A
female
age
,
*oldenlady09
writes:Dear Cupid, my girlfriend has been in an relationship with a married man for ten yrs. now she's also married. 2wks ago they were out of town together in a hotel. The guy paid for the room with his credit card and his wife tracked the hotel and called and asked for her husband's name, and they connected her, then she asked for my girlfriend, and called her by her name. I've told my girlfriend to put an end to this relationship, but they are into it to deep, I'm afraid someone will get physical hurt,. He' asked my girlfriend several times to leave her husband for him. He says he wants her to move to his state, he says the only reason he's still @ home is because of his his adult daughter whose still in college. What advise could u give me for my friend?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 February 2012):
 You give no advice. She's a grown woman making her own choices. Just because her choices are bad does not mean you have to comment on them.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 February 2012):
 You've given her your input. She's an adult, she makes her own choices, you can't 'fix' things for her. She has to do that herself, and more importantly, she has to WANT to fix those things herself. She clearly doesn't, so you are trying to help a woman who doesn't care to be helped.
If it's bothering you this much, distance yourself from her. I have friends and family members who worry so much for others' plights they make themselves ill. I would recommend you learn to draw boundaries for yourself in what is healthy and what is not. You're so focused on this, what are you ignoring that is good and right in the rest of your life?
Be well.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Why do you care? She doesn't!
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A
female
reader, Goldenlady09 +, writes (29 February 2012):
Goldenlady09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question My girlfriend and her male friend are still seeing each other. His adullt daughter has transferred to a college in the same city where they spend weekend getaways, and the same city where his wife called the hotel and asked for her by name. 2 weeks ago the wife was helping their daughter move, and my friend and her male friend spent the weekend there also. I told her that was risky, and they should have more respect for themselves, his daughter, and his wife. She said his response was, he's not thinking about his wife.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): What's the point of giving her advice? She already knows what she is doing is wrong but still does it. I doubt anything anyone says isn't something she already knows or hasn't heard before. Consequences and outcomes of extramarital affairs are very common knowledge so unless you carry some break through, undiscovered contribution to the subject of infidelity, I'd let sleeping dogs lie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): there's no need for you to give her any advice, your friend is a grown woman and can take responsibility for her bad decisions and face the consequences. she's been seeing this married man for 10 yrs so they probably will never stop their affair, anyway. what I wonder is why the guy's wife - even after tracking down the hotel - is still married to him??
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (15 January 2012):
 She is old enough to know better; it's not like she is a naive 18 year old girl. She has had 10 years to figure out what to do about this situation and she has chosen to continue her grand affair. They both must really like this gig, or they wouldn't be doing this for a decade. What's the point in showing your disapproval a decade later, or trying to be more firm with her? Your friend is a loser and is in good company of another loser. Don't damped their fun with realistic criticism. If she doesn't care what his wife had to say, she won't care for your words either.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Is this man doing his "adult daughter" any favours by having an affair while cheating on her mother?!! This isnt even an excuse!!
If your friend at her age refuses to see the situation as it is and get out of it, then there's nothing you can do about it. This is just about as messy and disgusting as it can get and considering that she hasn't paid any heed to your words so far, I suggest you stay away from this tangled web. Nothing you can say will make her any wiser, she's eventually going to do whatever she wants. Its not your problem, dont get too involved, tomorrow she might just turn around and snap at you to stay out of it. Let her deal with it
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Yes, Aunty BimBim has hit the nail on the head.
If your friend won't come to her senses after this nasty episode and your telling her to end it, there really isn't anything else you can do.
I seriously doubt the man would ever leave his wife for your friend. "My adult daughter is still in college" is a pretty poor excuse. His daughter IS an adult, she's out in the world now. she still has her mother, and her father doesn't have to be still married to keep in touch with/support her if he wishes to.
Nah. I feel sorry for your friend when HER husband finds out what's been going on - but how come he hasn't already? What did she tell him to account for her weekend getaway? That she was going with a woman friend? He could easily check THAT story.......Oh well.
Talk to her one more time, and emphasize that's her final warning. The last thing YOU need is for her husband to come "knocking on your door" accusing you of being an enabler in his wife's (10 year!) affair......
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (15 January 2012):
Even after his wife tracked them down and asked for the girlfriend by name their marriage is intact.
This reminds me of a real life friend who was in a similar situation. Her boyfriend's wife and she often traded insults ... it made HIM feel very desirable to have two women fighting over him.
He eventually made a decision, and ran off with his wife's best friend.
Your friend, just like my friend, is wasting her time. If you have already advised her to end the relationship there is not much more you can do for her. She's a grown woman, and if she choses to wear blinkers putting her future at risk (what happens when her husband has had enough and dvorces her sorry ass?)it's her choice. Not your problem, give her your advise one more time for the sake of the friendship and then move on.
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