A
female
age
,
*obody special
writes:I've been with my partner for over 20 years and I very much love him with all my heart. Yet I found myself at 43 entering into an affair with a younger guy. Didn't take me long to realize this was a big mistake and I returned to my husband, convinced it would never happen again. At 53 I found myself in a similar situation this time I moved the guy to my home and ask my husband to leave. This guy made me feel sexy and wanted convincing me he would be there for me I found myself thinking about my husband daily.I asked boyfriend to leave. Husband came home we had a few arguments but the relationship seemed better.Then I got sick. He had been home10 days. He packed and left after finding my boyfriend was staying nearby. I have no desire to be with my boyfriend but due to lies and deceit thru the affair he believes im still seeing him. I'm not. I only want my husband home and to fix us. I love him so much it hurts that I have put him thru all this. I'm at a loss on how to convince him I only want him. Can anyone give me advice?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 September 2016):
 You cheated on your husband .......... TWICE!
People don't just accidentally, somehow, kinda sorta fall into affairs, or just happen to get a bit mixed up one day, moving the boyfriend in and the husband out when what you really meant to do was buy a bag of apples.
I have a feeling the only reason you want your poor long suffering husband home is because you are sick and need somebody to look after you.
Answer me this, what's in it for him? And why in God's name should he trust anything you say to him, ever again?
Time for a reality check, and maybe, just maybe if you can admit your actions for what they really were instead of just something that happened to you, then maybe your husband might see some honesty happening and perhaps reconsider taking up with you again, but to be honest, unless you can offer him something more than you currently are you have Buckley's chance!
I hope whatever your husband decides to do he is comfortable with his decisions, and goes on to live a fulfilling life, with or without you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2016): "Can anyone give me advice?"Instead of whining about how much you love your partner and how desperate you are to get him back, why not accept full responsibility for your adultery times two and show him the respect, consideration and decency to allow him to deal with your betrayal on HIS terms (which most likely means dumping you and moving on with his life as he would be a fool not to do so).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): This jumps right out at me when I read your question:
You don't "find yourself" in affairs. It takes a long series of intentional choices to get there. One decision. Then another. Then another. Then another. Days. Weeks. Etc. Then the lying goes on even when you aren't doing something wrong. Affairs are a whole change in lifestyle, not a brief accident. Even a single random one night stand requires dozens of separate decisions over the course of several hours before the clothes come off.
Step #1 to healing the damage is take full responsibility for your actions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): Do you expect your husband to take you back after you have destroyed him? Because I don't think you realize the magnitude of your selfish and thoughtless actions. You didn't just cheat on him once. Maybe he could have chosen to forgive you for one indiscretion which you repented and knew was a mistake. But you went on to do it again. And in the process you finished your husband off. Destroyed any hope for him to come back to you or ever trust you again. Why would he? He would always be worried you would cheat on him again. Always looking over his shoulder. Always questioning your whereabouts and every move you make. The relationship would deteriorate all the same from his mistrust. Which you earned. I suggest moving on. If you really love him, you will let him go. Why? Because you know he deserves better than you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 September 2016):
 You paid the price for your mistake. Your husband I am sure must just be in bits knowing you had another man live with you and take his place. Trust does not just spring back. You cheated and Lied, and he may never be able to trust you again. If he is willing to try then you need to show him you can be trusted, but if he cannot do it, you need to accept the marriage is over and let him live his life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2016): You cant, you cheated on him. Trust is completely broken. Only he can decide if he wants you back and nothing you can do can fix it. Just focus on being a better person. There are no guarantees in life but maybe focusing on being a better person can help you repent for your sins
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