A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you ever be friends with an ex bf/gf who 'broke your heart' ? I was in a relationship for 3 years with a guy who I was really in love with and saw myself marrying one day. We talked about marriage and kids in the future, it was a pretty serious relationship. I was very happy with him. I never saw it coming when he broke up with me. He told me he felt we lost our initial spark we had in the beginning. He said he still loved me and cared about me but that he met another woman and wanted to get to know her better. I was obviously devastated but there was nothing I could do. I tried to make him stay like an idiot and he shut me down. He still continued to tell me he was sorry and still had feelings but that our break up was for the best. It was very confusing and frustrating and I just ended up blocking his number and we never talked again. It's been about 7 months since our break up and I still think about him often and miss him but didn't see a point in ever reaching out to him. Last night I got a Facebook message from him asking how I was doing and that he would really like for us to be friends. Mind you, he's still together with the woman he left me for...so I don't know why he's reaching out to me. If you were in my position would you try and establish a friendship with him? Or just ignore it and leave it be? I still miss him and care for him dearly but for some reason I would feel like an idiot for giving into that after he hurt me?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Heck no !
How would you proceed, then, with this "being friends " ?
Would you be introduced to his gf so that you could make friends with her too and hang out all three together some times ? Would she tell him " Darling, I am so sorry that I have to cancel our date last minute, but I have a splitting headache, I just want to take a painkiller and go to bed at once. I tell you what !, why instead don't you go and hang out with your good friend " the ex "? .
I don't think so. I imagine you would be a rather on the downlow friend.
Any friendship that your official partner must be kept in the dark about is not really a true friendship- it's just some variation of monkey business.
He is reaching out to you, either because he would not mind keeping his options open and having a plan B, and he thinks you could be receptive to the idea- or maybe because he feels guilty for breaking your heart and a lame " let's be friends " makes him feel better.
Just ignore him and block him. Or at most, if you want to be extra polite, just tell him " Thanks but no thanks " -and block him.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 March 2016):
 sounds like his new relationship might not be as awesome as he thought it was going to be.
And if the tables were turned and you were the new girlfriend and you found out that he was sounding out his previous Gf then I imagine you might feel betrayed.
if you open the door just a little and all those feelings come surging to the front, and even if he starts to feel that way too then think what could happen if you allow him back into your life - because that could give him the opportunity to break up with you a second time.
A second break from the same guy is much worse than the first break.
He had his chance with you and he blew it. He hurt you, and caused you emotional pain.
His actions back then said he was not 100% committed to you.
He could not see all that you are.
I understand you loved him and you still think about him but his actions toward you have not been loyal.
You may still want to be friends with him, after all civilized people can remain friends after a break-up.
However now is the time to rebuild your self esteem, consider some new activities that will bring you into contact with new people, and contemplate meeting a range of good people who you can relate to.
You deserve a loyal genuine real loving man who will cherish you above all others and who's eyes will not wander on a whim.
I suspect you want it to all work and be beautiful again with this guy. But look at his track record. I do think he was testing the waters with you. Though if he just wants to square things with you before he marries the other girl will just bring all the hurt back.
Whereas if the shine has worn off his new relationship then it's not very respectful to his current girlfriend, to sound you out, while he is still with the new girlfriend.
Which ever way you decide I wish to all the best for the future.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2016):
 "I'm fine. Moved on. Suggest you do same." Optional add-on: "Will decide on my own terms and in my own time what, if any, contact I'll have with you. So at this point, suggest you get on with your own life and leave me alone to do the same."
Then merrily block him on all fronts and do just that! :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 March 2016):
 NO, I wouldn't try and be friends with this one. You still carry some emotions for him around that aren't conducive to being friends. HE is not looking to be friends, he just want access to you and your life again. So HE can stop feeling bad about what he did.
Think about it, it has taken you 7 months to get to where you are now (in dealing with the break up) that will reset.
And what do you think will happen when his new GF finds out? What if she tells him her or me! and he chooses her, again? That would be pretty hurtful.
LET HIM go.
BLOCK him. If you feel you need to reply just tell him:" no thanks on the friendship." and THEN block him on all media, phone etc.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (6 March 2016):
No darling, no...no...no...You have done amazingly to get through seven months of healing and are in a stronger place. It all sounds so raw to you still...how dare he stir you up by contacting you at all after breaking your heart and leaving you for someone else! And for what? To selfishly offer you friendship? He has no understanding of the hurt and devastation he reaped on you...he does not deserve any part of you anymore. You don't deserve the possibility of further hurt- you don't know what reconnecting with him will do to you once more and you are less than a year since he broke you.You don't know his motive. Guess is he is edging his bets and not as happy as he thought he'd be...the grass is rarely greener. Why now? What would his current girlfriend make of this contact I wonder? She would view it very dimly I've no doubt...he likely wouldn't tell her! Me guess is their relationship is in trouble...smile to yourself that he is having some karma and delete and block. You are the strong one now...not him
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (6 March 2016):
 You did the right thing by going no contact and you are right that there is no point. Same with this Facebook thing: there is no point. Plus, human emotions are not a commodity where we can upgrade then downgrade our relationship with others. What brought you with him in the first place is romance, and now that romance is dead, nobody can press a button to downgrade it to friendship. To think that it's possible is to deceive oneself or hold false hopes that he will come back to you.
