A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating 2 and a half years. About a year into our relationship, we had a lot of problems with him being jealous and controlling, and I broke up with him for about a month. He begged for me back, showed up at my parent’s house with flowers for me, on and on and eventually I gave in and took him back- We got back together. The relationship improved after that.However, immediately after getting back together – this girl starts to call and leaves him voicemails repeatedly. She had asked his sister for his number and she gave it to him. I ask him about it, he had met her when we broke up, it was clear she had an interest in him. He tells me we are both very similar and he liked her a lot because of how much she reminded him of me and we’d probably be friends. He said that nothing happened because he had met her very shortly before us getting back together. I do find it odd that she is immediately so persistant in pursuing him if “nothing happened”, but its not entirely out of the realm of possibility. I let it go.About 6 months later, she comes up again in conversation. I bring up how it was weird that she had been so into pursuing him (she had stopped at this point) and basically just ask him to tell me the truth – if anything HAD happen to lead her on so much. He then tells me the day after we got back together, he hung out with his sister and her boyfriend – and this other girl was there. They talked that night and ended up sleeping on the same couch together (it was a party so a lot of people were there). He said he never told me because he didn’t want to ruin our getting back together, but that it was hard for him to ignore her attention because of the problems we’d had and he wasn’t confident we’d last. About a week passes, and I think about his story a lot and find it hard to believe that sleeping is ALL that happened – even if other people were there. I break up with him as a result. Within one week, he’s sleeping with her, like she was waiting in the wings all along. After sleeping with her for the first time, he literally calls me and talks to me for 2 hours while he’s on her front porch about how upset he is and sorry he is. She is aware of me and aware of our breakup, doesn’t seem to care (I know I would never get involved with a guy who was that fresh from a break up, also ANY guy who is going to spend 2 hours speaking to another girl after being with me for the first time). The entire time he’s begging for me back, literally contacting me daily… For the most part, I ignore him, but I do say that if we ever WERE to get back together – they’d need to go no contact, period. He agrees to this, dumps her (I was there with him and saw him do it, although he doesn’t tell her its because of me) and then we get back together. Within a day, the other girl is still contacting him and he tells me he is “still going to probably hang out with her and he may end up cuddling”… I think basically trying admit his lack of self control around her, and I dump again and go no contact for roughly 2 months after that. Even end up dating another guy in the mean time, although it doesn’t pan out. The entire time I go no contact, he is still emailing me and texting me almost daily. Sometimes just a simple goodnight, or I love you, etc. The ENTIRE time. Tells me about this journal he’s been keeping, he writes about me and us and how he wants us to be together. Eventually, I give in. We talk, he says that he has feelings for this other girl but they constantly fight and he doesn’t see her as long term relationship material, but she is fun to hang out with moreso as friends. He admits he’s afraid of being alone, but always wanted to be with me, which is why he didn’t pursue her to begin with. We get back together, he tells her, they stop talking. All in all, this lasted about 3 months. Since our getting back together, things have been really good, but I have a very weary and paranoid feeling about him. I want to believe everything he’s told me but I keep getting nagging feelings. Additionally, I found this journal of his and ended up snooping (the journal wasn’t hidden, literally in his living room, like he wanted me to know it was there, part of me wonders if its just manipulation). In this journal, he does write about me a lot – basically how I won’t speak to him and he’s a piece of crap for going back and forth, how he keeps getting drunk every night, etc.The rest of it is like a running tally of how often him and this other girl slept together, and in addition to that it ends with us getting back together and how he called her to talk about breaking up and how she was supposed to come over, never did, and he was hoping “they would stay together”. Of course, I bring this up to him, about the tally he was keeping and how he “kinda wanted to stay with her” and he just says he was drunk a lot and couldn’t keep track of anything that happened and that he was still worried we wouldn’t last. Now, at this point, writing all of this out, I feel very foolish and feel as though I really shouldn’t have given him the time of day after he immediately went to her when we broke up. All of the back and forth… but its all been said and done. I just can’t get it out of my head what he wrote in his journal about her… he never kept a “tally” of us, and he didn’t even write that he wanted to be with me. So WHY on earth would he chose me instead of her?? Its made me feel incredibly insecure about her, about us. Why would he constantly try and get me back?? If it was so great with her that he literally wanted to keep a record of how often “it” happened. Let alone the fact that this girl just didn’t even seem to care what he did, knew he kept talking to me, and they only dated for 3 months – really not enough time to become serious in my opinion. I think I should really just end it now before its too late. I just don’t know how I can believe he loves me, only wants to be with me, after his behavior with this girl and what he wrote in his journal. Or should I just trust that he CHOSE me and through out his entire duration of his time with her – kept trying to be with me?
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a break, broke up, drunk, flowers, get back together, got back together, I love you, insecure, jealous, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 Hi,you are still young and with all due respect, probably too young to fully comprehend what true love anda true commitment mean.When i was your age, i too, didn't have any idea about what was right, wrong, or what i should or shouldn't do within a relationship.When we grow older, we do grow wiser too and what we once tolerated, we tolerate no more.Please believe me when i say, your bf is not fully committed to you. He is still young too and most young men of this age, are not interested in full on commitment, although some may be.If your bf truly worshipped you and honoured you and adored you, he wuld never have accepted this other woman into his personal space. That would only have been exclusively reserved for you and he.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2015): He might well be sending encouraging texts to her while he's with you. That's why she's still hanging around.
Having said that, you two are just nott compatible. You had problems before she came along hence the 'break'. You're wasting your time with him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2015): I believe that your boyfriend does like, an possibly love you. If you chose to be in a relationship with him then you would obviously have to TRUST that he is all about you . However, what I do suggest is not jumping back into a relationship with him. Ask your self why you and him split the very first time(before the new love interest became involved). If that problem does not have a solution work on it first, and then enter back into a relationship. You already have him interested in you, so there is no need to rush back into a relationship into everything is worked out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 August 2015):
 You should end it, it he playing the BOTH of you like a yo-yo. When you are mad or have "broken" up with him she is the back up, but... he doesn't OUTRIGHT cut the contact because he WANTS her to be the back up.
Stop wasting your time on this guy. CUT the contact and if he shows up have your DAD go tell him to not contact you ever again.
Block his number, remove him from social websites etc.
And while I think you did a "bad" thing in reading his journal - it doesn't matter WHERE a diary/journal is at, it's private and personal and none of your business - however THIS guy wanted you to see it, to feel threatened that he already has a replacement for you. He wants to rub it in that he is having sex with her.
He sounds like a crappy BF.
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