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Will he take me back even though I have acted like a nutter?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Family, Friends, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 April 2019) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I posted once before - see http://www.dearcupid.org/question/everything-was-perfect-until-he-lost-his-nan.html

Since then it’s all been pretty messy.. I went a little psycho for a while, kept trying to contact him etc to which he completely ignored me. Our friends got involved and I almost quit my job because I couldn’t deal with seeing him anymore (forgot to mention in the original post that we work together). I was on the verge of quitting and then I had a bit of an epiphany and decided that I shouldn’t be leaving a job that I love because of a man..and that these feelings will pass. For months before this we made every effort to stay away from each other yet since I’ve been doing better it feels like he’s been making excuses to have contact with me professionally.. acting unnecessary and even stopping me in the corridor to reiterate a conversation that we had just had via email. We work at a high school and there was a fight that I helped break up and I was keeping one of the boys back and then suddenly he was next to me, cut me up, stood in front of me and then took the kid off - whilst I stood there stunned. As silly as it probably sounds I went from feeling vulnerable to feeling safe knowing that he was there and whilst it’s probably just him being a colleague or chivalrous I can’t help wondering if the fact it was me in harms way made a difference. It’s gone from no contact at all to us speaking about work on a daily basis.

There is A LOT of water under the bridge with us as our break up has been messy. He drunkenly tried it on with a friend of mine soon after we broke up and has since tried it on with every young female at our work (and been knocked back consistently)… yet now he’s even stopped paying them any attention. I went out on a work do a couple of weeks ago and managed all of an hour before deciding to go home. I asked one of my mates to wing woman him stating that “I don’t care who he gets with, just make sure he gets with someone please. I think I need that to happen so I can move on”. She said to me after that she tried but he’s not interested in anyone. Could this be him starting to change his mind? I still love him and I know that we’d never have even broken up in the first place had he not been having his own breakdown… I just don’t know what to think. It’s all been so bad and I thought he hated me yet recent events seem promising.

What can I do to get him back after acting like a nutter?

View related questions: broke up, drunk, move on

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A female reader, ConfusedCarrie84 United Kingdom +, writes (16 April 2019):

Jeez woman. How long are you planning to hold out for this loser? Are your standards so low that you are willing to put up with a man that behaves like a child? The energy you spend indulging him could me put elsewhere in your life. Like making new friends, acquintances or even a new man.

Trust me, you will end up regretting giving this guy the time of day. You also seem to be blind to this behaviour because you are stuck in the memories of good times with him. They are now gone. Move on.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 April 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with N91,

Let him go. He seems ALL over the place, EVEN trying to hook up with OTHER women at the work place, how LOW can he go?! Friends of yours?!

I think his attention to you is more about him feeling lonely than him wanting to re-start anything. YOU are there and obviously still single and still CARING.

I think for BOTH your sake's you need to nip this in the bud. He is still NOT in a good place to be dating, and if he CHOSE to DUMP you instead of relying on your for support, then how many times will he dump you when things get tough?

And least but not least, DATE outside your work place.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (14 April 2019):

N91 agony auntIf you were meant to be, you wouldn’t have broken up in the first place. He blames it on his ‘breakdown’, but surely that would be the time you’d need your partner the most? To help you through an upsetting time, not to break up with them. You need to accept that deep down there was a reason he wanted to end things. If he wanted to stay together her could of said to you that he needed space to work through things on his own. He could of asked for a week or two to himself and he would reach out if he wanted to talk. Breaking up shows that he wanted a permanent separation.

Now he feels like he may of made a mistake, so he’s doing anything he can to attract your attention and get back on your radar, but you need to accept that there was something happening for him that he saw as a dealbreaker. I’ve known many people go through stressful/upsetting people and use their partners as a support, not split up with them. Your ex must of wanted it deep down. Sounds to me like he misses you but it would be foolish to get back together. You’ve already considered leaving your job over breaking up with him once, why put yourself back into that situation? Not to mention he had no respect for you by trying to hook up with one of your friends.

Let this one go, accept things are over and find someone up date OUTSIDE of your working commitments.

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