Just stay no contact.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Hi,
i would strongly encourage you to "not" reply to his msg.
Yes, you once loved him dearly, you still have feelings for him but he broke your heart.
You had to accept his change of heart and you moved on and survived.
The important thing to remember is that if your ex bf was totally in love with you and totally committed to you and the relationship that you both had, he'd still be with you and wouldn't have chosen another woman.
Also, he still has a relationship with this other woman.
You have to ask yourself, "why would i even want anything to do with an "ex" who left me for another woman and especially an "ex" who broke my heart?"
Most times when two people remain friends after breaking up, it's because they broke up amicably, or because they still have to maintain friendly contact, or simply contact.
ie: if there are children involved, or unless they chose to remain on friendly terms, even without children involved.
You have moved on with your life, you've done well and you've proven to yourself that you are strong, capable and independant and that you could manage without your ex bf, so why now re-place yourself in a position whereby you converse with somebody that you place you under potential stress/unhappiness in due time, if not now.
You don't need any of that and you need to remember your own true worth and not settle for a sub-optimum friendship and/or relationship.
It wouldn't be worth your while to re-kindle any type of connection with your ex bf, because even if he were to break up with his current gf and ask you and he to get back together, you would never be able to place 100% trust in him and his level of commitment to you, because history dictates that he was incapable.
Even if he has matured more, you would always be wondering if/when he may leave you again for another woman.
Also, if you and he did re-kindle, it'd certainly be on the rebounds on HIS part, because he is still with a woman right now and nobody should jump from one person to another, without having broken up, finding their own closure and taking a long break from dating.
Spare yourself any more pain and get on with your life, leaving your heart open to new/fresh love and a potentially much better relationship.
I wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (6 March 2016):
 No I wouldn't. Why subject yourself to what could possibly be more pain down the road? The past is the past and you can't go back, you can't change it and every time you see the man you will be reminded of how he hurt you. Why do it?
Delete the text, forget he contacted you and block him from ever contacting you again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2016): I would not. I don't see the point in remaining friends with someone like that. You deserve someone who treats you with respect. Him trying to reach out to an ex girlfriend (you) while he's with someone else (whom he left you for) kind of speaks volumes about his character as well. If you remain friends with him, you'll hear/see about their relationship (I think it's a natural thing for friends talk about their partners) and it's always going to be a reminder of his hurt to you. I agree with Aunty Bimbim, block him on all forms of social media as well as his number. Perhaps what you miss is the familiarity, I've had that from a previous relationship too. Like you, he left me for someone else and tried to be friends with me (cheated on me with her too). I deserve more than having someone toxic like that in my life (whether as a friend or partner). So do you. Stay strong :) What helped me get through it was a lot of emotional support from my friends and spending time with my family/taking up a new hobby. Have some me time and move on :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2016): Whenever I, personally, get dumped or bepreak up with an ex, I would normally want to still be friends with them. It is not ideal, and can lead to several issues in future relationships. If this person has broken your heart, you should let all your emotions out (by crying, shouting, ext) and then see hiow you feel. It is also good to ask a close friend to she what he or she thinks.
Hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Short answer: NO
Think about why a man, who knows he broke your heart and who is still with the woman he left you for would want to be friends with you .... what's in it for him?
Maybe he needs a back up plan in case his current relationship doesn't work out, he is putting a hook out there hoping to keep you dangling just in case ...
What's in it for you if you decide to unblock him and "be friends" what does being friends involve, what sort of friendship would he be able to offer you. Would he invite you around to his place if he is having a few friends around for a BBQ or party? A friend could expect to be invited to any major celebrations, like engagement parties, weddings and baby showers, is that what he is offering you?
Is that what you want?
I suggest his friendship wasn't worth the few minutes it took to read his message, do your self a favour and block him so that he cannot contact you anymore, block his number, block him on facebook and other social networking sites and get on with living your life, for you.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Well from a guys perspective and past experience... I exactly went through that same scenario with my ex. We were pretty close in our 4 years together and then she broke my heart. After a year we became friends again. For me if you really care for him as a person you love, you wont have second doubts about accepting him into your life again even as a friend. Yes my ex didnt leave me for another... But your ex he still cares for you enough to let you still be in his life...do you feel the same? As for you feeling like an idiot its only true if you still want him back, relationships are fragile if it breaks there are still pieces left between you two. Do you think what you shared together in those 3 years are worthless now that you are no longer together or do you think its still special. Because if you really shared so much with him before would you allow yourself to live your life without him.Yes I its only my opinion but cutting ties with someone you're close with is just unbearable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2016): follow your gut and avoid all contact. If you let him back in your life all the progress you made in the 7 months will be for nothing. Trust me if a guy truly loves you he doesn't just find another girl he happens to like. Good luck and stay strong your almost their.
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