A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice so please take the time and read my post. I have been with my h/b for 29yrs married for 21yrs,two years ago i found out he was having an affair with a 28 year old co worker i belive he was thinking of leaving me to be with her she was also married and my h/b was not her first affair.He admitted it all and told me he did it cos he was getting away with it and gave him a thrill,I was heartbroken he said it was only the once but the lies he had told me never added up so i asked him to leave as i belived he was lieing still, he then confessed that he had been cheating on me with different women since he had meet me.I gave everything to this man and i found it very hard to think that he was this person everyone who knew us was as shocked as i was.To cut a long story short,I forgave him and things were ok it was hard for me to try and forget what he had done there were times when i brought it up trying to get some answers and we would argue(before i found out we never rowed like we have been)he would hit me to shut me up this has been going on now for over a year everytime he says how sorry he is and he will never hit me again he loves me and so sorry for what he did and wants to prove to me he only wants me and for me not to bring up the past and look to the future.I dont know what to do does he love me like i love him i cannot sleep without pills i am a wreck i put on this brave face but underneath i am afraid of my future.The saying is once a cheater always a cheater/but what about the hitting?Thanks for reading
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Dear Anon,I would like to say that there are men that are not like him. There are men, friends of yours perhaps, that would gladly help you get out of the situation. These are the people you should be with. Find yourself a good guy. You can do better than that, no matter what he has said to you. No matter how many times he has hurt you. No matter what he has done to you. You are still a woman with her own gifts, talents, beauty, and worth. You have the right to be happy. If you need to talk DO NOT hesitate to message me. I will help you in any way. Vincenzo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): This is his way of controlling you so that he can remain guilt free for his own wrong doings. Do not put up with it. Read everything you can on domestic violence and the men who carry it out. If you stay you risk worse and worse treatment and your self worth will disappear - leaving you unable to get out of it. This is part of his plan. Get help. Get some money. Get out of there.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (12 January 2010):
 He is after 'excitement'. It is a type of 'dreaming'. You can live with such person after leaving your all expectation. It can be life of a ascetic. I cannot suggest any concrete suggestion, because he is doing rubbish thing in his mature age, and following thinking pattern of a childish age.
He is enjoying your sacrifice. Now, it is up to you to carry on such sacrifice?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 January 2010):
I'm sorry, but this marriage is over, and I really hope you can see that now. Your husband cheated on , and it now hitting you. All his promises are lies, all his words are lies, and he's a total waste of time. Let him rot. Clean him out for everything you can and move on. I promise there are better guys than this out there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): cheating is a crime, but hitting you into being a submissive wife is a worse crime. why, oh why do you stay with him. can you not see what he is doing toyou. he is making you feel worthless. how can this be love.love yourself but getting away from him. you know he will cheat again and you know he will hit you again. please help yourself and tell someone close to you about his physical brute force. you need help. FAST.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 January 2010):
 Your entire marriage is a sham. He has been unfaithful from the get go and now he's smacking you around. Take the S.O.B. to court, get a divorce and every damn nickel you can.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 January 2010):
Read ANYTHING about domestic violence and you will see that it does not get better EVER.
He's already said he wouldn't do it again, and then done it again.
What will it take to get you to see you need to leave this man?
I really hope you don't just become another story in the paper. Walk away now and don't end up dead.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (12 January 2010):
 What a terrible way to treat you!
I am sorry that my answer is going to hurt you, but if I were you, I would leave him. He's terrible. I don't consider him a man, I consider him a selfish, temperamental child. I can't imagine how hard it must be to leave a relationship that has been going on for such a long time, but don't let another second of your life pass you by.
I think it would help if you had someone to talk to... maybe a counselor? Or a pastor or clergyman? Or you could message one of us?
You shouldn't have to endure this alone.
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