I would like to thank everybody that takes the time to answer my question. I would just like to know what people consider cheating in a marriage, or if anyone has been in the same situation. I am 24yrs old, married for t...
A. 21 September 2011: I definitely consider that cheating. Pursuing another woman online is no different to pursuing her in real life. Not only was the conversation itself inappropriate, but he planned to have more of them on the sly. And those conversations wo... (read in full...)
Car or bed?
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better?...
A. 21 September 2011: Neither. I realise that your resources are limited, but both options are risky and tacky.... (read in full...)
In a Love Triangle -- What to Do?......
Q. so me and my ex boyfriend was together for a year and a half. so in the spring time around march- april he tells me that he wants to be my friend . now this wasnt the first time that he had told me that really like the third time . so i finally got ...
A. 21 September 2011: I think you're right. You do need some time to yourself.
Whatever choice you make it should be the one that is right for you, not the one that hurts your ex the least. HE was the one who wanted to be friends, remember? His feelings are for him ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble resisting the temptation ...
Q. Here is the situation. I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, although the past year has been semi-long distance since she moved an hour away to attend school. I love her very much but we aren't as intimate as we used to be and I only ...
A. 21 September 2011: I recommend keeping your friend at a comfortable distance until this hunger abates. To tempt or indulge that appetite is to whet it. And the baggage you'll be carrying around afterward is not worth the momentary pleasure you might get from it.
... (read in full...)
How do I discuss with my daughter any future contact she has with him if it is the case that he really is mentally ill? And how can I get a healthy and less victim-like view on how he has treated me?
Q. I got married when I was very young and the marriage lasted around four years. My home life prior to that had been extremely chaotic with a severely schizophrenic/violent elder sister and an abusive mother. In contrast my husband seemed calm, but I ...
A. 19 September 2011: Not only is there no strict criteria, the criteria that does exist (for many if not most of these illnesses) is so vague that it can apply to anybody at a given time. This tendency to label anyone who misbehaves or makes poor choices as mentally ill ... (read in full...)
Shall I initiate another 'where is this going conversation' and if he is not budging then accept that the relationship has no future and split with him or do I wait until he brings it up?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 28 and in an intercultural, inter-racial relationship with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He is Egyptian muslim (33 years old) and I am white British liberal muslim. We're both doctors. I've not met his siblings (2 sisters) except ...
A. 19 September 2011: Like the others I strongly advise against having anty more of these 'where is this relationship going?' conversations. The statement itself is disempowering. It tells the recipient that they have all the power and that you will hang around until ... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong? I didn't mean to be, I had her best interests at heart!
Q. Okay; I'll try to keep a long story short. I have a friend who I've known for about a year and a half who I'll refer to as M; we'd speak every single day, talking for hours on end. We'd talk about really deep things as well as just genuinely ...
A. 19 September 2011: M obviously wasn't ready to leave F yet. She probably figures that you, being a more reasonable person, can be reconciled with later. For now being against you brings her closer to F. They're both united against a common foe.
M wasn't confiden... (read in full...)
Should I have a baby with this married man?
Q. I have a serious question that I know will ruffle A LOT of feathers but I'm sorry, I really need advice, I've been seeing a married man for a while and were very close, best friends more than lovers. Recently I have been getting urges to have a ...
A. 18 September 2011: No, I do not think you should have a baby with your married lover. I'm going to resist to urge to voice moral objections and simply focus on the logistical issues. Most of us are fortunate enough to be a welcome surprise to our parents. Your ch... (read in full...)
Fiance not holding up his end, should I move back home?
Q. It's been a year since I've moved from California to Nebraska with my fiancé and our 16 month old due to employment for my fiancé, I was able to transfer companies. He is no longer working and is now in the court system, things are not what he ...
A. 18 September 2011: If everything else is working out well for you in Nebraska, then why not stick around a while? Go it alone. You can return to California any time so there is no rush.
You're already a single parent. You might as well make it official. Don't wa... (read in full...)
Online dating..men who say they don't want children
Q. Hi All I have a bit of a silly question..... Recently I decided to take the plunge into the scary world of online dating. I didn't know what I would find or if it would work for me (at present, it hasnt - mainly old men, people who are uneducat...
A. 18 September 2011: This really isn't a question for just men since both men and women state their preferences on dating sites for the same reasons.
OP, I agree with the male anon who said that if a man says he does not want kids, take his word for it. He may chan... (read in full...)
My wife has started telling lots of lies. She I confront her about it?
Q. I always believed my wife to be a very honest person. She would never steal, cheat, or otherwise be unethical. She works with large amounts of money as part of her job. I have never really caught her in a lie to me and we have been together...
A. 18 September 2011: The lies she is telling are not designed to defraud or take advantage of others. They are the only way she knows how to avoid being over extended without feeling guilty about letting anyone down. She seems to think that she must have a 'valid ... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend of over two years commit?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2years but he doesn't seem like he wants to commit and i don't think i can wait any longer. We've spoke about getting engaged but he doesn't seem interested and the same with a baby, theres always ...
A. 18 September 2011: I agree. You're still very young and there is no rush to make any big commitments. However if that is what you want and you're ready for it then I suggest you find someone who wants the same. You cannot make your boyfriend do anything and trying to ... (read in full...)
How do I break off contact with him so we can still be friendly?
Q. I really like this guy, but I think he just wants to be friends. In order for me to move on I want to end contact with him. The problem is we text and phone each other every day, if I don't text him, he gets really annoyed! To be honest I really ...
A. 18 September 2011: Friendly or friends? Do you just want to be civil with him if you pass him in the street or do you want to keep in regular contact with him? If it's the latter, is it because you actually do want to keep in touch or is it to prevent him from being ... (read in full...)
My sexting friend has made it clear he's going to have sex with other girls until we meet up!
Q. I recently started talking to a guy i used to go to school with and we been flirting and sex-txting back and forth. He says he really likes me but however he lives quite a bit away. We have talked about meeting up again and seeing how we get on but ...
A. 17 September 2011: His declaration is not a demonstration of integrity, but a display of his vulgarity and proof of just how unconcerned he is with offending you.
To this sort of person honesty is not a means of building trust, but of triggering insecurity in other... (read in full...)
Should I insist on a paternity test?
Q. I'm very angry at a friend for telling everyone her daughter is my child. This woman and her husband were close friends of my X wife and I years ago. The girl does resemble me, but I never had any kind of sex with this woman. Now half the town is ...
A. 17 September 2011: A damaged reputation is reason enough to pursue legal action. I wouldn't let this go. Speak to a lawyer. ... (read in full...)
I despise my married lover...he's a liar...so how do I get out of this one?
Q. How am I going to be able to last the next 7 weeks with my boyfriend when he makes my skin crawl? He is married and I've been seeing him for a couple of years. Earlier this year we booked a holiday for november but I'm having serious second t...
A. 12 September 2011: If he won't buy you out of the trip then let him eat the cost himself. You did give him a choice.
Don't go just to protect him from wasting money.... (read in full...)
Why is my son reacting this way to her absence?
Q. I am a 35 year old widowed father of a 7 year old son. His mother died a few years ago from drugs. I own my own business, which has been doing well, but is time consuming. So, I had hired a nanny to help care for my son. I began dating a w...
A. 12 September 2011: He may be particularly anxious if he has linked his misbehaviour with her sudden departure. He may also have similar thoughts about his mother.
We tend to assume that children feel powerless in a crisis or that they recognize their small place in... (read in full...)
Should I email him again?
Q. Hi, I am current registered on an online dating website and had a first email from a guy the same age as me within a couple hours of registering. We were emailing back and forth for seven days - we appeared to have a lot in common and were getting...
A. 12 September 2011: First of all, try to relax. The whole point of being on a dating site to is meet people. One has to assume that until they enter into a formal, exclusive arrangement, that is exactly what is going on. That is not the same as playing games. From... (read in full...)
My art student wife has chosen our friend as her nude model. They have hooked up in the past. Should I be worried?
Q. My wife and I are married a few years now. She is a teacher, and is taking graduate classes for her masters degree. She is very interested in the Arts, and is going to become certified in Art/Drama along with the regular education certification she ...
A. 12 September 2011: Your wife may not want to share you with her class, or she may have assumed that you wouldn't want to do it so I can understand her not asking you.
Approaching a former lover instead of an anonymous model is inappropriate. It's not that I think sh... (read in full...)
I am seriously broke right now because of him
Q. Dear CUPID!! I'm 23 my boyfriends 35. He recently got fired from his job and has been asking me for money. I recently lent him 2 hundred bucks to attend a football game. I am seriously broke right now because of him. I know he lost his job and I do ...
A. 12 September 2011: Helping a friend out with necessities once in a while is one thing, but you don't set yourself back to provide someone with luxuries.
Your boyfriend isn't the one putting you in financial distress. You are by not saying 'no'.
... (read in full...)
Is a relationship worth the risk of being cheated on?
Q. I have always had a fear of relationships but what really scares me is if I ever fell in "Love" that I would be cheated on. Ive heard and read stories of people that are in happy relationships and then one day they wake up and realize their partner ...
A. 12 September 2011: This is the exception and not the norm. The reason we hear about these cases is not just because of how painful they can be but how unusual they are.
The rewards are worth the risk.... (read in full...)
We both have partners but I really like him, am I living in a fantasy world or should I make a move on this guy?
Q. I am in a relationship that is going nowhere. My partner, though a good father to our child is a non violent alcoholic whom is emotionally abusive. Though I love him, I don't believe I am in love with him anymore. A few months back I met a man ...
A. 12 September 2011: Your child is important, but don't lose sight of your own wants and needs. You deserve to be happy too.
In any event...you're very welcome and best of luck.
... (read in full...)
Would you have a relationship with a bi polar person?
Q. Hi, I'm very worried about being able to have a nice relationship. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I don't have a severe case of it, but.. I really don't know what else to say about it. Anyway, would you have a relationship with som...
A. 12 September 2011: I don't recognize bi-polar as an actual medical illness, therefore I don't consider anyone who has been diagnosed with it crazy. So to answer your question, yes, someone labelled bi-polar would still be date-able. ... (read in full...)
Why does my partner keep toying with my feelings? Why can't he just let me go?
Q. My partner and I have been together 2 years we have a one year old daughter (he told me he could not have children) things have not been right for a long time and I don't know what I have done wrong, he tells me I need to change, criticises the way ...
A. 12 September 2011: He is trying to gain more control in the relationship by guilt tripping you into giving him his way as a penance for past wrongs, real or imagined.
It may also be that he wants more freedom in the relationship or to be out of it altogeth... (read in full...)
Has anyone worried about having an unattractive child?
Q. so this isnt a bf/gf type question but i do need a bit of advice. Has anyone ever been worried about having an unattractive child? It may seem selfish....but i cant believe im the only one who has ever worried. Help please?...
A. 12 September 2011: I'm assuming this question is asked out of fear that if your child is unattractive they may be treated badly by their peers? If so the answer is yes. Anything that I thought might cause unhappiness in my child was cause for concern in me, just as it ... (read in full...)
Is my jealously out of place?
Q. So I've been hanging with this guy for about a month now, we text everyday - I don't have to initiate every contact, he will randomly text me. A few weeks ago we talked about how neither of us were looking for a relationship quite yet, but we didn't ...
A. 12 September 2011: Your co-worker might have assumed you two were in a relationship. Instead of sex, imagine you and he had simply gone out on a few dates (out to dinner or something). There would be an unspoken understanding that you were both free to go out w... (read in full...)
Not sure what the 3:00 a.m. text meant?
Q. I met a guy a few weeks ago and he has called me to meet up several times since then. I had dinner with him last night and he asked me to let him know if I wanted to meet him again this week. I got home, texted him asking about something (in a ...
A. 12 September 2011: He told you what it was about.
It is extremely rude to call or text someone at that hour unless it is an emergency and family would be the logical people to contact for that. The fact that he would do so, to rant of all things, suggests he doesn... (read in full...)
Why is a married woman telling me about her sexual past?
Q. I need to know why a married woman would tell a guy she knows that she has only had one sexual partner in her life, which is her husband? If you were a guy and a married lady told you that, what would you think her intentions were? I don't think ...
A. 12 September 2011: It depends on the context in which this information was shared, how good a friend she is to you (or thinks she is) and how discreet she is normally.
It's far too soon to read anything more into it.
It's interesting that the women who respon... (read in full...)
Why did he suddenly stop texting?
Q. I've been dating a guy for about a month now, he works away Monday to Friday and comes home on Fridays. For the first two weeks we would text constantly and they would be sweet and I'd be smiling constantly. Last Sunday he left early coz I had ...
A. 12 September 2011: You asked for a male perspective, but I'm giving mine anyway.
Texting all day every day is way too much to sustain over the long haul. Not only do you run out of things to say, but if he keeps that up he'll be out of a job. So will you. Contacti... (read in full...)
Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?
Q. would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...
A. 12 September 2011: Suggesting this kind of business arrangement to one who is unfamiliar with the currency is highly suspicious. I think the one making the offer is hoping to capitalize on the inexperience of the other. Steer clear of this person.
I wouldn't... (read in full...)
What does he mean by "What's the next thing after like, that's how I feel about you"?
Q. hello ive been seen a fellow for a year now and everything was fine when i first met him he said he didnt want a relationship and i was seen him a weekends now hes saying i dont ever invite him out to my house and its not going any where and when i ...
A. 11 September 2011: Inform him, matter of factly, that 'it's not going anywhere' because he stated plainly that he did not want a relationship. All the things he's complaining about not having/doing are the sorts of things one has/does in a relationship. Then ask him ... (read in full...)
We both have partners but I really like him, am I living in a fantasy world or should I make a move on this guy?
Q. I am in a relationship that is going nowhere. My partner, though a good father to our child is a non violent alcoholic whom is emotionally abusive. Though I love him, I don't believe I am in love with him anymore. A few months back I met a man ...
A. 8 September 2011: As I see it, one man isn't any better for you than the other. They've both made commitments elsewhere and are unavailable to you. Your husband to booze. Your friend to his girlfriend.
It isn't your place to determine the strength or validity... (read in full...)
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